The ANA "Numismatist" magazine - back page humor articles
dcarr
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Last year the Numismatist announced that they were taking submissions for the "Back Page" humor articles. I submitted an article, but it was not accepted. I thought I'd post it here so that my article sees the light of day one time before fading into utter obscurity. (See next).
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It is time for our Nation's motoring heritage to receive due recognition in the form of a commemorative coin. And what better way to pay tribute than to show a motor vehicle in its native environment? For this purpose, I present the "Land of SUV" Colorado state quarter.
So-called "SUVs" (Sport-Utility Vehicles) seem to be everywhere. Where did they all come from?
The sales brochure for my 1971 GMC Sprint (similar to a Chevy El Camino) called it a "Sport/Utility Vehicle". The "Sport" part came from a big, powerful V8. And the "Utility" part came in the form of a pickup bed out back. But as far as I can tell, the "SUV" label is today liberally applied to station wagons that have high bumpers. Most owners of these vehicles never intentionally drive them off-road. But when the stopping gets slick, off they go, playing "snow angel" in a drift by the side of the road.
For years I drove my big rear-wheel-drive American passenger cars, in all kinds of weather, up and down Mt. Vernon Canyon west of Denver. I always made it. But the first snowfall of the season inevitably brought out the belly-up SUVs. It was as if they intentionally pointed their soft undersides skyward to catch the freshly falling snowflakes.
Many SUV models have strange names. Asian car makers love names that start and/or end with "A", as if saying "Ahh" will lead to some sort of Zen moment or something. Most of these "A" names are not real words. But the hilarious Nissan "Armada" is an exception. Imagine telling your spouse that you lost your entire Armada in a parking lot.
Ironically, many SUVs are named after places where they are likely to get stuck. That's like naming them after places they'd be likely to get stripped. Imagine a "GMC Jersey", or a "Ford Fresno", or a "Honda Alabama", or a "Toyota Tijuana". No? Then how about a "Buick Butte", or a "Dodge City", or a "Lexus Texas"? I didn't think so. Maybe a "Mercedes Hades", a "Chevrolet Urban", or a "Hummer Bummer"? Ok, "Bummer" isn't a real place, but it can be a state of mind. And now there is a new vehicle category to consider: "Sport-Utility Crossovers" (aka "SUXs").
SUVs do have some redeeming qualities, however. They use more gas, which causes the price of oil to go up. And that puts more money in the pockets of people who tend to buy precious metals. And when precious metals go up, the prices of coins tend to go up as well. So go ahead and drive your SUV to the next coin show. And if you have any money left over after paying for gasoline, buy some coins while you're there.
I think it's time to take my "classic" 1971 GMC SUV out for a drive.
Not the upended SUV, but the parody state quarter.
I also have a 20 year old 4WD Ford Ranger.
I just saw an SUV today named "Avalanche". It was huge!
I think you would have a better chance at getting that published in a car magazine - give it a try!
“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." - Thomas Jefferson
My digital cameo album 1950-64 Cameos - take a look!