Folks on these boards have been like a family to me.........that's why I started this thread and the sales of my coins.....so if anyone wonders why I am airing my issues her.....it's becuase we all need someone to lean on when times get tough and my person has always been my wife and now that outlet is gone.
I appreciate you telling your story, as I am going through a seperation and life change right now. Take care of yourself, and good luck!
My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable !
The first red flag in your story is the sudden desire she had to drop a lot of weight. My experience says she is doing this for someone else, not for you or herself. The second red flag is not wanting you to go with her until later. Don't place all the blame on yourself, and don't try to buy love. It can't be done, save your money for whats coming, you WILL need it. I wish you the best, but prepare for the worst.
<< <i>The first red flag in your story is the sudden desire she had to drop a lot of weight. My experience says she is doing this for someone else, not for you or herself. The second red flag is not wanting you to go with her until later. Don't place all the blame on yourself, and don't try to buy love. It can't be done, save your money for whats coming, you WILL need it. I wish you the best, but prepare for the worst. >>
I'm not as quite as pessimistic as dan50. I would not read anything into the weight loss, his first red flag. As to the second red flag, I see that as nothing more than her not wanting to feel guilty as she opens up with the counselor as to how she has been realizing the two of you have grown apart.
I do agree with not blaming yourself, and not buying love.
What's coming appears to be up to your wife. You clearly want her and are willing to make changes. She is unhappy with the status quo, and counseling will help. Whether the counselor serves to patch things up or support her exit strategy remains to be seen. My guess is she would not need a counselor if she had her mind made up she was leaving you for someone else. She needs to search within herself for what is really going on, and I'm not at all bothered by the fact that she may learn more if you aren't in the room at the time the counselor explores what may be wrong.
Continued best of luck. (I confess, I find these relationship issues far more interesting than coins)
I tend to wonder if this isn't a bit of quasi-counselling for you Shane, as it seems that the prices for the coins aren't coming down to the point were they're selling & it sounds like you are still keeping quite a few.
If this was really a change in lifestyle, IMO, you'd either throw them all on eBay with a 1C start & no reserve, or hand them all off to an auction house & let them do all the work. In a few weeks (with the eBay option) you would have some cash & start to repay some of the time you feel you lost with your family.
Again, JMO, but I think you're torn between what you should do..........even though you're lip service says you're giving up coin collecting, it seems to me your head (and heart?) stil wants to collect.
I hope it works out for you. my wife was out the door and wasn't sure how she felt. Like you I came up with a "plan" to show her my intentions. I thought it was great she was ambivilous. She went to counseling. I went to counseling. Just as she is free to see a counselor , so are you. You need to sort out how YOU FEEL TOO. Then when you get together the counselor will have both sides and can try to help you work through it. We both went to the same counselor. we "split" the hour. first her, then me. after 5 or so visits "we" went together. That was 2 years ago, and she is still here and we have worked most of it out. Sometimes an issue pops up but we know the "rules" we agreed to and apply them. It stops the issue from appearing again and we talk later. Find a good counselor or therapist and both go..first separate , then together. You will know after a few months whats coming.
If you feel you can't work it out, save your best coins, they will bring you comfort. The immediate selling the coins and the car action are only "band aids".
and the last bit of advice : PLEASE do not rely on friend advice how well meaning they seem to be. "Friends at work". Please only trust a professional.
Nankraut, you DO suck. No one told you to keep reading if you saw this wasn't a pure coin thread. Do you leave your mark of disgust everytime a thread does meet your expectations. Show a little compassion old man, or rot in hell reflecting on why you ended up there.
I guess I'll put my comments on the table. The only type of counselling that truly works is one from a bibical standpoint. Too many professionals do not take a firm position for saving a marriage. Clergy are willing to take a firm stand for the marriage (for better or worse). A minister or priest will not charge you money. Divorce in America is an epidemic. If the woman wants to leave nothing will stop it. Even though many women end up in a worse position 5 years after they end the marriage they will never admit they made a mistake. Life goes on, people recover, all is not doom. It is too easy to dwell on the problem and the limbo you are in. A person should not allow another to control his emotions. Then there is the old saying "you might be better off' without this person.
