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Financial Crises in the land of...Coinalot! ....FINAL PART ************************
Bear
Posts: 18,953 ✭✭✭
Once upon a times, in a place far , far away, there was
a kingdom called Coinalot. This land was ruled by an addled
brained , though somewhat kindly ruler called King ArtR. Now
it seemed that the land of Coinalot was beset by a financial
crises that was slowly choking the life out of the land and its
people. Thus , there was only one thing for good King ArtR to
do......which was to convene the Royal Court of all the wise men,
and women, knights, functionaries, non functioning entities, as well as
the Royal Dragon Coinasaurus Rex as well as all of the wits, half wits,
nitwits , nincompoops, poppinjays, seers, wizards and horses ass*s
in the Kingdom to arrive at a conclusion and an action plan. A plan that
could be , perhaps slightly deranged, but never the less a plan.
King ArtR :All right my Royal Court, let us hear first hand what ills have befallen
our lands and people. Count deMoney, your report.
Count deMoney: As you direct thire. It would theme, that the financial inthtitution
of the Kingdon are underfunded, mithmanaged, with the management overpaid. thith
hath caused the bankrupthy of our major cart making induthtry composed of Fiord,
General Misenthrop and the Chrithtyl cart companies to lose very large amounts of money.
With all the layoffs, the peasants are near revolting.
Sir Airplanenut : They soitenly are!
Sir Keets: I say wot, there seems to be a problem with the pheasants?
Royal Dragon: No, no Sir Keets he said there was a problem with the presents.
King ArtR : Zounds, am I surrounding with blithering idiots?
Count deMoney : No thire, the blithering Idiots could not make the meeting.
King ArtR: I say, Count, are you trying to vex me?
Count deMoney: Oh no Thire, just trying to explain the thituation. To continue. The
investment Banking houses of Golden Sacks, Merry Finch, ath well the inthurence company
of" Wii, Will, Cheetum and How" WWCH, is unable to cover the bets on sub prime,
sub sub prime as well as fully submerged loans.
King ArtR: Tis a seemingly complex and mind perplexing conundrum we have here. Is there no
one that can clear the muddy waters?
Mad Marty,Royal jestor : In a nut shell Sire, this is the scam. The banks gave mortgages on hovals
in excess of the already bloated and unrealistic values, to people that had no way to repay the loans.
In addition, the banks gave them teaser loans that went up three fold in what is known as flexible rate
mortgages. The banks then sliced and diced the loans into tranches that were labeled A, B and C investments.
The A investment was as loose as a goose, the B investment was ridiculously silly and the C investments made the
Las Vegas crap tables look like a solid investment. All the executives took home billions of dollars in wages, defered
stock, bonuses, as well as 2500 dollar waste paper baskets and supper soft supplies of toilet paper.
Of course, the investment houses gobbled up this worthless paper, but very cleverly took out insurance policies
with WWCH in the event the investment failed. WWCH knew it did not have the money the pay off if the investment
failures but was hungry for the premiums. Thus the entire financial system in on the verge of ruin...............................
Stay tuned for part 2, whenever I am able to get to it. It is now time for the bears nap!
What else is wrong in the kingdom?
Is there a solution?
What is to happen. Stay tuned in for further revelations, that will thrill, chill and amaze.
the very blood in your little bods.
How does the Middle Kingdom play a role?
What of the Land of the Rising Sun?
PART 2
King ArtR : What say you Prinz Michael on the state of our military.
Prinz Michael: Well Sire its the horses.
King ArtR : Well, whats the matter with the horses?
Prinz Michael : The average age of our horses is 22 years sire.
King ArtR : Well, is that old? What military functions are they capable of?
Prinz Michael : It is very old sire. They are capable of eating.
Kimg ArtR: Anything else?
Prinz Michael: Well, there very good at eliminating Sire, but that's about it for the
horses. Then there are the knights sire.
King ArtR : Well what is wrong with my knights?
Prinz Michael: Well sire they are rather plump.
King ArtR : How Plump?
Prinz Michael: Actually Obese your highness. We have had to let their armour out 4 times
and their cod pieces are totally inadequate for their girth sire.
