Do You Tell Her?

ambro51 · February 23, 2017 9:07AM

Wife. Your online purchases. $$$$ on a coin. Do You keep quiet? Do You say " Hey Honey I know you want a New kitchen countertop....but I just spent $3700 on a grubby old copper coin while I was sitting on the toilet!" ••••• Are You Brave? ....or are you a "quiet coward"?

topstuf · February 23, 2017 9:13AM

My wife liked that I enjoyed coins. Hell, she even worked in the shop with me.
The last coin she saw was my 1813 Half Eagle.
I showed her in the hospital. Had no idea she would die.

But, sure, I wouldn't live with a woman I had to hide things from.

My NEW "life partner" even encourages me to get more stupid coins. She knows they go to the kids, but also likes the mood that coins put me in.

(usually... )

I don't choose to live alone, but I will NOT live with anyone who isn't a delight to be with.

I used to collect guns, too. Had a fireman friend who had to keep his new guns at the firehouse.
Not for me, brothers. Not for me.

Eagleguy · February 23, 2017 9:46AM

I don't tell her much and she has very little interest. She sees some of the packages come in but not most. I spend only my money and only what I can afford. I also don't comment on anything she wants to buy.

Walkerfan · February 23, 2017 9:50AM

I have learned from past experiences that it is best to keep quiet. No good can ever come of telling her....just make sure that the primary bills are paid and that she is happy and gets the things that she wants, too.

A lot of people keep their finances separate these days.....divorce is always looming, so it seems. It is a different generation. JMHO.

messydesk · February 23, 2017 9:57AM

I don't tell her about everything I buy, but I'll show her some I think she'll find cool. As for what I spend, I don't volunteer the information, but we trust each other when it comes to spending money and she's not stupid.

Sandman70gt · February 23, 2017 10:01AM

Most of my coin purchases come from overtime money. She knows I buy them, she knows what I pay for some of them. She isnt interested in them much unless they have color!
I would never try to hide a purchase, I too would never be with someone I had to hide stuff from.

ctf_error_coins · February 23, 2017 10:01AM

Honesty makes a marriage work

ctf_error_coins · February 23, 2017 10:02AM

What's better is hey honey, I bought this coin for $400 and just sold it for $980 .....

mariner67 · February 23, 2017 10:03AM

If you have to hide anything your marriage is in trouble.
Period.

lkeigwin · February 23, 2017 10:10AM

I don't announce it but I don't hide it either.

My wife builds websites for coin dealers so she's pretty aware of how much I spend on coins. As long as we're financially healthy, bills are paid, and she isn't denied something she wants, all is good.
Lance.

1Mike1 · February 23, 2017 10:11AM

I would prioritize. Kitchen first and start saving for the coins. No need to BS the wife.

EVillageProwler · February 23, 2017 10:19AM

I love sharing my excitement with my wife. Her father collects stamps, so there is common ground. I show my wife pictures of coins that I just acquired, or are considering acquiring. But, I never tell her the prices. If prices are ever raised, I'll just say "expensive" or "cheap" but never an actual number.

We also have an agreement that, for now at least, I should generate coin funds by selling coins. And, she wants to restructure our finances to generate cash flow for more vacation money, her shoes and clothing, and my coins.

silverpop · February 23, 2017 10:28AM

i tell my wife when i buy coins she has no issue with it

boyernumismatics · February 23, 2017 10:51AM

@Sandman70gt said:
Most of my coin purchases come from overtime money. She knows I buy them, she knows what I pay for some of them. She isnt interested in them much unless they have color!
I would never try to hide a purchase, I too would never be with someone I had to hide stuff from.

That's exactly how my girlfriend is. I bring her to coin shows and let her go. If there's 1 coin out of 10,000 mixed inside of 50 coin binders, she'll find the one with color on it! Plus, it keeps her busy and most dealers don't add a premium for toning around here, so I'll pick it up and give it to her as a consolation for having to deal with my brief periods of time where money is tight when waiting on PCGS to grade my coins! I can tell she likes it sometimes, though, but the subject can be touchy. She can love it one day, and hate it the next. She's something else, I'll tell ya, but I love her to death.

