Phone rings, a man answers, "Thank you for calling Bob's Help Line, how can I help you?"
"Hi, my name is Steve, and I really need your advice on a serious problem."
"That's what we're here for. Can you share your problem?"
"I've suspected for some time my wife has been cheating."
"What made you suspect that?"
"The usual signs. The phone rings, if I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I try to stay awake to watch for her coming home, but I fall asleep. But last night, near midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoned her blouse, took her panties out of her purse and put them on. It was at that moment, behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor housing bracket. Is that something I can weld or does it need to be replaced?"
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my gerbil."
Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?"
Student: "Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!"
Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?"
Student: "There are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven."
The difference between boogers and vegetables is kids won't eat their vegetables.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
A guy is having his one too many beers and burps and gets some on his shirt. "Oh, my wife is going to be pissed about this." The guy next to him said, "Just do what I do, stick a twenty dollar bill in your pocket and tell her someone else did it and gave you the twenty to get your shirt cleaned." "Hey, that might work" he said hopefully. So he has yet another beer or two.
When he gets home, his wife is up and she isn't happy, "Look at you, you've been drinking" she scolded. 'And you even barfed on your shirt!"
No, another guy did that and gave me this twenty dollar bill to get my short cleaned.
His wife looked at the contents of his pocket and said, 'Hey, there's two twenty dollar bills here?"
Oh ya, he crapped my pants too.......
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
Comments
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
In case anyone missed it today….
Founder- Peak Rarities
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Fragelle ?... must be a town from the amazon region.
Step on it Rudy.
And no stupid stories.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
There might be a problem here
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Phone rings, a man answers, "Thank you for calling Bob's Help Line, how can I help you?"
"Hi, my name is Steve, and I really need your advice on a serious problem."
"That's what we're here for. Can you share your problem?"
"I've suspected for some time my wife has been cheating."
"What made you suspect that?"
"The usual signs. The phone rings, if I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I try to stay awake to watch for her coming home, but I fall asleep. But last night, near midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoned her blouse, took her panties out of her purse and put them on. It was at that moment, behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor housing bracket. Is that something I can weld or does it need to be replaced?"
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Two elephants in a bathtub
The elephant in the front asks the one in the back to pass the soap. The elephant in the back says, "what do I look like? A typewriter?"
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Pete
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my gerbil."
Cheers, RickO
Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?"
Student: "Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!"
Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?"
Student: "There are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven."
Cheers, RickO
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"
Cheers, RickO
A man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” he said. “During World War II, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," said the priest. "That's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me $20 for every week he stayed," the man explained.
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause," the priest replied.
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind,” the man said. “I have one more question, though."
"What is that, my son?" the priest inquired.
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
Cheers, RickO
The difference between boogers and vegetables is kids won't eat their vegetables.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
again, not necessarily a LOL funny video but i for sure laughed a bit, for a few different reasons.
if you feel your sanity starting to slip away, you can skip to 25:00 or so for the good part.
edited to add: This one second file was almost 80GBs.
Little boy in green is moving......
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
I believe he just nail'd this problem
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
And after you enjoyed our desserts, finish the evening with our fine wines......
https://youtu.be/Djywk1SsDA8
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Coverage starts January 1st!
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
No.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A guy is having his one too many beers and burps and gets some on his shirt. "Oh, my wife is going to be pissed about this." The guy next to him said, "Just do what I do, stick a twenty dollar bill in your pocket and tell her someone else did it and gave you the twenty to get your shirt cleaned." "Hey, that might work" he said hopefully. So he has yet another beer or two.
When he gets home, his wife is up and she isn't happy, "Look at you, you've been drinking" she scolded. 'And you even barfed on your shirt!"
No, another guy did that and gave me this twenty dollar bill to get my short cleaned.
His wife looked at the contents of his pocket and said, 'Hey, there's two twenty dollar bills here?"
Oh ya, he crapped my pants too.......
Louis Armstrong
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Pete
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members