Options
"Keeping Your Word"--Is It Just Me?
giorgio11
Posts: 3,833 ✭✭✭✭✭
OK, I admit it, I am a hopeless old fuddy-duddy of 62. Well, maybe a middle-aged fuddy-duddy; I certainly don't feel old. My Mom says "she's starting to get old." At 93+.
Anyway. Is it just me, or does it bother you when people don't keep their word? My dear Dad always taught me, "Your word is your bond." And that has been valuable advice. If I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it. That simple. If for some reason I can't do something, I tell them why. Is this hard?
The kid who mows our yard has a recording on his phone that says, "Leave a message and I'll call you back." In 10 years he has never called back. I take that as LYING, folks. Am I alone in this? (And is it a generational thing? I would love to hear others' experiences and particularly am interested if someone younger or older has different reactions from mine.)
I have a good customer who is much younger than I am. "I'll call you back." No ringy-dingy. I actually wait around for a call instead of getting out, in case he calls the home phone. Nada, zip, zilcho.
Another dealer, no idea of his age. "How much is that coin?" Answer: "I'm on vacation this month and will consider your inquiry when I return." Well, OK, maybe a little cavalier, but everybody needs some free time. A month passes. Nothing. So I resend the same e-mail with "I'll ask again." (Leaving unsaid the obvious, "But I won't ask a third time.") No apology, and he says "Oh that coin is too expensive for your customer." Third e-mail, politely, "So how much is it? He can always say no." All the while I am thinking, "Jeez Louise, would you just answer my question already, uh, I thought maybe you wanted to, you know, actually SELL SOMETHING?"
Am I being too hard on people? I think of myself as a nice guy, and I think most other people do, too. But do you think it's lying when people don't keep their word? What do you do?
And I'm not trying to be at all "ageist" in this discussion. Do people my age have just as much trouble keeping their word as (some) younger folks? I'm not sure this is totally On Topic, but a lot of coin deals are based on people doing what they say they are going to.
Thanks for your opinions.
Anyway. Is it just me, or does it bother you when people don't keep their word? My dear Dad always taught me, "Your word is your bond." And that has been valuable advice. If I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it. That simple. If for some reason I can't do something, I tell them why. Is this hard?
The kid who mows our yard has a recording on his phone that says, "Leave a message and I'll call you back." In 10 years he has never called back. I take that as LYING, folks. Am I alone in this? (And is it a generational thing? I would love to hear others' experiences and particularly am interested if someone younger or older has different reactions from mine.)
I have a good customer who is much younger than I am. "I'll call you back." No ringy-dingy. I actually wait around for a call instead of getting out, in case he calls the home phone. Nada, zip, zilcho.
Another dealer, no idea of his age. "How much is that coin?" Answer: "I'm on vacation this month and will consider your inquiry when I return." Well, OK, maybe a little cavalier, but everybody needs some free time. A month passes. Nothing. So I resend the same e-mail with "I'll ask again." (Leaving unsaid the obvious, "But I won't ask a third time.") No apology, and he says "Oh that coin is too expensive for your customer." Third e-mail, politely, "So how much is it? He can always say no." All the while I am thinking, "Jeez Louise, would you just answer my question already, uh, I thought maybe you wanted to, you know, actually SELL SOMETHING?"
Am I being too hard on people? I think of myself as a nice guy, and I think most other people do, too. But do you think it's lying when people don't keep their word? What do you do?
And I'm not trying to be at all "ageist" in this discussion. Do people my age have just as much trouble keeping their word as (some) younger folks? I'm not sure this is totally On Topic, but a lot of coin deals are based on people doing what they say they are going to.
Thanks for your opinions.
VDBCoins.com Our Registry Sets Many successful BSTs; pls ask.
4
Comments
Ease up. life is short and at best we should all try to get along and not pressure others to exact points...give in a little, do some white lying yourself if it will even the field.
in the long run....nothing really matters.
........get a cat.
Keeping one's word was 99% of the time the ONLY way of doing business.