<< <i>I tend to wonder if this isn't a bit of quasi-counselling for you Shane, as it seems that the prices for the coins aren't coming down to the point were they're selling & it sounds like you are still keeping quite a few.
If this was really a change in lifestyle, IMO, you'd either throw them all on eBay with a 1C start & no reserve, or hand them all off to an auction house & let them do all the work. In a few weeks (with the eBay option) you would have some cash & start to repay some of the time you feel you lost with your family.
Again, JMO, but I think you're torn between what you should do..........even though you're lip service says you're giving up coin collecting, it seems to me your head (and heart?) stil wants to collect. >>
I thought I would sell the least expensive ones on the forums and then what ever doesn't sell I will throw on Ebay. The higher dollar will be going to an auction house within the next few week but since I have never consigned anything I want to try to find the right venue and not rush right in. I have no reserves about selling the coins as whether she stays or goes we will be in a much better financial situation if I sell with only a Mortgage payment left.
I am a changed person and my wife realizes that now......using money, cars etc to justify this split isn't really what it's all about and my wife knows it. Plain and simple she feels we have grown apart since we have been together since High school. She is not a bad person nor am I and she deserves to be happy even if it's not with me. I am disappointing that I don't feel like I am getting a second chance after 18 years but again.......this was never about the money or anything else she is just looking for a way to make herself feel better about walking away.....and as devastated as I am........I am willing to let her go and if she comes back to me then it was meant to be.
The weight loss isn't a sign of anything.......my wife had 2 kids and gained about 60 lbs and has been unhappy for years. That is very common for women so we made new years resolutions to get the weight off....I signed her up for a personal trainer and she has done great getting the weight off. Although others that don't know my wife will say I am fooling myself........I know for a fact that she is not cheating on me....there is no one else. We talked long and heard about that and I have never had any reason to distrust my wife in 18 years.....I gave her free reign to tell me there someone else in her life and she states unequivocally that there is no one else...she doesn't want another man around....she wants time alone to find herself and that's what I am going to give her.
For those that cared enough to voice your concern here........a big thanks goes out to each of you. For those who says this isn't coin related....I agree but I have found out there is more in life then just coins and if you think about it................this will happen to someone else and they too will need to decide what they are going to do with their possessions so having a blue print for how someone else handled the situation might be beneficial to them.
she lost the weight and is getting complimented by people and getting looks from guys.....and now she's curious about the other side of the fence. She's liking the attention that she's not used to receiving.
I've heard that they do this if you buy them a boob job as well....which is why my wife's not getting any hooters.
Good luck Shane and with your toner stuff you would want it consigned somewhere that actually has the capability to take a decent picture. You might consider consigning to a dealer as well. I've always had good luck with Wayneherndon and he's into that color gig.
After making peace with Nankraut, I am happy to report I no longer think he sucks. Shane, don't feel bad about that, he is more sensitive to your situation that it seemed from his post.
Shane, good luck to you. I was willing to give your wife the benefit of the doubt, and I did not suspect another man was the cause behind her feelings. People handle stress in many different ways. It sounds like she is a bit distracted at the moment, and she doesn't know why. The counseling will help her identify those feelings. It sounds as thought she is thinking about moving on, which must be stressful for you. As other members have shared, if all goes to hell life goes on and you can find yourself in a happy relationship in the future. It will be difficult to try and mend things with your wife is she isn't willing to try, but it may be premature to decide that. I would hope the two of you would remain close regardless of what happens. One thing that does sound clear is that she needs some sort of change, and the first has taken place with her training. It was not clear if you were training and losing weight as well, but sharing such experiences may enable the two of you to change together, and share these experiences in a way to take your relationship to new and better places. Be open to change; it may prove rewarding. Exercise will help you cope with the stress of your life, so please do take up some activity.
