Three new recruits were being tested looking at a mug shot. The instructor asks the first recruit what he noticed. The recruit responded, "He had only one eye."
The instructor reminded the recruit that this was a side profile shot. He then asks recruit #2. Recruit #2 indicated that he had only one ear.
Frustrated the inspector goes to recruit #3, who replied that the guy in the mug shot was wearing contact lenses.
The inspector checked his notes and noticed the guy in the mug shot wore contact lens. "How did you know that?" he ask recruit #3.
"Well, he had to be wearing contact lens. There was no way that a guy with one eye and one ear could wear glasses."
Submitted by merk
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years' salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but ask madam why you would leave a job with such benefits, the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt.”
A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does.
The next day in a written test, she included this question:
"My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up things. What am I?"
When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word "Mother."
The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence, and I made love to you.”
“Yes,” she replies, “I remember it well.”
“OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?”
“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.
I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So, he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.
Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, “Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.”
James comes home to find his wife Rachel sobbing bitterly. "Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry," she sniffles. "I was ironing your suit and went to answer the phone and ended up burning a big hole right in the seat of your pants!"
"There, there, darling," James replies, gently patting her shoulder. "All is well. I have another pair of pants to go with that suit."
"I know," Rachel sniffles. "I used them to patch the hole."
A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."
The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager (naturally) is sceptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"
The manager replies: "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a gravesite next to the water. The chief says, 'We will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes.'
The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this, he recites the Pledge and shoots himself. He is carried off. The next man asks for a sword. A warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man.
The last man asks for a fork.
'A fork? asks the chief?'
But it's his dying wish, so they hand him the fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest, and yells, 'I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!!'
Comments
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Three new recruits were being tested looking at a mug shot. The instructor asks the first recruit what he noticed. The recruit responded, "He had only one eye."
The instructor reminded the recruit that this was a side profile shot. He then asks recruit #2. Recruit #2 indicated that he had only one ear.
Frustrated the inspector goes to recruit #3, who replied that the guy in the mug shot was wearing contact lenses.
The inspector checked his notes and noticed the guy in the mug shot wore contact lens. "How did you know that?" he ask recruit #3.
"Well, he had to be wearing contact lens. There was no way that a guy with one eye and one ear could wear glasses."
Cheers, RickO
Submitted by merk
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years' salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but ask madam why you would leave a job with such benefits, the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt.”
Cheers, RickO
A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does.
The next day in a written test, she included this question:
"My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up things. What am I?"
When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word "Mother."
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence, and I made love to you.”
“Yes,” she replies, “I remember it well.”
“OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?”
“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.
I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So, he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.
Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, “Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.”
Doctor: Alright, I have your diagnosis.
Patient: Make it quick Doc, I don’t have all day.
Doctor: So who told you?
Cheers, RickO
James comes home to find his wife Rachel sobbing bitterly. "Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry," she sniffles. "I was ironing your suit and went to answer the phone and ended up burning a big hole right in the seat of your pants!"
"There, there, darling," James replies, gently patting her shoulder. "All is well. I have another pair of pants to go with that suit."
"I know," Rachel sniffles. "I used them to patch the hole."
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
This past Sunday was Killdozer Day.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
I see your still and raise you a...... Gilbert Atomic energy kit.
https://www.energy.gov/lm/articles/holiday-toy-shopping-during-1950s-looked-bit-different-during-2020s
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Some people's kids.....
https://www.boredpanda.com/story-radioactive-boy-scout-david-hahn/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Scientists recently managed to weigh a rainbow…. Turns out it’s pretty light.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."
The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager (naturally) is sceptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"
The manager replies: "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
Cheers, RickO
Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a gravesite next to the water. The chief says, 'We will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes.'
The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this, he recites the Pledge and shoots himself. He is carried off. The next man asks for a sword. A warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man.
The last man asks for a fork.
'A fork? asks the chief?'
But it's his dying wish, so they hand him the fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest, and yells, 'I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!!'
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
The door reads "FOR CONSTIPATED PEOPLE ONLY"
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
The TESLA prototype on the test run
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Why pay? When it's free and plentiful outside? It soothes as it cleans.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members