Just a little story

It's 4:30 p.m. Time to check the mail. As usual, my wife is taking a nap before getting up to watch some TV. My heart starts to beat a little fast. Palms become sweaty. Temperature rises. Today could be the day the card I ordered might arrive in the mailbox, and I better get there before my wife wakes up, or I won't have enough time to hide it before she sees it. I think to myself, " she's 5 foot 3, 168 pounds soaking wet, and I'm scared to death of her."I have to get to the mailbox before she has a chance. If she intercepts the latest card I've ordered, then it will result in yet another scolding of mass proportions. She will say "we are on a budget, how many times do I have to tell you, no more cards this month"! So I sneak out the back door as usual, and make my way to the mailbox. I get there just as the mail man is driving off. I open the box, and there it is, my latest purchase from Ebay. I rush to the back door, and slip inside. "Where can I stash this one, I'm starting to run out of hiding places. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I turn around and there she is. Busted cold. The rest of the story is pretty obvious. Yet another 30 minute scolding. As of now, I am on card ordering probation. I will have to be monitored 24/7. Of course my probation officer is my wife, or as I like to call her, "The goalie", because not much gets past her.

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Answers

  • stevekstevek Posts: 21,561 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Just tell her you're doing it as an investment for her and the children's future.

    She probably won't buy it, but then again if she buys just a little bit of it, you're still ahead. :)

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭
    edited April 13, 2019 7:38PM

    @brendanb438 said:
    Get a P.O. Box. Or grow a pair.

    I have a pair, but my wife keeps them in a mason jar on the shelf!

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @stevek said:
    Just tell her you're doing it as an investment for her and the children's future.

    She probably won't buy it, but then again if she buys just a little bit of it, you're still ahead. :)

    We don't have kids yet, so can't use that one!

  • magicpapamagicpapa Posts: 271 ✭✭✭

    :)

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @magicpapa said:

    :)

    Guilty as charged. That's what I am.

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭
    edited April 13, 2019 11:22AM

    @lawnmowerman said:
    Just tell her you have the disease Cerebral Carditis (inflammatory condition marked by swelling of the brain).
    It is incurable but symptoms can be managed by purchasing cards. Side effects may include, inappropriate happiness, feelings of euphoria, feelings of satisfaction and glassy eyes. On rare occurrences, constipation or sudden cardiac failure. Please see your doctor to see if this medication is right for you.

    If she catches me again, and I break my probation, they'll be some swelling of my brain! One right upside my head!

  • nam812nam812 Posts: 9,305 ✭✭✭

    @lawnmowerman said:
    Just tell her you have the disease Cerebral Carditis (inflammatory condition marked by swelling of the brain).
    It is incurable but symptoms can be managed by purchasing cards. Side effects may include, inappropriate happiness, feelings of euphoria, feelings of satisfaction and glassy eyes. On rare occurrences, constipation or sudden cardiac failure. Please see your doctor to see if this medication is right for you.

    lawnmowerman= forum legend.

    My 1910 Champions T218 set at 100% with a GPA of 5.047, and all 153 cards are scanned.
  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @nam812 said:

    @lawnmowerman said:
    Just tell her you have the disease Cerebral Carditis (inflammatory condition marked by swelling of the brain).
    It is incurable but symptoms can be managed by purchasing cards. Side effects may include, inappropriate happiness, feelings of euphoria, feelings of satisfaction and glassy eyes. On rare occurrences, constipation or sudden cardiac failure. Please see your doctor to see if this medication is right for you.

    lawnmowerman= forum legend.

    And the legend continues to grow.

  • BOOM! Headshot.

    Bryan

    "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep and not like the screaming passengers in his car."

  • Do you have a pet cat?

  • grote15grote15 Posts: 26,919 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Between the guilt from sniping and hiding card purchases from your wife, it's a wonder you can fall asleep at night, LOL..



    Collecting 1970s Topps baseball wax, rack and cello packs, as well as PCGS graded Half Cents, Large Cents, Two Cent pieces and Three Cent Silver pieces.
  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @Sullyknows said:
    Do you have a pet cat?

    No, actually we have a golden retriever, and a bassett hound. Both of which favor my wife over me. There both female dogs, so I guess its a woman thing.

