A Few Good Men - Congessional Hearing Style
otwcards
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Today, in a second round of Congressional questioning, closed to the media, Roger Clemens answered questions posed by members of the Congressional committee. Following is a portion of the transcript from today's session:
Roger Clemens: You want answers?
Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.
Clemens: (voice raised) You want answers?
Congressman: (sternly) I want the truth!
Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Sir, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna do it? You? You,Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep about steroids and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, sells tickets! And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets! You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastall, slider, splitfinger... We use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing the game. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't give a dasm what you think you're entitled to!
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: (quietly, with clenched teeth) I did the job you sent me to do.
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: (red-faced and screaming) You're gosh dasm right I did!!
**edited to placate the censors**
Roger Clemens: You want answers?
Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.
Clemens: (voice raised) You want answers?
Congressman: (sternly) I want the truth!
Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Sir, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna do it? You? You,Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep about steroids and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, sells tickets! And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets! You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastall, slider, splitfinger... We use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing the game. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't give a dasm what you think you're entitled to!
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: (quietly, with clenched teeth) I did the job you sent me to do.
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: (red-faced and screaming) You're gosh dasm right I did!!
**edited to placate the censors**
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Nice copy off of my post from a few days ago. But still fun to read.
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Thursday February 14, 2008 10:39 PM (NEW!)
worth posting on this thread as well. I'm with stown.
Gotta love Jack---edited for baseball
In the voice of Roger Clemens
Son, we live in a world that has fences, and those fences have to be guarded by men with gloves. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Senator Waxman?
I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Macnamee, and you curse me. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Macnamee's jail time, while tragic, probably will save lives.
And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves baseball as we know it. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at political parties, you want me on that field, you need me on that field. We use words like ERA, Walks, hit by pitch. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending our sport. You use them as a punchline.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very sport that I play, and then questions the manner in which I play it.
I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat, and stand at the plate. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Ouuutttt!!!
I actually hadn't read your post. And in all honesty, I've subsequently read numerous variations of this.
In any respect, if you feel I did read your post and was stupid enough to rewrite it and repost it, then I apologize.
Going back and checking threads, I guess SDSportsFan can claim that we both stole his post from T.S. O'Connell's blog:
Wednesday February 13, 2008 11:43 PM (NEW!)
At least the one he should've made according to T.S. O'Connell on his SCD.com blog:
Clemens: You're damn right I did
Woefully deficient is the writer who must await the actual occurrence of events before he/she is able to effectively recap them for the reader. In that spirit ...
Good afternoon, Rep. Waxman, Rep. Burton and the members of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. My name is Roger Clemens and I have been a Major League Baseball pitcher since 1984. I will read this brief statement before taking questions from the Committee.
Rep. Waxman, we live in a world that has magnificent, multimillion-dollar baseball stadiums, and those stadiums have to be patrolled by men with baseballs and bats and gloves. Who is gonna do it? You? You, Rep. Kucinich? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep about all the folderol surrounding human growth hormones and steroids, and you curse the valiant ballplayers. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the use of such potions, while ostensibly a transgression outside the accepted rules of the game, probably helped to save the grand old game from the malaise that enveloped it following the strike and the cancellation of the World Series in 1994. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, helped in that rescue. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at Foggy Bottom cqcktail parties, you want me on HGH, you need me on HGH. We use words like Cy Young, MVP and Hall of Fame. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent earning staggering salaries to play a game that is nothing less than a secular religion to millions. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to an assemblage of politicians that gleefully accepts perks and free passes from MLB owners who have been mystifyingly exempted from the normal rules of interstate commerce and the Sherman Antitrust Act, and then questions the manner in which those perks and passes are provided. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a VIP pass at the Will Call window, and head to the buffet in the owner’s box on the mezzanine level. The pate de foie gras is to die for. Either way, I don't give a rat's ass what you think you are entitled to.
Rep. Waxman: Did you take steroids and human growth hormone?
Clemens: You’re damn right I did.