I had a heart-to-heart discussion with my young son about my collection after I am gone

RYK · August 30, 2008 2:07AM

I am not sure how it came up, but somehow I indicated that after I am gone, if there are still coins around, he should do what he wishes with them. I told him that despite the fact that I really enjoy them a lot (and he likes many of them, too), he should sell them if he would rather use the money for something else (be it a hobby or a necessity) and that he should not consider them part of me or my memory. It was a lot to lay on a 9 1/2 year old, but that's how I feel about the coins.

Similarly, if I inherited a collection of vintage lunch boxes, I would sell them as quickly and efficiently as I could.

I am 43 and plan to be around for a while longer, but I wanted to plant the seed early. If my children are not interested in coins, I do expect to sell the collection at some later point so as not to saddle them with the responsibility.

BECOKA · August 30, 2008 2:10AM

Not sure my 2 year old would quite understand yet.

Congrats on the talk, what was his response?

RMLTM79 · August 30, 2008 2:14AM

That's kind of depressing for a kid thats only 9.5 years old. I can see if you were 80 and saying this, but 43? Granted anything can happen, I still would have waited till he was at least a teenager, most of the time teenagers hate their parents anyway so that would have been a perfect time. If my dad said something like that to me at 9.5 I would have cried, seriously. Of course he tells me that now and I'm going to the bar to celebrate the inheritance of some expensive coins.

Longacre · August 30, 2008 2:19AM

Did he say, "who cares about the lousy coins, Dad, it's the life insurance I want you to keep current with"?

ksteelheader · August 30, 2008 2:21AM

<< I am not sure how it came up, but somehow I indicated that after I am gone, if there are still coins around, he should do what he wishes with them. I told him that despite the fact that I really enjoy them a lot (and he likes many of them, too), he should sell them if he would rather use the money for something else (be it a hobby or a necessity) and that he should not consider them part of me or my memory. It was a lot to lay on a 9 1/2 year old, but that's how I feel about the coins.

Similarly, if I inherited a collection of vintage lunch boxes, I would sell them as quickly and efficiently as I could.

I am 43 and plan to be around for a while longer, but I wanted to plant the seed early. If my children are not interested in coins, I do expect to sell the collection at some later point so as not to saddle them with the responsibility. >>

Did you explain this to him???

RYK · August 30, 2008 2:22AM

<< Did he say, "who cares about the lousy coins, Dad, it's the life insurance I want you to keep current with"?

>>

Interestingly, I just canceled one of the policies to buy more coins.

RYK · August 30, 2008 2:25AM

<< 

<< I am not sure how it came up, but somehow I indicated that after I am gone, if there are still coins around, he should do what he wishes with them. I told him that despite the fact that I really enjoy them a lot (and he likes many of them, too), he should sell them if he would rather use the money for something else (be it a hobby or a necessity) and that he should not consider them part of me or my memory. It was a lot to lay on a 9 1/2 year old, but that's how I feel about the coins.

Similarly, if I inherited a collection of vintage lunch boxes, I would sell them as quickly and efficiently as I could.

I am 43 and plan to be around for a while longer, but I wanted to plant the seed early. If my children are not interested in coins, I do expect to sell the collection at some later point so as not to saddle them with the responsibility. >>

Did you explain this to him???

>>

Oh, yeah! The kids (9 1/2 and nearly 7) are rabid Steelers fans. Both have been to games, and we hope to go as a family to see them beat the Titans in Nashville in December.

I told him that I want to be buried in one of my Steelers' jerseys, but I will let him make the decision between #32 and #75. I also told him that if he tosses any of the Steelers memorabilia, I will haunt every day of his for the rest of his life. Do you think that was too heavy?

Edit: I forgot to add that my son was named after Jack Lambert and my daughter after Mean Joe Greene.

mgoodm3 · August 30, 2008 2:27AM

Way to be the Labor Day Weekend buzzkill.

Broadstruck · August 30, 2008 2:28AM

<< 

<< Did he say, "who cares about the lousy coins, Dad, it's the life insurance I want you to keep current with"?

>>

Interestingly, I just canceled one of the policies to buy more coins.

