The boss of world 5 is Clawgrip, a crab that stands atop a platform and chucks boulders at you. This was by far the hardest boss of the game, and one of the hardest bosses in the Super Mario Bros. franchise. I can't count how many times he killed me, I honestly experience PTSD just thinking about him. The difficulty of the Clawgrip boss comes down to fast projectile speed, the presence of a dangerous pit, and tight arena positioning. He chucks boulders at a fast pace. You have to dodge incoming projectiles while simultaneously trying to catch and throw them back. The arena features a pit where uncollected boulders roll off and fall. Trying to run up and grab a bouncing boulder near the edge risks making you fall right in along with it, which happened to me countless times. If you wait for the boulders to slow down after bouncing, Clawgrip is already firing the next one, leaving you very little breathing room to counterattack. He's just a nightmare of a boss and one of the best in the franchise.
The final boss of Super Mario Bros. 2 (1988) is King Wart, he stands on a little platform and shoots a stream of bubbles out of his mouth at you. There's a cheap way to beat him if you're using Luigi or Princess Peach, but if you prefer to do things the hard way like I do, I don't like taking the easy way out of things, and you fight him face to face, he's a bastard to beat. First off all, when you enter his chambers for the showdown, this creepy organ pipe music is playing, the music alone is enough to unnerve you and it really sets the tone for the fight. Wart is hard to beat because of tight timing, awkward positioning, and punishing mechanics. Players must catch a vegetable from the organ pipes, and time a precise throw directly into his mouth. He constantly shoots bubbles from his mouth that destroy any vegetable that touches them, meaning you can only score a hit during a very narrow window. Throwing from the front is difficult because the bubbles block the path. You cannot just land one lucky hit; you must successfully repeat this exact, stressful sequence six times to win. Oh yeah, and reaching him requires surviving World 7-2, which is one of the longest and most hazardous levels in the entire game.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this little guy, you have to get past him before the final fight with King Wart. To reach King Wart's lair in World 7-2 of Super Mario Bros. 2 you must first bypass a giant, flying mechanical head statue known as Mask Gate. You have to enter the mouth of these things after every level you beat throughout the game, but they are attached to a wall and are no threat. Not so at the end of 7-2, the damn thing comes alive and starts chasing you around the room, he's designed to soften you up or outright kill you before the final battle with King Wart, and I could never get to King Wart without getting tagged by him at least once.
Let's look at some of the difficult levels in Super Mario Bros. 2. First of all, each character in the game, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Princess Peach have their own jumping and moving physics, so each experience and degree of difficulty is different in the game depending on which character you play the game with. Princess Peach and Luigi are able to jump and float in the air, you can easily bypass a lot of hazardous obstacles with them by simply jumping over and floating past them, basically cheating your way through the game. Mario and Toad are normal jumpers and you're going to face every obstacle head-on with them, you can't cheat your way past an enemy, the game is most difficult to beat using Mario and Toad, especially Toad, he can't jump worth a crap. Most gamers agree that the game is most overall difficult to beat with Toad. That's the way I like it, I don't like taking the easy way out of anything so I used Toad the entire game. Hey look, people don't climb the North face of the Eiger because it's easy, they climb it because it's hard, nobody would want it if it were easy, it's the same with video games, I want the game to try and murder me at every turn. Now, as far as difficult levels go, the first one that jumps out at me is world 5, level 1, (5-1). It's not only one of the most difficult levels in the game, it's one of the most difficult levels in the entire franchise. The level is basically one big waterfall, that requires precise jumps across moving logs and moving fish called "Trouters." These Trouters are jumping up and down out of the water, four, five in a row, and you have to jump from one fish to the next as they're jumping in and out of the water, if you don't land perfectly on each fish, you instantly fall into the abyss below to your death. If you're using Princess Peach or Luigi, you can float past some of them and cheat your way through it, but if you're using Mario or Toad, it's a nightmare, you must land on each fish perfectly, one after the other. Like I said before, I was using Toad the entire game and this level chewed me up and spit me out. I can't count how many times I missed a fish and was sent packing. This level took my soul.
Another Super Mario Bros. 2 level that jumps out at me is world 3, level 3, (3-3). Man, those two "Pansers" gave me absolute hell. I still have nightmares about them. In Super Mario Bros. 2, "Pansers" are hostile flower plants that continuously spit fire into the air, non-stop. They appear in multiple stages throughout the game and every time you see one, a sense of dread instantly comes over you. There's two ways of getting past them, you can pick up an object and hit them with it, or you can attempt to jump over them, emphasis on the word "attempt" because it usually doesn't work out too well. First off, 3-3 is a crazy level, it's difficult due to its confusing door mazes, endless enemy spawns from pots, and the relentless Mask Guardian (Phanto) chasing you after you grab the key. The stage uses confusing door layouts that force you to guess the right path or risk getting stuck in loops. Enemies keep coming out of jars non-stop, meaning you have no safe spots to rest. Hard vertical sections require precise jumps while dodging active threats with limited health. The place is crawling with "Sparks", the electrified, orb-shaped enemies that crawl all over the platforms. Here is a layout of level 3-3. The level starts at the very bottom on the map and works it's way up to the top and you can see how complicated it is, it's the labyrinth from hell.
There is a particular section of 3-3 that is an absolute nightmare to get past. It's one of the most difficult sections I've ever played in any Mario game. The infamous "Panser" chain room. When you enter the room, it gets ugly in a hurry, from the ground below you can see there are Two Pansers sitting on a platform above you, spitting fire out of their mouth. There's a chain you must climb to get up to them, and the fire is arcing right down and intersecting with the chain. You have to take a hit to get up a chain. There's no way to get up that chain without taking a hit by fire. Oh yeah, and the fire can knock you off the chain, which means you'll have to take another hit just to attempt to climb up again. If you get knocked off the chain the first time, you're pretty much done, because you don't have but so much energy, you can't afford to take many hits. You have to get up that chain the first time. It took me MANY attempts just to get up that chain with enough energy left to have it out with them. Once you get up to them, it turns nasty real fast. There are six chains that are side-by-side and the Pansers are directly underneath them spitting fire up. You have to jump from one chain to the next while simultaneously climbing up them to avoid the fire. If you fall of a chain, your a$$ belongs to them. It took me hours and countless tries to get through the Panser chain room. This is the layout of the Panser room, starting from the bottom photo and going up.
