Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius - Mr. $5 Shipping On A $10 Sportscard Guy

dude

Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(singer: “Real Men of Genius”)

Today we salute you, Mr. $5 Shipping On A $10 Sportscard Guy
(singer: “Mr. $5 Shipping On A $10 Sportscard Guy”)

You’ve got it all figured out and you run a lean and mean business machine.
You use only the cheapest envelopes with no extra padding for the cards.
(singer: “Used envelops work just fine!”)

There’s no need to go to the Post Office. You use just the exact amount of
stamps and throw it in the mailbox. Sure you take Paypal, but it will cost your
customers a lot more.
(singer: “$2 Paypal Service charge!”)

When customers receive the cards and complain that you charged them
that much and didn’t insure it, you console them by telling them, “What does
it matter? It got there didn’t it?”
(singer: “Whine, whine, whine!”)

So crack open an ice-cold Dud Light, business boy, because when you talk
about a “high rate of return”, you’re talking about shipping charges and not
repeat customers.
(singer: “Mr. $5 Shipping On A $10 Sportscard Guy”)

coachh

Thanks Dude. I ask, I receive.

interchanges

That was pretty good.
I hate it when I forget to see what some yo-yo's charge for shipping when I bid on a card.
After you win it you see why no one else bid on it. Because Mr. $5.00 shipping is sending it to you first class in an envelope that has 89 cents worth of postage.

Could you compose a commercial for Mr. $1,000 sportscard seller with a far-away fuzzy scan?

wolfbear

Thanks for the laughs Dude
err ... I mean ... Mr. Posts Funny Messages on the CU Board Guy

40ozman

Or my favorite,

Mr take pic of my card at an angle, so you can't see how off center it is. Has anybody else noticed this lately? mostly 80's cards

Basilone

You forgot the "self insurance" angle somewhere in the spot.

toppsgun

Under the heading of "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," Wolfbear, here you go (my apologies, Dan):

Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(singer: “Real Men of Genius”)

Today we salute you, Mr. Posts Funny Messages on the CU Board Guy
(singer: “Mr. Posts Funny Messages on the CU Board Guy”)

You’ve got the top Current Finest Set on the 1967 Baseball Card Registry.
You are compiling other high grade sets with your a-nal engineering training and background.
(singer: “All my submissions should be 9's!”)

You take the heat on this board and others from trolls such as Wentz, FatCat and all sorts of losers, yet
you never retaliate, but only post well-reasoned, thought out, factual rejoinders.
(singer: “Factual rejoinders!”)

When all of a sudden, out of the blue, you stumble across a great idea:
Take a popular commercial and entertain the bored board members with a little of your
Western Pennsylvania sense of humor. Heck, you're funny, it's just that so few know it yet.
(singer: “Is that Letterman or Leno calling?”)

So crack open an ice-cold Dud Light, comic boy, because when you dream up a spoof about
the card collecting hobby and post it on the CU message board, you know you're preaching to the choir.
(singer: “Amen and hallelujah, Mr. Posts Funny Messages on the CU Board Guy”)

CW

If I might offer another one under the heading of "imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery", and inspired by dude's original posts
on the theme...

*ahem*

Dud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(singer: "Real Men of Genius")

Today we salute you, Mr. Outrageously Overpriced "Buy It Now"
Auction Lister
(singer: "Mr. Outrageously Overpriced "Buy It Now" Auction Lister!")

You're the seller on eBay that trolls for the suckers in this world,
hoping someone will come along and buy your low grade cards for many
multiples of their market value. You haven't sold a card in years,
but you've paid enough eBay fees to last a lifetime.
(singer: "Press that button, sucker!")

You're the guy just hoping for another free listing day, so once again
you can list your entire inventory with those incredibly high buy it now
prices. 5,000 items that will never sell, auction software for listing
items, nooooo problem!
(singer: "Another free listing day!")

Most collectors spending big money on cards have the common sense to
do some research on pricing, but not in your world! To you, most people
searching on eBay just fell off of a fruit truck, and they will come
around to paying the high prices you demand.
(singer: "Just fell off the fruit truck!")

So crack open an ice-cold Dud Light, economicus majorus, because you
don't have an inventory, you have a museum!
(singer: "Mr. Outrageously Overpriced "Buy It Now" Auction Lister!")

Please drink responsibly!

CDC4

Good post. I think some marketing firm owes you guys for your creativity.

dude

Great stuff Toppsgun and CW!