Options
Breaking News!!
Flash
Posts: 1,090 ✭✭✭
This news article was posted today on the ThomasNet Industrial Newsroom website. The government's actions will have a wide affect.
April 1, 2008
Solution to National Debt Surprisingly Simple
By David R. Butcher
The U.S. dollar has become so worthless, that the government has decided to eliminate it completely and create an entirely new monetary system, made up entirely of 76-cent coins.
The dollar plunged to new lows against foreign currencies last month. There are plenty of reasons for its plunge, but at the most basic level, the dollar’s weakness reflects the world’s collective two-thumbs-down verdict about the ability of the United States — businesses, individuals, the government, the Federal Reserve — to manage the global financial system and the world’s largest economy.
Frustrated by the logistics of developing a viable federal budget strategy, the U.S. government over the weekend announced it would create more than $60 trillion in new currency and, in phases, shift to an entirely new monetary system to alleviate the U.S.’ current $738.6 billion deficit and $9.4 trillion total federal debt.
“We’ve tried and we’ve tried, but no one in Congress has been able to come up with a realistic solution,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). “This nation owes a lot of money, and barring introduction of a new income tax on people’s pets, this seems to be our only option.
“And really, I don’t know why we didn’t think of this sooner.”
Rather than take a serious, reasoned approach, which could have yielded huge dividends in both efficiency and trade relations, Congress has decided to make new money — specifically $60 trillion, in the form of 78 trillion coins worth 76 cents each.
The original plan called for the formation of a Senate subcommittee to lick and stamp check-enclosed envelopes that would be mailed to citizens throughout the nation. Recipients were to be chosen via a lottery.
Due to an expected global shortage in paper materials, however, the new currency will be dispersed in the form of coins throughout the country’s vending machines.
“Frankly, I can’t believe we ever wasted our time with tariffs, raising interest rates and tax hikes,” Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said at a recent press conference. “This allows us to start our economic system all over, and the rest of the world will have to give us a break and clear all debt.”
Others have derided the government’s decision for what one Economy 101 professor at a Florida community college characterized as "naive," “downright absurd,” “dumbass economics” and even “epically insane.”
“First of all, if we make more money, prices will just rise such that we’re no better off than we were before,” according to one market analyst who wished to remain anonymous. “If the goal is to give a bunch of money to irresponsible consumers who will blow it all on junk rather than saving it, why shouldn’t the government skip the middleman and give the money directly to Wal-mart and Starbucks. That’s where it’s going anyway.
“Secondly: 76-cent coins? Where did that even come from?” the analyst added.
As of this writing, representatives from neither the U.S. Department of the Treasury nor the Dept. of Commerce have confirmed the origin of, or reason for, the coin’s value. (Note: During the press conference, when asked about the coin’s value, Bernanke mumbled something about a “centered pentagonal number.”)
Fittingly, the designed face of the new coin will include the profile of Herbert Hoover, whose first year as the 31st U.S. president was struck by the beginning of the Great Depression.
Moreover, the new coin, which will be the same size as the U.S. quarter, will omit the motto “In God We Trust.”
The current production process for coin making will, for the most part, continue: Every coin will be blanked, annealed, upset, struck, inspected and, finally, counted and bagged. Typically, large, sealed bags of new coins are then shipped by truck to Federal Reserve Banks. From there, the coins go to local banks.
Under last week’s proposal, however, the Senate committee originally meant to lick and stamp envelopes will instead strategically disperse all of the new 76-cent pieces to quarter-compatible vending machines, Laundromat change-makers and bill-operated peepshow booths throughout the U.S. — effectively skipping the banks entirely.
“George Bush Sr. said we could borrow his truck to drop off the new coins at the vending-machine locations over the next few months,” Pelosi noted. “But we have to have it back to him by mid-August because he plans to buy a new boat around that time and he’ll need his truck back to transport the boat to and from the lake.”
Congress hopes to completely roll over to the new monetary system before Bush Sr.’s boat purchase.
“It’s like the government didn’t get input from a single economist before making this ridiculous decision. I mean, my idiot 15-year-old knows better than this!” the Florida community college professor continued before noting that, although his teenage son is an idiot, he has a bright future in politics.
Earlier ideas Congress considered to aid America’s struggling economy included optimizing Google AdWords (pay-per-click advertising) and eBay (using a congressional seller’s account) to market and sell what the nation manufactures most: worldwide destruction.