On the note of telling her how much I spend? Why should I have to hide it? If she wasn't interested in coins, at least mildly as she is, I wouldn't really put up with that for too long. My brother has a fiancée that likes the history behind things like coins and we all go metal detecting together. I think it's just a matter of finding the right person, to be honest. If you don't have common interests, especially when it's something as major as (possibly) dumping a month's pay or more on a single coin, how can you put up with that for the rest of your life? At least that's my opinion.

When we go to shows, we know what we're looking for. She's looking for color for me, and I'm looking for the cream of the crop to cherry pick. We work cooperatively, as a team, just as it should be.

Bottom line- If you can't tell her what you buy...ouch.

TommyType · February 23, 2017 10:54AM

I have my hobbies, she has hers. And neither of us use money we need, want, or agreed to use on something else. So I feel I have the freedom to make purchases without her input, (and vice versa).

I have warned her once or twice that I might make a larger than usual purchase, but ended up not doing it. (I'm a wimpy bidder).

coindeuce · February 23, 2017 10:55AM

If I had a wife, I would tell her on one condition. Keep yer yap shut about it in public. Word travels like lightning in female circles.

boyernumismatics · February 23, 2017 11:04AM

I showed her what I typed, and she even had a little bit to say! LOL.

Nap · February 23, 2017 11:05AM

The concept that I could possibly be clever enough to keep things hidden from my wife is worth a chuckle.

She has an approximate idea of what I spend but doesn't want to know specifics. She is well aware of me occasionally spending over $1000 on a coin. She doesn't agree, of course, but now that she's met a few of my coin friends, she has a better understanding of the sickness.

Vbowling299 · February 23, 2017 11:15AM

I show my girlfriend the cool stuff I get but she always tells me she doesn't want to know how much I spend lol she says as long as I have fun, and we don't need the money, I collect, buy, and sell as I please!

Also, she has gotten to the point where she looks at the new stuff and says I bet you're keeping that one for yourself!!

PerryHall · February 23, 2017 11:20AM

What my wife don't know can't hurt me.

Wabbit2313 · February 23, 2017 11:30AM

I learned the secret long ago. DO NOT question her and you just might get the same in return.

EXOJUNKIE · February 23, 2017 11:41AM

@Nap said:
.... but now ... she has a better understanding of the sickness.

This, after 25+ years of marriage.

Stork · February 23, 2017 11:53AM

@messydesk said:
I don't tell her about everything I buy, but I'll show her some I think she'll find cool. As for what I spend, I don't volunteer the information, but we trust each other when it comes to spending money and she's not stupid.

@TommyType said:
I have my hobbies, she has hers. And neither of us use money we need, want, or agreed to use on something else. So I feel I have the freedom to make purchases without her input, (and vice versa).

>

Well, swap the her/she for him/he these two quotes pretty much cover it. We have savings, retirements, kiddos taken care of. I buy stuff I like, he buys stuff he likes (bicycles and cannons of all things).

If it's a bigger chunk it's only because I worked an extra shift or sold something good. I don't bore him with what I get (as it's generally boring to him...but not always) and I don't discuss every cent spent. But, nothing is hidden and nothing is secretive.

And, it goes both ways, because I am very UNinterested in the specs on his road bike!

steveben · February 23, 2017 11:55AM

i tell my girlfriends, but never the wife.

topstuf · February 23, 2017 12:01PM

@PerryHall said:
What my wife don't know can't hurt me.

Til she tells her lawyer.

pennyannie · February 23, 2017 12:31PM

I don't hide anything, it is out there in the open. It is a 2 way street. I am always asking her what she wants of would like.

MACGE1 · February 23, 2017 12:33PM

After I told showed my wife a state quarter that I paid nearly 5 figures for, she said that she'd rather not know. She thinks I'm crazy for paying that much for something she'd spend at a gumball machine.

EVillageProwler · February 23, 2017 12:34PM

@Nap said:

She has an approximate idea of what I spend but doesn't want to know specifics. She is well aware of me occasionally spending over $1000 on a coin. She doesn't agree, of course, but now that she's met a few of my coin friends, she has a better understanding of the sickness.

