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'Metrosexual Factor' Aids In Amazing Red Sox Comeback

dudedude Posts: 1,454 ✭✭
by Matt Myford of BrokenNewz

The Boston Red Sox completed a monumental comeback Wednesday, becoming the first team in baseball history to win a playoff series after being down 3-0.

Yes, Boston was gritty and gutsy. Yes, first baseman David Ortiz did his share of clutch hitting to keep the Sox alive. And, true, New York's big bats certainly cooled off as the series progressed. But, according to some baseball people, the Yankees simply had "way too many metrosexuals" on their roster to close out Boston.

"When your whole left side of the infield consists of metrosexuals," one baseball writer said, "you're in trouble. Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter are fine players, but they're more concerned about their hair when they should be focused on getting down on a ground ball."

An anonymous GM echoed those sentiments. "Look at Boston...all grit and grime, nearly every batter with a quasi-mullet. Hairy as hell. You think (Mark) Bellhorn gives a rat's ass about looking pretty? Me neither. Yet the littler scruffster is moving on, while the Yanks are done."

Even New York's vaunted closer, Mariano Rivera, "would certainly be classified as a Latino metrosexual," sources said.

Boston's GM, the wunderkind Theo Epstein, agreed about the 'metrosexual factor.' He remarked that his centerfielder, Johnny Damon, looks as if he'd be "equally comfortable cutting logs in the forest as he is jacking grand slams during game 7."

Other minor factors revealed the metrosexuality of the teams, experts said, such as Boston's scruffy batting helmets. "I've seen helmets from the Ardennes Forest during the Battle of the Bulge in better condition than Manny Ramirez's lid," one expert said. "But you saw nary a scratch on your average New York helmet."

Baseball analysts are already looking ahead to the World Series, which will pit Boston against the Houston Astros or the St. Louis Cardinals. "I'd take Boston against St. Louis," Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan said. "The Cardinals' centerfielder, Jim Edmonds, is as metrosexual as they come."

Boston has a proud history of manliness, with the legendary Ted Williams as the very embodiment of non-metrosexuality. "Ted was always fishin' and cussin' and things like that," Ryan continued. "Definitely not metrosexual material."

Comments

  • Just another way of saying that the '04 Yankees, despite having all that high-priced talent, lacked the true heart of champions.

    Heck, maybe 50 million more will fix it!image

    Edited for spelling
  • stevekstevek Posts: 28,884 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Something strange about that picture of ARod running to first base. Can't figure out what it is. Oh - I got it now - the purse should be much bigger to put in all that money he's got.
  • Wow, I love photoshop !!!

    What, that's not photoshopped????

    LOL
  • Gemmy10Gemmy10 Posts: 2,990
    Pretty funny
  • frankhardyfrankhardy Posts: 8,094 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I don't like Boston or New York. But something just isn't right. I think that article is getting a lack of manliness confused with being classy and clean cut. Boston looks like a bunch of thugs with the sissy long hair and the nasty helmets. If I am not mistaken, the Yankees have rules on appearance. If you will remember, Jason Giambi had to cut his hair and shave when he became a member of the Yankees. There is nothing wrong with that. I wish all the teams had the same rules. Pedro Martinez looks like he used my wife's curlers. It's one thing to get dirty during the game (ie. Jim Edmonds making a great diving catch like he did in Game 7), but it's another thing to came into the 1st inning looking like a dirty, shaggy hippy! Pedro Martinez, Johnny Damon, and Manny Ramirez all need a good shearing. Now, Curt Schilling, he is a class act.

    Something just really bothers me about that idea that you have to have girly long hair, and have your helmet looking like you found it in a dumpster to be a man. I'll take a class act anytime!

    On the other hand, A Rod with a purse - THAT IS PRETTY FUNNY! image

    Shane

  • ....I wish all the teams had the same rules.....

    Does this include a "rule" about a salary-cap, or do we draw the line at the "financial fiasco" that baseball has created?

    Just curious for your response.

    Dal
  • frankhardyfrankhardy Posts: 8,094 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I meant "rule" instead of "rules" That was a mistype. I meant that I wish all teams had the same rule regarding appearance. The salary cap is a whole other issue.

    Shane

  • Lmao, ohh poor Arod. Ya shoulda stayed in Seattle, your quickly become the new Barry Bonds...
    Am I speaking Chinese?



    image
  • frankhardyfrankhardy Posts: 8,094 ✭✭✭✭✭
    "When your whole left side of the infield consists of metrosexuals," one baseball writer said, "you're in trouble. Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter are fine players, but they're more concerned about their hair when they should be focused on getting down on a ground ball."

    What? Derek Jeter is the one that dove into the crowd and got that "pretty face" of his all cut up.

    Shane

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