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Good Morning Class (Clankeye Deconstructed at Last!)
Coinosaurus
Posts: 9,644 ✭✭✭✭✭
Folks-
This is my first attempt at literary criticism, and I could not think of a more worthy subject than the latest Clankeye installement.
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Somewhere in the Coinibbean, The POS and Captain Hallatio Coinblower plow through troubled water. The wind through the stays makes a high lonesome sound, and Captain and crew are irritable from day after day on an unforgiving sea. Coinblower has assembled all hands on deck...
[POS: A reference to ship naming conventions. England uses “HMS” for “Her Majesty’s Ship”, while the United States uses “USS” for “United States Ship”. Clank has used “POS”, which could mean perhaps “piece of ship” or maybe “PCGS of Ships”. “POS” is also sometimes used to refer to unattractive and unwanted coins, though the connection here escapes me.]
[Hallatio Coinblower: Character invented by Clankeye, first announced in his post of 9/22/03. The character does not appear to be related to any board members. The name is a takeoff on “Horatio Hornblower”, a character created by British author C. S. Forester in a series of books, who is an officer in the British Navy circa 1800. Certain critics have pointed out a somewhat vulgar connection between the words “hallatio” and “coinblower”, suggesting that a rhyming dictionary might have been at Clankeye’s hand when choosing the first word, and perhaps a more salacious piece of literature when choosing the second word. We find such criticism unjustified in the light of Clankeye’s most erudite references to classic literature.]
[Additional commentary: The “Coinibbean” refers to the Carribean Sea, which is not known for being “unforgiving”. This is probably an ironic reference to the seemingly simple pleasures of coin collecting turning turbulent at a moment’s notice.]
Captain Coinblower: (crazed look in his eyes) MEN! ...It has come to my attention that one of our own... is a liar AND A FRAUD!
All: (angry) Haaarrrrr!!
Captain Coinblower: This man betrays US ALL!!!!!
All: (angrier) HAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!
Captain Coinblower: IT IS TREACHERY MOST FOUL!!!!
All: (angriest) HAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Bingo Baily: 'Ou is it, Captain!!!!
[The alliteration of “Bingo Baily” carries echoes of the name “Billy Budd”, a novel by Herman Melville in which the sailor Billy Budd murders his overbearing master-at-arms and is subsequently sentenced to death. However, this is more likely a reference to board member and frequent poster “Baley”.]
Nucklehead: Keel haul 'em!
Captain Coinblower (frenzied) The traitor is no one other than... (he points his cutlass) TWODOGS!!!!!!
[References to board members twodogs and nucklehead.]
The crew gasps! All move away from TwoDogs, leaving him standing alone in the middle of the deck. He is making a pretty little braid in his beard, he seems unconcerned
Keifer the Cabinboy: Murderer!!
[Reference to board member “keiferscoins”, well known collector of slab variants.]
Mr. Numobri: KILL 'EM!!!!
[Reference to board member numobri.]
Lucille Le Bop: Off with the Frankies!
[A reference to “Lucy Bop”, a board member well known for her enthusiasm with regard to certain 20th century issues.]
Mister Kranky: CAPTAIN! What crime has this man committed?
[Board member “kranky”.]
Captain Coinblower: Crime? ...crime (wiping spittle from his chin) ...he has lied to us all.
Mister Kranky: How so, sir?
Captain Coinblower: Kiefer the Cabinboy has told me... as he tells me everything (patting Kiefer's head) good lad... TWODOGS HAS NOT TWODOGS!!!! HE HAS THREE DOGS!!!!!!!
Silence
Mister Kranky: Um... Captain...
Captain Coinblower: (glaring at TwoDogs) What?
Mister Kranky: How long we been at sea now?
Captain Coinblower: (snapping) What could it possibly matter!?
Mister Kranky: (backing away) You're right, no bearing on anything...
From up in the Crow's Nest Mr. Wingedliberty shouts at the top of his lungs
Mr. Wingedliberty: CAPTAIN!!!! CAPTAIN!!!! THERE'S A SHIP!!!!
[Reference to board member wingedliberty. It seems that many of the board members referenced in this tale have posted positive feedback to Clankeye at one time or another.]
The entire crew runs to the railing. The POS begins to list heavily to port.
MrKelso: Is it The Jade?????!!!!!
