The very first Free Ballers contest!

uwftke26

yeah, it's time for a CU contest, the Free Ballers way. Best answer gets a nice prize from me, none of that $10 GU crap. here's the question:

Tell the story of the most rotten thing you've ever done to a girl. Now, if you went OJ on someone, please don't reply. Looking for funny stories, we all know guys can be total d!cks, now how about some hard proof! I will chime in with mine at some point, I'll just tell you it involves legos and let your minds wander.

By the way, giving someone a venereal disease is not funny. You've ruined her for the rest of us, jerk.

Best story wins...make us laugh!

SoDoMoJo

VENERIAL DISEASE ISN'T WELCOME?!!?!?!!?!? DAM i'm OUT!!!!!!!! lol hahahahahahahahahahaha

SoDoMoJo

Actually the 1st time included me a girl and a dog a lot of moaning and yelping hmmmmmm maybe this shouldn't be posted!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol hehehehehehehehehehehehe naw don't worry i'm not into that kinda stuff like Chad is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

playr050

Went to the movies, forget which one it was, but it was a scary flick. It started getting gory, so she puts her hands over her eyes....but for like 10 minutes straight, so I whispered in her ear, "I paid $10 for this, you better watch that damn movie", it was a semi-serious joke ...but of course she didn't take it that way, got pissed and walked out, being the gentleman that I am, instead of following her out, I stayed in the theater and finished watching the movie...I think she called her parents for a ride home, dunno, don't care . That's all I got since giving a girl VD was thrown out .

uwftke26

I shouldn't have to tell anyone this, but also, hitting a girl is never, ever, ever funny. Ever.

uwftke26

LOL good start player.

SoDoMoJo

OUCH CHAD DAT'S WACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

dirtmonkey

I have had more rude and tasteless things I will not mention, but one that comes to mind was being with a girl at a party. After we went to the bedroom to... well, to you know. Exercise for a bit. Drunk as you could only be when you were 15 and at a huge party. After the activities, I looked for something to....hmmmhmmm,
clean up with. I just grabbed what was on the floor because it wasn't my house. I proceeded to get dressed
and then we prepared to go back to the party. As I opened the door to let her out and the light in, I realized I must have used her shirt because not only was it nice and shiny, but it had my "protective gear" stuck to the back of it. I didn't have the nerve to tell her, but I did tell all of my friends everytime she walked by...

Naslike2

there was this 1 girl who was goin out with one of my friends she was being an b**ch to me for like a week for no reason so i told my friend that she cheated on him with some other kid in my school my friend then beat the crap out of this other kid who i said she cheated with then broke up with her i havent spoke to the girl since that day and my friend and her havent talk either and i really dont even care

uwftke26

Yep, this is going to be the greatest contest ever.

bjork73

Hmmmm... generally I have always treated women like the goddesses they deserve to be treated like but when I was 12, a couple days after this seriously wacked-out girl intentionally rubbed a bleeding cut into my shirt I unzipped the part of the backpack where she kept her cigs (we walked part of the same route home, so I knew right where she kept them); she, not knowing of this ('twas a small pocket) flung the backpack on and flung a pack's worth of Camel Lights out all over the classroom My friends (who knew what I was up to) walked quietly out of the room and down the hall (before the round of raucous laughter and high-fives commenced ) while she got a chewing-out and a 3-day suspension

uwftke26

My junior year in college, this chick Angie used to have this big crush on me. Thing was, she had a smoking bod but bad, bad acne (my best freind Matt referred to her as craterface. Even I wasn't THAT much of a d!ck). So anyhoo, one night while terribly trashed at the frat house, I convince her to take me to the 24 hour Walmart and buy me stuff (in Pensacola, there's a 24 hour Walmart on like every street corner). In my severe dunken state, I decided to get her to buy me a bunch of the ninja Lego stuff (growing up, I loved legos) and she did...to the tune of like $75. I was very pleased, I went hom and played with legos and drink more tequila, and blew her off.

Of course, later that night I just hooked up with her anyways. Man, I used to drink too much.

dirtmonkey

I still drink too much... One of the many benefits of being retired and having a wonderful wife that supports me.... and my habit

uwftke26

LOL ahh the good life.

Lets see some more entries!