  • 45isodd45isodd Posts: 115 ✭✭✭

    Whenever I have doubts about staying single, I will visit this thread and do a happy dance. 😂

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @grote15 said:
    Between the guilt from sniping and hiding card purchases from your wife, it's a wonder you can fall asleep at night, LOL..

    If I get caught one more time, I will be sleeping on the couch!

  • craig44craig44 Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭✭

    It's always easier to ask forgiveness than permission!!

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    I just know our dogs are in cahoots with my wife. I suspect they may have woke her up from her nap. Tipped her off.

  • FINESTKINDFINESTKIND Posts: 265 ✭✭✭
    edited April 13, 2019 9:14PM

    Tell her you have CRS. (can't remember stuff)

  • Stone193Stone193 Posts: 23,161 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited April 16, 2019 5:54PM

    Sounds like the confessions of an OCD. I know I'm one.

    When I got an ass chewing? I always headed to our closet.

    I have 2 pairs of regular shoes, she could give Imelda Marcos a run for her money.

    I have an old military watch and a wedding ring, her jewelry box rivals that of Tiffany's.

    I have 3 pair of jeans, she has 14 shades of blue jeans and it goes from there...

    If that doesn't initiate a stalemate?

    I try bullcrap: some day when I die, you can sell this crap and buy yourself a Lexus!

    Mike



  • handymanhandyman Posts: 4,252 ✭✭✭

    what was the card

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @Stone193 said:
    Sounds like the confessions of an OCD. I know I'm one.

    When I got an ass chewing? I always headed to our closet.

    I have 2 pairs of regular shoes, she could give Imelda Marcos a run for her money.

    I have an old military watch and a wedding ring, her jewelry box rivals that of Tiffany's.

    I have 3 pair of jeans, she has 14 shades of blue jeans and it goes from there...

    If that doesn't initiate a stalemate?

    I try bullcrap: some day when I die, you can sell this shit and buy yourself a Lexus!

    I don't think a closet will do it for me. More like an underground bunker. Stocked with a weeks worth of rations, and of course my favorite Larry Bird cards.

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭
    edited April 14, 2019 3:48AM

    @handyman said:
    what was the card

    This time the card was a 2018 panini prizm Jerry West fast break neon 5/5. Beautiful, and rare card. It was worth getting my ears boxed for.

  • DotStoreDotStore Posts: 73 ✭✭

    I recommend signing up for "Informed Delivery" service (if it is available in your area). It's a free service by the USPS but I'm not sure if it's everywhere in the US. I signed up about a year ago -- and the App on my iPhone tells me what mail I'm getting today, and also USPS Packages that have a tracking number. For the regular mail (not the packages) I even get to see a scan of the front of each mail piece (letters, postcards, and junk mail of course...).

    I do NOT recommend telling your wife about the service and app for the phone... :)

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @DotStore said:
    I recommend signing up for "Informed Delivery" service (if it is available in your area). It's a free service by the USPS but I'm not sure if it's everywhere in the US. I signed up about a year ago -- and the App on my iPhone tells me what mail I'm getting today, and also USPS Packages that have a tracking number. For the regular mail (not the packages) I even get to see a scan of the front of each mail piece (letters, postcards, and junk mail of course...).

    I do NOT recommend telling your wife about the service and app for the phone... :)

    Informed delivery service. I've heard of that. That's pretty slick. I just might check that out. I need every advantage I can get!😉

  • softparadesoftparade Posts: 7,913 ✭✭✭✭
    edited April 14, 2019 11:24AM

    Wait, NO KIDS and on a buy probation? Oy Vey, You sure you made the right choice lol...

  • softparadesoftparade Posts: 7,913 ✭✭✭✭

    @70ToppsFanatic said:
    Tell her it’s her choice...the cards or another woman.

    Hell Yes!

  • waxman2745waxman2745 Posts: 570 ✭✭✭

    @doubledragon said:
    My probation officer is my wife, or as I like to call her, "The goalie", because not much gets past her.

    This might be the nickname of the year because it probably applies to most of our "better halfs".

    Adam
    collecting OPC baseball raw or graded, years 1965 thru 1970
  • FINESTKINDFINESTKIND Posts: 265 ✭✭✭

    If it was worth getting your ears boxed for. Then it was well worth it. :D

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭
    edited April 14, 2019 6:49PM

    Over the years, I have learned 1 thing about women. The only 2 words you'll need to use when you speak to them are "yes ma'am".

