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"Good Morning Class" – Meanwhile, Just Outside of Coinalot …
Askari
Posts: 3,713 ✭
It was a dark and stormy night … well, no, not really. It was actually quite clear and the stars shivered through the heat rising from a roaring bonfire in a small clearing deep in the New Olde Dark Forest. Limned in dancing light and shadow was a small group of people toasting marshmallows … and a bagel?
Maid Luvdawgs (withdrawing her stick-speared bagel from the fire): Yes, that’s about done. I do so luv them crispy!!
At that, a choking sound escapes Ironmonger Cacheman, whose attempt to chomp his blackened marshmallow goes astray and he accidentally bites straight through his stick as well. Seeing no permanent harm done, the others just shrug, look away, and drift back to their conversation.
Woodcutter BigAlan: Hey, has anybody seen Tinker Marcovan? He’s supposed to be bringing me my new Arathrustian Demi-Hemi-Obol. He’s getting to be as bad about service as the olde Dead King himself.
Mushroom Farmer Ajaan (casting a glance over his shoulder and lowering his voice): Well, lots of people have been lying low since the Sheriff of Homerun Hall nabbed Baron Trozau and hauled him off to the Registry Dungeon.
Laird MacCrimmon: Ach! Aye, there be the root o’ all evil!! Him ’n his devil plan to entomb e’ry coin on God’s green Earth!! As brav’ a mon as Baron Trozau be, he allays ha’ a weakness fer the gleam o’ gold … e’en when it glints thru a slab. Pitie the mon, I do!
Ironmonger Cacheman: Shouldn’t we try and spring him?
Laird MacCrimmon: Nay, y’ ninnie!! Mind ye’ nawt that’s jist wha’ tha’ diabolixical Sheriff wud want us t’ do?! Hit ’em when they’re watchin’ fer us? Dinna be daft!!
Maid Luvdawgs: But we cannot just leave him in the Sheriff’s clutches! The man is evil!! He even kicks dogs!!!
Herbalist Ajaan: Maid Luvdawgs has the right of it though. How long must Baron Trozau suffer the tortures of Registry Keep? We should speak to the Sorceror Askari.
A voice from the Darkness: You called?
After almost jumping out of their skins and into the bonfire – along with their now flaming marshmallows – the group realizes who spoke, as the Sorcerer himself steps out of the woods and into the clearing. He is flanked by Friar Jester and Chirurgeon DocDay.
Sorceror Askari (chuckling): Sorry about that, my friends! I just seem to have a knack for that.
Chirurgeon DocDay: Hey!! Are there any spare marshmallows? We’re famished!!
Maid Luvdawgs: I think I have another bagel you can toast.
Chirurgeon DocDay: Uh, I’ll pass … thanks.
Friar Jester: I could do with some … um, er … “sacramental” wine. (winking)
Ironmonger Cacheman: I’ll get some … my throat needs some sacramental healing. (muttering) I can’t believe anybody eats roasted bagels … without any lox or cream cheese!
Florist Ajaan: So where have you been, Sorceror?
Sorceror Askari: Oh, we were putting MadMarty back together again. Seems one of the King’s men plugged him with a crossbow bolt … and there was a long fall involved.
The Maid Luvdawgs (shuddering at the thought): But he’s so nice to dogs!
The Laird can be heard muttering something about “mad dogs and Englishmen,” but switches to whistling a different tune at a dagger-sharp glance from Maid Luvdawgs.
Sorceror Askari: Well, we patched him up as good as new – nearly – with some string and a prayer … and the magick of a Dark Side coin – he’s partial to them you know, but has a hard time keeping his mitts off them … he seems to think they’re in slabs even though they aren’t. MadMarty should be fine … till next time he visits ArtR’s hall.
Woodcutter BigAlan: Did you also fix up Dorkkarl?
Sorceror Askari (shaking his head strongly): Oh, no, no, no, no!! That takes a power far greater than mine. Only the High Priestess Carol can deal with the really messy cases!!