Shane--Let me say you achieved a great "name" in this hobby with your toned coin collection and NGC Coinworld write-up.
I don't have much advise other than I been thru this. The only counciling that I've seen ever work is with a minister/ religous person with values ( and I'm an athietist!).
The other guys seem very screwed up--
You are to be appauded for trying to work things out, but I can't get over one idea---
you wife hinted the coins had to be sold, is that because she had no comparible hobby and makes herself miserable and wants you that way?.
Coins are a great investment--a better way to save money than a savings account--does she get that?? (Oh, look most of your list is sold!! Big Surprise!)
Be patient--but stand up for yourself too--her problems are not all your fault, anymore than the reverse---
I think I am making progress with her.....she truly does still love me and she isn't stating their isn't any hope. I proposed that we give it 6-months so she can see that the family comes first and we can be in a much better financial situation with what I am planning on doing. While she still questions why I am willing to make all these changes now after years of her complaining....she now realizes that I just didn't get it before....I didn't realize how much it bothered her and I never had to choose before.
I know many will think I am nuts for giving up the coins but if I make things right with her now....there is no reason I can't return to coins down the road with a better budget and mutually agreeable financial plans..................and still have my family.
I have too add my vote that counseling did not impress me either. The counselor essentially tries to get you to state your most personal feelings and what you want. The goal of the counselor is not really to save the marriage but to get you to realize exactly what it is you want. For example, if a wife is too shy to come out and say she wants to test the waters for other guys, the counselor will get that info out of her. It seems like that often is the reason too.
it's a cliche but it's also true: don't be so concerned with the door that just closed, that you don't see the one that just opened. also, i would advise you to not sell your coins, that will only add to your depression later if you guys break up. This thread has a lot of responses i think because everyone can relate in some way.. i certainly sympathize with you.. i hope you are able to eventually be happy, whatever happens.
added: oops.. you already sold them? errr.. never mind.
wow, this pains me. I've been down that road before. I also saw my father in law go through it with my mother in law. I don't know how selling your collection is going to make it better. The only way to improve it is to start today like it's day one and approach your spending differently. It's unfair that you're selling your collection but she's wanting to be by herself for awhile. This possible reconciliation sounds one-sided and you're giving your all. Selling the coins won't fix the issue. There are BIGGER issues than coins if we're talking about long term separation and it sounds like something she's had on her mind for some time and the coin issue is just a leg to stand on in her part. ZIf she thinks you guys have grown apart I don't think it could be because of the coins.
I watched my father in law go to any extent he could to save his marriage after a 3 month separation. She let him back in and he basically became her personal servant to cook and clean while she started running around with her friends. They split for good about 5 months after they got back together. Even my wife agreed that she had already planned on ending the marriage when she let him back in but was going to milk his butt-kissing for all it was worth. He gave 500% that last five months while she continued to run around with friends and chat with dudes on the internet all night.
Save your coins my friend and plan to change beginning today because selling your coins won't make you grow close together after you allegedly grew apart.
I like nankraut, by the way. Despite the comments in this post, I've found many pleasantries I like coins and this post only shows me that men are a lot more sensitive than a lot of women give us credit for.
Now will one of you guys buy me a GOLD BUFFALO PROOF , out of um.... brotherly love ?
this is one of the worst things you will have to go thru. please know many of us get anxious just reading about how life can throw you the BIG curve ball. it saddens me to hear of a brother in pain.
