A "Good Morning Class" Christmas Carol- Chapter 2
Clankeye
Posts: 3,928 ✭
Christmas Eve. David Hall is barricaded in his office. A half-eaten plate of Stouffer's lasagna sits on his desk. He paces the room, wringing his hands.
Homerunhall: No, no, no, no, no..... not three forum members. Think of it! What if it's Dorkkarl... or Legend--oh jeez! She fried me over that doctored Saint... (turns a whiter shade of pale) oh God... not GMarguli...NOT MARGULI!!!!!!
Cut to the home of Carolj, forum moderatress. Her phone is ringing. She bolts upright in bed
Carolj: Hello?... David? David, calm down! Why are you still at work? It's Christmas Eve--go home! (listens) What...? (cuping hand over phone, talking to another person) Does David smoke pot?
Other person: (calling out from the bathroom) Does Elvis rock, baby?
Carolj: (nodding head) David... David... DAVID!! That's nuts! I can't get you the phone number of Mrs. Coinboard! She's not a real person, David. (exasperated) Yes, I know she is on the forum--but she's made up. Not real. (long pause) No one is coming to visit you from the forum, David. (another pause) I promise... I'll pull their accounts. Okay... okay... yes, David. Merry Christmas. Eat your lasagna. (she hangs up. Calling to other person) David's losing it! He thinks he saw the ghost of Rick Montgomery!
Devil Bear: (rounding the corner singing, dressed like Elvis) Are you lonesome toooo-nighttttt!
Meanwhile back in the office, Homerunhall is busy shoving his desk up against the door. He talks to himself frantically
Homerunhall: Oh geez... what if it's that Klectorkid screamin' at me "U R bad, Hall!" I can just picture it... or that insufferable peace-nic, Coinguy1. Oh man, oh man, oh man... Lucy Bop. What if it's Lucy Bop! I ain't got no rhythm! I'm an old white guy!---
Voice behind him: 'Scuse me?"
Homerunhall: (at the top of his lungs) ARRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
Homerunhall leaps in the air doing a complete 360. There standing before him is.... there standing before him is.... some guy
Homerunhall: (aghast) Who are you!??
Some Guy: Roberto Cratchit, Mr. Hall. The new grader... remember?
Homerunhall: (eyes darting wildly) How'd you get in?
Roberto Cratchit: Across the river, near Waco, sir. Are you all right?
Homerunhall: (looks him up and down) What size are you?
Cratchit: Huh?
Homerunhall: (pulling off his coat) Here! Put this on!
Cratchit: (confused) Is this legal?
Homerunhall: YOU are going to be ME for a night. Whaddya say your name was...?
Cratchit: Cratchit, sir!
Homerunhall: (stops) You gotta be kidding me?
Cratchit: No sir!
Homerunhall: Aye Carrumba! (puts his arm around his shoulder) Anyone who comes in here... you're me and I'm you. Got it?
Cratchit: What do I get out of it?
Homerunhall: Anything you want!
Cratchit: I don't want to grade anymore state quarters!
Homerunhall: You got it!
Cratchit: And I want a prettier grading lamp...
Homerunhall: Okay... okay....
Cratchit: And I don't want to be paid in Collector's Universe Stock anymore-
Homerunhall: (grabbing him by the scruff of his neck) Get outta here!!!
The door slams. Homerunhall is alone again. Naturally. Once again he begins to talk feverishly to himself
Homerunhall: Oh, help me. It could be TomB... God, no! What if he looks like his icon-- (Homerun is tiring) Oh lordy, lord... could be, Shiroh!... they could pull my teeth without novocain... (sleepy, sleepy, sleepy) Or... or... Lanlord... Wait! Lanlord! (face brightens) ...Shania.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (he sleeps… deep, deep Christmas sleep).
Silent night. Holy night. With a tic-toc, swing of the clock, the bell... tolls... ONE!
BA-WONG!!!!!!!!!