  • Downtown1974Downtown1974 Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Boy...I feel like the luckiest guy in the world now. My wife shoots me a text if I’m at work to let me know my package arrived safely.

  • softparadesoftparade Posts: 7,913 ✭✭✭✭

    @doubledragon said:
    Over the years, I have learned 1 thing about women. The only 2 words you'll need to use when you speak to them are "yes ma'am".

    OK now you trolling

  • StingrayStingray Posts: 8,801 ✭✭✭

    @doubledragon said:
    Over the years, I have learned 1 thing about women. The only 2 words you'll need to use when you speak to them are "yes ma'am".

    There’s only two times you say the word “love”, when playing tennis and when the room is already paid for!!😁

    Kirk

    Collector of Topps Detroit Tigers cards!!

  • perkdogperkdog Posts: 18,240 ✭✭✭✭✭

    My policy is simple. I give my girl what she needs for bills, I pay the tab when we go out, if she needs some money for anything else I give it to her with a smile. That’s as far as it goes, I don’t ask permission for anything when it comes to what I spend.

  • The way I see it, you have two choices either get your balls back or file for divorce. If you file for divorce moved to Toledo the woman are freaking amazing in that city. If you don't believe me ask Criss Criss.

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    1 wife, 1 female bassett hound, 1 female golden retriever. HELP, I'M SURROUNDED BY WOMEN.

  • PROMETHIUS88PROMETHIUS88 Posts: 1,970 ✭✭✭✭
    edited April 16, 2019 7:53AM

    I used to be worried about what would show up in the mail. With my job, I work from home so I get the mail every day. Would only need to worry about it on the days she decided to work from home. This year will mark 20 years that we've been together. At this point she knows I don't listen anyhow so chewing me out for a purchase is just a waste of time. Rarely does she even ask what I paid for a card, unless it is some big name. Hell, as a matter of fact I just tell her most of the time. But, what I finally realized is that if I talk about cards like 90% of the time, she hates hearing about it and basically tunes me out.
    Typical conversation between us -
    "Can you talk about anything other than cards?" - Her
    " Sure! I'm looking at this pretty decent M1 Garand and maybe this 1903 Springfiled. Oh, and that new Desert Eagle 1911 is super nice.....hey, where are you going? I wasn't finished." - Me

  • softparadesoftparade Posts: 7,913 ✭✭✭✭

    Here's the deal with me. I love my wife more than anything. Even cards. She's my high school sweetheart. BUT, I make the money, I buy the cards. Whenever and however I want. Period. END OF STORY.

  • skrezyna23skrezyna23 Posts: 858 ✭✭✭
    edited April 16, 2019 8:26AM

    @doubledragon said:

    @Sullyknows said:
    Do you have a pet cat?

    No, actually we have a golden retriever, and a bassett hound. Both of which favor my wife over me. There both female dogs, so I guess its a woman thing.

    I'd bet she is the one who wanted the dogs. Sullyknows, I thought you were right about the cat.

  • lawnmowermanlawnmowerman Posts: 19,178 ✭✭✭
    edited April 16, 2019 10:23AM

    @softparade said:
    Here's the deal with me. I love my wife more than anything. Even cards.

    Yep that is totally me as well. I look at it like this. I pretty much have zero "bad"habits. I don't go to strip clubs, I don't smoke and can't remember the last time I had anything alcoholic.
    I pretty much don't use the money I make for anything frivolous other than eating out and to buy cards.

    My wife works as well. We don't have my money or her money, it's our money. She smokes which we all know is not cheap anymore. I buy cards. It works.

  • softparadesoftparade Posts: 7,913 ✭✭✭✭
    edited April 16, 2019 9:05AM

    @lawnmowerman said:

    @softparade said:
    Here's the deal with me. I love my wife more than anything. Even cards.

    Yep that is totally me as well. I look at it like this. I pretty much have zero "bad"habits. I don't go to strip clubs, I don't smoke and can't remember the last time I had anything alcoholic.
    I pretty much don't use the money I make for anything frivolous other than eating out and to buy cards.