if i may please:
it is time for some additional proactive behavior. therapy is going to guide you both as this progresses. if you attend church, ask you pastor for a marriage and family therapist. the phone book will list them as counselors. find one certified by AAMFT(american assoc of marriage and family therapists). from this group find a therapist familiar with solution-focused-brief-therapy. there is a book by michelle weiner-davis called DIVORCE BUSTING. purchase 3 copies; one for wifey, one for you, and one for therapist. read this book now! if you do not attend a church or are not happy with current church home, find a church belonging to the evangelical free church of america. they focus on biblical inerrancy and real life. the pastor there can assist you or refer you to a therapist. attend church regularly; this will not be a magic pill to solve the marital dyad issues, but gives you a context to support you both that is pro-marriage. you may be surprised what you hear/think/feel there.
the best solution is to attend therapy sessions together. the problem is not you, nor her; it is purely in the interaction between you. my friend, this can be fixed. therapy sessions attended by only her can easily focus on adjusting to life without you;much better is to focus energy on life with you.
the other book you need to understand is called THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. sorry for not remembering the author. they are gifts, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. usually hubbby and wife speak different love languages. whatever she complains most about.."you never tell me i am pretty anymore...you stopped picking up after yourself the month after we got married...you don't spend time going on walks with me anymore.....why don't you bring me flowers/chocolates anymore.....i wish you would just be spontaneous and grab me sometimes.... whatever she complains about most is her love language. here is the tricky part; because we usually speak different languages, we fail to hear our spouse saying show me you love me. for me, when my wife says i wish you would pick up this mess, or mow the lawn, she is not nagging me but saying show me you love me. hear me and show me. since it is not my love language, when i want to show her she is important, at the time of my own chosing, i tell her about how much i appreciate her doing this or that; or tell her about how great she looks or some other affirming thing. now i think i have just shown her love; all she heard was empty words. see how important this love language thing is? it may be time for me to re-read this book for my own self; it sure would not hurt both of you as well.
this is not just some sideline opinion. i paid big bucks to gain this knowledge and much more than energy in the game of real life. i hope it was not too pushy or technical. just get started with the 2 books; take a vacation day and read one a day. get your entire family to church. expect a child in the family to act out right about now as the family dance begins. find a solution focused brief therapist and church committed to marriage.
do not become dismayed and let nothing seperate you from God, wifey, and family. coins are just things. we each will die and be remembered for the legacy we have created or failed to make. usually that involves people and loving them-not the stuff we collected. become a servant to your wife; then you can lead her. oxymoron i know, but still true.
Comments
She won't change no matter what you do!!!!!!!
Dump the no good wench
It happened to me once
Lost all my good stuff and ended up with all the bills
My 2 cents, thats all
Jim
Menomonee Falls Wisconsin USA
http://www.pcgs.com/SetRegistr...dset.aspx?s=68269&ac=1">Musky 1861 Mint Set
I appreciate you telling your story, as I am going through a seperation and life change right now. Take care of yourself, and good luck!
She won't change no matter what you do!!!!!!!"
I am sure this advice is jokingly made but there is some truth to it.
<< <i>The first red flag in your story is the sudden desire she had to drop a lot of weight. My experience says she is doing this for someone else, not for you or herself. The second red flag is not wanting you to go with her until later. Don't place all the blame on yourself, and don't try to buy love. It can't be done, save your money for whats coming, you WILL need it. I wish you the best, but prepare for the worst. >>
I'm not as quite as pessimistic as dan50. I would not read anything into the weight loss, his first red flag. As to the second red flag, I see that as nothing more than her not wanting to feel guilty as she opens up with the counselor as to how she has been realizing the two of you have grown apart.
I do agree with not blaming yourself, and not buying love.
What's coming appears to be up to your wife. You clearly want her and are willing to make changes. She is unhappy with the status quo, and counseling will help. Whether the counselor serves to patch things up or support her exit strategy remains to be seen. My guess is she would not need a counselor if she had her mind made up she was leaving you for someone else. She needs to search within herself for what is really going on, and I'm not at all bothered by the fact that she may learn more if you aren't in the room at the time the counselor explores what may be wrong.