>>

ksteelheader · August 30, 2008 2:29AM

<< 

<< 

<< I am not sure how it came up, but somehow I indicated that after I am gone, if there are still coins around, he should do what he wishes with them. I told him that despite the fact that I really enjoy them a lot (and he likes many of them, too), he should sell them if he would rather use the money for something else (be it a hobby or a necessity) and that he should not consider them part of me or my memory. It was a lot to lay on a 9 1/2 year old, but that's how I feel about the coins.

Similarly, if I inherited a collection of vintage lunch boxes, I would sell them as quickly and efficiently as I could.

I am 43 and plan to be around for a while longer, but I wanted to plant the seed early. If my children are not interested in coins, I do expect to sell the collection at some later point so as not to saddle them with the responsibility. >>

Did you explain this to him???

>>

Oh, yeah! The kids (9 1/2 and nearly 7) are rabid Steelers fans. Both have been to games, and we hope to go as a family to see them beat the Titans in Nashville in December.

I told him that I want to be buried in one of my Steelers' jerseys, but I will let him make the decision between #32 and #75. I also told him that if he tosses any of the Steelers memorabilia, I will haunt every day of his for the rest of his life. Do you think that was too heavy?

>>

Not at all!!

RYK · August 30, 2008 2:36AM

<< Way to be the Labor Day Weekend buzzkill.

>>

Hey, man, I won't be looking at another mammogram for at least three days. Nothing can dampen my spirits.

AU58WALKERS · August 30, 2008 2:39AM

did you tell him to offer them on the BST forum?

Jcarney · August 30, 2008 2:51AM

Robert....a little too young, both you and your son. He doesn't want to think about his dad not being around at age 9. You're Superman to him now.

I'm 46 and my son is 15. I had a heart attack last year and we went through some rough times. Happily, the heart attack was mild, no damage done and I'm in the best shape of my life now. After my heart attack, my son changed. He became more aware of time passing and he started changing the way he ate (as did we all) and started working out. He's now a ripped, strong physical specimen, but his innocence is gone. I know he worries about me, but I do my best to reassure him that I'll be around for a long, long time.

I'm sure that you have, like I have, taken steps to make sure your family is taken care of in case the unimaginable happens. I think that's the best we can do without causing undue concern in our children.

John

kranky · August 30, 2008 2:56AM

<< Edit: I forgot to add that my son was named after Jack Lambert and my daughter after Mean Joe Greene.

>>

Whoa! Now THAT's a serious fan!

One week until the action starts!

Rollerman · August 30, 2008 3:11AM

I remember when my Dad was 44 years old and I was 8 and I heard someone talk about a guy who had died and he was "only" 44 years old. It bothered me fopr along time....but as it turned out, Dad died when he was 96!
I think it wise to have your family know your wishes and the approximate value and grade of your collection and it should be written down somewhere, but I think I would have waited a few more years yet to verbalize it with a child. It depends on the child too, no doubt.
Pete

BAJJERFAN · August 30, 2008 3:26AM

I would hope my daughter would keep them and build on them providing I don't need to sell them before my demise.

CarlWohlforth · August 30, 2008 3:36AM

It is good you made your wishes known. I'm sure you wouldn't have said anything if you didn't think the time was right.

We had a nice talk with our daughter. Turns out she has no interest in coins or, really, anything old. I hope that will change. In the meantime my wife is selling most of her collection. She put it together with the thought our daughter would love it. She is saving one or two things that might have the most meaning. For example my daughter is a violin player. My wife is saving the Austrian Philharmonic Gold coin. My wife is from the Philippines and is saving a 1903 certified Proof coin from there.

Unknown · August 30, 2008 3:36AM

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MrEureka · August 30, 2008 3:41AM

...he should not consider them part of me or my memory.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone articulate that reason for wanting to keep an inherited collection.

On the other hand, I've seen heirs keep a few coins for sentimental reasons. I've also known a few non-collectors to make the effort to complete collections their father never quite completed.

tahoe98 · August 30, 2008 3:41AM

<< Did he say, "who cares about the lousy coins, Dad, it's the life insurance I want you to keep current with"?

>>

.............................

tahoe98 · August 30, 2008 3:44AM

make sure to tell him NOT to spend them at face value..

RunnersDad · August 30, 2008 3:50AM

I think that there is no particular time that is better or worse for a conversation like that. I am 26 and I lost my mom 4 years ago to ALS(Lou Gehirg's disease). She was only 52 at the time. My youngest brother was only 13 when she passed away and was 10 when she was diagnosed. He/we all learned too young what it is like to have a sick parent....and then to lose that parent. Unfortunately these days kids grow up too fast, it shouldn't be forced, but I think that they should be made aware of reality.

