Thanks to all for your support.
kryptonitecomics
Posts: 9,185 ✭
I have removed the unsold coins from this thread and will sell them via other channels. For those that thought my post inappropriate....let me apologize up front as I was very distraught when this situation came upon me suddenly. For those that offered words of support, advice, assistance...........I think you very very much and hope to back in some capacity at a later time. 
0
Comments
None of my business but since you have posted the details here let me give you my 2 cents worth:
Having been where you are at let me tell you this:
If she doesn't want to be with you throwing more money at her ain't going to help. She'll take the money for sure but when it's all gone she will still split. Then you will still be by yourself and broke.
Here is my advice,,,, take all those coins and give them to a trusted friend or relative to lock up in a safe deposit box. Let the women split and at least after it is all said and done you will still have your coin collection.
"Been there,,,,, done that"
GOOD LUCK
GrandAm
<< <i>Dude,
None of my business but since you have posted the details here let me give you my 2 cents worth:
Having been where you are at let me tell you this:
If she doesn't want to be with you throwing more money at her ain't going to help. She'll take the money for sure but when it's all gone she will still split. Then you will still be by yourself and broke.
Here is my advice,,,, take all those coins and give them to a trusted friend or relative to lock up in a safe deposit box. Let the women split and at least after it is all said and done you will still have your coin collection.
"Been there,,,,, done that"
GOOD LUCK
GrandAm
I totally agree with Grandam. I too have been there. It will hurt for awhile but you will get through this. I know I do not know you but I feel for you. Divorce sucks but life will go on. Just take it slow. Hope everything works out for you. Take care,
Dan
I can't throw away 18 years lightly and I have two kids to think about as well so if I can bite the bullet on this one......then I will do whatever it takes.
Hayden
Being a situation where I too spend too much on coins I will make these observations.
I always pay the bills, we always have food on the table, & we never go without what is needed.
Would life be 'better' if I saved all my money, went on far away lands for vacation, had nice fancy cars?
I guess that depends on your 'priorities'.
1 thing my wife & I did when we got married, we were both in our mid-20's & already had bills of our own.
We both worked & made our own money.
We decided to have seperate bank/checking accounts.
21 years later we still do, and things work out financially.
She puts up with all my cr@p & still loves me......amazing!
Believe me when I tell you the financial piece might be the easist thing to resolve....when someone feels like they grown apart from you....all you can do is try to to change to show them they they haven't and that your willing to make adjustments for there happiness.
That my friend is a 2-way street. If she's grown apart from you, selling coins is not going to bring her back.
Maybe changing your ways will, but not selling your collection. If this is to pay some bills, so be it, with the coins you have listed I hope those bills are rather small. Has she been mention this for a while & you haven't listened? Is she thinking of the children.
We all wish you the best, & I think we're all trying to say, be sure you know the root of the problem, is it your collecting coins? Unattentiveness? Finances? or you've just 'grown apart'?
All these are retorical question that should be answered to yourself.
All the Best,
Augie
Good Luck,
Louis
letting household bills go while still buying coins would be a very good start.
FWIW.
Hope it works out. But the "neglect payments-buy coins" syndrome ruins a lot of marriages.
Substitute anything else for "coins" and I'll wager you straighten it out.
Good luck and courage.
It would appear at this point that there are much bigger issues at work here.....a feeling of wanting a different life then the one she leads......I only hope I can convince her that she can have some of that as well as me in her life.
I do thank you all for the feedback good or bad and I don't want anyway to feel I am placing blame souly on my wifes shoulders....she is a wonderful women...and I have many faults......I can only hope for a second chance and not yell that I deserve one.
you are a generous person and i think if you feel this might help then go for it
i think things can always be worked out if two are willing to give it a try.............
but it will taKE TIME
the_northern_trading_company
ace@airadv.net
Ive been down this street twice, niether trip was fun.
I know how you feel, and wish you the best.
even if you do sell all your holdings, I hope you still drop in here
Go BIG or GO HOME. ©Bill
certainly can wish your whole family the best.
Forum members seem to possess a unique bond with other members. So when you're hurting, others
feel your pain creating a certain sadness.