[Board member MrKelso. “The Jade” refers to board member jadecoin and the rare coin firm of the same name. Jade Coin was involved in a dispute with PCGS several months back regarding the provenance of a Woods Hibernia and has not been seen in these parts for some time, but may be found across the street.]
Outhaul: BATTLE STATIONS CAPTAIN???!!!!
Mr. Arco: AAAAARRRRRR!
Coinblower looks feverishly through his spyglass. The Ship is large and closing fast under full sail--
Captain Coinblower: BE READY MEN!!!!!
Details begin to show. The Sails are handsome. The davits of the ship glisten as if made of gold...
Captain Coinblower: IT'S THE.... IT'S THE---
The Ship is painted in vibrant, multi-color, monster rainbow tones--
Captain Coinblower: (snapping shut his spyglass--standing dejected)
Blast his eyes... it's The Anaconda.
[Anaconda Rare Coins and Currency, captained by Adrian Crane, is well known for its inventory of eye candy at matching prices. The term “anaconda” has now been hijacked by other Ebay merchants to describe especially PQ coins, a seemingly potential volcano, as Mr. Crane is otherwise engaged as an attorney.]
The marvelous ship is now within eye sight of the entire crew of The POS. It is a glorious vessel--with only the finest fittings, a string quartet playing on the aft deck, and Captain Adrian Crane smiling and waving, with his arm around his first mate, Miss Stephanie....
[Miss Stephanie is Adrian’s real life assistant, whom he has photographed and posted from time to time, much to the delight of numerous board members. The description of the vessel is obviously aimed at Mr. Crane’s highly attractive wares.]
The crew of The POS silently watch The Anaconda as it glides by, slowly becoming nothing more than a speck on the horizon.
Kiefer the Cabinboy: Gosh! What a cool ship, Captain!
Captain Coinblower: (blank stare) Shut up.
LATER THAT NIGHT COINBLOWER TALKS TO DR. POOLE
Captain Coinblower: Explain it to me again, Poole!
Dr. Poole: You see Captain, Twodogs doesn't necessarily have to have two dogs. Any more than Corkkarl is made of cork... or Mister Coinguy is actually a coin...
[References to board members dpoole, dorkkarl, and coinguy1, Mark Feld of Pinncle Rarities.]
Coinblower: But, his name is Twodogs--blast! His name is TwoDogs!!
Dr. Poole: Yes, I know sir. But, do you blow coins, Captain Coinblower? --don't answer that.
Coinblower: If his name is Twodogs--he should have two dogs! If he indeed has three, I demand one be rolled into a small ball and shot out of a cannon.
Dr. Poole: A reasonable request, sir. But, how about for now we just concentrate on finding The Jade Coin?
Coinblower: (thinking) ---that ship is actually made of real jade, right?
Dr. Poole: (touching the bridge of his nose) D-oh.
[Additional Commentary: In this, the third installment of the tale of Hellatio Coinblower, our friends continue to wander the seas in search of that holy grail, the jade coin. Accompanied by much mirth and boredom at the same time, Hellatio falls into a seasick daze induced by the apparent inconsistency between the number of dogs that “twodogs” represents. Distracted by the seduction of the Anaconda, Clankeye spins an engaging if esoteric yarn in which substance is concealed by obscure references which eventually reward the patient researcher. We will withhold further commentary until we see exactly where this story goes………]
This is my first attempt at literary criticism, and I could not think of a more worthy subject than the latest Clankeye installement.
===================================================================================
Somewhere in the Coinibbean, The POS and Captain Hallatio Coinblower plow through troubled water. The wind through the stays makes a high lonesome sound, and Captain and crew are irritable from day after day on an unforgiving sea. Coinblower has assembled all hands on deck...
[POS: A reference to ship naming conventions. England uses “HMS” for “Her Majesty’s Ship”, while the United States uses “USS” for “United States Ship”. Clank has used “POS”, which could mean perhaps “piece of ship” or maybe “PCGS of Ships”. “POS” is also sometimes used to refer to unattractive and unwanted coins, though the connection here escapes me.]
