How can you properly "age" a card?

I know, it sounds bad, but I have some fantasy cards in mind that I think would look great "aged". I'm trying to pull off a Helmar look. Does anyone have any ideas?
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss
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Edited to add: Jason, you KNEW you were going to get some smart azz answers, right? LOL
Doug
Liquidating my collection for the 3rd and final time. Time for others to enjoy what I have enjoyed over the last several decades. Money could be put to better use.
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The moral of the story is be wary of T206 Wagners that smell like Earl Grey and toast. >>
The card smells like Grandma
Hawkeye: "You take 11 string beans, 1 onion, half a radish, and 4 bananas."
Trapper: "Ya mix it all up and you..uh..and you let it..soak for 6 weeks."
Hawkeye: "Days."
Trapper: "Days."
Margaret: "You better write this down."
Hawkeye: "Then you look around, you find the tallest tree and you hang the stuff in an enema bag. And you let it lay there for 18 weeks."
Trapper: "Days."
Hawkeye: "Days."
My Sandberg topps basic set
My Sandberg Topps Master set
Just saying---- Sonny
Jason
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss