This will help you understand whats going on
BigMoneyLewis
Posts: 194 ✭
A short play...
Setting..Luxury Ocean liner "Usdolla"
Characters..
The Cap'n
First mate
second mate
Professer moneybags
Sir william cashalot
Ms. Simpson
Dr. Winston
Mr. Dumas
Life raft / life jacket salseman
The engineer
nameless passenger # 1
nameless passenger # 2
nameless passenger # 3
Opening scene..
7:45 am , about to depart from port in 1 hour,
passengers are arriving .
Second mate: Cap'n , the smoke and mirrors just arrived !
Cap'n : Well it's high time ! Quickly boy, put them in their places at once.
Second mate : And where may that be sir ?
Cap'n : Place the mirror in front of the grand staircase , and the smoke machine
out of sight just around the corner.
Second mate : Yes sir !
scene 2..
Captain greets guests arriving onboard..
Sir William cashalot : I say there , captain ol buddy , lovely weather today isn't it.
Cap'n : indeed yes it is . Fantastic weather for seagoing (knowing full well the weather
charts indicate a possible/probable hurricane forming only a few hundred miles out).
Ms. Simpson: Captain , this is in all likelyhood the most incredible ship I have ever
set eyes upon.
Cap'n : Well Mrs simpson, It ....
Ms Simpson: It's MS Simpson (as she smiles slightly)
Cap'n: As I was saying , Yes this IS indeed THE most magnificent ship to ever
set across the ocean . Velvet covered staircases, Solid mahogony furniture
imported from China , 10,000 dollar a bottle champaign served with every meal,
steaks and lobsters for breakfast . Yes, She is a real sight to behold. 135 feet tall,
1,320 feet long . The world has never seen such a strong ship.
And Damn near indistructable as well (knowing full well , the chinese/mexican
workers who build her, left a few "soft spots" in the hull, but nevermind that).
Ms Simpson: Well good day captain, I must find my way to the restrooms to
freshen up.
Cap'n: Very well maam , just turn left by the big mirror ,second door on
your right, good day .
Scene 3...
Ship has set sail , 5 hours into the trip.
Passengers are gathering on deck , noticing the wind and choppy seas.
Mr. Dumas: Hmmmm, I say Dr. Winston , looks like stormy weather ahead.
Dr. Winston: Non-sense, I overheard the captain say it will be beautiful sailing
all the way . Say, how are your investments going there , Dumas ?
Mr: Dumas: Very well indeed. I am doing extraordinary in the markets .
Dr.Winston: Do tell ..
Mr.Dumas : As a matter of fact , I am expecting a wire telegram anymoment,
on the current status of the markets .
Secondmate: Excuse me Mr Dumas, a tele gram has arrived for you.
Mr Dumas: Thank you boy (tossing him a shiney new dime )
Dr. Winston: So , what are the markets doing toda..
Mr Dumas: Whow...holey ..geesu..sonofabi..
Dr.Winston: What is the problem ?
Mr Dumas: The price of tampons in Brazil just feel .35 cents a box!!!
Dr. Winston: So ?
Mr Dumas: Dont you know what this means! I must sell all my silver
and gold contracts , right at once !
Dr: Winston : And why would you need to do that ?
Mr.Dumas:Because slinkey prices in Belgium will be going UP !
(Cap'ns voice appears on the loudspeaker)
Attention passengers , dinner will be served at 2 pm in the emerald
room , Lobsters , steaks, and wine and ... steak. (knowing full well
the ship only has crawfish and porkchops onboard)
Scene # 4
Bridge.
Cap'n: Arrange the mirrors and smoke machines in the emerald
room at once , boy .
First mate: Yes sir !
Scene # 4
The shuffleboard deck ..
passengers are gathering , and are starting to be a bit alarmed
at the approaching storm.
Life raft / life jacket salseman: Life jackets, get them while you can,
$ 15 . Silver life jackets $ 15, Gold Life rafts $ 850.
(about that time, the first and second mate approach with a rather
large mirror, and their trusty smoke machine)
Second mate: Crank it up to number 7 .
First mate: you got it !
Nameless passenger # 3: Oooww weeee, The weather is clearing up .
Look, nothing but blue skies !
(at that moment, a 70 foot wave sends 2 passengers who were
leaning on the rail, overboard)
Professor moneybags
approaching the salesman)
I say ol boy, why would anyone need a life
jacket OR a life raft on such a magnificent vessel such as this ?