Being in good health, and young, I think RYK did it the right way. Make him aware of the reality of the future...but fortunately he can do so without having to worry about you experiencing any health issues!

My father is now 55 and is a collector of a lot of things, but mostly vintage sportscards. His collection is probably worth somewhere around 300,000+ but I can't be sure. My brother's and I are all collectors so we will certainly cherish those things. But he has also made us aware of the fact that we can sell anything that we would like, as we made need the money for more important matters. Although if we decided to keep it all, that would be fine too.

I too have a son whom is approaching 3 years old but suffers from a very rare genetic seizure disorder. We are hopeful that he will persevere through all those issues to lead a somewhat normal life...but right now that is very far off. We are hoping to have more children but it will certainly be a risk. I hope that I have the opportunity to experience the passing of the collecting torch to my child/children one day as it would be something that I would cherish for the rest of my days.

droopyd · August 30, 2008 5:21AM

My dad had "the talk" with me about his coins when I was about 12 or 13.

We also had that "other talk" about the same time.

I'll give all y'all one guess as to which talk went better....

CertifiedGoldCoins · August 30, 2008 6:34AM

Whatever property one owns, the time to have a talk with those you love is while you can. My wife and daughter (16) know where everything is, what it is, and how to sell it, because I know they will want to do so. No selling stuff blindly in eBay's bargain basement for them.

AmericanCopper · August 30, 2008 6:55AM

<< my son was named after Jack Lambert and my daughter after Mean Joe Greene.

>>

You named your daughter Mean Joe Greene?? Just what kinda father are you???

jsf · August 30, 2008 8:07AM

That's OK, Dad, though you're the one who'd better sit down.

I want one of those tourist flights in space for my 18th birthday!

... for my 16th birthday I just want to go to boystown. Hey baby, que paso?!

ricko · August 30, 2008 8:23AM

I think that is a good thing... It must have been your judgement that he was mature enough to handle it.... Good. As to naming your daughter ... hhhhmmmmmmmmm.... I guess I will wait until I hear the actual name...

Cheers, RickO

kaz · August 30, 2008 8:31AM

I think what RYK did was great. I would suggest revisiting the subject again in a few years.

cladking · August 30, 2008 8:35AM

It would be a good idea to leave good instructions on how to sell them
as well. Otherwise he might just take them to a coin shop.

I recently sold my dad's tool collection. It would have been a mess with
no instructions.

GrumpyEd · August 30, 2008 8:41AM

LOL....

"son you better save your money, I won't live forever and funerals aren't free"

That way they won't be slacking off expecting an inheritance.

IGWT · August 30, 2008 8:51AM

It's more difficult today than yesterday to collect comprehensively. I have told my children-- and my wife -- that I expect them and each and every suceeding generation to add to the collection until it exceeds Eliasberg. So it shall be until the 10th generation at which point my heirs and each of them shall sell the collection of U.S. coins that is complete to the last die marriage for a profit that shall reach for here to the sun and beyond. So it is written, so it shall be.

bidask · August 30, 2008 8:58AM

My son suggested I can be like the Egyptians.

SDSportsFan · August 30, 2008 9:04AM

<<

Oh, yeah! The kids (9 1/2 and nearly 7) are rabid Steelers fans. Both have been to games, and we hope to go as a family to see them beat the Titans in Nashville in December.

I told him that I want to be buried in one of my Steelers' jerseys, but I will let him make the decision between #32 and #75. I also told him that if he tosses any of the Steelers memorabilia, I will haunt every day of his for the rest of his life. Do you think that was too heavy?

Edit: I forgot to add that my son was named after Jack Lambert and my daughter after Mean Joe Greene.

>>

You named your daughter "Mean Joe"?

Steve

cladking · August 30, 2008 9:08AM

<< My son suggested I can be like the Egyptians. >>

...Another reason to buy slabs.

oreville · August 30, 2008 9:16AM

<< Edit: I forgot to add that my son was named after Jack Lambert and my daughter after Mean Joe Greene. >>

Lambert=====no wonder monsterman keeps making comments!

