"Good Morning Class" 4 -- Heaven Explained

Clankeye

Mrs. Coinboard: Good morning class!
All: Good morning Mrs. Coinboard!
Mrs. CB: Class, today we have a special treat. The Angel of Marshall Bear has offered to give us all a glimpse of Heaven!
All: YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!
The roof of the classroom opens up, and there is the smiling Angel of Marshall Bear
The Angel of Marshall Bear: Children, in life, I was but a little bear. But, in death... I'M A MESSENGER OF THE LORD! Which makes me pretty darn important...
--Silence--
C'mon coinpokes! Don't all speak at once... someone ask ol' Angel Bear a question....
MadMarty: Is that guy in the Blue Moon Coins photo Jesus?
Angel Bear: Well, hell no, he isn't! But...(points skyward) he is FAVORED BY THE LORD!
Nic: Why?
Angel Bear: Cuz... the meek will inherit the earth--how the hell should I know... NEXT QUESTION!
Shirohniichan: What is the nature of Heaven, and how does it function? As a democracy or a totalitarian society?
Angel Bear: GOOD QUESTION!!!! Kids, turns out there's three levels of Heaven. One's okay, the other's pretty good, and the last one's CONSIDERED THE BEST BY EVERYONE BUT DORKKARL!!
ClarkOfKent: Wow! How do you get in?
Angel Bear: Well, when ya die, God looks at your life for 10 seconds and assigns you a grade. If yer grade's high enough—YOU’RE IN!
Mrs. Coinboard: I have a question Angel Bear... are there spirits in Heaven?
Angel Bear: Well of course there are, Coin-broad... IT'S FULL OF ANGELS!
Mrs. CB: I mean... can I get a drink?
Angel Bear: (Scowling) I hope so... cuz your lookin' like a thousand miles of bad road, honey. NEXT QUESTION!
Mr. Lee: Yeah... if you're in one level of Heaven… but want to get to the other... how d'ya do it?
Angel Bear: Well, ya gotta crossover, slim. God pulls ya outta yer slab, takes another look at ya, and decides if he can stand havin' ya at his right hand!
Kranky: Using what criteria?
Angel Bear: Only God knows, AND HE AIN'T TELLIN'!. I know this though, best way to change levels in Heaven... is to go back to life, die all over again, and come back and just let God judge ya fresh. If ya end up in a bodybag... WELL, HELL! Ya were in one to begin with, WHO CARES!
KlectorKid: (sobbing) I don't wanna be in a bodybag!
Angel Bear: (laughing) Well... how 'bout a nice limepit?
All: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
Spooly: Will Michael Jackson get to Heaven?
Angel Bear: HELL NO!
Nucklehead: Why?
Angel Bear: He's AT, ya idiot.
Gmarguli: Angel Bear, I got a question about Heaven?
Angel Bear: Don't even bother, Greg. Thanks for askin' though---

SUDDENLY THERE IS A PUFF OF SMOKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. STANDING THERE IS ANGEL BEAR'S EVIL TWIN--- DEVIL BEAR

Devil Bear: Please, allow me to introduce myself, class. I'm a man of wealth and taste!
All: STEWART BLAY!!!!!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Devil Bear: WRONG!!!!! Next week kiddies, you're mine... all mine....
(laughing maniacally) BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! Suuuccckkkeeeerzzzz.... (he fades away)
---Silence-----
Airplanenut: Cool.

MAULUMALL

Damn funny stuff

coinguy1

Clankeye,

I'm thinking maybe that "good eye for color" thread of yours took more out off you than I'd realized

UncleJoe

Great stuff!!! I particularly like the AT part.

Joe.

airplanenut

I like the last line

COOL

LanLord

Yeeee-ha!

Askari

ROTFLMAO!! Three Coins Up!! (Dark Side coins, naturally.)

JeffinMich

LOL. Good stuff. I was just thinking that it was time for a new "Good Morning Class" summary.

