Coinguy1's "Class" Rip-off - Revenge Against Hall: Part 4-edited to add Zerbe
coinguy1
Posts: 13,484 ✭✭✭
Links to parts 1 through lll :
Part l
Part ll
Part lll
when we last left off with chapter lll :
"Sweating profusely, Hall opens the LAST door. He has a wicked grin on his now distorted face. In the room, tied to chairs, bound and gagged, are Michael Haynes and Paul Montgomery (they are two of the new head honchos at Coin Universe for those who haven't already heard). Next to them, in another chair, is homerunhall - he looks bigger/heavier and none too pleased.
But how can this be? Everyone is stunned, dazed and confused, just as they are when they try to read and understand each other's insane posts on the C.U. message boards. Homerunhall - the one standing, not the one in the chair, pulls off his amazingly well constructed mask (made by some of the coin doctors in the torture chamber). Revealed to everyone, is Donny Osmond. Huhh? Another mask is removed and it's really and truly Q. David Bowers!
His laugh is one that will haunt everyone in attendance (especially the three guys in the chairs) for the rest of their numismatic lives. I'm sure he'll write a great book about it some day and that it will be a best seller."
Now, on to chapter 4, the final chapter?.....
Ok, let's end part of the suspense immediately - yes, and contrary to various rumors and suggestions, it really is Q. David Bowers. It is not Mark Salzberg (owner of NGC), barberlover (who had been distraught about having to watch soaps with his wife AND not being included in previous chapters), Julian (who always posts like a gentleman but.....), NumisEd (who does not always post like Julian does), Mr. Coindoctor himself, Carol or Mrs. Hall.
Q. David, to the captivated and stunned crowd and to Hall, Haynes and Montgomery, still bound and gagged - he speaks calmly and quietly:
"Hey gang. I'd like to thank all of you for your support in the form of emails, letters, C. U. posts (many of which I understand were mysteriously deleted), donations and, most of all, for inviting me to this little get together." Thunderous applause erupts immediately and the house shakes at its very foundation.
The guys in the chairs squirm mightily and painfully. Dog97 snarls at them, (mean) Greg snarls at Dog, Jeremy says (come on, everyone, join in with me) "cool", and Bear, who will NOT be shot in this episode, swipes (playfully) at their unprotected, beet-red heads.
LucyBop says "Halldaddyo, I didn't like it too much when you picked on one of the only other women on the forum, the hepkat Laura. How do YOU like it, not being able to speak freely?" She then winks at him. Hall is still speechless. He tries to talk through the tape and sounds about as articulate as he does on his worst days on the forum.
Edited to add:
While all of this is going on, unnoticed to all, is the fact that Zerbe is in the corner by himself. And, he's not there for "Time Out" either! He has a heavenly expression on his face as he holds a mechanical device of unknown origin. It bears the initials "ZCDZ", which clearly stands for "Zerbe's Coin Doctor Zapper". I don't claim to know how it works. But, I do know this - like clockwork, every 10 seconds, Zerbe pushes a button and a red light comes on. And, each time he does so, screams can be heard down the hall, clearly emanating from the coin doctor torture chamber. And, each time he hears a scream, Zerbe grins a bit more broadly. Zerbe, Zerbe, Zerbe!
Now, back to Q. David and the rest of the gang.......
Q. David to the group - "I've just started my new auction company and have decided to branch out and include the sale of items other than coins. Any suggestions, folks?"
Lots of hands go up and dorkkarl is the first to speak, suggesting the auctioning of Coin Universe, itself, as that would solve part of the problem with slabbing all those damned coins. Others eagerly nod their heads in agreement, though dorkkarl quickly disagrees with his own suggestion, before catching himself and disagreeing with his disagreement.
Q. David : "dorkkarl I love the thought and I don't disagree but unfortunately, I don't own Coin Universe."
TDN and Adrian chime in, in unison "But Q., We've done some serious calculations and with the price of the stock where it is and all, and you can buy the entire float for about $2000"
Q. David looks at them in disgust and exclaims "Do you think I got where I am today by overpaying like that?"
In order to break the tension, dorkkarl suggests that "parts" of C.U. be sold in a private sale to be attended only by those present, then and there.
What parts you ask? Well, this writer can't reveal that just yet but suffice it to say that Q. David is in a room with three completely helpless C.U. guys tied to their chairs, who, among them, have 6 legs, 6 arms, six ears, 30 toes (though rumor has it that Michael Haynes bartered many of his with the Devil when he made a deal to work at TAGZ in his previous job) and so on - plenty of "parts" to choose from.
Part l
Part ll
Part lll
when we last left off with chapter lll :
"Sweating profusely, Hall opens the LAST door. He has a wicked grin on his now distorted face. In the room, tied to chairs, bound and gagged, are Michael Haynes and Paul Montgomery (they are two of the new head honchos at Coin Universe for those who haven't already heard). Next to them, in another chair, is homerunhall - he looks bigger/heavier and none too pleased.
But how can this be? Everyone is stunned, dazed and confused, just as they are when they try to read and understand each other's insane posts on the C.U. message boards. Homerunhall - the one standing, not the one in the chair, pulls off his amazingly well constructed mask (made by some of the coin doctors in the torture chamber). Revealed to everyone, is Donny Osmond. Huhh? Another mask is removed and it's really and truly Q. David Bowers!