It was very important then and is still very important to me now.
I'm still amazed and shocked at how some people can so easily break their word.
I also have found that people prone to breaking their 'word of honor' also lack manners, courtesy and ethics.
"“Those who sacrifice liberty for security/safety deserve neither.“(Benjamin Franklin)
"I only golf on days that end in 'Y'" (DE59)
However, not calling someone back is not the same as not keeping your word. The voice mail answering machine message is just a nicety and not an implied contract to you specifically.
That "one message" is for 100% of callers. Do you really believe that every spam phone call should be called back? I'm 100% certain you don't call them back.
Keeping your word is what everyone should do.
Calling people back and wasting both people's time again? No.
The things I don’t always agree with are always worth considering.
Unfortunately in the coin business most dealers are looking for the quite flip, not the steady customer who leaves them want lists. When I was dealer, want lists were the core of my business. If you left me a want list and were serious about it, I’d do my best to fill it. That set me apart from other dealers, and it made my business a success.
As a collector I’ve got a want list, and I’d love to fill it. I’d made it worth your while to fill it too. Most dealers just ignore it.
Years ago I wanted a Libertas Americana medal before they really got popular and the price went up ten fold. I told a dealer I wanted one. Later I heard he had one, but he didn’t offer to me. He told me, “I bought it at show, and some guy came up and wanted to buy it so I sold it to him.” Give me a break! If you had another customer who had told you he wanted one before I did that’s one thing. But to just sell it some guy because you could get a “quick flip” is another.
Commems and Early Type
<< <i>The kid who mows our yard has a recording on his phone that says, "Leave a message and I'll call you back." In 10 years he has never called back. I take that as LYING, folks. Am I alone in this? (And is it a generational thing? I would love to hear others' experiences and particularly am interested if someone younger or older has different reactions from mine.) >>
That's not a lie, it's just a generic answering machine message, not an iron-clad contract - lighten up.
If you don't like the "kid's" service, find somebody else.
<< <i>I have a good customer who is much younger than I am. "I'll call you back." No ringy-dingy. I actually wait around for a call instead of getting out, in case he calls the home phone. Nada, zip, zilcho. >>
Solution: get an answering machine or a cell phone, then you won't be waiting around for a call.
<< <i>Another dealer, no idea of his age. "How much is that coin?" Answer: "I'm on vacation this month and will consider your inquiry when I return." Well, OK, maybe a little cavalier, but everybody needs some free time. A month passes. Nothing. So I resend the same e-mail with "I'll ask again." (Leaving unsaid the obvious, "But I won't ask a third time.") No apology, and he says "Oh that coin is too expensive for your customer." Third e-mail, politely, "So how much is it? He can always say no." All the while I am thinking, "Jeez Louise, would you just answer my question already, uh, I thought maybe you wanted to, you know, actually SELL SOMETHING?" >>
Easy-peasy - don't do business with people that jerk you around.
<< <i>Am I being too hard on people? I think of myself as a nice guy, and I think most other people do, too. But do you think it's lying when people don't keep their word? What do you do? >>
You are being far too hard on people, especially for a self-proclaimed "nice guy". Don't look for a custom fit in an off-the-rack world, you'll be a lot happier.
<< <i>And I'm not trying to be at all "ageist" in this discussion. Do people my age have just as much trouble keeping their word as (some) younger folks? I'm not sure this is totally On Topic, but a lot of coin deals are based on people doing what they say they are going to.
Thanks for your opinions. >>
Your definition of lies seems pretty picayune, so I suspect you are finding liars under every bush.
I'm your age and found that most people are basically honest - though they will tell little white lies and fudge the facts sometimes.
<< <i>Years ago I wanted a Libertas Americana medal before they really got popular and the price went up ten fold. I told a dealer I wanted one. Later I heard he had one, but he didn’t offer to me. He told me, “I bought it at show, and some guy came up and wanted to buy it so I sold it to him.” Give me a break! If you had another customer who had told you he wanted one before I did that’s one thing. But to just sell it some guy because you could get a “quick flip” is another. >>
Unless said dealer specifically was commissioned by you to get the medal, I don't see where he did anything wrong.
