The art of getting along with fellow members
ksteelheader
Posts: 11,777 ✭
I have learned much on this forum. Photography, the coins of my calling, and, a lot about human nature.
I always say that "life is merely a series of choices." Lot of truth in that statement. If the choice was good or bad, you learn by it.
There have been times on here when I made a statement that has irritated someone and I have learned through that to try to not make an irritating statement to that person again. Sometimes that means not responding at all. (The old keep your mouth shut trick) Remember people, what floats your boat doesn't float everyone else's!!!
If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all. In the last few days there have been a lot of mouth battles. This is the very time of the year when people are stressed the most.
I'd like to hear other people's ideas on how to get along better on here.......Thanks, Ken
I always say that "life is merely a series of choices." Lot of truth in that statement. If the choice was good or bad, you learn by it.
There have been times on here when I made a statement that has irritated someone and I have learned through that to try to not make an irritating statement to that person again. Sometimes that means not responding at all. (The old keep your mouth shut trick) Remember people, what floats your boat doesn't float everyone else's!!!
If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all. In the last few days there have been a lot of mouth battles. This is the very time of the year when people are stressed the most.
I'd like to hear other people's ideas on how to get along better on here.......Thanks, Ken
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Comments
In two years of being in the forum I've learned that some folks who frequent this part of the ether thrive on conflict - it's like a drug to them - they can't get enough of it. To me the forums are a source of entertainment, leaning, and even companionship and support sometimes. When the battles start I usually try to stay away - there's enough conflict in life and having more of it around me doesn't appeal to me the slightest bit. Get on with things and enjoy the most ouf of life - that's what I like to do. Happy Holidays everyone!
Frank
<< <i>I've learned that some folks who frequent this part of the ether thrive on conflict - it's like a drug to them - they can't get enough of it >>
Frank, I disagree
Ken;
Albeit I'm a newbie here, and really haven't had much dialogue with you, or others for that matter; it appears to me that you're a pretty humble and level headed kinda guy..
"The art of getting along with fellow members!" That's a toughie from my point of view. We're in a forum; wherein, discussion is bound to be "Blown out of proportion" by the OPINIONS of many that aren't initially predicated by FACT, which of course, must be rendered via substantial subjective and objective premise in order to become A FACT; hitherto, the opinion has been rendered based solely on OBJECTIVE premise; henceforth, my preceeding statement equates to only to only one thing.... ARGUEMENT NOT DEBATE. As should be, and precisely why history dictates it, the reason why forums were initiated a gazillion years ago. Arguement causes anger; hence, resentment for brief periods and SOMETIMES extended periods of time; therefore, NOTHING absolutely NOTHING gets accomplished.
Now, try to overlook the pompus bull$hit expressed above, and lead yourself to believe ( as I'm sure you already do) that when all else fails (I was taghut this recently), think as the people that have taught me this 'one liner' think... "We continued to take PERSONAL inventory and when we were WRONG promptly ADMITTED it!" One may find that this profound thought, amidst the moment of argumentation if humbley integrated upon their perdium thinking processes, MAY BE the 'avenue' to the "Art of getting along with fellow members."............
As Frank stated above - some folks just thrive on conflict.
Others thrive on being a martyr.
Others thrive on the anonomity of the internet, although this is by far the most unanonomous internet forum I have ever seen.
Others just like to show off.
Our human nature shows through on this forum, and while you can try to cautious, when you get right down to it - we all are who we are, and over the course of time, it makes its way to the surface.
If there is one idea that takes some of the sting out of differing opinions, it is the simple practice of eliminating the word "you" from your disagreements. Disagree or in some cases, attacking, the position, as opposed to the individual goes a long way towards making for constructive discussion without damaged relationships. On the other hand, for the most part, we're all adults, but since when did that ever stop anyone from getting hurt feelings or having their feathers ruffled?
The other, more simplistic idea, which we all learned a long time ago - "do unto others" probably works pretty well too.
I think your post is well thought out and I admire you for writing it.
It sometimes seems too easy to say things on these forums, that we would not otherwise say, because we are anonymous and invisible, here in cyberspace. I often read a post, and think to myself, "would they have had the guts to say that to the other person's face?".
So I try to write my posts as if I were sitting right in front of the person that I'm talking to. To do otherwise, just seems childish and relates a lack of character.
A blessed Christmas to you and your family,
Jody
Forbid it, Almighty God!
I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!
~PATRICK HENRY~
Good thread.
I think a really big part of interacting with others in this forum is remembering that non-verbal cues are lost. No facial expressions, no voice inflections, no hand/body gestures. The interpretation of your message is soley based on the words chosen and how they are put together. A few words out of place and your message may change. I don't think anyone comes to these boards trying to tick another person off. It happens through misinterpretation of a message most of the time.