The next difficult level in Super Mario Bros 2 that I want to mention is King Wart's Castle, world 7, level 2, (7-2). You must get through this castle to get to the final boss of the game, King Wart. Of all the castles in the Super Mario Bros. franchise, this is my favorite. It has a really cool look and atmosphere to it. But it's brutally difficult to get through. Wart’s Castle is widely considered one of the most frustrating final levels in retro gaming because it combines a brutal, labyrinth-style layout with a mechanics-heavy final boss fight. Unlike standard Mario games where you run left to right, this level tests your absolute mastery over the game's unique vertical climbing and throwing systems. The exact reasons this castle breaks so many players are as follows. Conveyor Belts: The very first room inside the castle forces you onto high-speed conveyor belts. You have to dodge fast-moving enemies like Sparks, Snifits, and fire-spitting Pansers while being pulled toward deadly hazards. The Intricate Maze Layout: The castle is vertical, massive, and highly non-linear. It features split paths. One path is significantly harder, forcing you to climb endless chains while managing tightly-packed, moving electrical Spark enemies. Limited Health and Resources: Extra lives and health-boosting mushrooms are incredibly scarce in World 7. If you enter the castle with only two or three hearts, there is very little room for error. Furthermore, the original NES game does not feature infinite continues, meaning a Game Over can erase massive chunks of progress. Before you even get to see Wart, you have to survive two separate mini-boss encounters back-to-back: Red Birdo: You have to fight an aggressive Red Birdo who shoots both rapid-fire fireballs and eggs, you have to land on top of the eggs in midair, pick them up, and throw them at Birdo to kill him, and by the way, this fight takes place on a moving conveyor belt which makes it even more difficult. You must steal her key while dodging fire to unlock the final section of the castle. The Living Mask Gate: After beating Birdo, the actual door frame (the Hawk/Mask Gate) comes to life and aggressively flies around the room trying to crush you. You are forced to quickly pick up and hurl limited Mushroom Blocks to hit its fast-moving hitbox three times just to enter the final room. The people who designed this game really throw the kitchen sink at you with this castle. Honest to god, Wart's Castle kicked my a$$ up one side and down the other before I finally got through it.
Man, looking at those photos of Wart's Castle brings back the anxiety all over again, that castle was just littered with Sparks, the electric orb enemies, they're everywhere you turn, blocking your path, crawling all over platforms.
Music break, we haven't had one in a while. Honest to god, this song should be the anthem for those fighting against the abuses and cruelty going on in our country right now with this Nazi wannabe government and it's supporters. This one's for you La Résistance.
This is an awesome image of "Phanto", the famous, floating mask enemy from Super Mario Bros. 2 that relentlessly chases the player across the screen. Phanto sits completely still and harmless near a key until you pick it up. The moment you steal it's key, it springs to life and chases you through doors, screens, and even into Subspace. The only way you can get rid of him is to drop the key, then he'll leave the screen and disappear, but the moment you pick the key up again, he's all over you. You cannot defeat a Phanto, only outrun it until you can get back to the locked door and use the key to go through it.
Just watched Hard Times (1975) starring the legendary Charles Bronson last night, I haven't seen it in years, phenomenal film. It's about a quiet drifter named Chaney who travels to New Orleans during the Great Depression and earns a living by competing in illegal bare-knuckle street fights. He teams up with a fast-talking hustler and gambler named Speed who manages his fights. It really captures the "dangerous" feeling of the underground bare-knuckle fighting lifestyle, and Charles Bronson is brilliant as always. Man, that final fight against the champion from Chicago is brutal. My all-time favorite film critic, the late great Roger Ebert, watched this film and wrote a review for it in October of 1975.
rogerebert.com
Hard Times
93 minutes ‧ 1975
By: Roger Ebert
October 14, 1975
“Hard Times” is a powerful, brutal film containing a definitive Charles Bronson performance. He plays Chaney, a man of few words and no past, who rides the rails to New Orleans for the winter and tries to win some money by fist fighting. It’s in the middle of the Depression. The fights are all-out and bare-knuckle, held in warehouses and open by invitation to men with cash to wager.
Chaney gets into his first fight almost by accident, and wins. That’s how he meets Speed (James Coburn), who will manage him for a piece of the action. And Speed introduces him to Poe (Strother Martin), who is sort of a doctor: “I spent two years in medical school. In the third year, a dark cloud appeared, and I left under it.” He’s hooked on opium, but can patch up a fighter and close his cuts. Chaney wins his first fight, and then (in an exhaustingly well-directed action sequence) goes up against the local champion. He’s a giant nicknamed Skinhead who has the disconcerting habit of grinning all the time he’s pounding his opponents. They fight in a steel-mesh bullpen, and there’s a certain nobility about them. They may seem to be animals, but they’re craftsmen, in a way, and they respect each other; the real animals are the spectators.
Later in the film, another fight is arranged – the Chicago champion has been brought south. Chaney doesn’t want to fight – he has enough money. “I could start something right here and now,” the man from Chicago says menacingly. “I know, but you won’t,” Chaney says. “You wouldn’t work for free.” He’s right, and that’s one of the chilling aspects of the movie’s fight scenes: There’s no dislike between the fighters. They’re in it for money. What this says about the Depression, about hard times in general, is pretty clear, but the movie doesn’t press the point. And that makes it all the more effective. There’s the temptation, with material like this, to fashion parables and give the characters portentous speeches about the meaning of it all. But “Hard Times” never steps back from itself, never lectures us. It’s theme is buried in its material, and it’s a hard-edged action film all the way. The violence will be excessive for some audiences, but it’s honest violence, about the way of earning a living. There’s no sadism or cruelty involved: The fighters are professionals.