If $1K is a true benchmark, then under no circumstances should our wives ever meet.

KellenCoin · February 23, 2017 12:36PM

Well, I am a kid, and as such do not have a wife I also do not have enough money for my parents to freak out. But to answer your question, yes I do tell them.

ChrisH821 · February 23, 2017 12:43PM

My wife isn't into coins but I do share my purchases with her(trying to get her interested too). She likes my geekiness and knows I try to stay responsible.

cmerlo1 · February 23, 2017 12:50PM

My wife realizes how lucky she is to be married to someone who buys things that actually maintain their value or may even increase in value over time (and for that reason, I'm lucky to be married to her!). She's seen this happen enough over the years that she's totally on-board with me spending the money as long as we can afford the purchase.

BryceM · February 23, 2017 12:55PM

Our spending priorities aren't 100% aligned, but we're open about everything financial and do the bills, taxes, etc together.

Besides, coin collecting is #2 on the list of my hobbies that she doesn't like.

Stork · February 23, 2017 12:57PM

@cmerlo1 said:
My wife realizes how lucky she is to be married to someone who buys things that actually maintain their value or may even increase in value over time (and for that reason, I'm lucky to be married to her!). She's seen this happen enough over the years that she's totally on-board with me spending the money as long as we can afford the purchase.

See, that's what I keep telling my husband. I'm not blowing all that money on shoes, clothes or purses!

crazyhounddog · February 23, 2017 12:59PM

I hide nothing from my wife. But I don't announce it either when I purchase a coin. She knows what's up with my collecting but she has no interest until I sell something then my coins are wonderful

Walkerfan · February 23, 2017 1:13PM

@topstuf said:

@PerryHall said:
What my wife don't know can't hurt me.

Til she tells her lawyer.

That's what prenups are for. My last gf was a divorce queen. She divorced her hubby of many years, before she and I met, and her parents are divorced. She often bragged about how her mom had a better lawyer and really f'ed her dad.......and not in a good way. These were HUGE red flags to me!

She acted like she worshipped and adored me.....and I'm sure that she DID, at the time. She was very insecure and jealous and wanted me around ALL the time. I loved her very much and did everything that I could to make it work. We planned on buying a house together and I thought for sure that she was 'The One'. I took her to a couple of coins shows and showed her some of my coins but we never really discussed dollar amounts. But she was not stupid and I'm sure that she knew they were quite valuable.

Well, she left me about a year ago without any warning and with no explanation. Amazing to me that, even though I know that I made some mistakes, she didn't even want to attempt a reconciliation, despite being so devoted to me. I am with a new girl, now----I've never had trouble finding a woman BUT I'll likely never get married, as I simply DON'T trust anyone, especially women. My 2 cents...... take it or leave it.

deefree49 · February 23, 2017 1:26PM

I don't hide anything but she can get tired of hearing about it!

COINS MAKE CENTS · February 23, 2017 1:27PM

Do I tell her.... haha my wife will spend more on coins (especially toners) then I will and please don't show her a stack of fractional currency

david3142 · February 23, 2017 1:28PM

@MACGE1 said:
After I told showed my wife a state quarter that I paid nearly 5 figures for, she said that she'd rather not know. She thinks I'm crazy for paying that much for something she'd spend at a gumball machine.

She's not alone.

deefree49 · February 23, 2017 1:43PM

actual quote from her;
"You paid HOW MUCH for a penny? A PENNY?! You're nuts!"
That's an actual quote.
Now I think she likes it but at first...it was a little dicey

Boosibri · February 23, 2017 1:48PM

Now that I'm divorced who cares!

Wabbit2313 · February 23, 2017 2:10PM

@Walkerfan

That's quite the sad story above. Here is something to cheer you up!!