Hope everyone has a happy and healthy holiday season,
Jack
with them and some who aren't unless you disagree. Around here , though, much
of the problem is the lack of communication. By this I mean that words by them-
selves can be misleading in the intent and thinking of the author. Also we often
read into these words things which aren't always there. Just as someone might
not use some words in a face to face conversation, I try to look for the best possible
intent of the writer i.e. what would he have meant if this were a face to face conver-
sation. Many of the worst arguments here have been mostly mere misunderstanding.
When there is real disagreement we would do well to remember some of those things
we were taught in kindergarden about "playing nicely with others".
We're all adults here (or at least most of the "kids" act more like it than most), and we
should be able to get along without some of the fighting that occurs.
I really should add that things seem much better in this regard all the time and that
threads like this probably help.
<< <i>Good thread.
I think a really big part of interacting with others in this forum is remembering that non-verbal cues are lost. No facial expressions, no voice inflections, no hand/body gestures. The interpretation of your message is soley based on the words chosen and how they are put together. A few words out of place and your message may change. I don't think anyone comes to these boards trying to tick another person off. It happens through misinterpretation of a message most of the time.
>>
Well that's pretty damn rude beating me to the punch while I'm typing and then saying it better, too.
1. Its not what you say, its how you say it.
2. The art of civilized discourse is near extinction, but the few who keep it alive are worth the struggle.
3. I have learned to agree, to disagree.
4. This is a great forum , despite the few rotten apples.
5. This is the greatest hobby ever.
When all the infromation is presented and your only response is "your mama" its a draw.............
In Laurel
MD
Just a fist full of Dollars
Hey when are the Seasons usual Trolls going to show up ? They are always good for a couple of laughs.
Ken
and it sets us apart from practitioners and consultants. Gregor
i have and will continue to stick my foot in my mouth occasionally but believe me, my intentions are good,
so to those i,ve ruined my reputation with for `trolling their threads with my crass posts` and or otherwise
been alittle insensitive towards, my sincere appologies got out to you.
there must be more than a few of you i know.
Experience the World through Numismatics...it's more than you can imagine.
There's not really much I can philosophically say here to what has already been posted by all of the above, but to say that one can gain much from each of the above post!
I think that I have been fortunate in being able to get along with almost everyone here. And, that is pretty darned good, especially considering the fact that I'm a dealer
I believe it is important to be polite and respectful to others, whether you agree with them or not. Sometimes that's very easy. Other times, it requires a great deal of self restraint and tongue biting. I've admittedly slipped a few times and have made it a point to apologize when I have done so.
It is easy to be misunderstood or to misunderstand others in non face to face conversations. Taking that into account, I try to choose my words carefully and to try to give others the benefit of the doubt, in case I might misconstruing something that they have said. Occasionally, I will ask someone to clarify a comment. And, I will follow-up a post of mine, if it appears that I have been misunderstood.
I try to make informative and interesting posts and to give helpful answers to others' questions. I also attempt to interject some humor from time to time, to keep it fun, here.
I try to be open-minded and to keep in mind that no one, myself included, is always right, no matter how firmly they might think that they are.
I try to keep in mind, that what is important to one person might not be important to another. And, that (within reason) each of us has the right to be here and to try to get what we want from our participation.
Everyone can learn and benefit form this forum and I think it's a great place to do so.
I've been around a while also.All of us have to remember,coin collecting is a passion.
Registry 1909-1958 Proof Lincolns
In Laurel
MD
Just a fist full of Dollars
EVP
How does one get a hater to stop hating?
I can be reached at evillageprowler@gmail.com
"Senorita HepKitty"
"I want a real cool Kitty from Hepcat City, to stay in step with me" - Bill Carter
I appreciate your thoughts and actions. Several months ago there was a heated thread about your hunting photos, and I thought that you handled the situation with grace and class. If nothing else, that should be the standard.
Robert
you're saying and which words are stressed.
I turned on the TV and saw Chevy Chase and sent my friend an SMS (email on your cellphone) that said:
Christmas vacation is on.
He responded back?
Oh, you're taking next week off so you're starting your vacation now?
I had to write again to let him know I was talking about a movie on TV.
Sometimes a few extra words make your meaning a lot clearer.
-Khayse
i must be getting wiser in my old age cause i've missed the "mouth battles" you mentioned. but on the thought that it's hard to get along with some people, it's because y'all suck so bad!!
al h.
The amazing thing to me is how well we DO get along, how eager you folks are to help one another, how you rally 'round when someone really is in trouble or needs anything, big or small.
Like any group of folks, we have our characters, our pleasant folks, our gadflys, our troubled spirits, our rabble-rousers and our peacemakers, our civil folks and our rebels. That being so, this may not be much of a place to "get away from the world." Misunderstandings happen, and cues are difficult to pick up sometimes on line as Cladking and Mark point out. Russ, for example, I'm sure would never intentionally hurt anyone, and Coopercoins, on a better day, would have weathered the recent exchange just fine. And in any event, Coopercoins is doing just fine by himself "taking a break."
