The true early history of the Darkside

Aethelred

The Book of the Darkside: Chapter 1

In the beginning God created the Darkside and saw that it was good and all coins that were made were Darkside coins. And behold God looked upon that which He had made and saith: "It is good in My sight."

Those who collected these Darkside coins did rejoice and were merry and looked with pleasure upon the collections of others. The Children of the Darkside did answer questions without wrath or envy and in those days few grades were needed.

As the years passed collectors who were wicked and evil entered the world and created vain grades and began collecting only Lightside coins. In their wickedness they did ignore all coins that were not Lightside and did scorn those who collected Darkside. And the Lord became angry and sent plagues to afflict those evil collectors, first He sent clad coins and then He sent SBA Dollars and then Statehood Quarters and there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Yet those who collected as the Lord commanded were blessed and found favor. And it came to pass that the Lord did build a place for the Darksiders to gather and it was called the World & Ancient Forum. And the streets of that place were paved with gold and toned silver and the rivers did run with copper toned in hues of blue. Among the Children of the Darkside there was great rejoicing for ever, even unto this day. Amen

boz

ajaan

Way too much time on your hands Michael.

guysmy

The Book of the Darkside: Chapter 2, The Great War

On the first day that low-grade flowing hair dollars became ridicoulously expensive the Lightsiders seeked to wage a great war against the Darksiders. The war was caused by pure jealously because one could still get beautious high-grade Darkside coins without selling one's entire flock of sheep! The Lightsiders fought for six days until only seven giant trolls were left standing. It was at this time that they finally realized they had been bashing each other for many moons while the Darksiders watched them in the distant hills laughing and eating smores at their camp.

Soon they realized that their pouches, filled with walkers, morgan and barber dollars etc. were looking poor. The coins had been clanking against each other, lowering the grade considerably. Much of the bust coinage ended up looking like tarnished blanks.

AuldFartte

Askari

wildjag

vrtech99sboss

Askari

Chapter 3: The Book of Levitycus

And the Serpent led astray a part of the people and gaveth unto them the Land of Lite, wherefrom they droveth out with sword and flame those which had livedth there before them. And the Serpent saith, “Speak unto the priests, amongst the sons of the Liteside, and say unto them: ‘A priest must not maketh himself ceremonially unclean for any of his coins, except for he toucheth it and it be enslabbed. And they must be holy unto their Registry and not profane the label therein. Say also unto them that for generations to come none of their descendants may toucheth a coin, be it even enslabbed, that has a defect or blemish of circulation or unnatural toning. Nay, none may approacheth the sacred Registry to offer any coin with defect nor error nor unenslabbed as an offering the God that dwelleth therein. Set apart these sacred coins and trucketh not with that which is not wholesome metal and clean and beareth not the mark of the ‘United States of America’. For those who look upon or e’en think upon such abominations shalt be cast into the utter Darkness and there shall be great weeping and gnashing of teeth.” So the Serpent told this to all the priests of the Registry and their aspirants and to all the sons of the Liteside.

And for many generations, all was Lite and good: Morgan begat Peace who begat Ike, and Ike didst begat Susan B. Anthony and there was a great pestilence upon the land. Thence did the people overthroweth her and replace her with her daughter Sacajawea who was gilt up like any idol. Likewise didst Barber embraceth Liberty and begateth Franklin, and Franklin begat upon his housemaid, Kennedy – who, in his years, begat nothing much remarkable and who hast resideth in the Wilderness for lo, these many years. Liberty’s younger sister, the Warrior Maid in barebreasted armor, took upon herself some unknown guest and begateth Washington, who remaineth with us, albeit we knoweth not why. Mercury, a cousin of Liberty, begat Roosie, he of miniscule stature, and in later years none would know his visage nor why he should be born by the obverse of a coin. The Indian who rides the Great Buffalo begat Jefferson, a coin of no Great Spirit; his brother, the Great Eagle, begat Lincoln – the least of all the tribes of the Liteside. And these be all the descendants living of the tribes that dwelleth in the Land of Liteside.

And this Land prospered after the fashion which the Serpent had foretold. The dies beat out the graven images of the totems of the Tribes of Lite that dwelt upon their land and with each year, their issue grew increasingly numerous but more dull from such use. Yet still did the priests of the Registry bid these treasures up and up and with their dollars and credit cards didst raise an enormous temple that rose nigh to the very heavens themselves. So barren didst become these images and so costly, that the common people of the tribes cried out in great distress: “Woe! Woe! Thrice woe is upon us!! We worketh our nether regions off to procure our sacrifices, but the priests have made them so costly, we cannot longer afford that which is acceptable for sacrifice. And the designs sucketh! Worse, their relief faileths further each year and there is a great famine of acceptable coins upon the land! We cry out to the priests, but they scorneth us and ignoreth us, and we are most wretched in our grief!! Oh, woe indeed!! For they now supplyeth us with naught but debased clad coinage which appeareth circulated e’en when new! They chargeth exorbitant fees upon the Temple grounds for enslabbing our coins and laugheth and drinketh and groweth fat and merry upon their usury. Worse, we knoweth not when they may returneth them to us or whether they wilt be enslabbed upon their return. Oh! How the widows and orphans weepeth when their bodybags are returnethed to them – and weeks and months overdue. Why didst our forefathers alloweth themselves to be led into this forsaken land???” And there was night and then day and still the High Priests of Registry did not respondeth to the people's cries.