-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8OjoUA0b7g

Hydrant · February 23, 2017 2:21PM

Staggering through the front door late one night as I was arriving home from the local coin-a-rama, who should be there to greet me but her. The lovely Missus. I had indeed purchased a few little trinkets at the afore mentioned festivities. One of which was an 1831 Capped Bust half. It was an AU58 and CAC'd to boot. I paid around $850-$900 for it. Anyway, first thing she said was, "Have fun at the show?" To which I say in return, "Yea, it was o.k." Then she says, "Buy anything?" Then I said, "Yea, this." This is where I showed her the 1831 half dollar. Then she said, surprise surprise, "How much did it cost?" Without skipping a beat I replied, "$9,000." The silence was deafening. So I said, "Aren't you going to say anything?" Then she said, bless her heart, "If that's what it cost then that's what it cost." She's one cool chick. That's why I like her. Among other things.

Wabbit2313 · February 23, 2017 3:21PM

@Hydrant said:
Staggering through the front door late one night as I was arriving home from the local coin-a-rama, who should be there to greet me but her. The lovely Missus. I had indeed purchased a few little trinkets at the afore mentioned festivities. One of which was an 1831 Capped Bust half. It was an AU58 and CAC'd to boot. I paid around $850-$900 for it. Anyway, first thing she said was, "Have fun at the show?" To which I say in return, "Yea, it was o.k." Then she says, "Buy anything?" Then I said, "Yea, this." This is where I showed her the 1831 half dollar. Then she said, surprise surprise, "How much did it cost?" Without skipping a beat I replied, "$9,000." The silence was deafening. So I said, "Aren't you going to say anything?" Then she said, bless her heart, "If that's what it cost then that's what it cost." She's one cool chick. That's why I like her. Among other things.

I hope you quickly hid the other 8K for future purchases!

Sonorandesertrat · February 23, 2017 3:41PM

She already knows, and is not particularly interested in coins. One time, she gasped when she learned that I just paid $7K 'for a penny'. I shrugged and noted that the cost to board her dressage horses for two months was about that. No more complaints...I just have to figure out a way to bring my numismatic library back into the house (it's mostly in storage). So far, I'm not winning.

2ltdjorn · February 23, 2017 3:50PM

While I suspect the thread contains some tongue and cheek comments, my wife and I share everything. She tolerates my collection, but knows the cost. Whats the point of keeping her in the dark... if I pass first she needs to know what we have and how to dispense.

UMCane · February 23, 2017 3:54PM

Odd question.. My wife is very supportive and encourages me never to settle for a lower grade. Not only is this a Hobby, coins are also another portfolio asset class.

Been married 39 years, secrets...never ever occurred to me.

Icollecteverything · February 23, 2017 5:22PM

I had to be lucky at something!

mirabela · February 23, 2017 5:35PM

No, I don't do anything in secret. Over the years I've demonstrated I can generally recoup what I spend or do a little better than that, so she's pretty tolerant. When I want to buy anything stupid (i.e. a boat) I raid the coin collection for funds.

kaz · February 23, 2017 5:46PM

I have learned that if I am on a coin board, and my wife has something else in mind, to LOG OFF STAT.

Cougar1978 · February 23, 2017 5:49PM

A wife, stripper GF / OTC girl, or sugar baby does not care about coins unless you have some shopping money you made from it to give her. Their interest is that you will pay your negotiated share of joint expenses (if married or living together) or the monthly contribution per the sugar dating arrangement. Its all about how much money they are going to get out of you.

With wife as long as I make monthly contribution for my share of negotiated joint expenses no questions are asked and I don't not discuss individual business transactions. I expect to operate my coin business without questions or harassment. She understands I operate my coin business to make money, that my coins are inventory I expect to flip at a gain. At tax time the gain or loss is disclosed on Schedule C as we prepare joint return together.

No you should not tell her. One of the advantages of numismatic investment is financial privacy. Make sure your coins are somewhere secure that a GF or wife could not take them all while walking out on you. This happened to a friend of mine, he lost it all......Spreadsheets about the portfolio or business should be pw protected.

SoCalBigMark · February 23, 2017 6:10PM

Gentleman! (raises glass) a toast, to our wives and girlfriend's, may they never meet! (much drunken laughter and applause)

Do You Tell Her?

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