Coins for Coinalot

Bear · April 20, 2007 9:36AM

It is spring in Coinalot and good King ArtR is seated in the
Royal Conference Hall surrounded by his Royal Advisers, Knights
and Royal Pains in the Assets.

King ArtR : What, pray tell , is going on with the Royal Grading Service?

Sir David of Hall: Sire, we have recently instituted a program to utilize the
members of our society who are .......challenged.

King ArtR: Meaning what exactly, my provider of carefully graded and profound perspicacity.

Sir David of Hall: Well Sire, it works this way. The visually challenged go to the grading room. There,
their poor eyesight allows them to make judgements, unaffected by an actual view of the coin to be graded.
Such a view, could in fact, be the basis of a biased and irrational grade being awarded to the coin. In addition,
the removal of actually seeing the coin, has reduced the turn around time of grading.

As for the hard of hearing, they have been place in the Customer Service Department. Since most of the complaints and questions
of the collectors are somewhat unintelligent, it is no loss if they are not heard or understood.

Finally, the lame are being used to move the coins from receiving to the grading room.

King ArtR: And what is to be done with the Kingdoms irrational, irritated and argumentative citizens?

Sir David of Hall: Sire, we thought it best if that group of challenged folk,were left for the Forum. They seem to
do quite well where they are.

King ArtR: Quite so indeed. Now for the question that has bedeviled us for some time, what of the matter of
AT and doctored coins of the Realm: Where is the Royal Coin Physician?

Royal Coin Physician: Sire, It is my opinion that the ministrations of the Coin Physicians, actually create wealth. By taking
a 100 dollar coin and placing it in a potato sack, in a hot room with the burning of sulfurous candles, will, in time, produce
a coin worth 28,000 dollars. Thus the physician is happy, the dealer is happy and the collector is happy. Money is created
and that money is taxed to the benefit of the Royal Treasury.

King ArtR: Are you saying that this practice is no longer a nefarious and criminal endeavor?

Royal Coin Physician:Your Majesty, it works this way. What ever the collector wants, the collector gets.
When they want toned coins, we give them toned coins. If they want bulls eye toning, they can have it.
If the collector wants origonal, untampered toning, we can produce it. If the gold coins have too much chatter
in the fields, then we can thru lasering, putty and thumbing remedy the problem for the eventual collector. Finally,
If the collector wants a nice dull, silver, untoned coin it can be produced. We can even give it a beautiful iridescent
luster. All in all, the Coin Physicians are merely here to serve the collectors wants and needs.

King ArtR: Is there no such thing as a virgin coin?

Sir Airplanenut: Sire, to put it delicately, such a state, whether it be coins or humanity, is mainly a state of mind.
However, I do believe that Queen Elizabeth 1st was referred to as the Virgin Queen.

King ArtR: Zounds! methinks this remains a most vexing problem. I am not at ease with the diddling and piddling of
the Royal Pantalloons as well as the other coinage of the Realm. Sir David of Hall, I hereby order the Royal Grading Service
to seek out such worked over coinage and give them the big BB.

Sir David of Hall: It is and shall continue to be done with a will Sire.

King ArtR: By the By, where are my Royal Ferrets?

Sir Winston of Churchill: Give me a few minutes Sire and I will find the little weasels.

King ArtR: Careful what you feed the little ferrets Sir Winston. The Pet Chow seems
to be filled with Melamine. Not good for the little ones, not good at all. From here on
only Coinalot grown ingredients in the pet foods. Further, check the food chamber, this
infernal problem may have contaminated the Royal food supply. Take the Royal FDA and
put them on the rack until this problem is resolved.

King ArtR: Let us now turn to the Royal Keeper of the Finances for a report.

Royal Keeper of Finances: Sire, our recommendation, is to cut taxes and increase spending.

King ArtR: Doth not such moves seem wishful thinking?

Royal Keeper of Finances: Sire, by cutting taxes, the common folk have more money to spend for the products
of the Royal Mint. Since we charge three times what it cost us to mint a Royal Pantalloon, your Majesty can then spend
more money on other things.

King ArtR: And what, pray tell, would we be spending the money on?

Royal Jester Mad Marty: Sire, it is well known that the Royal Knights, thru injudicious feasting and imbibing of the fruit of the vine,
hath , outgrown their armour. Particularly as it relates to the Cod Piece. Instead of kvelling, they are kvetching Sire.

King ArtR: Well, I can't have my Royal Knights kvetching. Royal Keeper of Finances, implement your financial plan post haste.
I hereby adjourn the Royal Court. For the ministrations of the Affairs of State have given me a Royal Pain in my nether region.