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"Good Morning Class" -- Day Of Reckoning
dorkkarl
Posts: 12,691 ✭✭✭
(author's note: as you know, i hate capitalizing, etc etc. this is my best feeble attempt to imitate. much borrowed from clankeye's archives, so i acknowledge that. took me hours to do, had another buddy read over it, hope it's good enough.)
K S
Mrs. Coinboard: Good morning class!
All: Good morning Mrs. Coinboard!
Superintendent John Allmoney stands partially hidden in the back of the classroom, hands grimly grasping something behind his back. Several of the children steal nervous glances in his direction.
Mrs. CB: Class, do you remember the standardized placement test you took last year, and that -amazingly - all of you passed with flying colors to get into fifth grade?
Thinking perhaps the Superintendent is there to reward the class for last year's impressive achievement, all enthusiastically reply "Yes, Mrs. Coinboard!"
Mrs. CB: I have bad news. After I graded the tests, they were then checked by a third party. Unfortunately, the answer sheet we used to grade your tests had many errors. In fact, as it turns out, only 20% of you should have received a passing score! Most of you will have to be sent back at least one grade.
(Groans erupt from all over the room, and several students collapse across their desks. Shouting and general pandemonium ensues.)
Ryk stands on his desk and yells out above the din: Any effort to impede the advancement of failing students is fine by me!
Rusty: Shut up, Ryk-raff!
A spit-wad nails Ryk right upside the forehead, and as he falls back into his seat, the whole room erupts in laughter. FatBoy uncharacteristically appears as the very essence of pure innocence just now.
Ryk glances around, not sure whether the others are laughing at his outburst - or at his getting spitballed.
Superintendent John Allmoney stomps forward: ENOUGH! We'll have no more nonsense in this classroom! Indeed, many of you now have a failing grade because (his voice lowering to an ominous hiss...) we believe some of you were CHEATing....
Many students gasp. Several more avert their eyes and look down at the floor, unwilling to meet the Superintendent's glare.
There is a general murmur of how it's all "unfair" and "unjust", but in the back of the room, TradeDollarButt and Doug Wimper trade knowing glances - and high-fives.
ColinUnion (sarcastically): I'd really like to see more negativity and some additional skepticism in this classroom - plus it would be great if some people who really don't know what they're talking are forced to write out the number "PI" until their arms fall off.
TradeDollarButt: I have already committed 1,000,000 places of "PI" to memory, and if it will benefit honest students by stopping cheaters, I'll recite 'em right now! (At the top of his lungs) THREE-POINT-ONE-FOUR-ONE-FIVE-NINE-TWO-SIX-FIVE-THREE....
Another well-aimed spit-wad silences TradeDollarButt, and this time, it is T.Mot who abruptly assumes an uncharacteristic air of innocence.
Superintendent: ENOUGH I SAID! BACK TO YOUR CHAIRS!
(The students meekly obey the command.)
Almost unnoticed, Principal Homer Hall had entered the room with a paper in-hand, and brings it over to the Superintendent. Homer appears much shorter than John Allmoney, but it's because he refuses to wear elevator shoes like the superintendent does.
Superintendent: NOW, we shall see which of you deserves to be here.
(finally revealing what was hidden behind his back - a roll of yellow smiley-face stickers)
Superintendent: Principal Hall will read aloud a list of names. If your name is called, it is because we have blessed your grades, and I will superglue a smiley-face sticker to your forehead. You may go home and study the fifth-grade material on your own, and even do take-home tests. You will simply report your grade from time to time, and we will trust what you say. Only for those of you who get a smiley-sticker!
Rusty leans over toward MadMarty and whispers: I heard a rumor that there is no love lost between Superintendent John Allmoney and Principal Hall. I sure hope...
Principal Hall: Rusty, pay attention!
Superintendent: The REST of you (cackling) ..... heh heh heh ..... well, let's just say I have plans. BIG plans! A few months ago I was approached by Principal Hall to become part of a new student-assist program that I really and truly think WILL have a profound influence on education in the coming years. That's right, no longer will Mrs. Coinboard and a third party be the only ones grading your tests, there will now be - A FOURTH PARTY!
A stunned silence, and then suddenly, one wall of the room is lit up with a beam of light. Projected there is a holographic image of Dr. Laura Disturber. Although the image cannot make sound, it is obvious that Disturber is laughing uproariously, as she throws back her head in gleeful revenge. Slowly, the image fades out, and the classroom darkens......
K S
Mrs. Coinboard: Good morning class!
All: Good morning Mrs. Coinboard!
Superintendent John Allmoney stands partially hidden in the back of the classroom, hands grimly grasping something behind his back. Several of the children steal nervous glances in his direction.
Mrs. CB: Class, do you remember the standardized placement test you took last year, and that -amazingly - all of you passed with flying colors to get into fifth grade?
Thinking perhaps the Superintendent is there to reward the class for last year's impressive achievement, all enthusiastically reply "Yes, Mrs. Coinboard!"