As Bronson creates it, the character of Chaney becomes curiously interesting. We know little about Chaney, and learn little, but we see a man with a barrier around himself that he’s willing to lower for people he respects. He has a quiet affection for a part-time hooker (Jill Ireland), and a certain loyalty to Speed that causes him to fight again when Speed gets in trouble. And that’s it. Almost everything else about him is simply implied by the Bronson presence. We could create several possible pasts for the character, but they wouldn’t matter. Bronson simply implies that Chaney has had a past, a difficult one. That’s what makes Bronson so good for roles like this; he seems to exist already as the character, so exposition isn’t necessary. Walter Hill’s screenplay and direction understand that, and the period locations provide the right settings. Chaney comes to town, fights because it’s a living, lives according to his code and expects the others to. And they do. “Hard Times” is a tough, bitter, evocative document.
Ok, back to difficult levels in Super Mario Bros. Next up, Super Mario Bros. 3 (1990). This is one of the greatest video games ever made, I had an absolute blast playing it.
Super Mario Bros. 3 is iconic because it introduced the world map, revolutionary power-ups like the Raccoon suit, Tanooki suit, and Hammer suit, and pushed the NES hardware to its absolute limits with creative level designs. The game replaced linear progression with an overworld map that featured hidden paths, Toad Houses, and bonus minigames you could play to get extra lives and power-ups. The game also gave Mario the ability to fly using the Super Leaf, or transform using the Frog and Tanooki suits. It allowed players to store power-ups on the map screen to use strategically before tough stages. It maximized the 8-bit NES capabilities through advanced graphic chip technology built straight into the cartridges. Interstingly, the game was launched with a legendary promotional campaign, including toys and a prominent feature in the 1989 movie "The Wizard" starring Fred Savage. The game also introduced permanent franchise staples, including Bowser's children and the Koopalings. I actually remember my mom took me to the theater to see "The Wizard" in 1989. Here's a poster for the film and you can see the image of Mario flying in the upper right hand corner.
Cool story, back in 1990, I was in elementary school, and I got straight A's on a report card. My dad picked me up from school and was thrilled when I showed him my report card, he was so thrilled that he decided to take me to my grandmother's house and show my grandmother the report card. When we arrived at her home, she was on the phone and held up her finger to signal to wait a few minutes. When she was done on the phone my dad told her he had a surprise for her, and handed her my report card. As she looked through the grades, her face gradually began to light up. She was so thrilled with what she saw, that she walked over to her purse, reached inside, and brandished a $100 bill and handed it to my dad with instructions to take me to Toys 'R' Us toy store near her home, she said that I could pick out whatever I wanted. When we arrived at the toy store, I looked around for a few minutes at the various items available, GI Joe and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures, basketballs and footballs, and then I spotted it.
Man, World 8, Dark Land in Super Mario Bros. 3 is something else. To be quite frank, it's like entering hell. The design of the place is grim, there's zero sunlight in any of the levels, the landscape is apocalyptic looking and you just feel like you shouldn't be there. There's a section in Dark Land, called the "hand traps", where there are five squares lined up, they resemble oven burners, and as you move past them, a hand slides out and grabs you and pulls you into a level, like it's pulling you into an oven. It's an unnerving atmosphere, an absolute masterpiece of video game designing, and in my opinion it's the coolest world in the entire Super Mario Bros. franchise. Here are the "hand traps."
Since I'm on the subject of World 8, Dark Land, I guess I'll start with it. Dark Land has some of the most difficult levels in the Super Mario Bros. franchise, absolutely brutal, and you would expect nothing less from the final World of the game. Dark Land is deliberately designed as a full-scale military stronghold and war zone. Unlike the previous seven worlds, which focus on distinct environmental themes like deserts, giants, or ice, Dark Land serves as the Koopa Troop's main base of operations and Bowser's heavily fortified kingdom. Instead of standard platforming levels, the initial stages require you to breach Bowser's literal army, navy, and air force. You fight through columns of moving Big Tanks, navigate a fleet of armed Battleships, and infiltrate an airborne armada of Airships. The stages are completely saturated with military hardware. Mario must constantly dodge bullet bills, cannonballs, flamethrowers, lasers, and bob-ombs fired from mechanized artillery structures. The World 8 map is a barren wasteland devoid of sunlight, choked by volcanic smoke, and filled with lava pits, skulls, and fire. The map music heavily mimics "Mars, the Bringer of War" from Gustav Holst's orchestral suite, The Planets, providing an ominous, martial tone. There are no peaceful landmarks in Dark Land. Toad Houses, Spade Panels, and wandering Hammer Bros. are completely absent, signifying a closed-off, highly secure military zone. Parts of the world plunge the screen into near total darkness, with only a spotlight shining on Mario, it's real creepy stuff. Right off the bat, the levels start in with the auto-scrolling nightmare. Auto-scrolling is a level design feature where the game screen moves forward on its own at a set speed, the screen forces you to move forward. Players must keep pace with the moving screen, avoiding obstacles or enemies, because falling behind causes Mario to get trapped off-screen, crushed, and lose a life, it can also force you right smack into the enemies and the obstacles you're trying to avoid. These levels have no safe ground to stand on, you're dealing with so much incoming fire that you barely have time to think.
The first level I want to mention in World 8, Dark Land, is the infamous Airship level. This level is absolute chaos in it's purest form. It's brutally difficult due to its fast auto-scrolling pace, relentless projectile spam from cannons, and the presence of tricky Rocky Wrenches, little enemies that pop up out of holes and chuck wrenches at you. The screen moves significantly quicker than previous auto-scrolling levels, leaving very little time to react to gaps or incoming hazards. Rocky Wrenches constantly hurl wrenches that stay active and track your movements across platforms if you do not defeat the enemies immediately. The layout forces precise, leap-of-faith platforming while under heavy fire from hidden cannons and rocket engines. The combination of speed and cramped space makes it easy to get pinched or scroll right off the edge of the screen. I can't count how many times I was killed trying to get through this nightmare of a level. Look at these photos of the level, Mario is actually facing the opposite direction of the way he's supposed to be going, because the level forces you to make ridiculous jumps that turn you backwards.