Homerunhall's eyes flutter open. He looks nervously about. He spies a figure in the shadows. With some hesitation he finally calls to it
Homerunhall: Who's there? ...Identify yourself!
Out of the gloom steps a small man, with a tentative smile pasted on his face. He waves.
Homerunhall: Which one are you?
Smiling man: Why, I'm Mr. Sunshine! Who are you?
Homerunhall: (incredulous) I'm David Friggin' Hall. Are you the forum member who's coming was foretold to me?
Mr. Sunshine: Jeepers! I don't know! Did they tell you I was coming? All I know is these guys posted in my welcoming thread I needed to get over here right away! I've only got 2 posts! They said you really wanted to see me! This is cool! Hey, while I'm here. I think you guys screwed me on my Silver Eagles. Can you tell me why these aren't MS 70's???
Homerunhall (knocking his head against the wall) No! No! PLEASE GOD! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
A maniacal laugh comes from just outside the room
BWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH!!!!!!!!!
Tiny voice: Cool!
To Be Continued.....
Homerunhall: No, no, no, no, no..... not three forum members. Think of it! What if it's Dorkkarl... or Legend--oh jeez! She fried me over that doctored Saint... (turns a whiter shade of pale) oh God... not GMarguli...NOT MARGULI!!!!!!
Cut to the home of Carolj, forum moderatress. Her phone is ringing. She bolts upright in bed
Carolj: Hello?... David? David, calm down! Why are you still at work? It's Christmas Eve--go home! (listens) What...? (cuping hand over phone, talking to another person) Does David smoke pot?
Other person: (calling out from the bathroom) Does Elvis rock, baby?
Carolj: (nodding head) David... David... DAVID!! That's nuts! I can't get you the phone number of Mrs. Coinboard! She's not a real person, David. (exasperated) Yes, I know she is on the forum--but she's made up. Not real. (long pause) No one is coming to visit you from the forum, David. (another pause) I promise... I'll pull their accounts. Okay... okay... yes, David. Merry Christmas. Eat your lasagna. (she hangs up. Calling to other person) David's losing it! He thinks he saw the ghost of Rick Montgomery!
Devil Bear: (rounding the corner singing, dressed like Elvis) Are you lonesome toooo-nighttttt!
Meanwhile back in the office, Homerunhall is busy shoving his desk up against the door. He talks to himself frantically
Homerunhall: Oh geez... what if it's that Klectorkid screamin' at me "U R bad, Hall!" I can just picture it... or that insufferable peace-nic, Coinguy1. Oh man, oh man, oh man... Lucy Bop. What if it's Lucy Bop! I ain't got no rhythm! I'm an old white guy!---
Voice behind him: 'Scuse me?"
Homerunhall: (at the top of his lungs) ARRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
Homerunhall leaps in the air doing a complete 360. There standing before him is.... there standing before him is.... some guy
Homerunhall: (aghast) Who are you!??
Some Guy: Roberto Cratchit, Mr. Hall. The new grader... remember?
Homerunhall: (eyes darting wildly) How'd you get in?
Roberto Cratchit: Across the river, near Waco, sir. Are you all right?
Homerunhall: (looks him up and down) What size are you?
Cratchit: Huh?
Homerunhall: (pulling off his coat) Here! Put this on!
Cratchit: (confused) Is this legal?
Homerunhall: YOU are going to be ME for a night. Whaddya say your name was...?
Cratchit: Cratchit, sir!
Homerunhall: (stops) You gotta be kidding me?
Cratchit: No sir!
Homerunhall: Aye Carrumba! (puts his arm around his shoulder) Anyone who comes in here... you're me and I'm you. Got it?
Cratchit: What do I get out of it?
Homerunhall: Anything you want!
Cratchit: I don't want to grade anymore state quarters!
Homerunhall: You got it!
Cratchit: And I want a prettier grading lamp...
Homerunhall: Okay... okay....
