OT - In a hole in the ground there lived an Ajaan

Aethelred · October 22, 2003 8:17AM

In a hole in the ground there lived an Ajaan. Not a tidy, clean, dry hole, filled with fine furnishings, nor a warm cozy hole with soft chairs to sit down on: it was an Ajaan hole, and that means filth.

This Ajaan was a not very well-to-do Ajaan, and his name was Bingo Greentoe. The Greentoes had lived in this hole for time out of mind, and people considered them very un-respectable, not only because they were dirty and poor, but because they had very bad manners. The Greentoes never had any adventures, not because they didn't care to, but because no wizard or dwarf would stop by their shabby Ajaan hole. This is the story of how Bingo Greentoe almost had an adventure.

One day Bingo Greentoe awoke to a knock on his door, which was perfectly round, unpainted and falling off it's hinges. Bingo jumped out of bed, which was really only a pile of straw on his muddy floor, and triped over a pile of cheap malt liquor bottles on his way to the door. Cursing and drunk Bingo answered the door. To his suprise it was not the police come to take him away again, but a tall wizard dressed in gray. The wizard looked down at the dirty little Ajaan and said sternly "Bingo Greentoe, you are drunk and half naked, put on your trousers!" Bingo stumbled back to his pile of dirty straw cursing as he went and found his trousers. He then returned to the wizard and said "I shall be taking Halfpenny ale at 4 p.m., will you join me?" The disgusted wizard said "I should rather be turned to stone and used as a perch for filthy pigeons, good day Sire Greentoe!" Bingo remained very drunk and poor to the end of his days, and those were extraordinarily short.

elverno · October 22, 2003 8:18AM

Will there be official coins?

newbiecollector · October 22, 2003 8:20AM

<<

Will there be official coins?

>>

If there are can you come and get me and Don at the pub?.. Thanks

laurentyvan · October 22, 2003 8:21AM

Heavy the head that bears the crown... welcome gentle bard to your new incarnation as storyteller

Aethelred · October 22, 2003 8:33AM

Next week I'll tell the tale of how Bingo Greentoe pawned a magic ring for PBR money.

newbiecollector · October 22, 2003 8:35AM

<< Next week I'll tell the tale of how Bingo Greentoe pawned a magic ring for PBR money. >>

Don't you dare tell them I gave him money for that!

wybrit · October 22, 2003 8:49AM

lordmarcovan · October 22, 2003 9:06AM

What wybrit said.

PBR money?

ajaan · October 22, 2003 9:10AM

I just have this to say: Mr. aethelbore, Mrs. ajaan did not like your reference to 'filth'. She prides herself in keeping this mad house, oh! sorry, mad hole, clean. She is gunning for you.

Aethelred · October 22, 2003 9:14AM

<< I just have this to say: Mr. aethelbore, Mrs. ajaan did not like your reference to 'filth'. She prides herself in keeping this mad house, oh! sorry, mad hole, clean. She is gunning for you. >>

I am sure she does the best she can under the circumstances!

spinaker2000 · October 22, 2003 9:16AM

See, now you've done it. Gotten Mrs. Ajaan Greentoe all in an up roar, not even old dead Kings are safe now.

Clankeye · October 22, 2003 9:16AM

A ripping good yarn!

Clankeye

a2labmom · October 22, 2003 9:18AM

Good story, Aethelred. Tell us more.

ajaan · October 22, 2003 9:19AM

Beth, please don't encourage him.

a2labmom · October 22, 2003 9:19AM

Oops.

Sorry, Don.

Aethelred · October 22, 2003 9:22AM

PBR = Pabst Blue Ribbon

1jester · October 22, 2003 10:49AM

That was so funny it was almost un-boring....

Askari · October 22, 2003 12:53PM

Aethelred · October 22, 2003 1:10PM

Peter Jackson just called......

Aethelred · October 22, 2003 11:30PM

<< Good story, Aethelred. Tell us more.

>>

I am working on a three part tale "Lord of the Coins" which will be published as follows:

Fellowship of the Coin
The Two Holders
Return of the PVC

This will tell the tale of how Bingo broke into a dragon's cave and made off with a coin collection that was owned by an evil wizard. I don't want to spoil the ending, but there is a lot of boozing and nakedness. Little Bingo spends most of the tale passed-out or in the drunk tank of the Mirkwood Co. Jail.

newbiecollector · October 22, 2003 11:35PM

<< 

<< Good story, Aethelred. Tell us more.

>>

I am working on a three part tale "Lord of the Coins" which will be published as follows:

Fellowship of the Coin
The Two Holders
Return of the PVC

This will tell the tale of how Bingo broke into a dragon's cave and made off with a coin collection that was owned by an evil wizard. I don't want to spoil the ending, but there is a lot of boozing and nakedness. Little Bingo spends most of the tale passed-out or in the drunk tank of the Mirkwood Co. Jail. >>

OK....you got me. I just Paypaled a bunch of bucks for the video....... now carry on..

Aethelred · October 25, 2003 10:01AM

We are going to ask Gary Coleman to star in the film!

mongoose · October 25, 2003 10:07AM

spinaker2000 · October 26, 2003 1:37PM

This got better while I was away.