NickM

During college, I played a joke on a girl I disliked (I don't remember why any more - it was over a decade ago). I knew that she was going to have to solve some problems on the chalkboard in front of the whole class that day - everyone had a couple days that were their turn. Before class, I poured about a third of a cup of water on her chair - she hadn't gotten in the room yet. She arrived right before class started and sat down without noticing the water. She was wearing blue jeans at the time. She fidgeted and looked uncomfortable, but didn't have anywhere to go. Not long into class, she got called up to the board at the front of the room to work out the assigned problems. By the time she reached the board, just about the whole class had seen that she had a large wet spot extending from the middle of her backside to almost halfway down her thighs - as if she had wet herself. She had to stand with her back to everyone and work through the problems for about 5 minutes, during all of which the room was abuzz with barely suppressed laughter. The best part was somebody else's doing the next day - he put an empty box of Pampers on her desk before class started. She had the nickname Pampers until graduation.

Nick

Lantz

Well, I guess I'll jump in here. I was thinking of a semi-clean story to tell,and decided on this one:

Back in High School, my friends and I were all at a party that was going into the wee hours. Sometime around 3 am,we noticed that one of the hottest chicks we had ever known had snuck off into a bedroom with another buddy. Morgan was her name. 34 DD's. At this point,givin our level of intoxication at the time,our childich couriosity got the best of us! Myself,and 4 other members of the Brew Crew snuck around the back of the house to the sliding glass door of the master bedroom. The moans and groans from the dark bedroom had us giggling like schoolgirls. We all had the same thing on our minds....SNEAK IN!!! The sliding door was unlocked,so all 5 of us crawled commando-style to the foot of the bed (undetected). After peeking up to get a glimpse of Morgan's silloette,we were absolutely delighted that we were totally unnoticed! After about 3 or 4 minutes,I found myself sitting on the corner of the bed!!!!!! LOL I was covering my mouth to hold back the laughter. But in between Morgan's screems, I let out a large belch!!!!! The room went completely quite......then she jumped up screaming!! "Who is in here?!?!!!!!" The other fellas made a mad dash for the door! By the time Morgan got to the lightswitch and turned on the lights,there I was.Drunken. Trying to get into the closet that I thought was the door!!!!!! While screaming and cussing,Morgan shot 2 shoes at me,one of which landed a direct blow to my ear,causing it to bleed. None of my friends fessed up to being involved,leaving me to be the lone perv and frowned upon by the other gals in her group!

Long,I know,but that's all I have.

Lantz

uwftke26

LOL this is some great stuff! This contest will definitely be some heated competition.

ilya

these are great!

i got none to tell tho

americanfreak

lol you are right this is some great stuff

c0LLect0r

Oh lawd Lantz...I was LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bahahahaha that was hilarious to read. This wont win but it was funny to me...

Two years ago (when I was 10) we were at recess and this girl had thrown a kickball at my face that gave me a bloody nose. After I cleaned off the blood with my shirt I saw her playing 4-sqare with some of her friends. So I went up and started taking bout her boyfriend (my bestfriend). I was saying how he had made-out with this girl while he was on vacation a couple days before thy started going out. By this time she was gettin pretty p!$$ed off. So we went inside and right when I turned around she slapped me in the face. I had a handprint for about an hour. So later in the afternoon while we were eating lunch she got up to get some napkins. I had some extra ketchup packets so like any bad boy would do I opened them up and put them on her seat. And when she came back she didn't notice them and she sat on them. She sat up right away and when she did everyone saw. Everyone was cracking up soooooo hard and half the lunch room was chanting "period, period!" (yes, they did and yes we had seen "the video" a few weeks before the incidant). It was well worth the in-school suspention.

uwftke26

Oh my God dude, thats mad harsh.

SkiVermont3

heh...well, i was going out with this girl Amanda for about 5 months, and she started acting really distant...she started not returning my phone calls (well, this would be explained later ) so anyways, i was thinking this totally sucks, so i was at a party one friday night...i got a lil drunk, and i saw her best friend, Mellisa there. We got to talkin, and i knew Mellisa always liked me, but i was going out with Amanda at the time. Well...she was plasted, and i was a lil drunk, but anways, we went upstairs, and after talking for a few minutes, she took her shirt off, and unzipped my pants and started giving me head...which was awesome by the way...but anyways, little did i know, amanda was coming back from vacation, and about 10 minutes into our lil fun session, amanda walked in and spazzed out...it was hilarious..she started screaming and crying...lol...the party was at this girl Jackie's house, and she must have told Amanada that I or Mellisa was upstairs...well, after all of the cursing and hitting subsided, amanda told me to "GO FU (K MYSELF" and I told her, "I dont have to, your best friend just got done giving me head"...well, that lil comment sent her over the edge, and she went screaming and crying out of the room and out of Jackies house...Amanda was a b!t(h to me anways, i didnt feel that bad about it, but i gotta admit, it was hilarious and i got some head out of it im not a playa, i just crush alot

Colt

I got some pretty funny ones (as some of you know lol) The only ones I care to share with everyone......
THIS IS RATHER GRAPHIC AND IS NOT FOR THE KIDDIES !