Next I want to talk about the section of Dark Land with level 8-1, level 8-2, and the Fortress. First of all, this whole section of the map is covered in complete darkness, with only a spotlight shining on Mario. They want you to feel blind, isolated, and hopeless as you enter some of the most difficult levels in Super Mario Bros. history.
Level 8-1 in the darkness section gave me fits, and it's because of this one jump. You have to jump from the platform over a large gap and make it to the top of a pipe. There's a thing you have to do to make the jump but I'm not going to give it away, just in case there are any future gamers out there who might want to give these games a try. But this one jump killed me countless times before I finally figured it out and got it done.
If the jump in 8-1 isn't bad enough, they throw one at you in 8-2 that's twice as hard, I literally threw away a whole Saturday trying to get over this gap. The obstacle is a very large gap with bouncy blocks over it, you have to jump from one block to the other, the physics are a nightmare because when you land on a block they make you bounce up and you have to try to come back down and land on the next block perfectly without being bounced off into the abyss below. What makes it even worse is the "Angry Sun" trying to hit you the entire time. So you have to juggle multiple things all at once, trying to land perfectly on the next block while dodging the "Angry Sun." By the way, the "Angry Sun" is a legendary Mario enemy, he first makes an appearance in World 2 and returns in 8-2, he chases you through entire levels and tries to hurt Mario by waiting in the sky and then swooping down in a fast U-shaped dive to crash into him.
The third level in the darkness section of World 8 is the Fortress, and this level slaughtered me before I finally made it through. Oh god, I'm having flashbacks just thinking about it. You have to play fortress levels in every world, and this one is the longest Fortress level in the game. It's a nightmare maze of hidden doors and passages, you have to figure out the correct sequence of doors and the right path to get through it. The second section of the level is particularly brutal, the lava room. The whole section is made up of conveyor belts suspended over lava with fireballs shooting up out of the lava. God, you're sitting here trying to move forward and the conveyor belt is trying to push you backwards. You have to jump over lava pits with fireballs shooting up, while simultaneously being pushed backwards on the conveyor belt. It's a nightmare. On top of that, the section is filled with doors and if you go through the wrong door it sends you off on a goose chase and you have to play the section all over again. You're on the clock the entire time and if you go through the wrong door and have to continuously repeat the section, your time can expire rather quickly, killing Mario in the process. This is a map of the World 8 fortress, it starts at the top, the second section is the lava room I'm talking about.
This section of the lava room was absolute murder. It's no easy task jumping off of a moving conveyor belt over a lava pit with a fireball shooting up and landing on another moving conveyor belt without getting shot off into the lava, the physics of this level are the stuff of nightmares. And look at that final jump, you have to jump from a moving conveyor belt over a lava pit, up, and onto an elevated platform. It makes me cringe just looking at it.
After you conquer the World 8 fortress, it's on to confront the final boss, Bowser, in his castle. The minute you enter this section of the map you get nervous. It looks sinister, the first thing that catches your eye are four large mushrooms on the screen, they look really out of place and creepy. Then you notice the tank sitting in front of a locked gate. Then you notice the castle itself off in the distance, it looks intimidating as hell, like it's alive and it's ready to eat you.
Before you can get to Bowser's castle, you must first get through that tank level, they want to put you through one more test before the showdown with the final boss. The tank level is another auto-scrolling nightmare, and it's littered with artillery being fired at you, cannonballs, Bob-ombs and Rocky Wrenches, they throw the kitchen sink at you.
Inside Bowser's castle, they waste no time trying to take you out. The first thing you encounter are three stone statues of Bowser, I found out the hard way that each one fires a Laser beam out of it's mouth when you get close to it.
The next section of Bowser's castle is the big lava pit. This thing is a bastard to cross. The lava pit section is notoriously difficult to cross because it combines collapsing Donut Lift platforms with fireballs shooting up out of the lava. The blocks you must jump across do not stay solid. If Mario stands on a Donut Lift for more than a fraction of a second, it begins to shake and drops straight into the lava. You are forced to constantly jump and maintain forward momentum without pausing to plan your next move. The gaps between the sinking blocks require precise momentum. Sinking even slightly on a Donut Lift alters your jump height, causing you to miss the next platform or fall short into the lava. I fell into this thing numerous times before finally making it across. Once you do make it across, it leads you to four different floors with doors on each floor, you have to find the right floor and door, if you make the wrong choice, you get zapped off on a wild goose chase in another part of the castle and have to start all over again.
Once you choose the right door, Bowser is waiting in the chamber ahead, but his AI triggers early. He continuously breathes slow, horizontal fireballs that travel across the screen while you are mid-jump. Because they move slowly, they linger as active obstacles, making them incredibly difficult to time and dodge. Making matters worse, you have to dodge his fireballs while simultaneously crossing a lava pit, the platforms don't offer much comfort, they're small and the slightest miscalculation sends Mario into the lava and back to the beginning of the castle to do it all over again. I took the plunge quite a few times trying to make it to Bowser.
Once you get to Bowser's lair, it's time for the showdown with the final boss of Super Mario Bros. 3, Bowser himself. By this point in the game, you've been through so much that you're mentally, emotionally, and physically spent. I'll never forget entering his lair for the first time. The first thing they do is start playing this music that is absolutely unnerving, the music is playing for the entire length of the fight. The musical composer for the game, Koji Kondo, purposely made the music to try and induce panic in the player, and he more than accomplished his goal, it keeps you on edge the entire time. Bowser himself is intimidating, he looks like he's filled with rage and you can almost hear him saying, "how dare you make it this far." As for the battle itself, I'll let you future gamers enjoy that moment.
Next, I want to mention World 7, Pipeland. Sigh. At one point, I had 99 lives while in Pipeland. By the time I left Pipeland, I had 7 lives left. As a gamer, this place will scar you for life.
