heard at a coin shop
johnny9434
Posts: 29,275 ✭✭✭✭✭
Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? A: $4.99 a minute.
5
johnny9434
Posts: 29,275 ✭✭✭✭✭
Comments
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What do you get when you mix an Elephant and a Rhino"
Eliphino........................
Pete
.... so this bar walks into a coin shop....
And the drinking begins.
``https://ebay.us/m/KxolR5
It's OK to leave your credit card at the bar on occasion.
It's when you leave your drink at the bank that you know you've got a problem........
A lady walks in for her dental appointment, the dentist says "Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled." The woman says "I'd rather have a baby." The dentist looks at her and says "Make up your mind, I'll have to adjust the chair."
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Do you know why girls don't like to wear pantyhose? Cause when they fart it blows their shoes off.
Well, I'd have to agree.
If a carpenter has a tool belt, and a mechanic has a tool box, does that mean that a Mohel has a Bris kit?
Moshe was on an El Al flight to Tel Aviv. The stewardess walked up to him and asked, "Would you like some dinner?" Moshe asks, "What are my choices?" She replied, "Yes, or no."
Some of those are actually almost good.
Smitten with DBLCs.
keep 'em coming.
BHNC #203
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A termite walks into a bar.
Termite asks " Where's the Bar tender?"
Wife: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her. Why can’t YOU do that?”
Husband: “Well, okay. But I barely know her,”
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Swiss Alps, are a French guy, an American guy, an old Greek lady and a young blonde Swiss girl.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Frenchman has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.
The old lady thinks: The Frenchman must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde thinks: That Frenchman must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Frenchman thinks: The American must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The American thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that Frenchman again.
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results. My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that. Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..''She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'.'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..''Tripod? 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.' Mrs. Smith fainted
U.S. Type Set
Oprah Winfrey won't be a Presidential candidate in 2020 because she got busted at the airport yesterday. They suspected that she was carrying drugs and when they did a strip search, they found fifty pounds of crack.
Wisdom has been chasing you but, you've always been faster