'Metrosexual Factor' Aids In Amazing Red Sox Comeback
dude
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in Sports Talk
by Matt Myford of BrokenNewz
The Boston Red Sox completed a monumental comeback Wednesday, becoming the first team in baseball history to win a playoff series after being down 3-0.
Yes, Boston was gritty and gutsy. Yes, first baseman David Ortiz did his share of clutch hitting to keep the Sox alive. And, true, New York's big bats certainly cooled off as the series progressed. But, according to some baseball people, the Yankees simply had "way too many metrosexuals" on their roster to close out Boston.
"When your whole left side of the infield consists of metrosexuals," one baseball writer said, "you're in trouble. Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter are fine players, but they're more concerned about their hair when they should be focused on getting down on a ground ball."
An anonymous GM echoed those sentiments. "Look at Boston...all grit and grime, nearly every batter with a quasi-mullet. Hairy as hell. You think (Mark) Bellhorn gives a rat's ass about looking pretty? Me neither. Yet the littler scruffster is moving on, while the Yanks are done."
Even New York's vaunted closer, Mariano Rivera, "would certainly be classified as a Latino metrosexual," sources said.
Boston's GM, the wunderkind Theo Epstein, agreed about the 'metrosexual factor.' He remarked that his centerfielder, Johnny Damon, looks as if he'd be "equally comfortable cutting logs in the forest as he is jacking grand slams during game 7."
Other minor factors revealed the metrosexuality of the teams, experts said, such as Boston's scruffy batting helmets. "I've seen helmets from the Ardennes Forest during the Battle of the Bulge in better condition than Manny Ramirez's lid," one expert said. "But you saw nary a scratch on your average New York helmet."
Baseball analysts are already looking ahead to the World Series, which will pit Boston against the Houston Astros or the St. Louis Cardinals. "I'd take Boston against St. Louis," Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan said. "The Cardinals' centerfielder, Jim Edmonds, is as metrosexual as they come."
Boston has a proud history of manliness, with the legendary Ted Williams as the very embodiment of non-metrosexuality. "Ted was always fishin' and cussin' and things like that," Ryan continued. "Definitely not metrosexual material."
The Boston Red Sox completed a monumental comeback Wednesday, becoming the first team in baseball history to win a playoff series after being down 3-0.
Yes, Boston was gritty and gutsy. Yes, first baseman David Ortiz did his share of clutch hitting to keep the Sox alive. And, true, New York's big bats certainly cooled off as the series progressed. But, according to some baseball people, the Yankees simply had "way too many metrosexuals" on their roster to close out Boston.
"When your whole left side of the infield consists of metrosexuals," one baseball writer said, "you're in trouble. Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter are fine players, but they're more concerned about their hair when they should be focused on getting down on a ground ball."
An anonymous GM echoed those sentiments. "Look at Boston...all grit and grime, nearly every batter with a quasi-mullet. Hairy as hell. You think (Mark) Bellhorn gives a rat's ass about looking pretty? Me neither. Yet the littler scruffster is moving on, while the Yanks are done."
Even New York's vaunted closer, Mariano Rivera, "would certainly be classified as a Latino metrosexual," sources said.
Boston's GM, the wunderkind Theo Epstein, agreed about the 'metrosexual factor.' He remarked that his centerfielder, Johnny Damon, looks as if he'd be "equally comfortable cutting logs in the forest as he is jacking grand slams during game 7."
Other minor factors revealed the metrosexuality of the teams, experts said, such as Boston's scruffy batting helmets. "I've seen helmets from the Ardennes Forest during the Battle of the Bulge in better condition than Manny Ramirez's lid," one expert said. "But you saw nary a scratch on your average New York helmet."
Baseball analysts are already looking ahead to the World Series, which will pit Boston against the Houston Astros or the St. Louis Cardinals. "I'd take Boston against St. Louis," Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan said. "The Cardinals' centerfielder, Jim Edmonds, is as metrosexual as they come."
Boston has a proud history of manliness, with the legendary Ted Williams as the very embodiment of non-metrosexuality. "Ted was always fishin' and cussin' and things like that," Ryan continued. "Definitely not metrosexual material."
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Comments
Heck, maybe 50 million more will fix it!
Edited for spelling
Brian
What, that's not photoshopped????
LOL
Something just really bothers me about that idea that you have to have girly long hair, and have your helmet looking like you found it in a dumpster to be a man. I'll take a class act anytime!
On the other hand, A Rod with a purse - THAT IS PRETTY FUNNY!
Shane
Does this include a "rule" about a salary-cap, or do we draw the line at the "financial fiasco" that baseball has created?
Just curious for your response.
Dal
Shane
What? Derek Jeter is the one that dove into the crowd and got that "pretty face" of his all cut up.
Shane