"Good Morning Class" -- The Numismastiff

Clankeye · February 3, 2003 1:03AM

A body is wheeled into an autopsy room on a shiny cart. The Doctors gather round

Dr. Moe: Who’s on the slab, Doctor Larry?
Dr. Larry: (checking his clipboard) Says his name's Joe Coinboard, Dr. Moe!
Dr. Curley: Hey! I had a teacher named Coinboard!
Dr. Larry: A teacher named Coinbroad--?
Dr. Curley: A broad named Coinbird. Nuk-nuk...
Dr. Moe: (clonks him on the head) Why you knucklehead!-- (putting on large rubber gloves) Gentlemen! Let's get to the bottom of this--
Scalpel!
Dr. Larry: Scalpel....
Dr. Moe: Clamp!
Dr. Curley: Clamp....
Dr. Moe: SUTURE!!
Dr. Moe steps back and looks at the other doctors with great seriousness
Doctors! I know what killed this man!
Dr. Larry: OH! Do tell...
Dr. Curley: AH! Proceed, doctor...
Dr. Moe: To get to the bottom of it, one need only get to his bottom!
Dr. Larry: Doctor, it's gone!!!!
Dr. Curley: Been chewed right off! (barks like a dog) Gruuuuuf! Gruuuuf!
Dr. Moe: (slaps him across the face) Doctor! Act like a doctor! This man has been a victim of YourassusIwillbiteus!
Dr. Larry: (shocked) A new one hath been rippithed?
Dr. Moe: Look! (he holds up a small object) A tooth!--
Dr. Larry: A tooth!--
Dr. Moe: The tooth of Truth!--
Dr. Curley: Forsooth!
Dr. Larry: Doctor Moe! Look at this card I found!

They gather around it, Larry begins to read

"To whom it may concern: I am a coin collector. If found please make no attempt to resuscitate... I beg you."

Dr. Moe: A coin collector!--
Dr. Larry: A collector of coins!--
Dr. Curley: A numismastiff!
Dr. Moe: Gentlemen! Take out the brain!
Dr. Curley: (snipping around...) nuk, nuk here, nuk nuk there... mmmmmmmmm... dare it is!

Dr. Curley holds up a piece of beef jerky and a zippo lighter

FLAMED!

Dr. Moe: (pushing him aside) Why you numbskull! I can save this patient!
Dr. Larry: But Doctor! He's assless!
Dr. Curley: Yeah, he's classless!
Dr. Moe: Nurse Lucy! Give me my emergency medical coin bag!
Dr. Larry: OH!
Dr. Curley: OH!!
Nurse Lucy: (hands Curley a bag with a wink) There you go, Docky-wocky! Smack!
Dr. Curley: (barks at her) Gruuuufff!
Dr. Moe: (he goes to work) Bluesheet!
Dr. Curley: Bluesheet...
Dr. Moe: eBay ID!
Dr. Larry: eBay ID...
Dr. Moe: Checkbook!
Nurse Lucy: Checkbook....

Dr. Moe steps back and takes off his gloves

Dr. Moe: Gentlemen, my work is done!
Dr. Larry: (turning to Dr. Curley) His work is done!
Dr. Curley: (turning to Nurse Lucy) He's fixed his buns!
Dr. Moe: LOOK!!! He raises!
Dr. Larry: Doctor, you're a genius!

Joe Coinboard sits upright on his slab, looks at the three doctors and Nurse Lucy. He motions for them to come closer. He trembles. His tongue darts across his lips. He summons every ounce of strength he can muster, and says...

Gork!

Dr. Moe: (jubilant) Success!!!
Dr. Larry: (jubilant) Success!!!
Dr. Curley: (jubilant) Recess!!!

They all shake hands and walk out of the autopsy room. Bumping into each other as they do so.

Joe Coinboard looks at Nurse Lucy

Joe Coinboard: Nurse...?
Nurse Lucy: Yes, sir?
Joe Coinboard: Do women make passes at men without asses?

ccrdragon · February 3, 2003 1:07AM

If you keep writing this stuff, my co-workers will get me committed to the looney bin (for uncontrolled laughter!)

I love that last line the best of all!

MadMarty · February 3, 2003 1:07AM

ROTFLMAO!!!! What little ass is left!!!

mdwoods · February 3, 2003 1:10AM

excellante supremo.

coinguy1 · February 3, 2003 1:15AM

I am delighted to see that Clankeye is back, in full force, no less!

I am also pleased, though not surprised, to learn that he apparently possesses a wealth of medical knowledge, in addition to his being a great poet and story teller.

The term "numismaticsstiff" or whatever people call this hobby of ours, has a whole new meaning.