Continued best of luck. (I confess, I find these relationship issues far more interesting than coins)
I've already read Ann Landers/Dear Abby/Dr Laura/Vomit
If this was really a change in lifestyle, IMO, you'd either throw them all on eBay with a 1C start & no reserve, or hand them all off to an auction house & let them do all the work. In a few weeks (with the eBay option) you would have some cash & start to repay some of the time you feel you lost with your family.
Again, JMO, but I think you're torn between what you should do..........even though you're lip service says you're giving up coin collecting, it seems to me your head (and heart?) stil wants to collect.
That was 2 years ago, and she is still here and we have worked most of it out. Sometimes an issue pops up but we know the "rules" we agreed to and apply them. It stops the issue from appearing again and we talk later.
Find a good counselor or therapist and both go..first separate , then together. You will know after a few months whats coming.
If you feel you can't work it out, save your best coins, they will bring you comfort. The immediate selling the coins and the car action are only "band aids".
and the last bit of advice : PLEASE do not rely on friend advice how well meaning they seem to be. "Friends at work". Please only trust a professional.
GOOD LUCK....
<< <i>Coin thread?????
I've already read Ann Landers/Dear Abby/Dr Laura/Vomit
Nankraut, you DO suck. No one told you to keep reading if you saw this wasn't a pure coin thread. Do you leave your mark of disgust everytime a thread does meet your expectations. Show a little compassion old man, or rot in hell reflecting on why you ended up there.
The only type of counselling that truly works is one from a bibical standpoint.
Too many professionals do not take a firm position for saving a marriage.
Clergy are willing to take a firm stand for the marriage (for better or worse).
A minister or priest will not charge you money.
Divorce in America is an epidemic.
If the woman wants to leave nothing will stop it. Even though many women end up in a worse position 5 years after they end the marriage they will never admit they made a mistake.
Life goes on, people recover, all is not doom.
It is too easy to dwell on the problem and the limbo you are in.
A person should not allow another to control his emotions.
Then there is the old saying "you might be better off' without this person.
Thanks
David
https://www.pcgs.com/setregistry/quarters/washington-quarters-major-sets/washington-quarters-date-set-circulation-strikes-1932-present/publishedset/209923
https://www.pcgs.com/setregistry/quarters/washington-quarters-major-sets/washington-quarters-date-set-circulation-strikes-1932-present/album/209923
Many others have voiced my opinions and I'll not repeat them in detail here.....
.....but,, I would rather be with some one who wants me for who I am......NOT who they think I SHOULD be!....
I was divorced in 1994 and have since remarried.....
NO REGRETS!
KEEP YOUR COINS AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!
___________________________
click to email me
ronsrarecoin.com
ebay auctions for ronsrarecoin-com
It wasn't until my brother said :
Joe, it is better for children to see the best of their parents apart than to see the worst of their parents together.
No matter what you do, do it for another, not yourself ... you'll be a lot happier that way
<< <i>I tend to wonder if this isn't a bit of quasi-counselling for you Shane, as it seems that the prices for the coins aren't coming down to the point were they're selling & it sounds like you are still keeping quite a few.
If this was really a change in lifestyle, IMO, you'd either throw them all on eBay with a 1C start & no reserve, or hand them all off to an auction house & let them do all the work. In a few weeks (with the eBay option) you would have some cash & start to repay some of the time you feel you lost with your family.
Again, JMO, but I think you're torn between what you should do..........even though you're lip service says you're giving up coin collecting, it seems to me your head (and heart?) stil wants to collect. >>
I thought I would sell the least expensive ones on the forums and then what ever doesn't sell I will throw on Ebay. The higher dollar will be going to an auction house within the next few week but since I have never consigned anything I want to try to find the right venue and not rush right in. I have no reserves about selling the coins as whether she stays or goes we will be in a much better financial situation if I sell with only a Mortgage payment left.
