So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
A boy name Johnny goes up to his parents room knocks on the door no answer knocks again no answer walks right in and there he sees his mom and dad going at it. Johnny asked his dad what are you doing to his dad? he replied playing poker, Johnny asked well whats mom? dad replies shes my wild card. Johnny goes to school the next day gets all A's and B's goes to his gradparents house, knocks on the door no answer, knocks on it again no answer, so he walks right in and sees his grandma and grandpa going at it. Johnny asked his grandpa what are you doing? Grandpa replies playing polker, well whats grandma, grandpa replies she is my wild card. So johnny goes home, goes up to his room for a few hours, his mom is getting kind of worried about him because its dinner time right about now, so she marches on up the stairs knocks on johnny's door,no answer, knocks again no answer then she just walks right in. And there she sees Johnny just going at it, then she asked johnny what are you doing? Johnny replies playing poker mom playing poker she asked well whats your wild card? Johnny replies I dont need a wild card I have a good hand
A little boy and girl were sitting in a sandbox playing when the boy lets out a fart. The girl starts to giggle and exclaims, "What was that!?" "A fart.", the boy says. "You can do it to, just give it a try." So the little girl hunkers down, she's grunting and groaning, and then it happens. She lets loose with a huge blast that busts out the sides of the sandbox, sends sand flying in the air and the boy 20 feet up against a tree. Groggily the boy shakes it off and goes running back to the girl who is splayed on her back out cold from the explosion. Curiosity gets the best of the lad and he lifts up her dress. "AHA! I KNEW IT! Dual exhaust!"
Prost!
Why step over the dollar to get to the cent? Because it's a 55DDO.
Hey wolfbear--where did you get Axtell's wedding pics from?
Seriously, I haven't laughed that hard in so long. Not trying to jack stown's thread, but that's worth something. PM me your address and a list of favorite teams and I'll send something out to ya.
Next MONTH? So he's saying that if he wins, the best-case scenario is that he'll be paying for it two weeks after the auction ends?
Forget blocking him; find out where he lives and go punch him in the nuts. --WalterSobchak 9/12/12
Looking for Al Hrabosky and any OPC Dave Campbells (the ESPN guy)
I"ll add a few: What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pr*cks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Collect Ozzie Guillen Cards Unique Chicago Cards Wrestling Cards
<< <i>Seriously, I haven't laughed that hard in so long. Not trying to jack stown's thread, but that's worth something. >>
I will admit that he has made a strong case and raised the bar for others.
This picture had me cracking up; mostly because of the dough boy looking out from the oven on the far left.
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
A magician and a talking bird are performing on a cruise ship. During the show, the bird keeps giving away all of the magician's secrets,"Cards up his sleeve""Cards up his sleeve". Finally the magician has had it with the bird. During the next show the magician pulls a gun out and trys to kill the bird. Instead he hits a propane tank and the ship explodes. The only two survivors are the magician and the bird floating on a piece of wood. The bird looks over at the magician and says " Alright, i give up!! Wheres the ship?"
A penguin with car troubles goes to a mechanic. The mechanic says leave the car, and come back in 30 minutes and i'll let you know what I find wrong with it. The penguin leaves and goes for some ice cream to kill the waiting time. Upon his return the mechanic says "you blew a seal" and the penguin wipes his lips and says "no, it's just vanilla ice cream."
A 7 year old kid walks into his parents room right as they are about to have sex. The father, naked and wearing a condom, falls to the ground and hides behind the bed. The little boy walks over and says "Daddy, what are you doing?" The father stands up, still with the condom on, and says "Oh, I was just looking for the cat." The kid says "What are you going to do when you find it, f*** it?"
A guy was out fishing one afternoon. He caught the biggest fish he had ever seen. He exclaimed, " That's the biggest Son of a B#$%^ I've ever seen!!!!!". At that point he heard two people gasp behind him. He turned around to see two nuns starring at him. He then pulled himself together and told the two nuns that that was the name of the fish; a son of a b*&^% fish. Feeling bad for what he said he gave the fish to the two nuns to took it and ran back to the convent. They rushed into the kitchen and were talking about the fish. One of the nuns said, "That is one big son of a b*&^%!" The other said, "This son of a b&^%$ is gonna taste real good." At that moment they heard someone gasp behind them. They turned to see mother superior frowning. They quickly explained what had happend and that it was the name of the fish; a son of a b*&^% fish. She smiled and immediately took in to the priest of the parish. She burst into his office and exclaimed, "Is this not the biggest son of a b*&^% you've ever seen father?!" He then yelled at her for using such language. But, she interupted to explain that it was the name of the fish; a son of a b*&%$ fish. He then smiled and said, "That son of a b*&^% could feed the whole community! It's perfect for tonight's dinner with our guest, the Cardinal." They were all excited. The time came for the fish to be served. The two nuns said, "This son of a b*&^% is so good!" Mother Superior replied, "I agree sisters. This son of a b*&^% is the best son of a b*&^% I've ever had!" The priest then asked the Cardinal, "What do you think of this son of a b*&^% Cardinal?" The Cardinal looked at the fish and then at the people around the table and said, "You mother f*&^%$# are all right!"