I had just started high school and there were 2 big middle schools that combined, us guys from our school was startin to talk to the girls from the other school. The first weekend of high school for me lead up to me bein in a very drunken state, I was at a party and this girl i had just met from the other school, we started talkin and we ended up all over each other. She decided she wasn't gonna go all the way but she would "Go down" LMAO. Anyways she told me not to "you know" in her mouth. Well I was drunk and i really meant to give her a warning, but I was too late. LOL All I rember sayin was "Ooops" I woke up the next day and it was all pretty hazzy but with some help from my friends I rembered kinda what happened. Then on Monday at school I told her that I couldn't really rember what happened but I was sorry. She said it was okay, but I could tell she was mad at me. We ended up bein pretty good friends. One day we was talkin about how it was when we all started Highschool and I asked her if she rembered when she first met me and she kinda laughed and she said "Yeah, thats one of those things you don't really forget about" haha
I didn't do this on purpose but its prolly one of the only things I actually felt bad about doin.

uwftke26

Ski man, I expected a funnier entry from you. Something like Colt's LOL

Colt

Ill give Ski props though
you gotta love the ol' best friend move lol

SkiVermont3

nooooo....you guys gotta read it again...i was just too lazy to fill in the details

tell me thats not hilarious

SkiVermont3

LMAO colt...ive done that too! just when i did it, it was on purpose...lol

Colt

Ski- Thats not cool man. Im takin my props back lol
Doin some dumb stuff to just be funny and mess around is one thing but you are just dirty man lol
I say you are disqualified causin makin girls cry isnt cool lol

SkiVermont3

dirty?! aw.....dude, that hurts...

Colt

lol, yeah im sure it would hurt a real sensitive guy like you
lmao

SkiVermont3

me? youre the dude who was too drunk to know when to tell the chick when you were gonna blow....ass!

Colt

dang man im just kiddin lol
chill

SkiVermont3

lol, so was i

Colt

I knew a fellow playa couldnt be playa hatin'
haha

uwftke26

You guys are both mad dirty lol

By the way, watch out, duncangal has decided that since she doesn't wish to participate in this post, no one can without getting griped at

KBryant1

yall all messed up

SkiVermont3

awwwwwwwwww...we were having so much funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

uwftke26

Yeah, it's really a shame that one person gets to play self-appointed censor.

vittleboy

I Think most of you are just making this stuff up. Its sounds to made up.

Also ski and colt getting head whould never happen so i know thats fake.

uwftke26

Hey vittle, you talk the talk but now you must walk the walk, come, share your "tale of woe."

Colt

You can think what you want man. Its a free country, you can say whatever you want. So go ahead and voice your opinion, everyone else does. I don't care what you think. It was a fun post, alotta people seemed to be havin fun then everyone turns on it. LOL

vittleboy

Why would anyone want to give out that info on them. It just makes you look like the biggest a hole on this board. Sure i have had my bad encounters with the opposite sex but i dont think you guys need to know that stuff. Also i dont want to piss off duncangal because she a hell of alot nicer then most of you on this board

PS I got a real funny one but i am a gentleman and it would make me into a bad guy telling the story

uwftke26

Oh vittle, I'm so disappointed in you. You gotta learn to live.

Colt

maybe im the only person that has ever set around with my friends and shared embarasing and funny stories.

vittleboy

Lets se here uwftke26 you and i have never delt and duncangal hooks me up all the time ya i really want to pis s her off. And what do i gain with a story nothing because i whould tell real and it whouldnt have a wild stuff that MOST of the Time never happens.

uwftke26

Colt man, thats all I did in college in my free time.

I'm going to ask that people continue to post here, obviously adhering to your own standards of decency. Don't let the gestapo out there push you around.

Colt

lmao, no doubt

yeah man, you can send me my prize tommarow. HAHA

uwftke26

Colt, would you like to be in FREE BALLERS? it won't always be like this, we're going to do some cool things together.