But at the turn of the seasons, a Stranger didst appear in the Land of Light, and with him cameth some few disciples, and they cameth from the direction of the Dark, along a path long left untrod and for generations considered fearsome and dangerous to travel upon – and rarely spoken of, and then in whispers alone. The Stranger told tales that were milk and honey to starved souls. He told of coins of beauty and delight and yet of common worth; he taught that there was much more than the barren coins of Liteside and that these were pitifully few compared to the treasures that lay Beyond … in the Land of the Dark. And more than coins, there were, as so he had informedth them: money of many colors printed on papyrus and parchments, objects like and unlike coins that were meant, not to be spent, but enjoyed for their beauty. He spaketh unto them of lands undreamt or long forgotten, of coins with names unheard of and denominations unknown. He spake further even of coins from times already ancient when the people of Lite had arrived in their land. And his spellcrafting enticedth many, but many also withdreweth in fear.

The priests soon learned of this Stranger and his even stranger lessons and lo! they were greatly perplexed and perturbed. Some thought he might be a priest, which intrigued some and angered others. There was muttering that he was naught but a Sorceror – and there had been nonesuch in the Land for generations and generations. There wast great concern at this portent and much argument in the Temple, when a messenger arrivedth breathlessly and deliveredth his missive unto the High Priest. Upon its reading, the High Priest stood up from his dais and, with a great roar, rent his robes in anguish and great fury. And the High Priest didst say to the gathered priests of the Registry: “This Stranger is a Sorceror indeed!! He has spoken the Great Lie!!!” The assembly gasped as one. “Yea, he has proclaimedth that no coin needeth be entombed in plastic!!” The Registry Hall wast at once filled with shouts of anger and horror and dread and was near tumult when the High Priest raised his hands and toldeth the throng, “We must findeth and seizeth this man – this … this … this Heretic!! We must teareth his tongue from his mouth, poketh out his eyes with hot tongs, and stoppeth up his ears with boiling lead!!” There arose from the great crowd a roar of approval and shouts of “Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify him!”

But they didst not realize that they wereth too late. As the throng rushed out the thresholds of the Temple Hall, they witnessedth a great crowd gathered around one corner of the base of the great ziggurat that was the Temple. They were watching and listening to a man who stood there. He spat into both his hands, rubbed them together, and grasped a heavy sledgehammer. He raisedth it up and broughteth it down on the corner of the Temple foundation with a mighty blow. The horrified gasps of all those assembled, crowd and priests, was drownedth out by a tremendous cracking sound as if thousands upon thousands of pieces of plastic were fracturing. And lo! they were!! The cracking sound gathered in strength as one plastic case begat cracks in its neighbors and they in theirs. The shattering proceededth upwards, up that edge of the ziggurat from the base whereupon it had been struck, and climbed higher and higher, toward the summit of the ziggurat, that reachedth near unto upon the heavens. The courtyard upon which the priests stood agape began to shaketh like to an earthquake and sundered in places and felleth in others and casteth down many of the priests. Their cries of terror and fear were then overwhelmed by a final, mighty crack as the arrowhead of splintering plastic slabs, the sacrifices of ages, reached the ziggurat’s summit and exploded. Then, like manna, a rain beganeth to fall … a rain of plastic shards and coins.

Into the hard silence that followed, the Stranger spaketh, “That’s enough for now. The falsity of thy priests hath been demonstrated. For those who wouldst have a Treasure far greater than that which may be found in this land, I inviteth you to come, and follow me.” He then hoisted the hammer upon his shoulder and, with his disciples, beganeth to walk away … toward the road from which he had cometh, toward the Dark. A few followed … and then some more … and others after them. And, from upon the Registry courtyard, there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And as the Stranger and his now laughing band of merry men walked away, they began to sing a song …

“Whistle while you work,
TPGs are just for jerks,
The Dark Side presents
More than just dead presidents
So give up your Liteside quirks!!”

Philip

1jester

That's tooooooooo funny, Dead One!!!