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The boss of world 5 is Clawgrip, a crab that stands atop a platform and chucks boulders at you. This was by far the hardest boss of the game, and one of the hardest bosses in the Super Mario Bros. franchise. I can't count how many times he killed me, I honestly experience PTSD just thinking about him. The difficulty of the Clawgrip boss comes down to fast projectile speed, the presence of a dangerous pit, and tight arena positioning. He chucks boulders at a fast pace. You have to dodge incoming projectiles while simultaneously trying to catch and throw them back. The arena features a pit where uncollected boulders roll off and fall. Trying to run up and grab a bouncing boulder near the edge risks making you fall right in along with it, which happened to me countless times. If you wait for the boulders to slow down after bouncing, Clawgrip is already firing the next one, leaving you very little breathing room to counterattack. He's just a nightmare of a boss and one of the best in the franchise.
The final boss of Super Mario Bros. 2 (1988) is King Wart, he stands on a little platform and shoots a stream of bubbles out of his mouth at you. There's a cheap way to beat him if you're using Luigi or Princess Peach, but if you prefer to do things the hard way like I do, I don't like taking the easy way out of things, and you fight him face to face, he's a bastard to beat. First off all, when you enter his chambers for the showdown, this creepy organ pipe music is playing, the music alone is enough to unnerve you and it really sets the tone for the fight. Wart is hard to beat because of tight timing, awkward positioning, and punishing mechanics. Players must catch a vegetable from the organ pipes, and time a precise throw directly into his mouth. He constantly shoots bubbles from his mouth that destroy any vegetable that touches them, meaning you can only score a hit during a very narrow window. Throwing from the front is difficult because the bubbles block the path. You cannot just land one lucky hit; you must successfully repeat this exact, stressful sequence six times to win. Oh yeah, and reaching him requires surviving World 7-2, which is one of the longest and most hazardous levels in the entire game.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this little guy, you have to get past him before the final fight with King Wart. To reach King Wart's lair in World 7-2 of Super Mario Bros. 2 you must first bypass a giant, flying mechanical head statue known as Mask Gate. You have to enter the mouth of these things after every level you beat throughout the game, but they are attached to a wall and are no threat. Not so at the end of 7-2, the damn thing comes alive and starts chasing you around the room, he's designed to soften you up or outright kill you before the final battle with King Wart, and I could never get to King Wart without getting tagged by him at least once.
Let's look at some of the difficult levels in Super Mario Bros. 2. First of all, each character in the game, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Princess Peach have their own jumping and moving physics, so each experience and degree of difficulty is different in the game depending on which character you play the game with. Princess Peach and Luigi are able to jump and float in the air, you can easily bypass a lot of hazardous obstacles with them by simply jumping over and floating past them, basically cheating your way through the game. Mario and Toad are normal jumpers and you're going to face every obstacle head-on with them, you can't cheat your way past an enemy, the game is most difficult to beat using Mario and Toad, especially Toad, he can't jump worth a crap. Most gamers agree that the game is most overall difficult to beat with Toad. That's the way I like it, I don't like taking the easy way out of anything so I used Toad the entire game. Hey look, people don't climb the North face of the Eiger because it's easy, they climb it because it's hard, nobody would want it if it were easy, it's the same with video games, I want the game to try and murder me at every turn. Now, as far as difficult levels go, the first one that jumps out at me is world 5, level 1, (5-1). It's not only one of the most difficult levels in the game, it's one of the most difficult levels in the entire franchise. The level is basically one big waterfall, that requires precise jumps across moving logs and moving fish called "Trouters." These Trouters are jumping up and down out of the water, four, five in a row, and you have to jump from one fish to the next as they're jumping in and out of the water, if you don't land perfectly on each fish, you instantly fall into the abyss below to your death. If you're using Princess Peach or Luigi, you can float past some of them and cheat your way through it, but if you're using Mario or Toad, it's a nightmare, you must land on each fish perfectly, one after the other. Like I said before, I was using Toad the entire game and this level chewed me up and spit me out. I can't count how many times I missed a fish and was sent packing. This level took my soul.
Another Super Mario Bros. 2 level that jumps out at me is world 3, level 3, (3-3). Man, those two "Pansers" gave me absolute hell. I still have nightmares about them. In Super Mario Bros. 2, "Pansers" are hostile flower plants that continuously spit fire into the air, non-stop. They appear in multiple stages throughout the game and every time you see one, a sense of dread instantly comes over you. There's two ways of getting past them, you can pick up an object and hit them with it, or you can attempt to jump over them, emphasis on the word "attempt" because it usually doesn't work out too well. First off, 3-3 is a crazy level, it's difficult due to its confusing door mazes, endless enemy spawns from pots, and the relentless Mask Guardian (Phanto) chasing you after you grab the key. The stage uses confusing door layouts that force you to guess the right path or risk getting stuck in loops. Enemies keep coming out of jars non-stop, meaning you have no safe spots to rest. Hard vertical sections require precise jumps while dodging active threats with limited health. The place is crawling with "Sparks", the electrified, orb-shaped enemies that crawl all over the platforms. Here is a layout of level 3-3. The level starts at the very bottom on the map and works it's way up to the top and you can see how complicated it is, it's the labyrinth from hell.
There is a particular section of 3-3 that is an absolute nightmare to get past. It's one of the most difficult sections I've ever played in any Mario game. The infamous "Panser" chain room. When you enter the room, it gets ugly in a hurry, from the ground below you can see there are Two Pansers sitting on a platform above you, spitting fire out of their mouth. There's a chain you must climb to get up to them, and the fire is arcing right down and intersecting with the chain. You have to take a hit to get up a chain. There's no way to get up that chain without taking a hit by fire. Oh yeah, and the fire can knock you off the chain, which means you'll have to take another hit just to attempt to climb up again. If you get knocked off the chain the first time, you're pretty much done, because you don't have but so much energy, you can't afford to take many hits. You have to get up that chain the first time. It took me MANY attempts just to get up that chain with enough energy left to have it out with them. Once you get up to them, it turns nasty real fast. There are six chains that are side-by-side and the Pansers are directly underneath them spitting fire up. You have to jump from one chain to the next while simultaneously climbing up them to avoid the fire. If you fall of a chain, your a$$ belongs to them. It took me hours and countless tries to get through the Panser chain room. This is the layout of the Panser room, starting from the bottom photo and going up.
