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OT: In case you need a laugh today.

Not suppose to have pets.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Thankyou for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.

Regards, David.

_____________________________________________________
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you have at the premises?

Helen


_______________________________________________________
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled championships. For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released adrenaline will spur them on to being winners. I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on coming first place.

Regards, David.



__________________________________________________________________
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am unsure what to make of your email. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?

Helen



________________________________________________________
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

No. I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.

Regards, David.



_____________________________________________________________________
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1.46pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

You cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs others. I am sure you can appreciate that these rules are for the benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You cannot have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be ok.

Helen


______________________________________________________________
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2.18pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

They are very small ducks.

Regards, David.


__________________________________________________________
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, under section 4 of the strata residency agreement it states that you cannot have pets. You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms. These rules are set out to benefit everyone in the building including yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?

Helen


____________________________________________________________________
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5.02pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon so it will not be an issue. It is probably for the best as they are not getting along very well with my seventeen cats anyway. .

Regards, David.


_____________________________________________________________________________
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated and you do not have any pets.

Helen

Comments

  • OAKESY25OAKESY25 Posts: 4,726 ✭✭✭
    haha... wtf is this??
  • storm888storm888 Posts: 11,701 ✭✭✭
    TOTALLY excellent!

    Though, it does scare my associates when they hear me laughing.

    Folks Who Bite Get Bitten. Folks Who Don't Bite Get Eaten.
  • UphillUphill Posts: 361 ✭✭
    Very funny! Thanks!
    Jamie

    Looking for Charlie (Charley) Maxwell cards.
  • wolfbearwolfbear Posts: 2,759 ✭✭✭

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage

    Pix of 'My Kids'

    "How about a little fire Scarecrow ?"
  • 2dueces2dueces Posts: 6,559 ✭✭✭✭✭
    This e-mail string reminds me of the e-mail string with the picture of the spider. Some guy was trying t opay a bill and sent a copy of a spider. Very funny. This one is just as good, but she caught on alot faster than the woman wit the spider with 7 legs.
    W.C.Fields
    "I spent 50% of my money on alcohol, women, and gambling. The other half I wasted.
  • BunchOBullBunchOBull Posts: 6,188 ✭✭✭
    A+

    After receiving an $1100.00 bill from the State Comptroller today for a business I do not own, it's nice to laugh.
    Collector of most things Frank Thomas. www.BigHurtHOF.com
  • storm888storm888 Posts: 11,701 ✭✭✭


    << <i>This e-mail string reminds me of the e-mail string with the picture of the spider. Some guy was trying t opay a bill and sent a copy of a spider. Very funny. This one is just as good, but she caught on alot faster than the woman wit the spider with 7 legs. >>



    //////////////////


    Man tries to pay bill with spider drawingFriday, November 14,

    Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide man David Thorne claims he had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill.

    From: Jane Gilles
    Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Overdue account

    Dear David,

    Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

    Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


    From: David Thorne
    Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
    To: Jane Gilles
    Subject: Re: Overdue account

    Dear Jane,
    I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

    Regards, David.



    From: Jane Gilles
    Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Overdue account

    Dear David,
    Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

    Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


    From: David Thorne
    Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
    To: Jane Gilles
    Subject: Re: Overdue account

    Dear Jane,
    Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

    Regards, David.


    From: Jane Gilles
    Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

    Dear David,
    You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

    Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


    From: David Thorne
    Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
    To: Jane Gilles
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

    Dear Jane,

    Yes please.

    Regards, David.


    From: Jane Gilles
    Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

    Attached



    From: David Thorne
    Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
    To: Jane Gilles
    Subject: Whose spider is that?

    Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

    Regards, David.


    From: Jane Gilles
    Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

    Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

    Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


    From: David Thorne
    Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
    To: Jane Gilles
    Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

    Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

    Regards, David.


    From: David Thorne
    Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
    To: Jane Gilles
    Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

    Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

    Regards, David.



    From: Jane Gilles
    Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

    Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

    Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


    From: David Thorne
    Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
    To: Jane Gilles
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

    I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

    Regards, David.


    From: Jane Gilles
    Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
    To: David Thorne
    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

    Attached




    Folks Who Bite Get Bitten. Folks Who Don't Bite Get Eaten.
  • The "ducks in the bathroom" is where I literally lol'd. Good thing I'm the only one in the office left.

    Thanks for sharing.
    imageimageimage
  • Yankees001Yankees001 Posts: 1,496
    That is good. Thanks for posting
  • fur72fur72 Posts: 2,348 ✭✭
  • BunchOBullBunchOBull Posts: 6,188 ✭✭✭
    If these are legit, there is apparently an Australian man with a lot of time on his hands...I wonder how many gems he's produced that haven't made their respective ways across the net?

    Excellent stuff.
    Collector of most things Frank Thomas. www.BigHurtHOF.com
  • billwaltonsbeardbillwaltonsbeard Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭✭
    that spider pic thing is hilarious. The pets thing sounds like the landlady is a confused elderly woman who just doesnt understnad she's being screwed with.

    The utility bill person obviously understand what is going on, but has to still be super customer service friendly.

    theyre both very funny
  • BarkusDBarkusD Posts: 624
    The spider email is from the same guy. His website is http://www.27bslash6.com.
    View my inventory of PSA Graded Cards at My Ebay Store
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