King ArtR: Well, it seems that when it rains in this land, it really pours. Let us hear from our
Minister of Health, Sir Tuberculla Bacillium.
Sir TB : Sire we have a code 5 alert due to an epidemic of Fish Flu.
Link ArtR: Zounds, how is this possible.
Sir TB : well sire, the fish sneeze and cough and pass the flue on to humans. While its not really
too serious at the moment, the death rate is 75% and climbing.
King ArtR: Can you catch this flue from eating fish?
Sir TB: there is no evidence of that at this time sire.
King ArtR : What does that mean Sir TB?
Sir TB: It means Sire......That we haven't a clue. Also we should pass a royal decree that it is unlawful
to kiss a fish or to refrain from washing ones hands after fondling a fish.
King ArtR : You say the peasants fondle fish?
Sir TB : Sire, the peasants need some form of recreation, in between famine, pestilence, war and death.
King ArtR : I hereby decree that hence forth and for the duration of the Fish Flue, their shall be
no kissing and fondling of fish. While bathing remains optional, the washing of the hands after
touching fish shall be mandatory.
King ArtR: Alright, which nincompoop is able to tell me what in tarnation is wrong with our cart industry?
Sir RGCoinGuy: I would be that nincompoop sire. It would seem that the Coinalot Cart Industry is inefficient and
behind the times. They said seat belts in carts were not possible. They said airbags in carts were not possible.
They said that better cart horse efficiency was not possible. They said that better quality for their carts was not possible.
Thus when they asked the peasants to buy their carts, the peasants said.......".It's not possible". The peasants then
purchased carts made by the Toyboy and Hondle companies located in the Land of the rising Sun.
King ArtR: What about the Kingdoms Royal Income? Where is Count deMoney?
Count DeMoney: Here Sire. The problem with the taxes is that they are already 99%.
King ArtR: Well why not 100%?
Count deMoney: well sire, the peasants do have to eat.
King ArtR: Confound it, how are we to reorganize the cart industry, save the banking and investment houses
resolve the matter of foreclosed hovels and update our armed forces, as well as implement Kingdom Health Care
for the peasants?
Stay tuned for part 3 on the Morrow.
You will be tantilized, tintilated and traumatized by the answers .
Perhaps, Sir David Of Hall is part of the Solution
to Coinalot's problems!
PART-3
After a night filled with committees wrestling with the myriad problems
facing the Kingdom of Coinalot, the committees are prepared to make
their various reports to the King and the Royal Court.
King ArtR : Alright my fine feathered friends which committee will be the first
to report on your findings?
Sir Realone : Sire we have a plan to deal with the collapse of the Kingdoms
financial sector..We propose to have Sir David of Hall regrade
the Royal Coin Collection to give MS-70 and PR-7o grades to each coin. We then
use the collection as collateral to back the printing of fresh new money to flood
the system.
King ArtR : That's fine as far as it goes , but it doth not seem adequate to meet
the needs of the problem.
Sir Realone: That is true sire, and we have a further recommendation. We back the
remaining new money with gold that is still in the ground. We know gold is there, we
just do not know exactly where it is.
King ArtR : Let me see If I have a clear understanding of the plan, We back unlimited
minting of new money with gold we do not have and an upward regrading of the Royal
Coin Collection. What do we do if the country buying our debt wants to see the gold.
Sir Realone: Well, we take bricks, paint them with gold pain and fill the Royal Vaults from
floor to ceiling. Then we show the world pictures of a vault filled with gold ingots to back
the Royal Bonds. The gold we don't have then becomes fungible.
King ArtR : By Jove what a scam. will it be believed?
Sir Realone: Sire, If we slap enough lipstick on this pig, the peasants and other Nations will
believe anything. The entire World financial structure is a scam. As long as people believe that
money is real, that is almost as good as the money really being worth something. Thus we sell
the worthless Royal Bonds and use the proceeds of worthless money to mint new Pantaloons.
We then flood the financial market and pay 100 cents on the dollar to all of the investments
made by unscrupulous and devious masters of the financial Universe. Of course we will continue to feed them
billions of pantaloons in wages, bonuses, severence as well as 2500 pantaloon wastepaper baskets.
Sir Airplanut: Don't forget the super soft toilet paper for the executive rest rooms!
King ArtR: Sounds like a plan. Now, what of the Cart Industry reorganization?
Sir Keets: Well Sire it's like this: We close 60% of the cart dealerships putting 20,000 people out of work.
Then, we close 60% of the factories laying off 50,000 employees
Finally we expand the cart factories in China where carts can be made for 10 cents on the dollar.
Next we improve the miles per horsepower by actually giving the carts round wheels instead of the previous
square wheels. Then we tell the peasants that if they should be unable to pay due to a loss of their job, the
company will take the cart back. We offer a new warrantee, good for 5 miles or 50,000 years....which ever comes
first.
King ArtR: So what we are doing is closing down cart production in Coinalot and laying off most of the employees,
salesmen and suppliers and moving production the the Kingdom of China. It doth seem a little harsh on our subjects.
However, a plan is a plan I suppose.
FINAL PART TO TALE
King ArtR : Where is my Marshal Arts Commander?
Captain Bushmaster : Here sire
King Artr: What say we run some poundage of our pudgy knights
with a 30 mile run in full armor. After which we will have 2 hours of
hand to hand combat. 3 weeks of that schedule and we can order new
armor for the knights....that is for the knights that survive..................
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Captain Bushmaster: What of the horses Sir?
King ArtR : sell half to the glue factory and the other half to the pet food
company. That should do nicely. Then order up a new stable of young horses.
CountdeMoney: Thire, what of the Royal Health Plan?
King ArtR: After the peasant has been out sick for 7 days and 7 nights, we sent them
a Hallmark get well card. how thatfor showing we care enough to send the very best and it is
cheap as well.
Well that seems to finish up all the business of the Court, you are all dismissed.
This seems a strange tale indeed. While the Good King ArtR may be confused at times, he
has never seemed so cruel and heartless towards his knights and peasants, what in heavens
name could be happening. Later that night in the Kings bedroom.............................................
King ArtR : (Bolting upright in bed) Oh my ,what a horrible nightmare. I was cruel and heartless
and laughing all the way. Thank goodness it was only a bad dream, for no Kingdom in the entire
world could be so mismanaged as to have all those problems at the same time.
Coinalot is at peace, prosperous and the people and the knights are fit and happy. All is well in
COINALOT. (With that the King falls back to a restfull and well earned sleep. The End
a kingdom called Coinalot. This land was ruled by an addled
brained , though somewhat kindly ruler called King ArtR. Now
it seemed that the land of Coinalot was beset by a financial
crises that was slowly choking the life out of the land and its
people. Thus , there was only one thing for good King ArtR to
do......which was to convene the Royal Court of all the wise men,
and women, knights, functionaries, non functioning entities, as well as
the Royal Dragon Coinasaurus Rex as well as all of the wits, half wits,
nitwits , nincompoops, poppinjays, seers, wizards and horses ass*s
in the Kingdom to arrive at a conclusion and an action plan. A plan that
could be , perhaps slightly deranged, but never the less a plan.
King ArtR :All right my Royal Court, let us hear first hand what ills have befallen
our lands and people. Count deMoney, your report.
Count deMoney: As you direct thire. It would theme, that the financial inthtitution
of the Kingdon are underfunded, mithmanaged, with the management overpaid. thith
hath caused the bankrupthy of our major cart making induthtry composed of Fiord,
General Misenthrop and the Chrithtyl cart companies to lose very large amounts of money.
With all the layoffs, the peasants are near revolting.
Sir Airplanenut : They soitenly are!
Sir Keets: I say wot, there seems to be a problem with the pheasants?
Royal Dragon: No, no Sir Keets he said there was a problem with the presents.
King ArtR : Zounds, am I surrounding with blithering idiots?
Count deMoney : No thire, the blithering Idiots could not make the meeting.
King ArtR: I say, Count, are you trying to vex me?
Count deMoney: Oh no Thire, just trying to explain the thituation. To continue. The
investment Banking houses of Golden Sacks, Merry Finch, ath well the inthurence company
of" Wii, Will, Cheetum and How" WWCH, is unable to cover the bets on sub prime,
sub sub prime as well as fully submerged loans.
