A "Good Morning Class" Christmas Carol -- The End of It

It is early Christmas morning. David Hall’s office. Mr. Sunshine sits happily finishing off the lasagna. Homerunhall is standing, forehead leaning against the wall

Mr. Sunshine: (munching away) Well... (chomp, chomp) I still don't see how a coin can be straight from the mint and not be perfect!
Homerunhall: (tired, weary, defeated) Aren't you supposed to show me something?
Mr. Sunshine: Like what?
Homerunhall: A lesson...? Something from my past? Something to help me see the error of my ways...
Mr. Sunshine: (confused) Oh... (lights up) Hey yeah! Jeepers!!! (he pulls two slabs from his pocket) Look at these Silver Eagles! You graded this one 68... and this one 69. Even my wife can't see any difference in 'em!!!!

Homerunhall, head in hands, gently weeps.

Meanwhile, with a tic-toc swing of the clock the bell… tolls… TWO! BA-WONG!!!!

Homerunhall looks up. Mr. Sunshine is gone. Outside his office in the catacombs of PCGS he hears maniacal laughter

BWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Homerunhall: (jumping to his feet) MONT--GOMERY!!!!! (he pushes his desk out of the way and runs into the hall) MONTGOMERY!!!!

Running full speed, he blasts around the corner and plows straight into King ArtR. Both go sprawling to the ground

King ArtR: BY THE GODS!!!!!
Homerunhall: Are you the second Ghost?????!
King ArtR: Insolent DOG! (he pulls out his broadsword) 'Tis thee who shall be a GHOST!!!

Just as the sword comes crashing down, Homerunhall rolls away. He jumps to his feet and heads for the nearest closet. He opens the door and out pops michael

michael: yes! yes! yes! lol... this is frrom an ezstern coolection mr. scrooge and yes... i think if not tooo late a merry christmas lol. lol yes... yes...yes..

He turns and runs into Angel Bear

Angel Bear: In life I was but a little bear....

Then Agentjim007

Agentjim007: I thinkest I shall puketh!

And Airplanenut

Airplanenut: Cool!

Homerunhall (backing away) No, no! NO! NO! (he starts to run down the corridor. Dorkkarl is running right behind him)
Dorkkarl: Did you know your guarantee only covers 50% of your grade??????!!!!!
Shirohniican: Yea, Verily!!!!!!

Homerunhall bursts into the grading room and slams the door behind him. He stands in the dark, face against the door trying to catch his wind. He feels a hot breath on his neck. Then... he hears it! Three words... sweet, sticky, and as horrible as a child-chewed piece of red licorice...

Russ: (whispering) Got proof JFK's?
Homerunhall: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

He pushes back through the door and into a mad throng! He tries to move past ClarkofKent, LucyBop, DanC, JLW, Maulumall, cdmead, cosmicdebris, Askari, EVP, Wingedliberty, DHeath, Mr. Lee, Dog97, Jom, marcmoish, rkfish, Legend, Goose3, My3cents, Bulldog, Gilbert, Blade, MrPawn, nucklehead, and UncleJoe. He tries to elbow his way through mbbiker, 66Tbird, Outhaul, BigE, Tonelover, Placid, Wisconsin, FC57Coins, Trime, Cladking, Supercoin, Tradedollarnut, relayer, RLinn, loki, Roberpr, DCAMFranklin, Nic, roadrunner, stman, Philly Joe, Halfnut, Toners, Spooly, Keets, Cacheman, and MadMarty. He claws his way into the middle of MacCoin, Anaconda, coinguy1, Klectorkid, Fatman, Mdwoods, coinrookie, remumc, Mr. Kelso, RegistryCoin, Kranky, GSAguy, TomB, MOrganMuncher, Keithdagen, Shylock, Pushkin, IrishMike... AND EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF THE US COIN FORUM!!!! He struggles to reach his office, but the crowd is too much, and he is swallowed up, as if in a frothing sea. All goes quiet for Homerunhall

With a tic-toc, swing of the clock, the bell... tolls... THREE! BA-WONG!!

Back in his office, Homerunhall's eyes flicker open. The phone is ringing

Homerunhall: (tentative) Hullo...?
Carolj: David! What are you still doing there? I told you to go home!
Homerunhall: (dazed) What day is it?
Carolj: It's Christmas day, ya ding-dong!
Homerunhall: Christmas...? Christmas? (he spikes the phone and begins to do a mad dance) IT'S OVER! I WIN!! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, EH?!! I'M AS GIDDY AS A DRUNKEN MAN!! I'M AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER! (he leaps on his desk and spreads his arms like Leonardo DiCaprio) I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!

A figure appears out of the shadows

Figure: Howdy Hoss!
Homerunhall: (arms still outstretched) What can I do for you...?
Figure: More like, what can I do for you.
Homerunhall: (wary) For instance...
Figure: How'd you like to spend next Christmas Eve in a hot-tub full of babes? For instance.
Homerunhall: (eyes narrowing) Who are you?
Figure: Name's Clankeye.
Homerunhall: (wrapping his hands around Clankeye's throat) Why you little--
Clankeye: (choking) gawk! Bucket of Babes or an evening with Mr. Sunshine and Company--
Homerunhall: (shaking him) This is my forum!!!!
Clankeye: Your forum, my thread!

Homerunhall is finally, ulimately, totally, exhausted. He stares blankly at Clankeye

Homerunhall: What do you want?
Clankeye: Not much. Lifetime free submissions, access to a jet...
Homerunhall: Aren't you supposed to be teaching some sort of lesson about the spirit of Christmas?
Clankeye: In truth... I'm just here to make you promise you'll keep coming to the forum.
Homerunhall: That's all.
Clankeye: Yeah.
Homerunhall: And you'll leave me alone....
Clankeye: Promise.
Homerunhall: I give you my word.

Angelic music is heard. A halo of light forms around Homerunhall. Suddenly the door flies open

Russ:WHAT A MAROON!!!!!!
The Entire Forum: BWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Epilogue. Homerunhall was better than his word. And to Tiny Clankeye he became a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a numismatist, and as good a poster as the good old forum knew, or any other good old forum, in the good old world.

THE END