In my case, though, I've determined that this is going to be fun for me. And unlike the real world, I can just ignore unpleasantness, flaming and trolls when they show up, reading only stuff I like, secure in the certain knowledge that any such stuff will play it self out and dissipate like a thunderstorm.
We're doing fine, IMO.
And as if I haven't been redundant enough, nice thread, Ken!
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
Sometimes strife and conflict cuts through and clarifies certain situations. While I am not stating there should be personal attacks, it is sometimes necessary to sound off, and yes, maybe even insult someone.
Everyone handles situations in different ways, that's the personality of this place. If everyone were forced to accept a "group" core of values and rules to behavior I for one would be much more bored.
Go look @ NGC's site, it's kinda boring. I would hate for this site to follow in it's footsteps.
JMHO
Michael
Oh, yes, to be pleasant -- great thread Ken!
Seriously, being civil without personal attacks should allow most to convey their point of view. Some people do have a knack of upsetting the apple cart which is their very nature/personality. All we need to do is recognize them and deal with them. Maybe killing them with kindness or a little humor would do the trick. For the most part, I see LOTS of VALUE here---very educated people with VAST amounts of knowledge posting here---AND THANK YOU.
John
My 1866 Philly Mint Set
You'll get no flames from me. Perfectly said.
<< <i>Do we really need to get along? Why can't we be just who we are? >>
Frankly, from my perspective, to do otherwise is dishonest. Zero conflict equals zero growth in any of life's endeavors. Show me somebody who has never created controversy and I'll show you someone who's likely achieved little.
Debate stimulates the mind, gets the creative juices flowing and forces one to think about their views and philosophies. If one is so sensitive, so prone to hurt feelings, that a heated argument damages them emotionally, than I'd suggest that they not participate in that argument.
<< <i>Go look @ NGC's site, it's kinda boring. I would hate for this site to follow in it's footsteps. >>
Boring is an understatement. If PCGS/CU/David Hall didn't "suck" so bad, that forum would be completely dead.
Russ, NCNE
We'll use our hands and hearts and if we must we'll use our heads.
I am pretty good at gettin along with other people, but I usually stay out of the threads that get super heated, or have a lot of name calling, and especially the accusational type.
I respect other people opinions and hope they respect mine. I know its okay to disagree, people see things differently. When someone posts a coin for an opinion, I state my personal opinion. I do this based on what I feel I would grade the coin, etc. and if it hurts the posters feelings knowing he/she made a "questionable" purchase, then I am sorry. He/she asked for an opinion and I expressed it.
I would expect the same from anyone else here when I post something for opinions, I want honest opinions. Its a good way for us forums members to learn from each other. I have learned a great deal from many of the forum members who specialize in certain areas that I am not as familiar with. Hopefully, I have helped others with my comments and input.
jim
<< <i>Why can't we be just who we are? >>
Hey, I haven't agreed with you in a while so it's about time I did. Speaking for myself.... I am me and always act like me. I think many on here are the same, but there are many that just suck up IMO just to be "One of the gang."
Now I know I don't win any popularity contest on this board (Heck I think most folks on here don't care for me at all) and I'm OK with that. I add what I can, when I can, and have tried my best to restrain myself from conflict on here. I don't think I'm in the minority that I also come here to try and relax a bit, and enjoy my hobby.
I think I could get along a lot better if I didn't discuss religion, politics, and money. However, these are the issues that people want to discuss the most beccause they are the issues that affect people the most and the topics that people want answers to the most. I know I sometimes step on some toes, but I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I just hate to sit back and watch it happen to someone else. There is a fine line between trying to give helpful, constructive advice and being an a$$hole, I know. Sometimes you just have to let people make their own mistakes and let them learn the hard way. If I am a bit rough in my posts, I apologize. I have been through a lot in my life, and have learned a lot the hard way. I have started from nothing, built up a fortune, lost it all, and rebuilt it again. I have had to relocate across the country several times. I have been divorced. I was abused in a religious cult. I grew up with an abusive alchoholic parent. I lost a lot of money in a network marketing scam. Because of what I have experienced in life, I almost feel like it is my duty to step in sometimes and intervene to prevent someone from almost certainly making a mistake. If I come across too strong, I apologize. I hope that I can be of assistance to other people in this thread, and give sound advice and point people in the right direction.
Check out a Vanguard Roth IRA.
the personal remarks begin and the baiting of indeviduals , that things begin to get unpleasent.
Most of the regulars will tell you their opinion and will defend that opinion, but will allow others
to hold differing opinions. I guess you can disagree without becoming disagreeable.
Camelot