Gardener Ajaan: But what about Baron Trozau?? Can we do nothing to save him from the sinister hands of the Sheriff? If your power isn’t up to that …
Sorceror Askari (cutting him off with a Darkly glowering and magickal glare): Did you know that I don’t yet have a coin with a newt on it? (continuing…) What do you think – that I just sit around all day flipping through the pages in my Krausenomicon for new coin-spells? Dark Magick isn’t the only trick in my bag … wit will take you many places the Dark Arts & Crafts™ alone will not!!
The Maid Luvdawgs: Do you have a plan, Milord Sorceror?
Sorceror Askari (grinning his infamous trademark Cheshire Cat Grin™): Of course!! I was thinking of a snipe hunt!
………………………
Hiding in the dense brush along the road from Coinalot to the Open Lands, the Sorceror Askari glances from his wristsundial to the near midday sun and back again. With him are Woodcutter BigAlan, Friar Jester, Laird MacCrimmon, and Archer Bailathacl.
Friar Jester: So how is this “snipe hunt” going to liberate Baron Trozau, Brother Askari?
Sorceror Askari: It’s very simple, really. It’s called “a soul for a soul.” The Sheriff of Homerun Hall can never resist a deal, but he only deals in the big stuff. He hates to lose a prisoner, but even more he hates losing one of his own. You see, since he has no soul, he must steal them … yet whereas we steal them to set them free, he slabs them.
The whole band shudders at hearing this and Friar Jester signs the Cross.
Archer Bailathacl: Cor’ Milord!! That’s God-awful!! (realizing what he said and tugging on his forelock) … uh, begging the Friar’s pardon.
Sorceror Askari: All too true. That’s why I’ve laid that gold Britannia out in the middle of the road. The patrol should be coming along shortly. They’ll be tired from walking in all that whizzed armor and be ready for any reason to pause. They rarely see real gold – mostly just that “golden” junk that ArtR pays them with – so real gold will draw their attention like a Bear to a jelly donut. As soon as they stop, we cast our nets. We can then negotiate a trade of our catch for Trozau.
It is not long before three Knights in shining, whizzed armor appear, coming down the forest-shadowed road. Squire Airplanenut leads the way, merrily whistling a tune and looking all around, more interested in the birds in the air than watching for lurkers in the woods.
Sir DCAMFranklin: Dcam ArtR’s vitals!! I hate patrolling the dcam road to the dcam Open Lands. They’re dcam spooky!! Look! Even here at midday, the sun casteth fewer patches of light than dost the shadows obscureth with darkness. And … folks disappeareth here … some sayeth their souls are snatched away, forever lost to the Dark Side
Squire Airplanenut: Cooleth!
Sir AgentJim007 (shifting his heavy crossbow from one shoulder to the other and drawling acidly): So-o-o, what yer tellingeth me is that yure frightened of shadows … and stories told to scare children!
Sir DCAMFranklin: Shut yer cakehole!! I’m scared of nothin’!! … just, um, “prudent.”
Sir AgentJim007 starts to snap a sharp retort when Squire Airplanenut halts suddenly and stares at something on the ground.
Squire Airplanenut: MEGA-coolethness!!!!
Sir AgentJim007 (mockingly): “MEGA-coolethness” – I’m gonna puketh!
Sir DCAMFranklin: No! Wait! I see it too! It looketh like GOLD!!
The other two Knights jog up to get a closer look at what Squire Airplanenut has found.
Sir DCAMFranklin: Dcam!! It IS gold!!
Sir AgentJim007: … but wait, I don’t liketh the looks of …
A yell bursts from the bushes alongside the road. A longbow snaps and an arrow knocks the crossbow out of Sir AgentJim007’s hands. Three nets, weighted with heavy Swedish copper plate coins, are cast at the Knights. The Squire, kneeling next to the gold coin he found, and Sir DCAMFranklin, bending over for a closer look himself, are caught in the nets, but Sir AgentJim007 is missed. He attempts to free Sir DCAMFranklin, but then … he sees a Dark and unmistakable robed figure step onto the road, out of the woods … the Sorceror Askari.