And with such nice weather. The captain told me personnally,
smooth sailing all the way .
Life raft / jacket salesman: All I know is , If I were you, I'd buy
one of each .
(at that moment a 180 foot wave crashes across the deck, shatering the
mirror and sending dozens of helpless passengers overboard )
Nameless passenger # 1 : Look, it's been stormy all along ! All that smoke
and mirrors was hidding the truth .
Cap'n running around the corner, shoots nameless passenger in the head,
and kicks him over the rail )
Cap'n: Quick boy, turn the smoke machine up to # 9, and get all the mirrors
from below deck and arrange them so as to obscure the passengers view
of what's ahead.
Second mate : Yes sir !
Scene # 5
engine room .
Engineer : (radios to captain ) Cap'n , we got a hole in the side of this
boat about the size of a Dussenburg ! I estimate over 5,000 gallons of water
she is taking on, every minute !
Cap'n: (radios back) Ayyee , uhhh, don't worry about it. I have a plan .
I just need a bigger mirror and some thicker smoke .
Scene # 6
On deck. Absolute panic breaks out as passengers find out
about the huge hole in the ship and start to buy their
silver life jackets and gold life rafts .
Cap'n: (Over the loadspeaker) Do not worry, I have found a
bucket , and will proceed to dump the incoming water overboard!
I repeat, do not worry . I have a bucket !The Usdolla will not sink!
Now everyone proceed below deck, back to your cabins .
Enjoy the rest of your evening. There is nothing to worry about.
Mr. Dumas: Well, it sure seems the captain has this under controll.
Dr Winston: It does indeed . We are lucky to have such a fine captain.
(Passengers begin filing below deck)
Life jacket/ raft salesman: Silver life jackets $ 5 , gold life rafts $ 200 !
Unnamed passenger # 3 : No thanks! We don't need em.
Haven't you heard ? The captain has a Bucket !
TO BE CONTINUED..(on the bottom of the ocean)
Setting..Luxury Ocean liner "Usdolla"
Characters..
The Cap'n
First mate
second mate
Professer moneybags
Sir william cashalot
Ms. Simpson
Dr. Winston
Mr. Dumas
Life raft / life jacket salseman
The engineer
nameless passenger # 1
nameless passenger # 2
nameless passenger # 3
Opening scene..
7:45 am , about to depart from port in 1 hour,
passengers are arriving .
Second mate: Cap'n , the smoke and mirrors just arrived !
Cap'n : Well it's high time ! Quickly boy, put them in their places at once.
Second mate : And where may that be sir ?
Cap'n : Place the mirror in front of the grand staircase , and the smoke machine
out of sight just around the corner.
Second mate : Yes sir !
scene 2..
Captain greets guests arriving onboard..
Sir William cashalot : I say there , captain ol buddy , lovely weather today isn't it.
Cap'n : indeed yes it is . Fantastic weather for seagoing (knowing full well the weather
charts indicate a possible/probable hurricane forming only a few hundred miles out).
Ms. Simpson: Captain , this is in all likelyhood the most incredible ship I have ever
set eyes upon.
Cap'n : Well Mrs simpson, It ....
Ms Simpson: It's MS Simpson (as she smiles slightly)
Cap'n: As I was saying , Yes this IS indeed THE most magnificent ship to ever
set across the ocean . Velvet covered staircases, Solid mahogony furniture
imported from China , 10,000 dollar a bottle champaign served with every meal,
steaks and lobsters for breakfast . Yes, She is a real sight to behold. 135 feet tall,
1,320 feet long . The world has never seen such a strong ship.
And Damn near indistructable as well (knowing full well , the chinese/mexican
workers who build her, left a few "soft spots" in the hull, but nevermind that).
Ms Simpson: Well good day captain, I must find my way to the restrooms to
freshen up.
Cap'n: Very well maam , just turn left by the big mirror ,second door on
your right, good day .
Scene 3...
Ship has set sail , 5 hours into the trip.
Passengers are gathering on deck , noticing the wind and choppy seas.
Mr. Dumas: Hmmmm, I say Dr. Winston , looks like stormy weather ahead.
Dr. Winston: Non-sense, I overheard the captain say it will be beautiful sailing
all the way . Say, how are your investments going there , Dumas ?
Mr: Dumas: Very well indeed. I am doing extraordinary in the markets .