Cratchit: And I don't want to be paid in Collector's Universe Stock anymore-
Homerunhall: (grabbing him by the scruff of his neck) Get outta here!!!
The door slams. Homerunhall is alone again. Naturally. Once again he begins to talk feverishly to himself
Homerunhall: Oh, help me. It could be TomB... God, no! What if he looks like his icon-- (Homerun is tiring) Oh lordy, lord... could be, Shiroh!... they could pull my teeth without novocain... (sleepy, sleepy, sleepy) Or... or... Lanlord... Wait! Lanlord! (face brightens) ...Shania.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (he sleeps… deep, deep Christmas sleep).
Silent night. Holy night. With a tic-toc, swing of the clock, the bell... tolls... ONE!
BA-WONG!!!!!!!!!
Homerunhall's eyes flutter open. He looks nervously about. He spies a figure in the shadows. With some hesitation he finally calls to it
Homerunhall: Who's there? ...Identify yourself!
Out of the gloom steps a small man, with a tentative smile pasted on his face. He waves.
Homerunhall: Which one are you?
Smiling man: Why, I'm Mr. Sunshine! Who are you?
Homerunhall: (incredulous) I'm David Friggin' Hall. Are you the forum member who's coming was foretold to me?
Mr. Sunshine: Jeepers! I don't know! Did they tell you I was coming? All I know is these guys posted in my welcoming thread I needed to get over here right away! I've only got 2 posts! They said you really wanted to see me! This is cool! Hey, while I'm here. I think you guys screwed me on my Silver Eagles. Can you tell me why these aren't MS 70's???
Homerunhall (knocking his head against the wall) No! No! PLEASE GOD! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
A maniacal laugh comes from just outside the room
BWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH!!!!!!!!!
Tiny voice: Cool!
To Be Continued.....
Brevity is the soul of wit. --William Shakespeare
0
Comments
Link to Chapter 1
again outdone yourself. Thank you for producing two epics in two days. I feel as
though Santa gave me my gift early this year. Happy holiday and a joyous, healthy and
wonderful New Year to you and your family Clank. Abe
Camelot
Homerunhall: (grabbing him by the scruff of his neck) Get outta here!!!
BWAHAAHAAHAA
"The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the LORD GOD Almighty."
I'm sitting here alone at work (not even the evil overlords are here today) and laughing my head off. That should give them a pause when they review the tapes.
Thanks for making people think I'm a bit more crazy than I actually am...
We'll use our hands and hearts and if we must we'll use our heads.
">Franklin Halves
">Kennedy Halves
Thanks - you're quite a talent.
09/07/2006
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
Brian.
Russ, NCNE
<< <i>or I need to get a life >>
<< <i>Either Clank is very, very good, or I need to get a life. >>
Or, maybe you're right on both counts!
When is chapter 3 scheduled for release, anyway?
I can't believe it. No forum for a couple days
Episode three-- well, you guys are still writing it as far as I can see... might have to wait until I'm back from Christmas though. So Russ, you don't have to refresh that page every five minutes. And presuming you did get a life? What the heck would you do with it anyway?
It goes with out saying, so of course I will say it, I wish you all a very good Christmas and Holiday. Looking forward to getting back online already. Mrs. Clankeye beckons to me, and if I do not respond, my head she will knocketh!
MC
Clankeye
Camelot
09/07/2006
Homerunhall (knocking his head against the wall) No! No! PLEASE GOD! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I'm dying laughing. That should last me through the holidays. Thanks Clank!
and it sets us apart from practitioners and consultants. Gregor
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
Happy Holidays 2U too
Marc
MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!
Check out my PQ selection of Morgan & Peace Dollars, and more at:
WWW.PQDOLLARS.COM or WWW.GILBERTCOINS.COM
Thank you Clankeye and the colorful characters that give you inspiration.
Thanks and happy holidays to all and to all ... (I know it's morning, I just couldn't help myself, something about this thread ...)
Joe.
Obscurum per obscurius