Sir AgentJim007 (with eyes as big as silver Thalers): PUKETH!!!!
Sorceror Askari (smiling): “Boo!”
Sir AgentJim007: GAAAHHHH!!!
Armor clanks like a breached Brinks truck as Sir AgentJim007 skedaddles back toward Coinalot; meanwhile, the Merry Men secure the prisoners. Squire Airplanenut sits crosslegged, turning the gold Britannia he found over and over, mesmerized. Sir DCAMFranklin nervously watches his captors.
Sorceror Askari: Well, now, here’s a fine day’s catch!
Sir DCAMFranklin: What are you evil-doers gonna do with us?
Laird MacCrimmon (grinning): We’re gonna giv’ ye back – ye’re too wee t’ keep!
Sir DCAMFranklin (doubtfully): What d’ya mean?
Sorceror Askari (smiling): Just that … we’re going to return you to the Sheriff of Homerun Hall.
Sir DCAMFranklin (with real fear now): DCAMeth!! You can’t DO that!! Send me back to King ArtR – he’ll only have my vitals on cabbage!!
Sorceror Askari (reassuring): Don’t worry, it won’t be like that at all. First, we’re going to make you one of us … so the Sheriff will be eager to get you and return you to abnormal. It will be painless … tell me, have you ever seen a DCAM Thaler? I just happen to have one … it features an amazing city view …
Sir DCAMFranklin: No! No! You can’t make me look!! I’ll … I’ll … did you say it was DCAM?
Sorceror Askari (with Cheshire Cat Grim™): Sure, here … look for yourself … see how those mirrored fields shine …?
A few minutes later …
Woodcutter BigAlan: Well, he didn’t take all that long.
Sorceror Askari: Indeed! And the young Squire seems to have converted himself! It’s too bad we lost the other Knight. I had something special for him … a Churchill Crown!
Squire Airplanenut: Cool!
All: Bwahahahahahahahhahahaha!!!!!
Maid Luvdawgs (withdrawing her stick-speared bagel from the fire): Yes, that’s about done. I do so luv them crispy!!
At that, a choking sound escapes Ironmonger Cacheman, whose attempt to chomp his blackened marshmallow goes astray and he accidentally bites straight through his stick as well. Seeing no permanent harm done, the others just shrug, look away, and drift back to their conversation.
Woodcutter BigAlan: Hey, has anybody seen Tinker Marcovan? He’s supposed to be bringing me my new Arathrustian Demi-Hemi-Obol. He’s getting to be as bad about service as the olde Dead King himself.
Mushroom Farmer Ajaan (casting a glance over his shoulder and lowering his voice): Well, lots of people have been lying low since the Sheriff of Homerun Hall nabbed Baron Trozau and hauled him off to the Registry Dungeon.
Laird MacCrimmon: Ach! Aye, there be the root o’ all evil!! Him ’n his devil plan to entomb e’ry coin on God’s green Earth!! As brav’ a mon as Baron Trozau be, he allays ha’ a weakness fer the gleam o’ gold … e’en when it glints thru a slab. Pitie the mon, I do!
Ironmonger Cacheman: Shouldn’t we try and spring him?
Laird MacCrimmon: Nay, y’ ninnie!! Mind ye’ nawt that’s jist wha’ tha’ diabolixical Sheriff wud want us t’ do?! Hit ’em when they’re watchin’ fer us? Dinna be daft!!
Maid Luvdawgs: But we cannot just leave him in the Sheriff’s clutches! The man is evil!! He even kicks dogs!!!
Herbalist Ajaan: Maid Luvdawgs has the right of it though. How long must Baron Trozau suffer the tortures of Registry Keep? We should speak to the Sorceror Askari.
A voice from the Darkness: You called?
After almost jumping out of their skins and into the bonfire – along with their now flaming marshmallows – the group realizes who spoke, as the Sorcerer himself steps out of the woods and into the clearing. He is flanked by Friar Jester and Chirurgeon DocDay.