    My wife works as well. We don't have my money or her money, it's our money. She smokes which we all know is not cheap anymore. I buy cards. It works. The end

    When I get home and a package is there my wife just says "Happy Mail"! every time. Without fail lol
    Now I did leave the hobby for 11 years to focus on raising my younger kids but that was all me baby.

  • perkdogperkdog Posts: 18,240 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Ok let’s get to the scorecard of this thread. Who has more kids between Dan or Matt? I believe it’s Dan by a score of 5 to 4 🤔.

  • lawnmowermanlawnmowerman Posts: 19,178 ✭✭✭

    @softparade said:

    @lawnmowerman said:

    @softparade said:
    Here's the deal with me. I love my wife more than anything. Even cards.

    Yep that is totally me as well. I look at it like this. I pretty much have zero "bad"habits. I don't go to strip clubs, I don't smoke and can't remember the last time I had anything alcoholic.
    I pretty much don't use the money I make for anything frivolous other than eating out and to buy cards.

    My wife works as well. We don't have my money or her money, it's our money. She smokes which we all know is not cheap anymore. I buy cards. It works. The end

    When I get home and a package is there my wife just says "Happy Mail"! every time. Without fail lol

    That's awesome haha
    Sometimes when there is an excessive amount of bubble mailers in the mailbox Tonya will say "what is it Christmas already"? She's awesome. She also knows the lingo. Whenever I receive a pwe in the email she just shakes her head and says here's a pwe for ya lol

  • I just have them delivered to the office. :smile:

  • lawnmowermanlawnmowerman Posts: 19,178 ✭✭✭

    @perkdog said:
    Ok let’s get to the scorecard of this thread. Who has more kids between Dan or Matt? I believe it’s Dan by a score of 5 to 4 🤔.

    Hahaha!
    Five if you count me Paul. At least that's what Tonya says

  • perkdogperkdog Posts: 18,240 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @softparade said:

    @lawnmowerman said:

    @softparade said:
    Here's the deal with me. I love my wife more than anything. Even cards.

    Yep that is totally me as well. I look at it like this. I pretty much have zero "bad"habits. I don't go to strip clubs, I don't smoke and can't remember the last time I had anything alcoholic.
    I pretty much don't use the money I make for anything frivolous other than eating out and to buy cards.

    My wife works as well. We don't have my money or her money, it's our money. She smokes which we all know is not cheap anymore. I buy cards. It works. The end

    When I get home and a package is there my wife just says "Happy Mail"! every time. Without fail lol
    Now I did leave the hobby for 11 years to focus on raising my younger kids but that was all me baby.

    Hahaha Happy Wife Happy Life, Happy Mail Day Happy Man Day 😂

  • doubledragondoubledragon Posts: 280 ✭✭✭

    @PROMETHIUS88 said:
    I used to be worried about what would show up in the mail. With my job, I work from home so I get the mail every day. Would only need to worry about it on the days she decided to work from home. This year will mark 20 years that we've been together. At this point she knows I don't listen anyhow so chewing me out for a purchase is just a waste of time. Rarely does she even ask what I paid for a card, unless it is some big name. Hell, as a matter of fact I just tell her most of the time. But, what I finally realized is that if I talk about cards like 90% of the time, she hates hearing about it and basically tunes me out.
    Typical conversation between us -
    "Can you talk about anything other than cards?" - Her
    " Sure! I'm looking at this pretty decent M1 Garand and maybe this 1903 Springfiled. Oh, and that new Desert Eagle 1911 is super nice.....hey, where are you going? I wasn't finished." -

    We have been married 7 years, but after reading this I can't wait for our 20 year anniversary.

  • softparadesoftparade Posts: 7,913 ✭✭✭✭

    @perkdog said:
    Ok let’s get to the scorecard of this thread. Who has more kids between Dan or Matt? I believe it’s Dan by a score of 5 to 4 🤔.

    I have four. 29, 26, 12, 11
    Don't ask LOL

  • lawnmowermanlawnmowerman Posts: 19,178 ✭✭✭

    @softparade said:

    @perkdog said:
    Ok let’s get to the scorecard of this thread. Who has more kids between Dan or Matt? I believe it’s Dan by a score of 5 to 4 🤔.

    I have four. 29, 26, 12, 11
    Don't ask LOL

    Wow Dan, we have another thing in common. My two youngest are also 12 and 11. Too cool!

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