Did he ever say to you "Next one I get is your."?
How long between telling the dealer you wanted one and the time he actually got one? Maybe he just plain forgot about you.
Maybe he figured a bird in the hand, etc.
Did you absolutely, positively guarantee to buy the coin from the dealer?
From your description, I see no fault on the dealer's part - none whatsoever.
<< <i>When others do not live by the standards you have set for yourself consider yourself above the crowd and a better person for it. The traits you mention are learned, not inherited. You were fortunate to have good parents, something there seems to be a shortage of in today's society. >>
If you look at the state of our society and all the issues we have I think it is a direct result of this loss of values. It is why I have become convinced we the USA are spiraling downward out of control. Problem is I look around the world and don't see anything better. Its pretty disheartening to see that the opportunities and life that my parents enjoyed and for the most part myself will not be there for my kids. I try hard to teach my kids these values and I think they will be above the crowd when they are on their own. It takes effort and work something many parents just don't have time for these days.
But I do know people who continually "forget" or just put you off for some reason. If it's a friend I've known for years and I can accept that as one of their faults, otherwise they're good enough to keep as a friend, I let it go. But in business, if you want a price for something and they can't give you an answer, their loss - there are others out there to deal with.
I do think the younger generation has more trouble keeping their word, but that's a generalization. I have a feeling that's been said about every generation throughout time!
Unless something was DIRE, I wouldn't wait around the phone waiting to hear back. If it was important, I might wait 15 minutes, then if I really needed an answer, I'd be calling them back. Once.
People seldom live up to our expectations. We were all raised differently; 5 children in a family all turn out differently, so you can't even say it's all upbringing. Some just march to the beat of a different drummer. You can 1) accept them, 2) try to change them, or 3) walk away. And #2 will never work, it will just make you insane!
and if you get my voice mail, it says, "hi, you have reached steve's voicemail. <beep>."
' Your word is what you eat '
You can fool me once, twice. but not...........
For a genuine life, keep your word.
A. He's not a kid anymore
B. You don't mind enough to fire him
Liberty: Parent of Science & Industry
Tell them what your are going to do.
Do what you tell them.
yes, makes sense. So, even though you're not completely satisfied with the call-back aspect, the big picture makes continuing the relationship worthwhile. (you want to remain friends with the young man, he probably does an acceptable job with your yard, you're able to make phone arrangements on those occasions when you catch him answering the thing)
Everything in life is a Package Deal, you can't order the different aspects of a coin, or a used car, or a spouse, or a job, or emloyee, or anything else "a la carte", you have to take the whole thing, or not.
each day we make decisions about accepting or rejecting package deals based on the positives and negatives and their weight in the equation of value.
I agree with you that there is a spectrum of "keeping word", you and I and others here may be on one end, other few on the other end, with most in the middle.
I also agree that the trait seems to skew toward older and honester and higher integrity, and that the bell curve is probably shifting shape as society grows more cynical
No, it's not just you.
Liberty: Parent of Science & Industry
<< <i>Eliminate these people from your lives, dont try to "re-educate" them, it will cause you nothing but grief and stress. Associate only with people of the same standards you have and respect----------BigE >>
Agreed !
I would add :
Actions speak louder than words. The sooner the action mirrors the words, the more trust is built. That's how respect is earned.
But consider your time and what its worth, and stop
doing others favours that don't value your time, money
and consideration.
Steve
<< <i>
<< <i>Eliminate these people from your lives, dont try to "re-educate" them, it will cause you nothing but grief and stress. Associate only with people of the same standards you have and respect----------BigE >>
Not realistic if one wants to do commerce in this day and age. You can't control everything other than yourself, but you have to do business with as many as you can in order to succeed, thrive and survive. Sure I will drop a customer if he is an absolutle flake and nonpayer but I can't expect everyone whom I do business with to be exactly like me or even close to me for that matter. One has to be realistic about the world they do business in or they should get out of the kitchen, no one said it would be easy to do business in your chosen busienss world, you have to learn how best to deal with all types if you want to last. >>
Of course you have to deal with all types in any form of business,I was referring to people who might be a little closer to you.