The next difficult level in Super Mario Bros 2 that I want to mention is King Wart's Castle, world 7, level 2, (7-2). You must get through this castle to get to the final boss of the game, King Wart. Of all the castles in the Super Mario Bros. franchise, this is my favorite. It has a really cool look and atmosphere to it. But it's brutally difficult to get through. Wart’s Castle is widely considered one of the most frustrating final levels in retro gaming because it combines a brutal, labyrinth-style layout with a mechanics-heavy final boss fight. Unlike standard Mario games where you run left to right, this level tests your absolute mastery over the game's unique vertical climbing and throwing systems. The exact reasons this castle breaks so many players are as follows. Conveyor Belts: The very first room inside the castle forces you onto high-speed conveyor belts. You have to dodge fast-moving enemies like Sparks, Snifits, and fire-spitting Pansers while being pulled toward deadly hazards. The Intricate Maze Layout: The castle is vertical, massive, and highly non-linear. It features split paths. One path is significantly harder, forcing you to climb endless chains while managing tightly-packed, moving electrical Spark enemies. Limited Health and Resources: Extra lives and health-boosting mushrooms are incredibly scarce in World 7. If you enter the castle with only two or three hearts, there is very little room for error. Furthermore, the original NES game does not feature infinite continues, meaning a Game Over can erase massive chunks of progress. Before you even get to see Wart, you have to survive two separate mini-boss encounters back-to-back: Red Birdo: You have to fight an aggressive Red Birdo who shoots both rapid-fire fireballs and eggs, you have to land on top of the eggs in midair, pick them up, and throw them at Birdo to kill him, and by the way, this fight takes place on a moving conveyor belt which makes it even more difficult. You must steal her key while dodging fire to unlock the final section of the castle. The Living Mask Gate: After beating Birdo, the actual door frame (the Hawk/Mask Gate) comes to life and aggressively flies around the room trying to crush you. You are forced to quickly pick up and hurl limited Mushroom Blocks to hit its fast-moving hitbox three times just to enter the final room. The people who designed this game really throw the kitchen sink at you with this castle. Honest to god, Wart's Castle kicked my a$$ up one side and down the other before I finally got through it.
Man, looking at those photos of Wart's Castle brings back the anxiety all over again, that castle was just littered with Sparks, the electric orb enemies, they're everywhere you turn, blocking your path, crawling all over platforms.
Music break, we haven't had one in a while. Honest to god, this song should be the anthem for those fighting against the abuses and cruelty going on in our country right now with this Nazi wannabe government and it's supporters. This one's for you La Résistance.
This is an awesome image of "Phanto", the famous, floating mask enemy from Super Mario Bros. 2 that relentlessly chases the player across the screen. Phanto sits completely still and harmless near a key until you pick it up. The moment you steal it's key, it springs to life and chases you through doors, screens, and even into Subspace. The only way you can get rid of him is to drop the key, then he'll leave the screen and disappear, but the moment you pick the key up again, he's all over you. You cannot defeat a Phanto, only outrun it until you can get back to the locked door and use the key to go through it.
I guess that's about it for Super Mario Bros. 2 (1988), one of the funnest games I've ever played, great game, legendary game.
Just watched Hard Times (1975) starring the legendary Charles Bronson last night, I haven't seen it in years, phenomenal film. It's about a quiet drifter named Chaney who travels to New Orleans during the Great Depression and earns a living by competing in illegal bare-knuckle street fights. He teams up with a fast-talking hustler and gambler named Speed who manages his fights. It really captures the "dangerous" feeling of the underground bare-knuckle fighting lifestyle, and Charles Bronson is brilliant as always. Man, that final fight against the champion from Chicago is brutal. My all-time favorite film critic, the late great Roger Ebert, watched this film and wrote a review for it in October of 1975.
rogerebert.com
Hard Times
93 minutes ‧ 1975
By: Roger Ebert
October 14, 1975
“Hard Times” is a powerful, brutal film containing a definitive Charles Bronson performance. He plays Chaney, a man of few words and no past, who rides the rails to New Orleans for the winter and tries to win some money by fist fighting. It’s in the middle of the Depression. The fights are all-out and bare-knuckle, held in warehouses and open by invitation to men with cash to wager.
Chaney gets into his first fight almost by accident, and wins. That’s how he meets Speed (James Coburn), who will manage him for a piece of the action. And Speed introduces him to Poe (Strother Martin), who is sort of a doctor: “I spent two years in medical school. In the third year, a dark cloud appeared, and I left under it.” He’s hooked on opium, but can patch up a fighter and close his cuts. Chaney wins his first fight, and then (in an exhaustingly well-directed action sequence) goes up against the local champion. He’s a giant nicknamed Skinhead who has the disconcerting habit of grinning all the time he’s pounding his opponents. They fight in a steel-mesh bullpen, and there’s a certain nobility about them. They may seem to be animals, but they’re craftsmen, in a way, and they respect each other; the real animals are the spectators.
Later in the film, another fight is arranged – the Chicago champion has been brought south. Chaney doesn’t want to fight – he has enough money. “I could start something right here and now,” the man from Chicago says menacingly. “I know, but you won’t,” Chaney says. “You wouldn’t work for free.” He’s right, and that’s one of the chilling aspects of the movie’s fight scenes: There’s no dislike between the fighters. They’re in it for money. What this says about the Depression, about hard times in general, is pretty clear, but the movie doesn’t press the point. And that makes it all the more effective. There’s the temptation, with material like this, to fashion parables and give the characters portentous speeches about the meaning of it all. But “Hard Times” never steps back from itself, never lectures us. It’s theme is buried in its material, and it’s a hard-edged action film all the way. The violence will be excessive for some audiences, but it’s honest violence, about the way of earning a living. There’s no sadism or cruelty involved: The fighters are professionals.
