@ricko said:
There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!)
This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man softly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"
"Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.
So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.
Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think about that?"
The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast."
Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.
"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.
He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.
The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"
They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!
"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"
He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear.
The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"
I'm trying to lose weight so I don't cut my sandwiches.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
@PerryHall said:
I'm trying to lose weight so I don't cut my sandwiches.
I know what you mean. I went to pick up a pizza the other day and they asked me if I wanted it cut in 8 slices. I said no thanks, I don't think I can eat that many, just cut it in 4.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
A couple are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll try being a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so the husband says,
"Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him you charge a hundred bucks. Any questions and I'll be parked around the corner."
She stands outside the bar for about five minutes showing her leg, when a guy pulls up and asks "How much?".
She says, "$100".
He replies, "All I got is thirty."
She says, "Hold on," and runs back to the husband and asks, "What now? What can he get for thirty?"
He thinks for a moment. "A h--d job", the husband replies. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a h--d job. He agrees and she gets in the car.
He unzips his trousers, and what she sees makes her gasp. She stares at it for a few seconds, then says. "I'll be right back.." She runs back to the husband. "What's wrong now?" he asks.
She puffs "Any chance you could lend this guy $70?
Comments
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
And pay an arm and a leg - especially if it was out of the country.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
We sure miss RichO’s jokes on the Humor thread
Lafayette Grading Set
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
I'm trying to lose weight so I don't cut my sandwiches.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
I know what you mean. I went to pick up a pizza the other day and they asked me if I wanted it cut in 8 slices. I said no thanks, I don't think I can eat that many, just cut it in 4.
My anvil...Roadrunner approved...
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
I hate Monday mornings.
You aren’t going to eat all of that are you?
Honey, now explain to me again why we purchased those expensive dog and cat beds. By the way we need a bigger couch.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Monk would cut the crust off and make it square
Lafayette Grading Set
A couple are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll try being a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so the husband says,
"Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him you charge a hundred bucks. Any questions and I'll be parked around the corner."
She stands outside the bar for about five minutes showing her leg, when a guy pulls up and asks "How much?".
She says, "$100".
He replies, "All I got is thirty."
She says, "Hold on," and runs back to the husband and asks, "What now? What can he get for thirty?"
He thinks for a moment. "A h--d job", the husband replies. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a h--d job. He agrees and she gets in the car.
He unzips his trousers, and what she sees makes her gasp. She stares at it for a few seconds, then says. "I'll be right back.." She runs back to the husband. "What's wrong now?" he asks.
She puffs "Any chance you could lend this guy $70?
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
"Kharis, For the Honor of Egypt you must retrieve King Farouk's Double Eagle!"
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.