Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius - Mr. Lousy Digital Image Sportscard Seller Guy

dude

Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(singer: “Real Men of Genius”)

Today we salute you, Mr. Lousy Digital Image Sportscard Seller Guy
(singer: “ Mr. Lousy Digital Image Sportscard Seller Guy”)

With your off-brand digital camera in hand, you add pizzazz to your pics with
that blinding flash glare and you show your cards at creative angles where no
scanner has ever gone before.
(singer: "Hey card: say cheese!")

Unlike those boring, tightly cropped scans other dealers use, you show a panoramic
view of your entire living room with that high dollar card placed on your classic bright
orange Naugahyde sofa.
(singer: “Nice shag carpet dude!”)

Your fuzzy images have revived Impressionism artistry back into the 21st century,
and for some unknown reason no thief has ever stolen any of your images to use
in a phony auction.
(singer: "It's not only crooks who stay away!")

So crack open an ice-cold Dud Light, you idol of internet imagery, because any ordinary
picture is worth a thousand words, but your photos leave sportscard collectors totally
speechless.
(singer: “Mr. Lousy Digital Image Sportscard Seller Guy”)

PistolPete

CLASSIC! How about Mr. Auction Title Spamer? Those guys that stick PSA and such in their title, even though their item has nothing to do with that particular type of card.

NickM

Here are my two contributions:



Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(singer: “Real Men of Genius”)

Today we salute you, Mr. Doesn't State Shipping and Doesn't Respond to Emails Seller Guy
(singer: “Mr. Doesn't State Shipping and Doesn't Respond to Emails Seller Guy”)

With your five dollar card listed on eBay, you bring mystery and intrigue to your auctions by stating only "Buyer pays all shipping costs."
(singer: "Buyer pays all shipping costs.")

Unlike those dealers who hold buyers by the hand by telling them how much they will have to pay for a card, you demand your buyers be adult about it and guess how much you will charge them.
(singer: “It's time to grow up and guess”)

What's more, when people email you to ask what shipping is, you don't waste your time telling them; you conserve your time and energy and just delete their emails.
(singer: "Just delete their emails")

So crack open an ice-cold Dud Light, you king of efficency and mysterious man of few words, because your auctions attract bidders for whom money is no object, and neither is certainty.
(singer: “Mr. Doesn't State Shipping and Doesn't Respond to Emails Seller Guy”)



Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(singer: “Real Men of Genius”)

Today we salute you, Mr. Can't Spell the Player's Name in the Title Seller Guy
(singer: “Mr. Can't Spell the Player's Name in the Title Seller Guy”)

With those beautiful mint cards in front of you, you add challenge to our lives by choosing random ways to name players in the titles of your auctions.
(singer: "Who needs his real name?")

Unlike those auctions that blend into each other because they are sharing a listing for Sandy Koufax or Lou Gehrig, you stand apart from the crowd by selling cards of Mr. Kofax and Mr. Gerhig.
(singer: “Have your own search terms”)

You know that if we were really smart buyers worthy of your cards, we would search for Michael Jordon, Micky Mantel, and Mark Maguire.
(singer: "It's not Paul, it's Mark Maguire")

So crack open an ice-cold Dud Light, you prince of wordsmiths, because any man can sell PSA graded cards, but only a genius like you can offer a buyer the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own a Ted Wiliams PSA 8 card.
(singer: “Mr. Can't Spell the Player's Name in the Title Seller Guy”)


Nick

[edited for typo]

dude

Good ones Nick!

NickM

Thanks. They're still not as good as yours. I'm carrying an image of a Naugahyde sofa in my head now. And do you know how many rare orange Naugas died to make that sofa?

Nick

dude

Nick -- I believe two or three orange Naugas this size, would make one sofa.

toppsgun

I'm picturing the sofa up against cheap wood paneling in a double-wide somewhere in Arkansas.

CoachHouston247

Dude,

Its gotta be vacation time , isn't it?

Whatever the reason for the extra time, keep it up


Houston

Buckwheat

Nauga Link

liffeystynx

That big orange monstrosity pales into insignificance beside one set of card photos which I dearly wish I'd saved (except my stomach wouldn't let me).

Each card to be photographed was placed at the edge of a table top, so you were treated not only to the card but also to the proud photographer's incredibly hairy thighs as a framing device