I am a changed person and my wife realizes that now......using money, cars etc to justify this split isn't really what it's all about and my wife knows it. Plain and simple she feels we have grown apart since we have been together since High school. She is not a bad person nor am I and she deserves to be happy even if it's not with me. I am disappointing that I don't feel like I am getting a second chance after 18 years but again.......this was never about the money or anything else she is just looking for a way to make herself feel better about walking away.....and as devastated as I am........I am willing to let her go and if she comes back to me then it was meant to be.
The weight loss isn't a sign of anything.......my wife had 2 kids and gained about 60 lbs and has been unhappy for years. That is very common for women so we made new years resolutions to get the weight off....I signed her up for a personal trainer and she has done great getting the weight off. Although others that don't know my wife will say I am fooling myself........I know for a fact that she is not cheating on me....there is no one else. We talked long and heard about that and I have never had any reason to distrust my wife in 18 years.....I gave her free reign to tell me there someone else in her life and she states unequivocally that there is no one else...she doesn't want another man around....she wants time alone to find herself and that's what I am going to give her.
For those that cared enough to voice your concern here........a big thanks goes out to each of you. For those who says this isn't coin related....I agree but I have found out there is more in life then just coins and if you think about it................this will happen to someone else and they too will need to decide what they are going to do with their possessions so having a blue print for how someone else handled the situation might be beneficial to them.
she lost the weight and is getting complimented by people and getting looks from guys.....and now she's curious about the other side of the fence. She's liking the attention that she's not used to receiving.
I've heard that they do this if you buy them a boob job as well....which is why my wife's not getting any hooters.
Good luck Shane and with your toner stuff you would want it consigned somewhere that actually has the capability to take a decent picture. You might consider consigning to a dealer as well. I've always had good luck with Wayneherndon and he's into that color gig.
Also, I hope all goes well with your situation. Keep the faith.
Dave
Shane, good luck to you. I was willing to give your wife the benefit of the doubt, and I did not suspect another man was the cause behind her feelings. People handle stress in many different ways. It sounds like she is a bit distracted at the moment, and she doesn't know why. The counseling will help her identify those feelings. It sounds as thought she is thinking about moving on, which must be stressful for you. As other members have shared, if all goes to hell life goes on and you can find yourself in a happy relationship in the future. It will be difficult to try and mend things with your wife is she isn't willing to try, but it may be premature to decide that. I would hope the two of you would remain close regardless of what happens. One thing that does sound clear is that she needs some sort of change, and the first has taken place with her training. It was not clear if you were training and losing weight as well, but sharing such experiences may enable the two of you to change together, and share these experiences in a way to take your relationship to new and better places. Be open to change; it may prove rewarding. Exercise will help you cope with the stress of your life, so please do take up some activity.
And of course, good luck with the coins.
I don't have much advise other than I been thru this. The only counciling that I've seen ever work is with a minister/ religous person with values ( and I'm an athietist!).
The other guys seem very screwed up--
You are to be appauded for trying to work things out, but I can't get over one idea---
you wife hinted the coins had to be sold, is that because she had no comparible hobby and makes herself miserable and wants you that way?.
Coins are a great investment--a better way to save money than a savings account--does she get that?? (Oh, look most of your list is sold!! Big Surprise!)
Be patient--but stand up for yourself too--her problems are not all your fault, anymore than the reverse---
I know many will think I am nuts for giving up the coins but if I make things right with her now....there is no reason I can't return to coins down the road with a better budget and mutually agreeable financial plans..................and still have my family.
added: oops.. you already sold them? errr.. never mind.
I watched my father in law go to any extent he could to save his marriage after a 3 month separation. She let him back in and he basically became her personal servant to cook and clean while she started running around with her friends. They split for good about 5 months after they got back together. Even my wife agreed that she had already planned on ending the marriage when she let him back in but was going to milk his butt-kissing for all it was worth. He gave 500% that last five months while she continued to run around with friends and chat with dudes on the internet all night.
Save your coins my friend and plan to change beginning today because selling your coins won't make you grow close together after you allegedly grew apart.
