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A derivatives primer

JustacommemanJustacommeman Posts: 22,847 ✭✭✭✭✭
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit.

She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar.

To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.

Heidi keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers' loans).

Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.
Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit.

By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages.

Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.

He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral!!!

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINK BONDS.

These "securities" then are bundled and traded on international securities markets.

Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as "AAA Secured Bonds" really are debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb!!!, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices still are climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi.

Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts.

Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy.
The bar closes and Heidi's 11 employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINK BOND prices drop by 90%.

The collapsed bond asset value destroys the bank's liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the BOND securities.

They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds.

Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers..

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multibillion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from the government.

The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, nondrinkers who have never been in Heidi's bar.

Now do you understand?
Walker Proof Digital Album
Fellas, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pockets you better use them to call a tailor. Stay thirsty my friends......

Comments

  • gsa1fangsa1fan Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭
    image Now that clears things up on my level! Thanks, MJimage
    Avid collector of GSA's.
  • roadrunnerroadrunner Posts: 28,303 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I get it now! The "asset" behind the derivative performing was the possibility that the unemployed drunks might someday get sober.

    Thanks.

    roadrunner
    Barbarous Relic No More, LSCC -GoldSeek--shadow stats--SafeHaven--321gold
  • OldEastsideOldEastside Posts: 4,602 ✭✭✭✭✭
    The Indians around me are all very proffesional, can't say anything about the Chinese.
    But I get your point.

    Steve
    Promote the Hobby
  • razzlerazzle Posts: 987 ✭✭✭
    Oh, did we mention that Heidi was under some pressure to assure ALL of the people in her region had equal access to alcoholic beverages, too. Hey, it's the American dream. Otherwise, it could appear she was discriminating against the unfortunate unemployed (her license was under an implied threat should she resist-and she would risk losing some local high end parties). Heidi wasn't that crazy about making all those loans on her own.

    Wouldn't it be nice to know who the guys were that were applying the pressure? I doubt they were either drinking or buying derivatives.

    Anyway, here's to ya.image
    Markets (governments) can remain irrational longer than an investor can remain solvent.
  • derrybderryb Posts: 36,793 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Liar loans, Drunk Loans. Pretty much the same thing. Nice primer.

    "Interest rates, the price of money, are the most important market. And, perversely, they’re the market that’s most manipulated by the Fed." - Doug Casey

  • MilesWaitsMilesWaits Posts: 5,349 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Well done MJ!!

    I will share this with my "sober" friends that can benefit from your very fine analogy.

    Miles
    Now riding the swell in PM's and surf.
  • JustacommemanJustacommeman Posts: 22,847 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Miles................I received that today in a mass e-mail. I have no idea who wrote it so I couldn't give them credit.

    I thought it interesting................MJ
    Walker Proof Digital Album
    Fellas, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pockets you better use them to call a tailor. Stay thirsty my friends......
  • razzlerazzle Posts: 987 ✭✭✭
    justacommem,
    It occurs to me that you might think I was being critical of your derivatives analogy. I wasn't. I like it, and I think it is instructive. I was just adding my beef about Barney Frank, et al, of the Fannie Mae debacle.
    Markets (governments) can remain irrational longer than an investor can remain solvent.
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