A long time ago I worked as a medical transcription editor for one of the major hospitals, every doctor a grad of Harvard, Yale, etc. When I had time I jotted down some of the "best" lines these folks uttered--here is but a small sample. I swear by all that I hold dear that these are actual quotes from these doctors--very funny, so long as you aren't the patient(!).
On examination, just beneath the tailbone area a long, thin crack in the skin is noted.
Rapid twisting of the spine elicits discomfort.
Pulling on his earlobe did not elicit any pain, will try again at next visit.
This 33-year-old patient was delivered by C-section 12 days ago.
He rates his erections as 9/10 to 10/10. His wife rates them as closer to 5/10
He had a relationship with a condom and is now concerned about a possible STD.
The patient did not take the medication for premature ejaculation because of the preference of his wife.
She also feels at times her spleech may be a little slurred.
On physical exam, his penis is unremarkable.
The patient notes that whenever he tries to walk a testicle gets in the way.
The patient has been using Viagra and says. “It is too long to kick in.”
He states he cannot see redness or skin changes to the leg due to being blind.
She has had PMS her whole life.
The patient complains of a spouse with irritation after sexual activity.
The patient has hernia surgery 3-4 times a day.
She was recently violated by our pulmonary department.
<< <i>When I had time I jotted down some of the "best" lines these folks uttered--here is but a small sample. I swear by all that I hold dear that these are actual quotes from these doctors--very funny, so long as you aren't the patient(!). >>
I've seen 2 or 3 comparable emails (including, but not limited to, the intro).. Perhaps not word for word but pretty darn close. If you are the orignial writer of these quotes, I'm honored that you would submit them for my contest.
Welcome Doctor of internet lore
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
If the others you read were similar but not exactly the same, it was probably someone else in that field passing along some of their favorites. But if they were identical they may well have begun with me (the world is smaller than we think). These were ones I heard with mine own ears. As the youngsters say: It's all good
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
It's too close to call, so we are going to have a sudden death between....
But first, runner up
With heritageaddict bringing it on strong at the end but juuuuuuust missed it, sorry.
Honorable mention to the biggest set-up only to have the worst follow-through is Lee. You had a chance with ORANGE but the ball rolled in between your legs
Tie goes to...............
Drum roll please...............
wolfbear and mkg809
wb and mk, give it your best and final shot.
Good luck
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
Already have a reservation for the penthouse/basement.
Feel free to stop on by, take a load off, and have a drink
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
Oh, so sorry.. You had the right answer but it came after your time expired.
Better luck next time
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
Don't worry, wolfbear will not go home empty handed.
Thanks for playing
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
I'm sending something to pandrews as well for his pre-edited post
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
So basically my kid won't be able to go to college, but at least I'll have a set where the three most expensive cards are of a player I despise ~ CDsNuts
Comments
+
=
Johnny goes to school the next day gets all A's and B's goes to his gradparents house, knocks on the door no answer, knocks on it again no answer, so he walks right in and sees his grandma and grandpa going at it. Johnny asked his grandpa what are you doing? Grandpa replies playing polker, well whats grandma, grandpa replies she is my wild card.
So johnny goes home, goes up to his room for a few hours, his mom is getting kind of worried about him because its dinner time right about now, so she marches on up the stairs knocks on johnny's door,no answer, knocks again no answer then she just walks right in. And there she sees Johnny just going at it, then she asked johnny what are you doing? Johnny replies playing poker mom playing poker she asked well whats your wild card? Johnny replies I dont need a wild card I have a good hand
Vintage Rookies
"A fart.", the boy says. "You can do it to, just give it a try." So the little girl hunkers down, she's grunting and groaning, and then it happens.
She lets loose with a huge blast that busts out the sides of the sandbox, sends sand flying in the air and the boy 20 feet up against a tree.
Groggily the boy shakes it off and goes running back to the girl who is splayed on her back out cold from the explosion. Curiosity gets the
best of the lad and he lifts up her dress. "AHA! I KNEW IT! Dual exhaust!"
Why step over the dollar to get to the cent? Because it's a 55DDO.
keep in mind my avatar
<<<<
=-)
John
HOF SIGNED FOOTBALL RCS
Seriously, I haven't laughed that hard in so long. Not trying to jack stown's thread, but that's worth something. PM me your address and a list of favorite teams and I'll send something out to ya.
Forget blocking him; find out where he lives and go punch him in the nuts. --WalterSobchak 9/12/12
Looking for Al Hrabosky and any OPC Dave Campbells (the ESPN guy)
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pr*cks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Unique Chicago Cards
Wrestling Cards
<< <i>Seriously, I haven't laughed that hard in so long. Not trying to jack stown's thread, but that's worth something. >>
I will admit that he has made a strong case and raised the bar for others.
This picture had me cracking up; mostly because of the dough boy looking out from the oven on the far left.
A magician and a talking bird are performing on a cruise ship. During the show, the bird keeps giving away all of the magician's secrets,"Cards up his sleeve""Cards up his sleeve". Finally the magician has had it with the bird. During the next show the magician pulls a gun out and trys to kill the bird. Instead he hits a propane tank and the ship explodes. The only two survivors are the magician and the bird floating on a piece of wood. The bird looks over at the magician and says " Alright, i give up!! Wheres the ship?"
http://sportsfansnews.com/author/andy-fischer/
1994 Pro Line Live
TheDallasCowboyBackfieldProject
The time came for the fish to be served. The two nuns said, "This son of a b*&^% is so good!" Mother Superior replied, "I agree sisters. This son of a b*&^% is the best son of a b*&^% I've ever had!" The priest then asked the Cardinal, "What do you think of this son of a b*&^% Cardinal?" The Cardinal looked at the fish and then at the people around the table and said, "You mother f*&^%$# are all right!"
Bob and Tom
On examination, just beneath the tailbone area a long, thin crack in the skin is noted.
Rapid twisting of the spine elicits discomfort.
Pulling on his earlobe did not elicit any pain, will try again at next visit.
This 33-year-old patient was delivered by C-section 12 days ago.
He rates his erections as 9/10 to 10/10. His wife rates them as closer to 5/10
He had a relationship with a condom and is now concerned about a possible STD.
The patient did not take the medication for premature ejaculation because of the preference of his wife.
She also feels at times her spleech may be a little slurred.
On physical exam, his penis is unremarkable.
The patient notes that whenever he tries to walk a testicle gets in the way.
The patient has been using Viagra and says. “It is too long to kick in.”
He states he cannot see redness or skin changes to the leg due to being blind.
She has had PMS her whole life.
The patient complains of a spouse with irritation after sexual activity.
The patient has hernia surgery 3-4 times a day.
She was recently violated by our pulmonary department.
<< <i>When I had time I jotted down some of the "best" lines these folks uttered--here is but a small sample. I swear by all that I hold dear that these are actual quotes from these doctors--very funny, so long as you aren't the patient(!). >>
I've seen 2 or 3 comparable emails (including, but not limited to, the intro).. Perhaps not word for word but pretty darn close. If you are the orignial writer of these quotes, I'm honored that you would submit them for my contest.
Welcome Doctor of internet lore
How many Packer fans does it take to change a light bulb?
72,928.
One to change the light bulb and the other 72,927 to talk about how great the old one was.
<< <i>and i hear she is single too...
This thread is rapidly deteriorating from attempting to be funny with good clean humor, to now the bizarre, salacious and obscene.
I like that.
<< <i>I like that.
Me too
~Peace~
It's so they don't violate the the terms of their parole for associating with known felons.
Tough call.
My Registry Sets
But first, runner up
With heritageaddict bringing it on strong at the end but juuuuuuust missed it, sorry.
Honorable mention to the biggest set-up only to have the worst follow-through is Lee. You had a chance with ORANGE but the ball rolled in between your legs
Tie goes to...............
Drum roll please...............
wolfbear and mkg809
wb and mk, give it your best and final shot.
Good luck
<< <i>Rigged. I was robbed. See you in hell. >>
Already have a reservation for the penthouse/basement.
Feel free to stop on by, take a load off, and have a drink
BUZZZZZZZZZ
Oh, so sorry.. You had the right answer but it came after your time expired.
Better luck next time
Fred walks into his house with a sheep tucked under his arm.
He carries it upstairs and into the bedroom where his wife is in bed, reading a magazine.
"Honey," says Fred, "this is the pig I've been screwing when you're not available."
"Fred," the wife says, "that's not a pig. That's a sheep."
"Shut up," says Fred. "I wasn't talking to you."
"How about a little fire Scarecrow ?"
We have a winner.
It was edgy...
It was unique (or at least I've never seen it)...
It was bammable
mkg809 is the winner with the picture above
Don't worry, wolfbear will not go home empty handed.
Thanks for playing
Being a life long Packer fan, this is a great prize!!!
<< <i>Rigged. Hell. >>
I'm sending something to pandrews as well for his pre-edited post
BS!
Everyone knows mkg809 is just another one of stown's alternative posting ids.
"How about a little fire Scarecrow ?"
Thanks Stown!!
CHEECH : Knock knock :
CHONG : "Who is it?
CHEECH : "It's me, Dave, Open up, man, I got the stuff."
CHONG : "Dave's not here."
CHEECH : "What the hell? No, man I am Dave, man. I think the cops saw me."
CHONG : "Who is it?
CHEECH : "Dave! D-A-V-E! Will you open up the goddam door!
CHONG : Dave?
CHEECH : Right man. Dave. Now will you open up the door?
CHONG : Dave's not here.
"How about a little fire Scarecrow ?"