George Carlin's Take on the Hobby . . .
PasadenaMudSlide
Posts: 732
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
0
Comments
randy
Here are some gems.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Religion
As far as I’m concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that’s worth believing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Literature
More people write poetry than read it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Miscellaneous
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it’s really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn’t want you to know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Religion
Jesus died for our sins. Dare we make his sacrifice meaningless by not committing them?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Funny • Religion
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Funny
When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage
"I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Success and Failure • Optimism and Pessimism
No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Religion
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Truth
The following statement is true. The preceding statement is false.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Honesty
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sports
Baseball is the only major sport that looks backwards in a mirror.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I’m a visionary; I’m ahead of my time. Trouble is, I’m only about an hour and a half ahead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The only good thing to come out of religion was the music
"people always say, build more prisons,just not here"
"i think we need to liven up the death penalty-whatever hapened to boiling people in oil,those were the days,and you could dip one in flour just for a goof, french fried felons"
"cutting off someones head and watching it roll down at an angle, with 4 or 5 holes, and you bet on what holes it goes in"
"you know why there is so many homeless people,theres no $ in it,if there was $ in it, every politician would be lining his pockets trying to figure it out,ive got a solution , golf course,golf is a fa ggoty rich white sport and it should be banned,take all the golf coures in the us,and build houses for the homeless"
"have you seen this country lately,it pathetic, dont get me wrong, i love this coutry, and the freedoms we used to have,buthave you seen it, its an embarrassment,only a society of half enlightened nitwits could turn this pure,pristine,virgin forestland into what it is today, one big shopping mall,it was ok when we inherited it,paradise,actually we stole it from the indians and the mexicans,but it was nice when we stole it"
about poiticians"so this is the best we can do folks,the owners of this country do not want smart people, they want minimally intelligent peole to take more low paying jobs,the election thing you people do every 4years, dont mean a thing, this country was bought and sold a long time ago,it a big club folks, and you and i are not in it"
childern"whatever happened to ,no child left behind,not too long ago it was head start,meanwhile 3rd world countries and graduating more scientists and doctors than us,and the national iq level dropps anther 2 or 3 points, and they say ,thats ok, were gonna drop the averages so we can pass more people, and pretty soon all you need to get into college is a penicil"
"going dwon the tubes,what tubes,anybody ever seen the tubes,and why is there more than one tube,youd think by now someone would have seen the damn thing by now, we got tube none, we are tubeless"
"i could never kill myself,i got to much stuff to do, watching what you people do,"
"i love natural disasters,when nature comes along and kicks man in the nuts,just to show us whos boss,butive been kinda noticing ,there midwest floods every years its the same people on the same river and they wont move, will not move, and they wonder why granda is floating down the street wirth a chicken or her head"
"we only have 2 national pasttimes left,shopping and eating"
you gotta get these last 2 leo,they are great,on amazon.com cheap,the funniest two he has ever done,and ive cencored it, george aint funny cencored lol
the stuff carlin says anymore makes so much sense its scary
<< <i>New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. >>
I think that's Bill Maher, not George Carlin. New Rules is a regular part odf his TV show and he also had a book with the same title.
Also it's not you're a dope. it's you're gay.
Which will be news to the Wife and Kid since I really, really can't stand Barbara Streisand, and can't go through the front door without hearing "you're not leaving the house looking like that," from said Wife.
Thank you for your exhaustive research.
I like Bill Maher in the same way I like Barry Bonds!
100% of the cards I collect are of people who played the game before I turned 18.
Randy
<< <i>all my heros are vets ive served with, no sports person would ever compare to me,most a bunch of overpriced bellhops, a few good ones with personalitys,and alot of nutz anymore so it seems!
Randy >>
Randy
I know where you're coming from. Most of my heroes are men - and a few women - who have lived lives of dignity and grace while persisting and overcoming immense adversity. Some of these served in the military; others didn't. Some - like MLK - were famous; others like my brother-in-law, weren't.
The only younger hero I have is this kid - my stepson who has done 2 tours in Iraq, another in Afghanistan, and is prepping for Iraq #3.
My generation, Gen-X, is famous for being a bunch of slackers. His generation is fighting wars.
Amen.
And God bless your son . . . a REAL hero. I salute him.