As Bronson creates it, the character of Chaney becomes curiously interesting. We know little about Chaney, and learn little, but we see a man with a barrier around himself that he’s willing to lower for people he respects. He has a quiet affection for a part-time hooker (Jill Ireland), and a certain loyalty to Speed that causes him to fight again when Speed gets in trouble. And that’s it. Almost everything else about him is simply implied by the Bronson presence. We could create several possible pasts for the character, but they wouldn’t matter. Bronson simply implies that Chaney has had a past, a difficult one. That’s what makes Bronson so good for roles like this; he seems to exist already as the character, so exposition isn’t necessary. Walter Hill’s screenplay and direction understand that, and the period locations provide the right settings. Chaney comes to town, fights because it’s a living, lives according to his code and expects the others to. And they do. “Hard Times” is a tough, bitter, evocative document.
Another cool poster for Hard Times.
Ok, back to difficult levels in Super Mario Bros. Next up, Super Mario Bros. 3 (1990). This is one of the greatest video games ever made, I had an absolute blast playing it.
Super Mario Bros. 3 is iconic because it introduced the world map, revolutionary power-ups like the Raccoon suit, Tanooki suit, and Hammer suit, and pushed the NES hardware to its absolute limits with creative level designs. The game replaced linear progression with an overworld map that featured hidden paths, Toad Houses, and bonus minigames you could play to get extra lives and power-ups. The game also gave Mario the ability to fly using the Super Leaf, or transform using the Frog and Tanooki suits. It allowed players to store power-ups on the map screen to use strategically before tough stages. It maximized the 8-bit NES capabilities through advanced graphic chip technology built straight into the cartridges. Interstingly, the game was launched with a legendary promotional campaign, including toys and a prominent feature in the 1989 movie "The Wizard" starring Fred Savage. The game also introduced permanent franchise staples, including Bowser's children and the Koopalings. I actually remember my mom took me to the theater to see "The Wizard" in 1989. Here's a poster for the film and you can see the image of Mario flying in the upper right hand corner.
Cool story, back in 1990, I was in elementary school, and I got straight A's on a report card. My dad picked me up from school and was thrilled when I showed him my report card, he was so thrilled that he decided to take me to my grandmother's house and show my grandmother the report card. When we arrived at her home, she was on the phone and held up her finger to signal to wait a few minutes. When she was done on the phone my dad told her he had a surprise for her, and handed her my report card. As she looked through the grades, her face gradually began to light up. She was so thrilled with what she saw, that she walked over to her purse, reached inside, and brandished a $100 bill and handed it to my dad with instructions to take me to Toys 'R' Us toy store near her home, she said that I could pick out whatever I wanted. When we arrived at the toy store, I looked around for a few minutes at the various items available, GI Joe and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures, basketballs and footballs, and then I spotted it.
There are eight worlds in Super Mario Bros. 3 and they are as follows:
World 1: Grass land
World 2: Desert land
World 3: Water land
World 4: Giant land
World 5: Sky land
World 6: Ice land
World 7: Pipe land
World 8: Dark land
Man, World 8, Dark Land in Super Mario Bros. 3 is something else. To be quite frank, it's like entering hell. The design of the place is grim, there's zero sunlight in any of the levels, the landscape is apocalyptic looking and you just feel like you shouldn't be there. There's a section in Dark Land, called the "hand traps", where there are five squares lined up, they resemble oven burners, and as you move past them, a hand slides out and grabs you and pulls you into a level, like it's pulling you into an oven. It's an unnerving atmosphere, an absolute masterpiece of video game designing, and in my opinion it's the coolest world in the entire Super Mario Bros. franchise. Here are the "hand traps."
Since I'm on the subject of World 8, Dark Land, I guess I'll start with it. Dark Land has some of the most difficult levels in the Super Mario Bros. franchise, absolutely brutal, and you would expect nothing less from the final World of the game. Dark Land is deliberately designed as a full-scale military stronghold and war zone. Unlike the previous seven worlds, which focus on distinct environmental themes like deserts, giants, or ice, Dark Land serves as the Koopa Troop's main base of operations and Bowser's heavily fortified kingdom. Instead of standard platforming levels, the initial stages require you to breach Bowser's literal army, navy, and air force. You fight through columns of moving Big Tanks, navigate a fleet of armed Battleships, and infiltrate an airborne armada of Airships. The stages are completely saturated with military hardware. Mario must constantly dodge bullet bills, cannonballs, flamethrowers, lasers, and bob-ombs fired from mechanized artillery structures. The World 8 map is a barren wasteland devoid of sunlight, choked by volcanic smoke, and filled with lava pits, skulls, and fire. The map music heavily mimics "Mars, the Bringer of War" from Gustav Holst's orchestral suite, The Planets, providing an ominous, martial tone. There are no peaceful landmarks in Dark Land. Toad Houses, Spade Panels, and wandering Hammer Bros. are completely absent, signifying a closed-off, highly secure military zone. Parts of the world plunge the screen into near total darkness, with only a spotlight shining on Mario, it's real creepy stuff. Right off the bat, the levels start in with the auto-scrolling nightmare. Auto-scrolling is a level design feature where the game screen moves forward on its own at a set speed, the screen forces you to move forward. Players must keep pace with the moving screen, avoiding obstacles or enemies, because falling behind causes Mario to get trapped off-screen, crushed, and lose a life, it can also force you right smack into the enemies and the obstacles you're trying to avoid. These levels have no safe ground to stand on, you're dealing with so much incoming fire that you barely have time to think.
The first level I want to mention in World 8, Dark Land, is the infamous Airship level. This level is absolute chaos in it's purest form. It's brutally difficult due to its fast auto-scrolling pace, relentless projectile spam from cannons, and the presence of tricky Rocky Wrenches, little enemies that pop up out of holes and chuck wrenches at you. The screen moves significantly quicker than previous auto-scrolling levels, leaving very little time to react to gaps or incoming hazards. Rocky Wrenches constantly hurl wrenches that stay active and track your movements across platforms if you do not defeat the enemies immediately. The layout forces precise, leap-of-faith platforming while under heavy fire from hidden cannons and rocket engines. The combination of speed and cramped space makes it easy to get pinched or scroll right off the edge of the screen. I can't count how many times I was killed trying to get through this nightmare of a level. Look at these photos of the level, Mario is actually facing the opposite direction of the way he's supposed to be going, because the level forces you to make ridiculous jumps that turn you backwards.