[Hallatio Coinblower: Character invented by Clankeye, first announced in his post of 9/22/03. The character does not appear to be related to any board members. The name is a takeoff on “Horatio Hornblower”, a character created by British author C. S. Forester in a series of books, who is an officer in the British Navy circa 1800. Certain critics have pointed out a somewhat vulgar connection between the words “hallatio” and “coinblower”, suggesting that a rhyming dictionary might have been at Clankeye’s hand when choosing the first word, and perhaps a more salacious piece of literature when choosing the second word. We find such criticism unjustified in the light of Clankeye’s most erudite references to classic literature.]
[Additional commentary: The “Coinibbean” refers to the Carribean Sea, which is not known for being “unforgiving”. This is probably an ironic reference to the seemingly simple pleasures of coin collecting turning turbulent at a moment’s notice.]
Captain Coinblower: (crazed look in his eyes) MEN! ...It has come to my attention that one of our own... is a liar AND A FRAUD!
All: (angry) Haaarrrrr!!
Captain Coinblower: This man betrays US ALL!!!!!
All: (angrier) HAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!
Captain Coinblower: IT IS TREACHERY MOST FOUL!!!!
All: (angriest) HAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Bingo Baily: 'Ou is it, Captain!!!!
[The alliteration of “Bingo Baily” carries echoes of the name “Billy Budd”, a novel by Herman Melville in which the sailor Billy Budd murders his overbearing master-at-arms and is subsequently sentenced to death. However, this is more likely a reference to board member and frequent poster “Baley”.]
Nucklehead: Keel haul 'em!
Captain Coinblower (frenzied) The traitor is no one other than... (he points his cutlass) TWODOGS!!!!!!
[References to board members twodogs and nucklehead.]
The crew gasps! All move away from TwoDogs, leaving him standing alone in the middle of the deck. He is making a pretty little braid in his beard, he seems unconcerned
Keifer the Cabinboy: Murderer!!
[Reference to board member “keiferscoins”, well known collector of slab variants.]
Mr. Numobri: KILL 'EM!!!!
[Reference to board member numobri.]
Lucille Le Bop: Off with the Frankies!
[A reference to “Lucy Bop”, a board member well known for her enthusiasm with regard to certain 20th century issues.]
Mister Kranky: CAPTAIN! What crime has this man committed?
[Board member “kranky”.]
Captain Coinblower: Crime? ...crime (wiping spittle from his chin) ...he has lied to us all.
Mister Kranky: How so, sir?
Captain Coinblower: Kiefer the Cabinboy has told me... as he tells me everything (patting Kiefer's head) good lad... TWODOGS HAS NOT TWODOGS!!!! HE HAS THREE DOGS!!!!!!!
Silence
Mister Kranky: Um... Captain...
Captain Coinblower: (glaring at TwoDogs) What?
Mister Kranky: How long we been at sea now?
Captain Coinblower: (snapping) What could it possibly matter!?
Mister Kranky: (backing away) You're right, no bearing on anything...
From up in the Crow's Nest Mr. Wingedliberty shouts at the top of his lungs
Mr. Wingedliberty: CAPTAIN!!!! CAPTAIN!!!! THERE'S A SHIP!!!!
[Reference to board member wingedliberty. It seems that many of the board members referenced in this tale have posted positive feedback to Clankeye at one time or another.]
The entire crew runs to the railing. The POS begins to list heavily to port.
MrKelso: Is it The Jade?????!!!!!
[Board member MrKelso. “The Jade” refers to board member jadecoin and the rare coin firm of the same name. Jade Coin was involved in a dispute with PCGS several months back regarding the provenance of a Woods Hibernia and has not been seen in these parts for some time, but may be found across the street.]
Outhaul: BATTLE STATIONS CAPTAIN???!!!!
Mr. Arco: AAAAARRRRRR!
Coinblower looks feverishly through his spyglass. The Ship is large and closing fast under full sail--
Captain Coinblower: BE READY MEN!!!!!
Details begin to show. The Sails are handsome. The davits of the ship glisten as if made of gold...
Captain Coinblower: IT'S THE.... IT'S THE---
The Ship is painted in vibrant, multi-color, monster rainbow tones--
Captain Coinblower: (snapping shut his spyglass--standing dejected)
Blast his eyes... it's The Anaconda.
[Anaconda Rare Coins and Currency, captained by Adrian Crane, is well known for its inventory of eye candy at matching prices. The term “anaconda” has now been hijacked by other Ebay merchants to describe especially PQ coins, a seemingly potential volcano, as Mr. Crane is otherwise engaged as an attorney.]