His laugh is one that will haunt everyone in attendance (especially the three guys in the chairs) for the rest of their numismatic lives. I'm sure he'll write a great book about it some day and that it will be a best seller."
Now, on to chapter 4, the final chapter?.....
Ok, let's end part of the suspense immediately - yes, and contrary to various rumors and suggestions, it really is Q. David Bowers. It is not Mark Salzberg (owner of NGC), barberlover (who had been distraught about having to watch soaps with his wife AND not being included in previous chapters), Julian (who always posts like a gentleman but.....), NumisEd (who does not always post like Julian does), Mr. Coindoctor himself, Carol or Mrs. Hall.
Q. David, to the captivated and stunned crowd and to Hall, Haynes and Montgomery, still bound and gagged - he speaks calmly and quietly:
"Hey gang. I'd like to thank all of you for your support in the form of emails, letters, C. U. posts (many of which I understand were mysteriously deleted), donations and, most of all, for inviting me to this little get together." Thunderous applause erupts immediately and the house shakes at its very foundation.
The guys in the chairs squirm mightily and painfully. Dog97 snarls at them, (mean) Greg snarls at Dog, Jeremy says (come on, everyone, join in with me) "cool", and Bear, who will NOT be shot in this episode, swipes (playfully) at their unprotected, beet-red heads.
LucyBop says "Halldaddyo, I didn't like it too much when you picked on one of the only other women on the forum, the hepkat Laura. How do YOU like it, not being able to speak freely?" She then winks at him. Hall is still speechless. He tries to talk through the tape and sounds about as articulate as he does on his worst days on the forum.
Edited to add:
While all of this is going on, unnoticed to all, is the fact that Zerbe is in the corner by himself. And, he's not there for "Time Out" either! He has a heavenly expression on his face as he holds a mechanical device of unknown origin. It bears the initials "ZCDZ", which clearly stands for "Zerbe's Coin Doctor Zapper". I don't claim to know how it works. But, I do know this - like clockwork, every 10 seconds, Zerbe pushes a button and a red light comes on. And, each time he does so, screams can be heard down the hall, clearly emanating from the coin doctor torture chamber. And, each time he hears a scream, Zerbe grins a bit more broadly. Zerbe, Zerbe, Zerbe!
Now, back to Q. David and the rest of the gang.......
Q. David to the group - "I've just started my new auction company and have decided to branch out and include the sale of items other than coins. Any suggestions, folks?"
Lots of hands go up and dorkkarl is the first to speak, suggesting the auctioning of Coin Universe, itself, as that would solve part of the problem with slabbing all those damned coins. Others eagerly nod their heads in agreement, though dorkkarl quickly disagrees with his own suggestion, before catching himself and disagreeing with his disagreement.
Q. David : "dorkkarl I love the thought and I don't disagree but unfortunately, I don't own Coin Universe."
TDN and Adrian chime in, in unison "But Q., We've done some serious calculations and with the price of the stock where it is and all, and you can buy the entire float for about $2000"
Q. David looks at them in disgust and exclaims "Do you think I got where I am today by overpaying like that?"
In order to break the tension, dorkkarl suggests that "parts" of C.U. be sold in a private sale to be attended only by those present, then and there.
What parts you ask? Well, this writer can't reveal that just yet but suffice it to say that Q. David is in a room with three completely helpless C.U. guys tied to their chairs, who, among them, have 6 legs, 6 arms, six ears, 30 toes (though rumor has it that Michael Haynes bartered many of his with the Devil when he made a deal to work at TAGZ in his previous job) and so on - plenty of "parts" to choose from.
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Comments
Bwahhhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhaaaaa! Mark, hold your submissions for a day or two.
and it sets us apart from practitioners and consultants. Gregor
"Senorita HepKitty"
"I want a real cool Kitty from Hepcat City, to stay in step with me" - Bill Carter
Pretty good story. But how many parts are there to this?
Much more and I think I'll wait for the movie to come out.
When that happens, who would you select to play the leading roles?
You have way too much time on your hands and I think you missed your calling!
Put down the loupe and pick up the pen!
MORE PLEASE!
Andy
First POTD 9/19/05!!
Mark--I've got nothing to lose when I satirize these guys, but you? Be careful. You don't want certain body parts ending up in David Hall's shark tank.
Maybe the forum is David Hall's shark tank. Now there's a thought.
Clankeye
<< <i>Maybe the forum is David Hall's shark tank. Now there's a thought.
I was wondering why my computer keeps playing the theme from "Jaws" every time I log on to this site!
Andy
First POTD 9/19/05!!
Keep em coming Mark!
Check out my PQ selection of Morgan & Peace Dollars, and more at:
WWW.PQDOLLARS.COM or WWW.GILBERTCOINS.COM
Typical of many stories, there seems to be more questions than answers. Please keep them coming!
Regards,
Wayne
Wayne
www.waynedriskillminiatures.com
Well watching the latest episode of "as the stomach turns" is fun, but it can't keep up with the laughs i've been getting here recently. I hope to meet some of you from my area on Saturday but in the mean time, Stay tuned to Marks next episode of AS THE STOMACH TURNS PART 5 Les
K S
Don't think for a second, that you wont be ripped to shreds in the next one (when or if it is written)
K S
Camelot