Good luck and God speed.
Positive BST Transactions (buyers and sellers): wondercoin, blu62vette, BAJJERFAN, privatecoin, blu62vette, AlanLastufka, privatecoin
#1 1951 Bowman Los Angeles Rams Team Set
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Dave
Thanks again Shane, and I hope it all works out.
I hope you enjoy the Holiday and things work out.
“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." - Thomas Jefferson
My digital cameo album 1950-64 Cameos - take a look!
<< <i>Thanks guys.....it's touch and go but we went out for a nice dinner tonight so it's a work in progress! >>
Despite the comments in this post, I've found many pleasantries
I like coins and this post only shows me that men are a lot more sensitive than a lot of women give us credit for.
Now will one of you guys buy me a GOLD BUFFALO PROOF , out of um.... brotherly love
<< <i>
Now will one of you guys buy me a GOLD BUFFALO PROOF , out of um.... brotherly love
Joe,we don't love you that much
this is one of the worst things you will have to go thru. please know many of us get anxious just reading about how life can throw you the BIG curve ball. it saddens me to hear of a brother in pain.
if i may please:
it is time for some additional proactive behavior. therapy is going to guide you both as this progresses. if you attend church, ask you pastor for a marriage and family therapist. the phone book will list them as counselors. find one certified by AAMFT(american assoc of marriage and family therapists). from this group find a therapist familiar with solution-focused-brief-therapy. there is a book by michelle weiner-davis called DIVORCE BUSTING. purchase 3 copies; one for wifey, one for you, and one for therapist. read this book now! if you do not attend a church or are not happy with current church home, find a church belonging to the evangelical free church of america. they focus on biblical inerrancy and real life. the pastor there can assist you or refer you to a therapist. attend church regularly; this will not be a magic pill to solve the marital dyad issues, but gives you a context to support you both that is pro-marriage. you may be surprised what you hear/think/feel there.
the best solution is to attend therapy sessions together. the problem is not you, nor her; it is purely in the interaction between you. my friend, this can be fixed. therapy sessions attended by only her can easily focus on adjusting to life without you;much better is to focus energy on life with you.
the other book you need to understand is called THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. sorry for not remembering the author. they are gifts, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. usually hubbby and wife speak different love languages. whatever she complains most about.."you never tell me i am pretty anymore...you stopped picking up after yourself the month after we got married...you don't spend time going on walks with me anymore.....why don't you bring me flowers/chocolates anymore.....i wish you would just be spontaneous and grab me sometimes.... whatever she complains about most is her love language. here is the tricky part; because we usually speak different languages, we fail to hear our spouse saying show me you love me. for me, when my wife says i wish you would pick up this mess, or mow the lawn, she is not nagging me but saying show me you love me. hear me and show me. since it is not my love language, when i want to show her she is important, at the time of my own chosing, i tell her about how much i appreciate her doing this or that; or tell her about how great she looks or some other affirming thing. now i think i have just shown her love; all she heard was empty words. see how important this love language thing is? it may be time for me to re-read this book for my own self; it sure would not hurt both of you as well.
this is not just some sideline opinion. i paid big bucks to gain this knowledge and much more than energy in the game of real life. i hope it was not too pushy or technical. just get started with the 2 books; take a vacation day and read one a day. get your entire family to church. expect a child in the family to act out right about now as the family dance begins. find a solution focused brief therapist and church committed to marriage.
do not become dismayed and let nothing seperate you from God, wifey, and family. coins are just things. we each will die and be remembered for the legacy we have created or failed to make. usually that involves people and loving them-not the stuff we collected. become a servant to your wife; then you can lead her. oxymoron i know, but still true.
all my best,
your coin brother
You can't just plant a flower...you have to spend some time caring for it, also.
CONECA #N-3446
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You can't just plant a flower...you have to spend some time caring for it, also. >>
Great quote. Worth remembering in all of life's endeavors.