.
<< <i>
broadstruck
did you just rickroll us?
.
.
oh on topic
keeping one's word does give a sense of if you can count on someone. also gently reminding them how important it is or is not to you is the proper way of going about it.
if someone breaks one's word is not nearly as important as if they have the strength to make it up and do better in the future.
.
.
i actually prefer if a few people break their word along the way, depending on what it is of course just because i like to see the real strength in people come out and show they can grow and acknowledge life is about growing, changing and getting better - for my 2 cents anyway
.
.
<< <i>First I wholeheartedly believe in keeping ones word. Anything you say is your bond, period.
However, not calling someone back is not the same as not keeping your word. The voice mail answering machine message is just a nicety and not an implied contract to you specifically.
That "one message" is for 100% of callers. Do you really believe that every spam phone call should be called back? I'm 100% certain you don't call them back.
Keeping your word is what everyone should do.
Calling people back and wasting both people's time again? No. >>
Eb to Mr. Douglas on "Green Acres"
Phone ringing
"That's Mr Drucker calling, because he told me to tell you to call him but if you
didn't call him he would call you because that meant I forgot to tell you to call him, which I
did."
-Keith
Coin's for sale/trade.
Tom Pilitowski
US Rare Coin Investments
800-624-1870
<< <i>I'm 64 and totally agree with the OP and Bill. >>
Agreed!! I always, ALWAYS keep my word. My dad taught me the same...Joe
<< <i>OK, I admit it, I am a hopeless old fuddy-duddy of 62. Well, maybe a middle-aged fuddy-duddy; I certainly don't feel old. My Mom says "she's starting to get old." At 93+.
Anyway. Is it just me, or does it bother you when people don't keep their word? My dear Dad always taught me, "Your word is your bond." And that has been valuable advice. If I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it. That simple. If for some reason I can't do something, I tell them why. Is this hard?
The kid who mows our yard has a recording on his phone that says, "Leave a message and I'll call you back." In 10 years he has never called back. I take that as LYING, folks. Am I alone in this? (And is it a generational thing? I would love to hear others' experiences and particularly am interested if someone younger or older has different reactions from mine.)
I have a good customer who is much younger than I am. "I'll call you back." No ringy-dingy. I actually wait around for a call instead of getting out, in case he calls the home phone. Nada, zip, zilcho.
Another dealer, no idea of his age. "How much is that coin?" Answer: "I'm on vacation this month and will consider your inquiry when I return." Well, OK, maybe a little cavalier, but everybody needs some free time. A month passes. Nothing. So I resend the same e-mail with "I'll ask again." (Leaving unsaid the obvious, "But I won't ask a third time.") No apology, and he says "Oh that coin is too expensive for your customer." Third e-mail, politely, "So how much is it? He can always say no." All the while I am thinking, "Jeez Louise, would you just answer my question already, uh, I thought maybe you wanted to, you know, actually SELL SOMETHING?"
Am I being too hard on people? I think of myself as a nice guy, and I think most other people do, too. But do you think it's lying when people don't keep their word? What do you do?
And I'm not trying to be at all "ageist" in this discussion. Do people my age have just as much trouble keeping their word as (some) younger folks? I'm not sure this is totally On Topic, but a lot of coin deals are based on people doing what they say they are going to.
Thanks for your opinions. >>
George, I think it's way over the top to consider any of these situations as "lies" or the folks as "liars" since none were made with the specific intention of deceiving you and in reality, has absolutlely nothing to do with "keeping your word".
The name is LEE!
1) work hard
2) don't lie
3) keep your word
While I'm far from perfect I try walk this walk. It's something I passed on to my children.......They get it for the most part.