King ArtR: Tis a seemingly complex and mind perplexing conundrum we have here. Is there no
one that can clear the muddy waters?
Mad Marty,Royal jestor : In a nut shell Sire, this is the scam. The banks gave mortgages on hovals
in excess of the already bloated and unrealistic values, to people that had no way to repay the loans.
In addition, the banks gave them teaser loans that went up three fold in what is known as flexible rate
mortgages. The banks then sliced and diced the loans into tranches that were labeled A, B and C investments.
The A investment was as loose as a goose, the B investment was ridiculously silly and the C investments made the
Las Vegas crap tables look like a solid investment. All the executives took home billions of dollars in wages, defered
stock, bonuses, as well as 2500 dollar waste paper baskets and supper soft supplies of toilet paper.
Of course, the investment houses gobbled up this worthless paper, but very cleverly took out insurance policies
with WWCH in the event the investment failed. WWCH knew it did not have the money the pay off if the investment
failures but was hungry for the premiums. Thus the entire financial system in on the verge of ruin...............................
Stay tuned for part 2, whenever I am able to get to it. It is now time for the bears nap!
What else is wrong in the kingdom?
Is there a solution?
What is to happen. Stay tuned in for further revelations, that will thrill, chill and amaze.
the very blood in your little bods.
How does the Middle Kingdom play a role?
What of the Land of the Rising Sun?
PART 2
King ArtR : What say you Prinz Michael on the state of our military.
Prinz Michael: Well Sire its the horses.
King ArtR : Well, whats the matter with the horses?
Prinz Michael : The average age of our horses is 22 years sire.
King ArtR : Well, is that old? What military functions are they capable of?
Prinz Michael : It is very old sire. They are capable of eating.
Kimg ArtR: Anything else?
Prinz Michael: Well, there very good at eliminating Sire, but that's about it for the
horses. Then there are the knights sire.
King ArtR : Well what is wrong with my knights?
Prinz Michael: Well sire they are rather plump.
King ArtR : How Plump?
Prinz Michael: Actually Obese your highness. We have had to let their armour out 4 times
and their cod pieces are totally inadequate for their girth sire.
King ArtR: Well, it seems that when it rains in this land, it really pours. Let us hear from our
Minister of Health, Sir Tuberculla Bacillium.
Sir TB : Sire we have a code 5 alert due to an epidemic of Fish Flu.
Link ArtR: Zounds, how is this possible.
Sir TB : well sire, the fish sneeze and cough and pass the flue on to humans. While its not really
too serious at the moment, the death rate is 75% and climbing.
King ArtR: Can you catch this flue from eating fish?
Sir TB: there is no evidence of that at this time sire.
King ArtR : What does that mean Sir TB?
Sir TB: It means Sire......That we haven't a clue. Also we should pass a royal decree that it is unlawful
to kiss a fish or to refrain from washing ones hands after fondling a fish.
King ArtR : You say the peasants fondle fish?
Sir TB : Sire, the peasants need some form of recreation, in between famine, pestilence, war and death.
King ArtR : I hereby decree that hence forth and for the duration of the Fish Flue, their shall be
no kissing and fondling of fish. While bathing remains optional, the washing of the hands after
touching fish shall be mandatory.
King ArtR: Alright, which nincompoop is able to tell me what in tarnation is wrong with our cart industry?
Sir RGCoinGuy: I would be that nincompoop sire. It would seem that the Coinalot Cart Industry is inefficient and
behind the times. They said seat belts in carts were not possible. They said airbags in carts were not possible.
They said that better cart horse efficiency was not possible. They said that better quality for their carts was not possible.
Thus when they asked the peasants to buy their carts, the peasants said.......".It's not possible". The peasants then
purchased carts made by the Toyboy and Hondle companies located in the Land of the rising Sun.
King ArtR: What about the Kingdoms Royal Income? Where is Count deMoney?
Count DeMoney: Here Sire. The problem with the taxes is that they are already 99%.
King ArtR: Well why not 100%?
Count deMoney: well sire, the peasants do have to eat.