Zerbe · February 3, 2003 1:22AM

I think the patient needed a "FRANKIE" transplant.

cosmicdebris · February 3, 2003 1:22AM

What can I say but "BRAVO"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE! MORE! MORE!

nwcs · February 3, 2003 1:22AM

Calling Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard!

All Three: "Hello! Hello! Hello! HELLO!"

Looking at the Joe Millionaire Coinboard trying to post something fun

Moe: "I'd knock your brains out if you had any!"
Joe MC: "I'm sorry Moe, please forgive me."
Moe: "Every time you think you weaken the nation!"

Joe MC: "Why I outta...!"
Curley: "Oh, wise guy, eh?"

[Pop goes the weasel plays in the background, Curley knocks everyone out cold and Coinboard lies in still silence]

Android · February 3, 2003 2:18AM

LanLord · February 3, 2003 2:54AM

Clank, I do beleive that you are a true affeccionato of the fine art of the Three Stooges. That was worthy of one of their episodes.

BTW. it's good you included Curley rather than Shemp, Joe or Curley-Joe.

Pushkin · February 3, 2003 3:01AM

agfox · February 3, 2003 3:03AM

*clap* *clap* *clap*

mrfred · February 3, 2003 3:22AM

Very nice -- well done!!

Bear · February 3, 2003 3:36AM

Clank my good man, all right with the world when we get a story from you. I am so glad you finally got

around to the three stooges. They were a classic comedy team that has truly stood the test

of time. Well done my friend and thank you again for your talanted efforts to bring cheer

to us all on the Forum.

Clankeye · February 3, 2003 3:43AM

To Bear and to all--
Thank you for the good words. I could say something cliche like "if we can't laugh at ourselves" yadda, yadda, yadda... but, bottom line is-- I choose to invest some of my time here, and usually, I enjoy myself. Hope you do too.

Clankeye

halfnut · February 3, 2003 3:53AM

From under the rock sounds of clapping and laughter. Great job clank

dddangerousdan · February 3, 2003 4:41AM

great Job

DAN

wingedliberty · February 3, 2003 4:53AM

RegistryCoin · February 3, 2003 5:00AM

Again, Terrific, Sir Clankeye!
I've heard of Coinbird, Coinbird Johnson, right? Isn't she the granddaughter of the ex-president from Texas?

LucyBop · February 3, 2003 6:23AM

Ooop Be Ba Doop!

<< <i>Do women make passes at men without asses? >>

Well having one helps, but someone can make up for it in other areas!

Hmmmmm... a Nurse thats Hep!

ClausUrch · February 3, 2003 6:58AM

Ach du lieber! Ich laughen meinen siden schpliten offen!!!!

LucyBop · February 3, 2003 7:05AM

Seien Sie Bop Ein Lula!

marcmoish · February 3, 2003 9:14AM

Another wonderful classic from the master of clank

too bad I did not read it sooner, I needed a lift earlier in the day!!

Thanks Clankeye

Marc

MrKelso · February 3, 2003 9:31AM

Joe Coinboard: Nurse...?
Nurse Lucy: Yes, sir?
Joe Coinboard: Do women make passes at men without asses?

HA HA HA HA a classic for sure. I love those 3 knuckleheads............

fcloud · February 3, 2003 9:34AM

Bravo

coindaughter · February 3, 2003 9:59AM

nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

coinguy1 · February 3, 2003 11:30AM

TTT, in case anyone was unfortunate enough to have missed it.

ccr · February 3, 2003 11:50AM

Good form as always. Glad to see you back Mark.

1907Quarter · February 3, 2003 12:01PM

Your a class act Clank! I can only guess what you'll parody next!

Loki · February 3, 2003 12:05PM

Bravo!!!

Dr. Curley holds up a piece of beef jerky and a zippo lighter

FLAMED! Classic!!

Clankeye · February 3, 2003 12:07PM

Loki--
Thank you so much for adding the visual to the thread! Ah, there they are in all their glory... I think I'm going to weep!

Carl

Bear · February 3, 2003 12:35PM

TTT

rkfish · February 3, 2003 12:37PM

Clank,

Thanks again for a wonderful story to start a Monday!

As usual......GREAT WRITING!

robertpr · February 3, 2003 1:29PM

Clank!

You're back in full force my man! You had me laffing MY ass off! And that last line was the topper for sure! Keep up the good work!

robertpr · November 12, 2004 9:22AM

HAHA I finally got it!!! Hahahaha it's even funnier now.

I just realized Clank here was playing on a two line poem by Dorothy Parker:

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

I hadn't noticed that before, because I'd never heard of the poem. It was an answer on "Jeopardy".

Yes, I'm a little slow.