MJ
Fellas, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pockets you better use them to call a tailor. Stay thirsty my friends......
Explain to him that he doesn't return your calls and get some one else to mow your lawn and move on.
<< <i>Explain to him that he doesn't return your calls and get some one else to mow your lawn and move on. >>
Better yet mow your own lawn us old guys need all the exercise we can get. Time to walk down to the mail box for me. It's only a mile or so but it all helps.
Happy Birthday CoinGeezer!
Six-year-old thread springs back to life! I didn't know it was your birthday @TheCoinGeezer but @SoCalBigMark does!
Anyway. Mom is still going, now 99.5. Yes I have a new guy that mows my lawn. He does really good work when he shows up. He is 41 and has been mowing for maybe six years for us (go figure). A lot of times he says he'll do something tomorrow and shows up day after tomorrow. And says he'll be there in 20 minutes, it's three hours. I try to not sweat it, I guess it is small stuff.
And I'm still running at age 68!
Thanks to all who answered this post over the years. I got a wide variety of views and respect them all. I'm really trying to lighten up, as @19Lyds Lee suggested, but still choose to keep my word. If I say I'm gonna be someplace or do something, I show up, on time, or do whatever it is. If I can't, I let folks know.
People notice.
Kind regards,
George
I never go back on my word. Even when I give my word and, in the end, it looks like I made a bad choice and stand to lose. You suck it up, learn from it, and move on.
You might want to read this thread:
https://forums.collectors.com/discussion/974406/a-matter-of-trust
Cheers
Bob
And @Outhaul Bob, that is an excellent thread in the link just above, about Trust. I have a few customers (wish I had more like that) whom I know so well, when i find a coin on their want list and write them and tell them the price, they say "I'll put a check in the mail" and I have NO DOUBT whatsoever that they will. I pack up their coin the very next day and send it on without waiting for their check. I know if I ever do not receive their check, there's gonna be a darn good reason for it and I'm gonna start calling their local emergency rooms to inquire as to their condition.
I recently had a pleasant experience in return. I called a large coin dealer about a Lincoln cent they had posted on their website, and we negotiated a price favorable to me and comfortable for them. I received the coin the very next day in the mailbox! This was a company I had never dealt with before, but they I suppose knew/found out enough about me to Trust me to do the right thing.
Kind regards,
George
Common civility should guide people's responses to phone calls or inquiries. i was trying to reach a dealer about a coin who only calls back when there is a lot of money in it for him. He plays the horses, goes to nightclubs, etc., but treats customers and people in general as a means to an end. No reason to do business with sleazy people like this; there are so many upstanding ethical people who are good conversationalists, let low class people operate in their own worlds where they will reap what they sow.
At 66 I've leaned that a person is only as good as his word.
2 thoughts
1, apparently OP is the one old guy that want's a kid to get on his lawn. Seems like it usually works the other way
2 how do these ancient posts have likes and agrees ? It wasn't an option in 2011 , are people doing all that today?
Seems I am younger than most here, just turned 48 yesterday. I am in agreement for the most part. Something like getting a call back from a message left for the kid mowing the lawn “no biggy” but calling or emailing to inquire about purchasing or price of an item, yes I would expect an answer.
One other thing is you don’t know everyone’s situation so don’t think you know what they can or can’t afford.
I know people of all walks of life and the ones you would never expect to have two regular nickels to rub together are loaded.
So yes keep your word and be polite and use your manners, taught these very things to my kids and now my grandkids!
My word is my bond. I built a reputation, and a few bedrock friendships, on meeting commitments and fulfilling promises. I look for the same in people I associate with. Cheers, RickO
I think the biggest shock to me and my wife when we opened the shop was HOW important real integrity was!
We had peanuts but a rep for sticking to deals no matter what.
I got a Dillon-Gage half million credit line based on ONE dealer reference!
Everything was COC and heaven help anyone who welshed on a phone commitment.
It was refreshing.
I left auto parts where I had to chase customers down to get payment on their accounts.
"Word" is everything in a coin bizz.