King ArtR: Confound it, how are we to reorganize the cart industry, save the banking and investment houses
resolve the matter of foreclosed hovels and update our armed forces, as well as implement Kingdom Health Care
for the peasants?
Stay tuned for part 3 on the Morrow.
You will be tantilized, tintilated and traumatized by the answers .
Perhaps, Sir David Of Hall is part of the Solution
to Coinalot's problems!
PART-3
After a night filled with committees wrestling with the myriad problems
facing the Kingdom of Coinalot, the committees are prepared to make
their various reports to the King and the Royal Court.
King ArtR : Alright my fine feathered friends which committee will be the first
to report on your findings?
Sir Realone : Sire we have a plan to deal with the collapse of the Kingdoms
financial sector..We propose to have Sir David of Hall regrade
the Royal Coin Collection to give MS-70 and PR-7o grades to each coin. We then
use the collection as collateral to back the printing of fresh new money to flood
the system.
King ArtR : That's fine as far as it goes , but it doth not seem adequate to meet
the needs of the problem.
Sir Realone: That is true sire, and we have a further recommendation. We back the
remaining new money with gold that is still in the ground. We know gold is there, we
just do not know exactly where it is.
King ArtR : Let me see If I have a clear understanding of the plan, We back unlimited
minting of new money with gold we do not have and an upward regrading of the Royal
Coin Collection. What do we do if the country buying our debt wants to see the gold.
Sir Realone: Well, we take bricks, paint them with gold pain and fill the Royal Vaults from
floor to ceiling. Then we show the world pictures of a vault filled with gold ingots to back
the Royal Bonds. The gold we don't have then becomes fungible.
King ArtR : By Jove what a scam. will it be believed?
Sir Realone: Sire, If we slap enough lipstick on this pig, the peasants and other Nations will
believe anything. The entire World financial structure is a scam. As long as people believe that
money is real, that is almost as good as the money really being worth something. Thus we sell
the worthless Royal Bonds and use the proceeds of worthless money to mint new Pantaloons.
We then flood the financial market and pay 100 cents on the dollar to all of the investments
made by unscrupulous and devious masters of the financial Universe. Of course we will continue to feed them
billions of pantaloons in wages, bonuses, severence as well as 2500 pantaloon wastepaper baskets.
Sir Airplanut: Don't forget the super soft toilet paper for the executive rest rooms!
King ArtR: Sounds like a plan. Now, what of the Cart Industry reorganization?
Sir Keets: Well Sire it's like this: We close 60% of the cart dealerships putting 20,000 people out of work.
Then, we close 60% of the factories laying off 50,000 employees
Finally we expand the cart factories in China where carts can be made for 10 cents on the dollar.
Next we improve the miles per horsepower by actually giving the carts round wheels instead of the previous
square wheels. Then we tell the peasants that if they should be unable to pay due to a loss of their job, the
company will take the cart back. We offer a new warrantee, good for 5 miles or 50,000 years....which ever comes
first.
King ArtR: So what we are doing is closing down cart production in Coinalot and laying off most of the employees,
salesmen and suppliers and moving production the the Kingdom of China. It doth seem a little harsh on our subjects.
However, a plan is a plan I suppose.
FINAL PART TO TALE
King ArtR : Where is my Marshal Arts Commander?
Captain Bushmaster : Here sire
King Artr: What say we run some poundage of our pudgy knights
with a 30 mile run in full armor. After which we will have 2 hours of
hand to hand combat. 3 weeks of that schedule and we can order new
armor for the knights....that is for the knights that survive..................
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Captain Bushmaster: What of the horses Sir?
King ArtR : sell half to the glue factory and the other half to the pet food
company. That should do nicely. Then order up a new stable of young horses.
CountdeMoney: Thire, what of the Royal Health Plan?
King ArtR: After the peasant has been out sick for 7 days and 7 nights, we sent them
a Hallmark get well card. how thatfor showing we care enough to send the very best and it is
cheap as well.
Well that seems to finish up all the business of the Court, you are all dismissed.
This seems a strange tale indeed. While the Good King ArtR may be confused at times, he
has never seemed so cruel and heartless towards his knights and peasants, what in heavens
name could be happening. Later that night in the Kings bedroom.............................................