MrObvious · August 30, 2008 9:50AM

I have lived in Pittsburgh for the past 23 years and can assure you that RYK is well within the norm for "real" Steelers fans.

There's never a right or wrong time for this kind of conversation IMO, say what should be said when you can. I am 45 and my oldest child is 15 and neither he, my younger kids, or my wife want to hear any part of this kind of conversation. Since none of them have the slightest interest in things numismatic, I wrote a detailed two page letter located in the SDB with the coins, explaining exactly who to call and how to dispose of the coins. I collect varieties and other fairly arcane things and they would get robbed if they didn't get to the right specialist dealers.

Lakesammman · August 30, 2008 10:03AM

I'm ahead of you - haven't read a mammogram in 15 years and don't plan on doing it again.

The right time depends on the kid. It's good for them to start thinking and knowing about life.

DoubleEagle59 · August 30, 2008 10:23AM

It's the proper thing to do.

But more importantly, educate them as to HOW to sell the coins.

Make sure they get the true value of the coins and avoid getting ripped off.

Lakesammman · August 30, 2008 10:42AM

It's a 2 edged sword - show them a 300K coin and then try and explain why you can't afford Disney World this year.

BlackBeard · August 30, 2008 11:16AM

I probably would have waited until mid teens, provided you're in good health as it sounds you are. The thought of losing a parent seems to usually hit them in their early teens from my experience. That is when I noticed it with the first four.

When my son was around six we were out in the garage with my tools and other stuff and my son said, "when you die all this is gonna be mine". I nearly died laughing, but have been watching my back ever since.

MrHalfDime · August 30, 2008 11:52AM

I'm not sure that many of the responses to the OP's question are on point. I believe that only a parent is able to determine when a child is old enough for such a discussion, and I don't believe that this is what RYK was asking. There is no one-size-fits-all age for such things, and therefore that decision is best left to the parent. I believe what the OP was saying is that he told his son not to attach too much sentiment to the coins, nor be afraid to sell them after his demise because they are somehow part of his father's legacy. He gave his son permission to do whatever he wants with the coins, including selling them, if that will best serve his interests. I have given my children the same talk, and the same permission, although my children are all now adults. I didn't want them to think "Gee, Dad would be rolling over in his grave if he knew we were selling his coin collection". I once had an attorney who told me to never leave anything to anyone with strings attached. You either give something free and clear, with no encumbrances, or don't give it at all. If you truly do not want your heirs to sell your collection after your passing, then do not give it to them. You will not be here to enforce your wishes. Either sell the collection yourself before you die, or do what RYK has done. And also remember what many have pointed out here, that your life may not go as you had planned; you could end up on the other side of the grass in a heartbeat. Don't put off having that discussion with your loved ones.

Unknown · August 30, 2008 12:04PM

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RedTiger · August 30, 2008 12:14PM

<< After reading what MrHalfDime had to say I can only say that what a shame it is when heirs sell off their inheritance in order to net out cash after the deceased spent years acquiring an incredible collection. ... >>

It isn't a shame at all. If someone inherits something they have no interest in, the best thing to do is sell. If I inherited a collection of valuable fishing lures, or Barbie dolls, or beanie babies, or a hundred other things, I would want to sell. They might be incredible collections, or the equivalent of Franklin mint items, no matter. To think that someone else will see my coins differently than I see this items is based mostly on ego and a coin-centric view that my hobby is better than other hobbies. It isn't. "Collect what you like" extends far beyond different kinds of coins.

I often read about elders buying their toddler age kids expensive coins and cringe. The kids may or may not have any interest in coins. To me, the thinking that buying the young kids expensive coins will get them interested is foolish, and will just as often have the opposite effect.

Nysoto · August 31, 2008 3:03AM

I would expect that in most cases, the heirs want the cash, there is nothing wrong with this. I have had a similar conversation with my wife and oldest daughter and have taken it one step further by including two prefered auction firms in our will. I could just see the local dealers drooling over the collection, and without instructions on where to sell, it would most likely end up at the local B&M dealer. Some don't care what their collection sells for, but I would rather see the bulk of the money go to my heirs as I intended. I hope to sell much of it myself, but you cannot count on this.

My parents did not collect anything, but my father had my grandfathers pocket watch that was special to him, and special to me, and I would never sell it.

I had a heart-to-heart discussion with my young son about my collection after I am gone

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