Mrs. CB: I have bad news. After I graded the tests, they were then checked by a third party. Unfortunately, the answer sheet we used to grade your tests had many errors. In fact, as it turns out, only 20% of you should have received a passing score! Most of you will have to be sent back at least one grade.
(Groans erupt from all over the room, and several students collapse across their desks. Shouting and general pandemonium ensues.)
Ryk stands on his desk and yells out above the din: Any effort to impede the advancement of failing students is fine by me!
Rusty: Shut up, Ryk-raff!
A spit-wad nails Ryk right upside the forehead, and as he falls back into his seat, the whole room erupts in laughter. FatBoy uncharacteristically appears as the very essence of pure innocence just now.
Ryk glances around, not sure whether the others are laughing at his outburst - or at his getting spitballed.
Superintendent John Allmoney stomps forward: ENOUGH! We'll have no more nonsense in this classroom! Indeed, many of you now have a failing grade because (his voice lowering to an ominous hiss...) we believe some of you were CHEATing....
Many students gasp. Several more avert their eyes and look down at the floor, unwilling to meet the Superintendent's glare.
There is a general murmur of how it's all "unfair" and "unjust", but in the back of the room, TradeDollarButt and Doug Wimper trade knowing glances - and high-fives.
ColinUnion (sarcastically): I'd really like to see more negativity and some additional skepticism in this classroom - plus it would be great if some people who really don't know what they're talking are forced to write out the number "PI" until their arms fall off.
TradeDollarButt: I have already committed 1,000,000 places of "PI" to memory, and if it will benefit honest students by stopping cheaters, I'll recite 'em right now! (At the top of his lungs) THREE-POINT-ONE-FOUR-ONE-FIVE-NINE-TWO-SIX-FIVE-THREE....
Another well-aimed spit-wad silences TradeDollarButt, and this time, it is T.Mot who abruptly assumes an uncharacteristic air of innocence.
Superintendent: ENOUGH I SAID! BACK TO YOUR CHAIRS!
(The students meekly obey the command.)
Almost unnoticed, Principal Homer Hall had entered the room with a paper in-hand, and brings it over to the Superintendent. Homer appears much shorter than John Allmoney, but it's because he refuses to wear elevator shoes like the superintendent does.
Superintendent: NOW, we shall see which of you deserves to be here.
(finally revealing what was hidden behind his back - a roll of yellow smiley-face stickers)
Superintendent: Principal Hall will read aloud a list of names. If your name is called, it is because we have blessed your grades, and I will superglue a smiley-face sticker to your forehead. You may go home and study the fifth-grade material on your own, and even do take-home tests. You will simply report your grade from time to time, and we will trust what you say. Only for those of you who get a smiley-sticker!
Rusty leans over toward MadMarty and whispers: I heard a rumor that there is no love lost between Superintendent John Allmoney and Principal Hall. I sure hope...
Principal Hall: Rusty, pay attention!
Superintendent: The REST of you (cackling) ..... heh heh heh ..... well, let's just say I have plans. BIG plans! A few months ago I was approached by Principal Hall to become part of a new student-assist program that I really and truly think WILL have a profound influence on education in the coming years. That's right, no longer will Mrs. Coinboard and a third party be the only ones grading your tests, there will now be - A FOURTH PARTY!
A stunned silence, and then suddenly, one wall of the room is lit up with a beam of light. Projected there is a holographic image of Dr. Laura Disturber. Although the image cannot make sound, it is obvious that Disturber is laughing uproariously, as she throws back her head in gleeful revenge. Slowly, the image fades out, and the classroom darkens......
0
Comments
<< <i>oops >>
I read your second post in this thread.
Camelot
(I'm flattered that I played a lead role, too.
Camelot
<< <i>That was great! >>
Yeah. Seeing the dork use punctuation was worth the price of admission!
Some people have too much time on their hands.
Since school tests are typically graded on a 100 point scale, I am surprised that you did not (yet) weave that 100 point grading standard into your tale...
Stuart
Collect 18th & 19th Century US Type Coins, Silver Dollars, $20 Gold Double Eagles and World Crowns & Talers with High Eye Appeal
"Luck is what happens when Preparation meets Opportunity"
<< <i>Wow.
Some people have too much time on their hands.
Great! It was just like being back in 5th grade.
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BONGO HURTLES ALONG THE RAIN SODDEN HIGHWAY OF LIFE ON UNDERINFLATED BALD RETREAD TIRES
Sorry people,it's not Monday.
I must say,"Very cool story".
Thanks'Fridays are cool also.
Brian
Hoard the keys.
TC71
<< <i>Coin added to keep on subject.
That's my pocket piece!!
Though yours is in considerably better condition. Might even be good enough for that FPG sticker(Fourth Party Grading Sticker).
John Marnard Keynes, The Economic Consequences of the Peace, 1920, page 235ff
K S
K S
FPG
what will we call the next generation of grade checkers
5PG?
Proud recipient of two "You Suck" awards