RegistryNut
and please shane
keep coming here
your thoughtfulness and insight are always apprecaited and most wanted on these and the ngc boards!!
I was completely blindsided by this decision as I truly thought we had a great marriage. She never acted or said she was unhappy there is just a lot going on in her life as her father could pass away at any time and she recently lost 40 lbs and has a new found confidence. The selling of coins that I treasure is simply a token of what I am willing to do to make her happy.....along with home projects, selling my Corvette that I don't use......things that we have talked about over the years but I seemed to never find time to do.
Honestly....anyone who knows my wife knows how wonderful she is and everyone I tell can't believe this has happened because none of us saw the warning signs. I feel like I should have but everything seemed wonderful.........
My wife isn't looking for money and she isn't worried about not paying bills....but she would like to reduce our debt so we can move into a bigger house and I should have worked harder to prioritize that.....and I didn't. I am working my butt off now and I get the message.......I know I can fix some of this.........but her new desire to start some new life now that she lost the weight is somthing I can't control. I do not regret supporting her in losing the weight and making herself happy....I just hope it deson't cost me the one thing that matters to me in this world.
Folks on these boards have been like a family to me.........that's why I started this thread and the sales of my coins.....so if anyone wonders why I am airing my issues her.....it's becuase we all need someone to lean on when times get tough and my person has always been my wife and now that outlet is gone.
I want to thank each one of you for your kindness and help and for all of the thoughts and advice........it has not fallen on deaf ears.
Once the woman emotionally detaches, things will almost never be what they once were.
Weight loss, business trip? I'd be wondering whom the new boyfriend is.
You probably should take the offensive and file for divorce first, if you become defenses she will own you.
Sorry, but this story is all too common. 2002 was my divorce, I'm doing better than ever now.
jdimmick;Gerard;wondercoin;claychaser;agentjim007;CCC2010;guitarwes;TAMU15;Zubie;mariner67;segoja;Smittys;kaz;CARDSANDCOINS;FadeToBlack;
jrt103;tizofthe;bronze6827;mkman;Scootersdad;AllCoinsRule;coindeuce;dmarks;piecesofme; and many more
Let me say that in my opinion the best thing to do is to allow your wife 100% of the freedom she needs to do whatever it is she wants---- whether it's another guy, going to the YMCA alone, or having her own apartment.
If you try to box her in and make her not do the thing she wants, she will hate you.
As men, we need to have the guts and confidence to let them go sometimes. If it's meant to be, she will come back. If not, you will at least know.
Good Luck
<< <i>I'm familiar with the situation too.
Let me say that in my opinion the best thing to do is to allow your wife 100% of the freedom she needs to do whatever it is she wants---- whether it's another guy, going to the YMCA alone, or having her own apartment.
If you try to box her in and make her not do the thing she wants, she will hate you.
As men, we need to have the guts and confidence to let them go sometimes. If it's meant to be, she will come back. If not, you will at least know. >>
Hows that old saying go.....
"If you love something set it free if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't hunt it down and kill it."
Didn't wanna get me no trade
Never want to be like papa
Working for the boss every night and day
--"Happy", by the Rolling Stones (1972)
<< <i>I'm familiar with the situation too.
Let me say that in my opinion the best thing to do is to allow your wife 100% of the freedom she needs to do whatever it is she wants---- whether it's another guy, going to the YMCA alone, or having her own apartment.
If you try to box her in and make her not do the thing she wants, she will hate you.
As men, we need to have the guts and confidence to let them go sometimes. If it's meant to be, she will come back. If not, you will at least know. >>
Shane: I have been reading this post with much empathy for you because I went through a similar situation in 1987 (I too was married for eighteen years at the time) and made all the mistakes that it seems you're about to make. The advice quoted above is the BEST advice I've seen on this thread and would wholeheartedy encourage you to follow it. I don't know if you'll win your wife back or not, but if you box her in, the marriage will most likely be finished. One thing I do know for sure is -- there's life after divorce. My life with my current wife (of thirteen years) is better than ever -- and happier than ever. Good luck buddy...