09sVDB

Too funny, I like the bodybag part.

keets

hey clank

your music being tops is only exceeded by your clever humor!!! maybe you should do some stuff in the vein of "wierd AL" about our wild weekends here and see how it turns out.

al h.

dpoole

You oughta syndicate this series, Clank!

RLinn

Wow! I think Anaconda blew it by dropping out of school. I'm staying in class for next week's lesson from Devil Bear.

Bear

Hey, Even I didnt know that I had an evil twin. I can hardly wait a whole

week to meet him.

I guess that the answer lies somewhere in Clanks fertile brain.

Bear

Clankeye

RLinn, dpoole, Keets, LanLord, JeffinMich, 09sVDB.... and all the many others from past threads that have posted and said you enjoy these.... thank you very much for your words and laughter. I enjoy writing them, and obviously I enjoy participating in the forum. They are offered in the spirit of fun, and it is fun to read your responses and posts in turn. Thanks.

My special thanks to Bear, aka Marshall Bear, Angel Bear and now Devil Bear, who has been patient while he has in various episodes been set on fire, turned into a US Marshall, shot, brought back to life as Angel Bear and now turned into Devil Bear. Hang in there, Bear. One of these weeks I will introduce everyone to Hugh Hefner Bear. And it will all have been worth while. I promise.

Clank

MadMarty

Too Damn Funny!!! What a way to brighten up a dull Monday!!

MadMarty

<< <i>Hey, Even I didnt know that I had an evil twin. >>



Bear + Tequila = Evil Bear Twin!!!! Not a good sight!!!
Bear + ACG Slabbed coin = Bad Bear Twin (the one with no brain)!!
Bear + Kincoin in mouth, ripping him to shreads = Cheers from the rest of the board
Bear + MS67DMPL Morgan = Happy Bear!!!!

KINCOIN

MadMarty
Veteran

Hey do you have any more of the Pissing Florida's that Piss on Casto's Cuba?

KINGCOIN KING OF COINS

Bear

Mad marty - I enjoyed your response, thank you. I am however rather

particular what and who I tear to shreds. Some of these human creatures

could give you rabies or some such bad stuff. Especially you know who. Bear

MadMarty

Remember, if a bear eats a troll, he must also eat Pepto-bismol or have one hell of a bear tummy ache.

Pat, just poking a bit of fun. And yes I have 2 or 3 of those die cracks... But they are not Proofs.

shirohniichan

Clankeye, your bizarre sense of humor puzzles me and every other member of of the Sarcasm-Impaired Coin Knowledge Organization Society (SICKOS).

BTW, I thought heaven was an autonomous collective.

Bear

LanLord

Ya know, when someone goes nuclear on these forums and begins to pi$$ everyone off, it makes it all worth while knowing that it's all just adding a few more lines to the next weeks script.

Keep em coming.

MrLee

Absolutely hilarious Clankeye. You've turned it into a mini-series. LOL

KlectorKid

i like the body bag part this could be the forums sunday comic

ClarkOfKent

Clankeye,

You have a way of capturing the essence of the forum experience. In one short line you were able to convey my innocence and youthful exuberance. Well, you folks obviously don't know me very well yet!

Clark

Edited after a visit to the spell-checker.

mdwoods

Wow. My questions have finally been answered. Thanks Clankeye. Very creative. mdwoods

Bear

Clank - In case you dont get a chance to read the rating members thread:

For distinguished achievement in a written continuing series

you are hereby awarded Bears coveted "GROWL OF APPROVAL"

for excellence, in providing this Forum with enjoyment and happiness with your

Schooltime Tales Well Done my friend !!!!!!!! Bear

Bear

Its been such a heavy day, I thought one more reading

might lighten the mood for all of us. A depressed bear

MadMarty

<< <i> A depressed bear >>



That is sooooooo sad, could it be a:

A miserable moon bear
A cranky Kodiak bear
A pissed off Polar bear
A pooped out Panda
A grumpy Grizzley
A bummed brown bear

Cheer up bear! I could always be worse, your kid (if you have one), could put your best IHC into a gumball machine!!!

Cam40

I think clankeye and truthteller are the same person.