April 1, 2008
Solution to National Debt Surprisingly Simple
By David R. Butcher
The U.S. dollar has become so worthless, that the government has decided to eliminate it completely and create an entirely new monetary system, made up entirely of 76-cent coins.
The dollar plunged to new lows against foreign currencies last month. There are plenty of reasons for its plunge, but at the most basic level, the dollar’s weakness reflects the world’s collective two-thumbs-down verdict about the ability of the United States — businesses, individuals, the government, the Federal Reserve — to manage the global financial system and the world’s largest economy.
Frustrated by the logistics of developing a viable federal budget strategy, the U.S. government over the weekend announced it would create more than $60 trillion in new currency and, in phases, shift to an entirely new monetary system to alleviate the U.S.’ current $738.6 billion deficit and $9.4 trillion total federal debt.
“We’ve tried and we’ve tried, but no one in Congress has been able to come up with a realistic solution,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). “This nation owes a lot of money, and barring introduction of a new income tax on people’s pets, this seems to be our only option.
“And really, I don’t know why we didn’t think of this sooner.”
Rather than take a serious, reasoned approach, which could have yielded huge dividends in both efficiency and trade relations, Congress has decided to make new money — specifically $60 trillion, in the form of 78 trillion coins worth 76 cents each.
The original plan called for the formation of a Senate subcommittee to lick and stamp check-enclosed envelopes that would be mailed to citizens throughout the nation. Recipients were to be chosen via a lottery.
Due to an expected global shortage in paper materials, however, the new currency will be dispersed in the form of coins throughout the country’s vending machines.
“Frankly, I can’t believe we ever wasted our time with tariffs, raising interest rates and tax hikes,” Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said at a recent press conference. “This allows us to start our economic system all over, and the rest of the world will have to give us a break and clear all debt.”
Others have derided the government’s decision for what one Economy 101 professor at a Florida community college characterized as "naive," “downright absurd,” “dumbass economics” and even “epically insane.”
“First of all, if we make more money, prices will just rise such that we’re no better off than we were before,” according to one market analyst who wished to remain anonymous. “If the goal is to give a bunch of money to irresponsible consumers who will blow it all on junk rather than saving it, why shouldn’t the government skip the middleman and give the money directly to Wal-mart and Starbucks. That’s where it’s going anyway.
“Secondly: 76-cent coins? Where did that even come from?” the analyst added.
As of this writing, representatives from neither the U.S. Department of the Treasury nor the Dept. of Commerce have confirmed the origin of, or reason for, the coin’s value. (Note: During the press conference, when asked about the coin’s value, Bernanke mumbled something about a “centered pentagonal number.”)
Fittingly, the designed face of the new coin will include the profile of Herbert Hoover, whose first year as the 31st U.S. president was struck by the beginning of the Great Depression.
Moreover, the new coin, which will be the same size as the U.S. quarter, will omit the motto “In God We Trust.”
The current production process for coin making will, for the most part, continue: Every coin will be blanked, annealed, upset, struck, inspected and, finally, counted and bagged. Typically, large, sealed bags of new coins are then shipped by truck to Federal Reserve Banks. From there, the coins go to local banks.
Under last week’s proposal, however, the Senate committee originally meant to lick and stamp envelopes will instead strategically disperse all of the new 76-cent pieces to quarter-compatible vending machines, Laundromat change-makers and bill-operated peepshow booths throughout the U.S. — effectively skipping the banks entirely.
“George Bush Sr. said we could borrow his truck to drop off the new coins at the vending-machine locations over the next few months,” Pelosi noted. “But we have to have it back to him by mid-August because he plans to buy a new boat around that time and he’ll need his truck back to transport the boat to and from the lake.”
Congress hopes to completely roll over to the new monetary system before Bush Sr.’s boat purchase.
“It’s like the government didn’t get input from a single economist before making this ridiculous decision. I mean, my idiot 15-year-old knows better than this!” the Florida community college professor continued before noting that, although his teenage son is an idiot, he has a bright future in politics.
Earlier ideas Congress considered to aid America’s struggling economy included optimizing Google AdWords (pay-per-click advertising) and eBay (using a congressional seller’s account) to market and sell what the nation manufactures most: worldwide destruction.
Matt
0
Comments
Positive BST Transactions (buyers and sellers): wondercoin, blu62vette, BAJJERFAN, privatecoin, blu62vette, AlanLastufka, privatecoin
#1 1951 Bowman Los Angeles Rams Team Set
#2 1980 Topps Los Angeles Rams Team Set
#8 (and climbing) 1972 Topps Los Angeles Rams Team Set