Today is two years since my wife died...but also last month marked 20 years since UK graduation

Estil

So essentially I had both a sad sort of anniversary as well as a happier anniversary about a month ago. Last May 10 marks the 20th anniversary of me graduating from the University of Kentucky (BA history, BA political science)...which to date I consider the second happiest day of my life. Yes I know they're not those trendy, sexy STEM majors and I knew all along they didn't have anywhere near six figure earning potential but I studied the subjects I enjoyed most and I got to experience lots of good memories during my time at UK...especially the night before graduation when some of my dormmates (I was in Blanding 3 (RIP) Room 208 all four years believe it or not) and I played Mario Kart 64 and watched Jackass on MTV (don't ask) together. Now I've not been back to UK since but I can't get over how much about it has changed in the past 20 years...not the least of which the Kirwan-Blanding dorms, K-Lair Grill, and the original Student Center are gone.

But today marks a very sad anniversary...I cannot believe it's already been two years since I got the phone call early the morning of June 9, 2021 that my wife passed away. 😢 I actually have among her belongings from the nursing home (Columbia Healthcare in Evansville to be exact; there weren't any in our hometown she could use sadly) one of those peel off 365 day calendars showing June 8 with a few notes/figures she wrote on it...not knowing it'd be her last full day on Earth. 😢 BTW I want to thank everyone here once again for all the support/encouragement you gave me as well as how several of you chipped in some money for me to help pay for final expenses and such (I'm glad she opted for cremation so that I can always keep both her and our dearly departed first cat Tweetie's ashes close by me in my apt and not just buried in the ground somewhere miles away).

But lately I've been feeling a bit concerned about how will I be when it's my grandma's time to go (and yes she most definitely helped me through when my wife died with emotional support and all that). For someone nearing 91 she's okay-ish in terms of physical health though her memory isn't what it used to be (NO, she does not have Alzheimers or anything of that nature). Now don't misunderstand me, I'm well aware I am super lucky to have had her and my grandpa (he died in 2012) as long as I have. But still, I've known my grandma for pretty much all my life and it was bad enough losing my wife so I don't know how it'll be when it's her time to go. I do go visit her on early Sunday afternoons to play 500 Rummy (she used to play Pedro with grandpa and a couple of relatives so naturally I figured maybe she missed that) and there's a jigsaw puzzle at her house too I get to work on (as a certain cute little four legged blonde would bat around and lose pieces if I tried it at my place!). So obviously I'm doing my best to make the most of whatever time she ends up having left but still...even if she lives to be 95 or even 100 it's still gonna really suck balls when it's her time to go.😢

ldferg

I lost my closest grandma in 09. She raised me through my teenage years and I lived with her until I was married. She was my rock. God helped me get through that loss and I know he will comfort you when the time comes. Know there is a better place after this physical time on earth and she will be enjoying it. Praying for you as you mourn your wife.

craig44

Losing loved ones is about the toughest thing we will have to go through. I have lost a sibling, parent, most grandparents and some friends along the way. It will be very tough. and no doubt for a long time, but you will get through it.

JolleyWrencher

You're doing the right thing by talking about it to people you trust. I'm watching an extremely slow train wreck with my father and some days I break down when I cherish memories and other days I'm thrilled he was my father.

Estil

@JolleyWrencher said:
You're doing the right thing by talking about it to people you trust.

Including you guys? I mean the only other forum/message boards I really go on is over at videogamesage.com.

And I don't think I ever told or even brought up this, but I have my lovely late wife to thank for making me a wannabe crazy cat lady! I just wish my mean apt would let me have more than one kitty...