King ArtR : (Bolting upright in bed) Oh my ,what a horrible nightmare. I was cruel and heartless
and laughing all the way. Thank goodness it was only a bad dream, for no Kingdom in the entire
world could be so mismanaged as to have all those problems at the same time.
Coinalot is at peace, prosperous and the people and the knights are fit and happy. All is well in
COINALOT. (With that the King falls back to a restfull and well earned sleep. The End
There once was a place called
Camelot
Camelot
0
Comments
Nice Part 1.
I do hope that Part II includes the dastardly deeds of Sir Scamsalot, King ArtR's First Knight and right-hand man, and how his deeds played out in this torrid story of crisis. You see Sir Scamsalot not only had a coin-vault show that participated weekly in the Coinsalot Royal Market Bazaar, but it is rumored that Sir Scamsalot also traded in counterfeit "crowns" from the mysterious Orient. This treacherous scheme had a significant role in the Financial Crisis in the Land of... Coinalot! Oh and not to mention how Scamsalot seduced King ArtR's lovely bride Queen GuilderVere.
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BONGO HURTLES ALONG THE RAIN SODDEN HIGHWAY OF LIFE ON UNDERINFLATED BALD RETREAD TIRES
Camelot
Why cannot we learn from the past?
"Keep your malarkey filter in good operating order" -Walter Breen
Camelot
Camelot
https://acoinshop.com/ —-> https://ebay.us/m/KxolR5
If a top heavy corrupt system without any real foundation can't stand then
simply prop it back up and duct tape it in place.
I think Bear needs a billion dollar parachute.
...even if it's just in case he gets caught up in his own catapault.
that's good....
Camelot
square wheels. Then we tell the peasants that if they should be unable to pay due to a loss of their job, the
company will take the cart back. We offer a new warantee good for 5 miles or 50,000 years....which ever comes
first."
<< <i>Are there any T.A.R.P. funds involved here? >>
No TARP Funds, sorry.
Plenty of CARP funds, though. Strangely enough, CARP Funds look like big old shiney fish scales. As it is rumored that fish scales can tranfer the deadly Fish Flu, be sure to wash often after handling.
Coinalot story. How about you? You seem to have the
talent.
Coinalot is a fantasy land, but it seems that the real world,
is more of a fantasy then the author could ever dream up.
Camelot
<< <i>Full strike, I am looking for someone to write the next
Coinalot story. How about you? You seem to have the
talent.
Coinalot is a fantasy land, but it seems that the real world,
is more of a fantasy then the author could ever dream up. >>
Not even the muses themselves could think up the real world.
https://www.smallcopperguy.com
"Keep your malarkey filter in good operating order" -Walter Breen
<< <i>Could someone direct me to the peasant revolt meetings? I would like to attend!
That's the great thing about kings; there are only a few to hang from the lamp posts.
It's hard work killing all the peasants and who ya' gonna git ta do it?
<< <i>It's hard work killing all the peasants and who ya' gonna git ta do it? >>
That's an easy one.
You stir up hatred amongst one group of peasants against another group, and then give them enough torches and pitchforks so they can eliminate large numbers of each other.
Better yet you conspire with another Kingdom to wage war against each other and let all the noble peasants slaughter themselves into nothingness.
And the absolute best way. Feed your hungry peasants with Fish-Flu infected Fish, and just cry yourself to sleep at night.
Ahhh, those stupid peasants, they exist for easy manipulation. Just like a big flock of sheeple.
We all know how clever you Bears are.. BTW: How are the Salmon spawing Bear?
NO BOOK AT PRESENT IN PRODUCTION.
Camelot
Very good Bear, take a donut from petty cash!!!
<< <i>Recreational and commercial ocean salmon season are closed for 2008. Limited river salmon season was considered by the California Fish and Game Commission at the May meeting, and it was decided to leave open only the Sacramento River from Knight's Landing to the Red Bluff diversion dam from Nov. 1 to Dec. 31. The Klamath River is expected to have a sports fishing salmon season for fall Chinook salmon. There may be other limited exceptions. Please check the regulations booklet. >>
We barely have enough fish this year. It is unbearable to the fishermen.
What, no berries?