Aethelred · November 20, 2003 10:26PM

Bingo is still upset about this!

elverno · November 21, 2003 2:02AM

coinkat · November 21, 2003 10:21AM

What a relief... I am not the only one who drinks PBR

lordmarcovan · November 21, 2003 10:34AM

Aethelred · November 21, 2003 10:37AM

I'd rather have a stout ice cold Guinness!

Aethelred · February 19, 2004 1:42PM

Bingo seems to be away on an adventure tonight!

1jester · February 19, 2004 6:54PM

As they say, every Greentoe has his day!

ajaan · February 20, 2004 10:24AM

I see no need for this thread to be brought back to life. It was a dud thread from day one, and still is.

wybrit · February 20, 2004 10:16PM

ttt

Aethelred · February 21, 2004 6:20AM

I see Greentoe is back from his "adventure!"

Aethelred · March 14, 2004 12:45PM

My hand was forced and I had to bring this one back.

Aethelred · March 15, 2004 11:38AM

I wanted the following by Laurent in the same place as my original Ajaan tale:

"In a light, airy castle in the sky there lived an Ajaan. Not a thing of twigs and silks this castle, but of cleanly hewn rock, brick and mortar. It was filled with all manner of writing desks and comfortable chairs and cubby holes and secret places where his treasures could be put and retrieved as needed.

This Ajaan was well-to do, and his name was Bingo Goldbutton, as he had sewn gold coins to his vest instead of buttons. The Goldbuttons had lived in their castle for many generations, and everyone in the surrounding countryside respected them, and called the Goldbuttons genteel and mannerly and generous, as several times a year Ajaan Goldbutton would pass out precious coins, extra’s from his burgeoning coin business. This is a story of how he sidestepped an adventure and took revenge on his only enemy.

One early morning Bingo heard a knock on his door. He opened it slowly, as it was massive and of intricately carved oak, the door swinging open on silent, well-oiled hinges. An old man stood at his door, unwashed, unkempt, and smelling of sausages and fish. Ajaan had never seen someone so thin, and touched by pity invited the beggar inside.

“Old man,” he asked, what is your name?”
“My name is Aethelred” the old man answered, throwing off his old coat and revealing well-worn armor and sword.
“Aethelred,” Bingo exclaimed, “my sworn enemy.”
“Aye, and today ‘tis your doom! No more will I allow you to steal business from me. Your slabbed coins are more respected than mine, and you undercut me on gold! You gave away hammered coins and charge less for shipping. Prepare to meet your maker.”

With that, Aethelred pulled his sword and made as if to strike.

“Stay your hand, OLD DEAD KING,” Ajaan intoned, his powerful voice echoing through the castle halls. “I KNOW YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE!”
Ajaan gestured with his hands, fingers forming intricate designs in mid-air. A glowing orb of light appeared in front of the old dead king who threw himself backwards in horror.
“No, not that, please!” he exclaimed but Ajaan was already speaking his words of power.

“Ike, Ike, take this enemy of mine,
and place your spell upon his eyes
so that all coins he sees are thine.”

With a sudden swooshing sound the ball of light darted around the room three times and then struck Aethelred full in the face. The dead king staggered and recoiled, and then glanced at a nearby desk where lay some coins. He moaned in despair, and turning, staggered out the door as fast as his skeletal legs would allow.
Ajaan smiled at the effect of his spell, which allowed the cursed to see only Eisenhower dollars, regardless of what coins he was actually looking at.
“Lucky I wasn’t really mad,” Ajaan muttered, “I could have used my Churchill spell and really ruined his days.”

And with that matter handled, Ajaan turned to a warm, delicious, and well-deserved breakfast."

Aethelred · November 16, 2004 11:34AM

A classic (in my twisted mind) thread brought back from the dead.

wybrit · November 16, 2004 11:36AM

Great retread!

coinkat · November 16, 2004 11:55AM

entertaining and well written... for an old dead king.

1jester · November 16, 2004 5:46PM

Nice classic thread!!!

Tassa · November 16, 2004 7:00PM

AuldFartte · November 17, 2004 12:49AM

I wasn't here a year ago or I'd have commented then, but ...

That's the funniest thing I've seen in a loooong time !!!

You really should consider writing more, Aethelred !!!

shirohniichan · November 17, 2004 1:03AM

<< We are going to ask Gary Coleman to star in the film! >>

Don't get me involved!

cosmicdebris · November 17, 2004 1:03AM

So why are his toes green?

ajaan · November 17, 2004 9:28AM

<< So why are his toes green? >>

Bill, any reference to green toes is just one of aethelbore's hallucinations.

cosmicdebris · November 17, 2004 9:59AM

<<aethelbore's hallucinations>>

Must be the shrooms.

guysmy · November 17, 2004 10:35AM

<< 

<< So why are his toes green? >>

Bill, any reference to green toes is just one of aethelbore's hallucinations. >>

Must be all that PVC.

Return of the PVC...that got a giggle outta me.

wybrit · November 18, 2004 11:40AM

ttt - for Gunners fans.

Askari · November 19, 2004 12:25AM

<< So why are his toes green? >>

What? You've never seen "The Rocky-Hole Horror Picture Show" and its revelations of the goings-on in Ajaansylvania?

Aethelred · October 24, 2005 11:46AM

ttt because Ajaan had it coming!

wybrit · October 24, 2005 11:51AM

Heh. Don't let this thread ever get in the archives.

OT - In a hole in the ground there lived an Ajaan

Comments