Next I want to talk about the section of Dark Land with level 8-1, level 8-2, and the Fortress. First of all, this whole section of the map is covered in complete darkness, with only a spotlight shining on Mario. They want you to feel blind, isolated, and hopeless as you enter some of the most difficult levels in Super Mario Bros. history.
Level 8-1 in the darkness section gave me fits, and it's because of this one jump. You have to jump from the platform over a large gap and make it to the top of a pipe. There's a thing you have to do to make the jump but I'm not going to give it away, just in case there are any future gamers out there who might want to give these games a try.
But this one jump killed me countless times before I finally figured it out and got it done.
If the jump in 8-1 isn't bad enough, they throw one at you in 8-2 that's twice as hard, I literally threw away a whole Saturday trying to get over this gap. The obstacle is a very large gap with bouncy blocks over it, you have to jump from one block to the other, the physics are a nightmare because when you land on a block they make you bounce up and you have to try to come back down and land on the next block perfectly without being bounced off into the abyss below. What makes it even worse is the "Angry Sun" trying to hit you the entire time. So you have to juggle multiple things all at once, trying to land perfectly on the next block while dodging the "Angry Sun." By the way, the "Angry Sun" is a legendary Mario enemy, he first makes an appearance in World 2 and returns in 8-2, he chases you through entire levels and tries to hurt Mario by waiting in the sky and then swooping down in a fast U-shaped dive to crash into him.
The third level in the darkness section of World 8 is the Fortress, and this level slaughtered me before I finally made it through. Oh god, I'm having flashbacks just thinking about it. You have to play fortress levels in every world, and this one is the longest Fortress level in the game. It's a nightmare maze of hidden doors and passages, you have to figure out the correct sequence of doors and the right path to get through it. The second section of the level is particularly brutal, the lava room. The whole section is made up of conveyor belts suspended over lava with fireballs shooting up out of the lava. God, you're sitting here trying to move forward and the conveyor belt is trying to push you backwards. You have to jump over lava pits with fireballs shooting up, while simultaneously being pushed backwards on the conveyor belt. It's a nightmare. On top of that, the section is filled with doors and if you go through the wrong door it sends you off on a goose chase and you have to play the section all over again. You're on the clock the entire time and if you go through the wrong door and have to continuously repeat the section, your time can expire rather quickly, killing Mario in the process. This is a map of the World 8 fortress, it starts at the top, the second section is the lava room I'm talking about.
This section of the lava room was absolute murder. It's no easy task jumping off of a moving conveyor belt over a lava pit with a fireball shooting up and landing on another moving conveyor belt without getting shot off into the lava, the physics of this level are the stuff of nightmares. And look at that final jump, you have to jump from a moving conveyor belt over a lava pit, up, and onto an elevated platform. It makes me cringe just looking at it.
After you conquer the World 8 fortress, it's on to confront the final boss, Bowser, in his castle. The minute you enter this section of the map you get nervous. It looks sinister, the first thing that catches your eye are four large mushrooms on the screen, they look really out of place and creepy. Then you notice the tank sitting in front of a locked gate. Then you notice the castle itself off in the distance, it looks intimidating as hell, like it's alive and it's ready to eat you.
Before you can get to Bowser's castle, you must first get through that tank level, they want to put you through one more test before the showdown with the final boss. The tank level is another auto-scrolling nightmare, and it's littered with artillery being fired at you, cannonballs, Bob-ombs and Rocky Wrenches, they throw the kitchen sink at you.
Once you get through the tank level, the gate unlocks and you're at the front door of Bowser's castle.
Inside Bowser's castle, they waste no time trying to take you out. The first thing you encounter are three stone statues of Bowser, I found out the hard way that each one fires a Laser beam out of it's mouth when you get close to it.
Not long after that, you encounter a lit candle sitting in a candle holder. I'll just say this about the candle, watch your a$$.
The next section of Bowser's castle is the big lava pit. This thing is a bastard to cross. The lava pit section is notoriously difficult to cross because it combines collapsing Donut Lift platforms with fireballs shooting up out of the lava. The blocks you must jump across do not stay solid. If Mario stands on a Donut Lift for more than a fraction of a second, it begins to shake and drops straight into the lava. You are forced to constantly jump and maintain forward momentum without pausing to plan your next move. The gaps between the sinking blocks require precise momentum. Sinking even slightly on a Donut Lift alters your jump height, causing you to miss the next platform or fall short into the lava. I fell into this thing numerous times before finally making it across. Once you do make it across, it leads you to four different floors with doors on each floor, you have to find the right floor and door, if you make the wrong choice, you get zapped off on a wild goose chase in another part of the castle and have to start all over again.
Once you choose the right door, Bowser is waiting in the chamber ahead, but his AI triggers early. He continuously breathes slow, horizontal fireballs that travel across the screen while you are mid-jump. Because they move slowly, they linger as active obstacles, making them incredibly difficult to time and dodge. Making matters worse, you have to dodge his fireballs while simultaneously crossing a lava pit, the platforms don't offer much comfort, they're small and the slightest miscalculation sends Mario into the lava and back to the beginning of the castle to do it all over again. I took the plunge quite a few times trying to make it to Bowser.
Once you get to Bowser's lair, it's time for the showdown with the final boss of Super Mario Bros. 3, Bowser himself. By this point in the game, you've been through so much that you're mentally, emotionally, and physically spent. I'll never forget entering his lair for the first time. The first thing they do is start playing this music that is absolutely unnerving, the music is playing for the entire length of the fight. The musical composer for the game, Koji Kondo, purposely made the music to try and induce panic in the player, and he more than accomplished his goal, it keeps you on edge the entire time. Bowser himself is intimidating, he looks like he's filled with rage and you can almost hear him saying, "how dare you make it this far." As for the battle itself, I'll let you future gamers enjoy that moment.
Next, I want to mention World 7, Pipeland. Sigh. At one point, I had 99 lives while in Pipeland. By the time I left Pipeland, I had 7 lives left. As a gamer, this place will scar you for life.