Dr.Winston: Do tell ..
Mr.Dumas : As a matter of fact , I am expecting a wire telegram anymoment,
on the current status of the markets .
Secondmate: Excuse me Mr Dumas, a tele gram has arrived for you.
Mr Dumas: Thank you boy (tossing him a shiney new dime )
Dr. Winston: So , what are the markets doing toda..
Mr Dumas: Whow...holey ..geesu..sonofabi..
Dr.Winston: What is the problem ?
Mr Dumas: The price of tampons in Brazil just feel .35 cents a box!!!
Dr. Winston: So ?
Mr Dumas: Dont you know what this means! I must sell all my silver
and gold contracts , right at once !
Dr: Winston : And why would you need to do that ?
Mr.Dumas:Because slinkey prices in Belgium will be going UP !
(Cap'ns voice appears on the loudspeaker)
Attention passengers , dinner will be served at 2 pm in the emerald
room , Lobsters , steaks, and wine and ... steak. (knowing full well
the ship only has crawfish and porkchops onboard)
Scene # 4
Bridge.
Cap'n: Arrange the mirrors and smoke machines in the emerald
room at once , boy .
First mate: Yes sir !
Scene # 4
The shuffleboard deck ..
passengers are gathering , and are starting to be a bit alarmed
at the approaching storm.
Life raft / life jacket salseman: Life jackets, get them while you can,
$ 15 . Silver life jackets $ 15, Gold Life rafts $ 850.
(about that time, the first and second mate approach with a rather
large mirror, and their trusty smoke machine)
Second mate: Crank it up to number 7 .
First mate: you got it !
Nameless passenger # 3: Oooww weeee, The weather is clearing up .
Look, nothing but blue skies !
(at that moment, a 70 foot wave sends 2 passengers who were
leaning on the rail, overboard)
Professor moneybags
approaching the salesman)I say ol boy, why would anyone need a life
jacket OR a life raft on such a magnificent vessel such as this ?
And with such nice weather. The captain told me personnally,
smooth sailing all the way .
Life raft / jacket salesman: All I know is , If I were you, I'd buy
one of each .
(at that moment a 180 foot wave crashes across the deck, shatering the
mirror and sending dozens of helpless passengers overboard )
Nameless passenger # 1 : Look, it's been stormy all along ! All that smoke
and mirrors was hidding the truth .
Cap'n
running around the corner, shoots nameless passenger in the head,and kicks him over the rail )
Cap'n: Quick boy, turn the smoke machine up to # 9, and get all the mirrors
from below deck and arrange them so as to obscure the passengers view
of what's ahead.
Second mate : Yes sir !
Scene # 5
engine room .
Engineer : (radios to captain ) Cap'n , we got a hole in the side of this
boat about the size of a Dussenburg ! I estimate over 5,000 gallons of water
she is taking on, every minute !
Cap'n: (radios back) Ayyee , uhhh, don't worry about it. I have a plan .
I just need a bigger mirror and some thicker smoke .
Scene # 6
On deck. Absolute panic breaks out as passengers find out
about the huge hole in the ship and start to buy their
silver life jackets and gold life rafts .
Cap'n: (Over the loadspeaker) Do not worry, I have found a
bucket , and will proceed to dump the incoming water overboard!
I repeat, do not worry . I have a bucket !The Usdolla will not sink!
Now everyone proceed below deck, back to your cabins .
Enjoy the rest of your evening. There is nothing to worry about.
Mr. Dumas: Well, it sure seems the captain has this under controll.
Dr Winston: It does indeed . We are lucky to have such a fine captain.
(Passengers begin filing below deck)
Life jacket/ raft salesman: Silver life jackets $ 5 , gold life rafts $ 200 !
Unnamed passenger # 3 : No thanks! We don't need em.
Haven't you heard ? The captain has a Bucket !
TO BE CONTINUED..(on the bottom of the ocean)
0
Comments
Funny Story - The U$$ Titantic!
merse
Now it's time for my cocoa.
"Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working" Pablo Picasso
Very well done, accurate, entertaining and hilarious.
Camelot
But what about the Steamship Euro? And, the Chinese Clipper? I've heard they aren't as sea worthy as some believe and wonder if they too will be pulled down by the wake of the Usdolla.
decided that merging the Titanic with the Hindenburg
will be a mutually satisfying arrangement.
Camelot