The forum needs a little humor.

An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

"This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.'

"And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"

Cheers, RickO

(full disclosure lol, I might have posted this 2 yrs ago)

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoeshine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.
One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"
The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic?"
The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
"What’s your name?" asked the executive.
“John H. Smith,” was the reply.
The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department, “Do we have a client named John H. Smith?”
"We certainly do,” answers the Customer Service Manager. "He is a high-net-worth customer with $12.6 million dollars in his account."
The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience."
At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. "We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can all learn from him."
Mr. Smith began his story.
"I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail.
“Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger, or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive.
“I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent.”
The board was spellbound.
Mr. Smith continued. “A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a call girl in New Orleans, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."

A big city New York lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck, and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S., and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly descended from the tractor and approached the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's shin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man's nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will, managed to get to his feet, and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

When you think you lost your dog.............

An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "Why?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."

Cheers, RickO