The marvelous ship is now within eye sight of the entire crew of The POS. It is a glorious vessel--with only the finest fittings, a string quartet playing on the aft deck, and Captain Adrian Crane smiling and waving, with his arm around his first mate, Miss Stephanie....
[Miss Stephanie is Adrian’s real life assistant, whom he has photographed and posted from time to time, much to the delight of numerous board members. The description of the vessel is obviously aimed at Mr. Crane’s highly attractive wares.]
The crew of The POS silently watch The Anaconda as it glides by, slowly becoming nothing more than a speck on the horizon.
Kiefer the Cabinboy: Gosh! What a cool ship, Captain!
Captain Coinblower: (blank stare) Shut up.
LATER THAT NIGHT COINBLOWER TALKS TO DR. POOLE
Captain Coinblower: Explain it to me again, Poole!
Dr. Poole: You see Captain, Twodogs doesn't necessarily have to have two dogs. Any more than Corkkarl is made of cork... or Mister Coinguy is actually a coin...
[References to board members dpoole, dorkkarl, and coinguy1, Mark Feld of Pinncle Rarities.]
Coinblower: But, his name is Twodogs--blast! His name is TwoDogs!!
Dr. Poole: Yes, I know sir. But, do you blow coins, Captain Coinblower? --don't answer that.
Coinblower: If his name is Twodogs--he should have two dogs! If he indeed has three, I demand one be rolled into a small ball and shot out of a cannon.
Dr. Poole: A reasonable request, sir. But, how about for now we just concentrate on finding The Jade Coin?
Coinblower: (thinking) ---that ship is actually made of real jade, right?
Dr. Poole: (touching the bridge of his nose) D-oh.
[Additional Commentary: In this, the third installment of the tale of Hellatio Coinblower, our friends continue to wander the seas in search of that holy grail, the jade coin. Accompanied by much mirth and boredom at the same time, Hellatio falls into a seasick daze induced by the apparent inconsistency between the number of dogs that “twodogs” represents. Distracted by the seduction of the Anaconda, Clankeye spins an engaging if esoteric yarn in which substance is concealed by obscure references which eventually reward the patient researcher. We will withhold further commentary until we see exactly where this story goes………]
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Comments
<< <i>suggesting that a rhyming dictionary might have been at Clankeye’s hand when choosing the first word >>
There will never be a rhyming dictionary allowed in my house in my lifetime.
I will confess to being obscure and esoteric. I will even confess to not being particularly funny sometimes.
Melville and other literary giants had one major advantage over me--they could write.
No, really. I wonder if Moby Dick took form with Melville getting out of bed every Monday morning and reading the whaling trade journals, then just writing a bunch of blather?
I try my best to entertain, but I am possessed of certain handicaps. (1) I'm a coin collector, and (2) I collect coins. I try to overcome these obstacles with varying degrees of success on any given week.
Thank you for the deconstruction, Coinosaurus. It was an interesting read
Clankeye
Thank you for the deconstruction, Coinosaurus. It was an interesting read
Clankeye >>
That's class! (no pun intended).
he killed me in his "Holy Grail" parody. i've always wondered why and what that means.
al h.
<< <i>he killed me in his "Holy Grail" parody. i've always wondered why and what that means. >>
I did? I don't recall that, Al.
But, I've killed Bear and Marty off plenty of times, and I like them. So I wouldn't read anything into it. If you got killed, I'm sure it was merely to serve the plot of the story.
Clankeye
Edited for grammer
"The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the LORD GOD Almighty."
Bingo Baily: 'Ou is it, Captain!!!!
[The alliteration of “Bingo Baily” carries echoes of the name “Billy Budd”, a novel by Herman Melville in which the sailor Billy Budd murders his overbearing master-at-arms and is subsequently sentenced to death. However, this is more likely a reference to board member and frequent poster “Baley”.]
I remember the time I said something (about all coins eventually gravitating toward their "maxed out" slabs or some such profundity) and someone, I think it was mister eureka, replied "bingo, bailey"
and Clank commented that Bingo might make an appearance some Monday, which he did a couple of times since!
Liberty: Parent of Science & Industry
Thanks for filling me in. I suspected there was more to the name that I knew about.