Askari

You see, stick around long enough and more and more of the ancient lore is revealed!

ccrdragon

Chapter 4 – The Evil Plan Ariseth

And it came to pass, that after the destruction of the temple there was much weeping and gnashing of the teeth for the lost brothers, sisters, children and mothers and fathers. Those who remained behind, after digging themselves from under the mounds of broken plastic and scattered coinage, did fall into despair, dismay and disarray. They cried aloud to the priests of the Temples of Lite and of the Registry demanding succor and deliverance from the Dark Sorcerer, for the return of their brethren and their kin. The people knew that anyone who strayed along the path of the Dark was lost and would never return to the Lite.

The priests and the registry workers were sorely vexed and searched long and hard to find a way to return those poor souls lost to the following of the Dark Sorcerer. They spent many days and nights conversing among themselves and praying to the Serpent that had led them to the Lite. The Serpent was also sorely vexed by the prayers and demands of the priests, for he could not answer their requests and could not give them any relief, knowing that the snare of the Dark Sorcerer with his wonderous multitudes of different and beautiful coins was much more powerful than anything he could offer the people. The Serpent also knew that his house of plastic and his Temple of the Registry could not survive if too many people followed the Sorcerer into the Dark.

And so, a shadow fell upon the land and the Tribes of Lite grew bitter and distrustful of the Priests and of the Serpent. Soon it was whispered in the corners and shadows of buildings that the Priests and the Serpent were powerless against the Dark Sorcerer. As time passed, the restlessness grew. More and more people disappeared down the path towards the Dark. The Priests, seeing an end to their dominion over the people cried even louder unto the Serpent demanding that the Serpent do something to stem the flow of their followers into the Dark! The Serpent became even more troubled and vexed, trying to think of a way to regain the following that he had lost to the dark. Then one day, the Serpent found the perfect way to bring the people back from the Dark! The Serpent called all of the Priests together and delivered his plans unto them and said ‘Go forth and deliver the people from the Dark and give them my way to return into the Lite!’

And the priests went out among the people, yea even unto the path that lead to into the Darkness and cried unto any who would hear ‘O people of the Dark, please hear our pleas! We wish to speak to the Sorcerer who has ensnared so many of our people. We will wait here for 40 days for his coming’. And the Priests did make camp and prepare their plans for the Dark Sorcerer. As the days passed without a sign from the Sorcerer, the Priests grew weary of the camp and became afraid for they did not wish to return to the Serpent and to their followers to report that they had failed. On the 40th day, as the Priests were dismantling their camp, the Sorcerer appeared on the Dark path. He was flanked by his greatest warriors and had so many followers that they could not be numbered. The Priests trembled in fright at the sight of the vast multitude, for each bore a different coin from the Dark, and no two coins were alike!. To the Priests greater horror and amazement, none of the coins carried by the followers of the Dark were entombed in the plastic coffins proscribed by the followers of the Registry!

The High Priest of the Lite, shaking off the spell of the Dark, approached the Sorcerer and made his offering to the people of the Dark. The Registry priests would open their doors to the people of the Dark, allowing all those that collected Canadian and British coinage to join the temple, so long as they would entomb their coins in the proscribed manner and pay the fees that were required. This would allow the two peoples to live in harmony and in peace. The Sorcerer of the Dark, knowing full well that the restrictions of the Priests would preclude many of his followers, looked out over his followers and asked what would be done for the rest of them? What of the many who do not and would not collect the proscribed coinage? The Priests made many promises to expand the Registry temple to include the rest of the Followers, realizing that the more of the followers they could satisfy, the more fees and tithes they could gain to replenish their coffers and restore their extravagant lifestyles.

The Sorcerer knew the offer for the trap that it was, but he also knew his people well and had his own trap to lay for the People of the Lite. The Sorcerer turned to his people and urged them to accept this offer from the Priests and urged all those who were willing to participate in the temple of the Registry. The Sorcerer knew this was good, because the more people who saw the magnificent coinage of the Dark, the more would turn from the Lite and join him on the Dark side! And so, by their very own offers to the people of the Dark, the Lite Priests had doomed all of their followers to descend into the Dark and to follow the Sorcerer!

Askari

(For some reason, I keep hearing Tim Rice songs from "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" playing in the background! )

CaptHenway

But what about The Great Silver OZ, in her coat of many finishes?

ajaan

Ah, a classic that I've totally forgot about. Good to remember some of the members who no longer post here.

EVillageProwler

Who can say shibboleth?

ricko

Askari was a great contributor here... I always enjoyed his posts and learned from him. He influenced me to buy the gold Britannia sets....I wonder what ever happened to him....Cheers, RickO

WildIdea

This is an amazing read. Read it out loud to my wife and we really got a kick out of it. Thanks to whoever composed it.

gonzer

I remember the original post and thought to myself ' Boy, this place is gonna be fun!'