Mikey
Visit Our Website @ www.numisvision.com
Specializing in DMPL Dollars, MONSTER toners and other Premium Quality U.S. Coins
*** Visit Mike De Falco's NEW Coin Talk Blog! ***
When we (ex and Why ?) ran out of marriage vows, coins were the only thing I had left, besides my two kids and a bunch of bills. The coins I gave to my divorce lawyer to keep from going into collection while I widdled away at the debt. I just put the coins away, and kept vigilant with my children. You don't need your family, Shane............. they need YOU !
You do what is right, forget the rest of the world. Your coins and all should never come before family, anyway.
her greener pastures will always be in her mind. I learned the hard way and also made the deal for her to stay,but
it did no good in the long run.
A bit of sunshine! After going thru that and seven years of being single again, I met someone special that accepted
me and knew what she was getting into. I'ts now been fifteen years and that chapter of my life is closed.
It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened in my life.
New collectors, please educate yourself before spending money on coins; there are people who believe that using numismatic knowledge to rip the naïve is what this hobby is all about.
been in yur sitch several times with wifes and significant others without success
think long and hard about this !
Family first, and if the coins are a problem you don't sound beyond hope. You could just formulate a budget that includes paying the bills current, then your wife sets aside money for savings, and she can decide what, if anything, is left for coins. My guess is there is more to it, but it might be helpful to discuss that with her.
You might want to visit a therapist of some sort. You can't solve the problems until you know what they are. Oftentimes they are not what they first appear. You said right off the bat that the finances was but one of many problems, so solving just one isn't likely to do much to save the ship if it is sinking.
If it is just about money, she is as much to blame for taking such a shallow approach on life as you are for putting your family in this predicament. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think most people would gravitate toward happiness and let financial issues follow.
If her father is passing, she may be in for an inheritance, which may resolve some of her financial fears.
Rather than run to ebay, I would run, with wife in tow, to a psychiatrist who can help her articulate in your presence what is at the root of all this. Her love is supposed go beyond finances, and weight gains and losses, so I fear for you. Your willingness to act is commendable, but prepare a relatiopnship inventory with the help of a professional to know what you are up against. Once you know what is wrong, you can jointly discuss a plan of action, again preferably with the input of a professional.
Good luck to you.
I agree completely......I think the bills, computer etc are not the real problems here and from what I gather.....she agrees. Shes not sure what's going on herself other than she feels we have grown apart. She has taken the first step by setting up an appointment with a counseler and she wants to go by herself for now until she gets more comfortable. Then she wants to bring me and and have joint sessions. I am not looking at this as a solution but rather the start of a long process. It could go either way from here but at least its a start. Right now I am giving her space so she can figure out what's going on. I continue to work on home projects, my Corvette, helping our finances but I have begun planning for the worst and hoping for the best.
I think that's all anyone can do when faced with this sort of situation.
<< <i>Do you have any Morgans? >>
Yes...that makes up a big chunk of my collection......I thought about placing those in auctions but I just don't know right now. All are common dates with good to great color so yes all are toned.
It got very loopy and then I bailed on the counseling and her. Been there, done that. Bring a big check for the counselor.
<< <i>My experience with "counseling" began as yours. My "wife" asked for private sessions and then joint sessions. The private sessions turned out to be asking for permission from the counselor to see two guys at once so that she could make up her mind what to do. The first joint session was the time to let me in on this "plan."
It got very loopy and then I bailed on the counseling and her. Been there, done that. Bring a big check for the counselor. >>
That counselor's advice I think tends to fall into what I would call "of the wall," and that is why it is important to spend some time digging into the qualifications of the various counselors available. I think a board certified psychiatrist with clinical experience is the most qualified to help.
vaq45, I enjoyed your story. It is unfortunate so many people have made sacrifices for our country and return to suffer problems that haunt them, and their families, for years to come. It sounds like you got things turned around, which is great. You obviously have great strength and fortitude. I hate to sound like Dear Abbey or the like, but why not attempting to initiate contact with your kids and set the record straight. You obviously have a talent for writing straight and to the point, why not try it. Your kids would reflect on it and might welcome you back. They probably have some resentment, but children tend to see things from their point of view. They might be overwhelmded to hear your side of things, not so much that you can defend yourself, but maybe they'll appreciate the difficult obstacles you were faced with, and why it was difficult for you to adjust after the war. Good luck.