Sorceror Askari (chuckling): Sorry about that, my friends! I just seem to have a knack for that.
Chirurgeon DocDay: Hey!! Are there any spare marshmallows? We’re famished!!
Maid Luvdawgs: I think I have another bagel you can toast.
Chirurgeon DocDay: Uh, I’ll pass … thanks.
Friar Jester: I could do with some … um, er … “sacramental” wine. (winking)
Ironmonger Cacheman: I’ll get some … my throat needs some sacramental healing. (muttering) I can’t believe anybody eats roasted bagels … without any lox or cream cheese!
Florist Ajaan: So where have you been, Sorceror?
Sorceror Askari: Oh, we were putting MadMarty back together again. Seems one of the King’s men plugged him with a crossbow bolt … and there was a long fall involved.
The Maid Luvdawgs (shuddering at the thought): But he’s so nice to dogs!
The Laird can be heard muttering something about “mad dogs and Englishmen,” but switches to whistling a different tune at a dagger-sharp glance from Maid Luvdawgs.
Sorceror Askari: Well, we patched him up as good as new – nearly – with some string and a prayer … and the magick of a Dark Side coin – he’s partial to them you know, but has a hard time keeping his mitts off them … he seems to think they’re in slabs even though they aren’t. MadMarty should be fine … till next time he visits ArtR’s hall.
Woodcutter BigAlan: Did you also fix up Dorkkarl?
Sorceror Askari (shaking his head strongly): Oh, no, no, no, no!! That takes a power far greater than mine. Only the High Priestess Carol can deal with the really messy cases!!
Gardener Ajaan: But what about Baron Trozau?? Can we do nothing to save him from the sinister hands of the Sheriff? If your power isn’t up to that …
Sorceror Askari (cutting him off with a Darkly glowering and magickal glare): Did you know that I don’t yet have a coin with a newt on it? (continuing…) What do you think – that I just sit around all day flipping through the pages in my Krausenomicon for new coin-spells? Dark Magick isn’t the only trick in my bag … wit will take you many places the Dark Arts & Crafts™ alone will not!!
The Maid Luvdawgs: Do you have a plan, Milord Sorceror?
Sorceror Askari (grinning his infamous trademark Cheshire Cat Grin™): Of course!! I was thinking of a snipe hunt!
………………………
Hiding in the dense brush along the road from Coinalot to the Open Lands, the Sorceror Askari glances from his wristsundial to the near midday sun and back again. With him are Woodcutter BigAlan, Friar Jester, Laird MacCrimmon, and Archer Bailathacl.
Friar Jester: So how is this “snipe hunt” going to liberate Baron Trozau, Brother Askari?
Sorceror Askari: It’s very simple, really. It’s called “a soul for a soul.” The Sheriff of Homerun Hall can never resist a deal, but he only deals in the big stuff. He hates to lose a prisoner, but even more he hates losing one of his own. You see, since he has no soul, he must steal them … yet whereas we steal them to set them free, he slabs them.
The whole band shudders at hearing this and Friar Jester signs the Cross.
Archer Bailathacl: Cor’ Milord!! That’s God-awful!! (realizing what he said and tugging on his forelock) … uh, begging the Friar’s pardon.
Sorceror Askari: All too true. That’s why I’ve laid that gold Britannia out in the middle of the road. The patrol should be coming along shortly. They’ll be tired from walking in all that whizzed armor and be ready for any reason to pause. They rarely see real gold – mostly just that “golden” junk that ArtR pays them with – so real gold will draw their attention like a Bear to a jelly donut. As soon as they stop, we cast our nets. We can then negotiate a trade of our catch for Trozau.
It is not long before three Knights in shining, whizzed armor appear, coming down the forest-shadowed road. Squire Airplanenut leads the way, merrily whistling a tune and looking all around, more interested in the birds in the air than watching for lurkers in the woods.
Sir DCAMFranklin: Dcam ArtR’s vitals!! I hate patrolling the dcam road to the dcam Open Lands. They’re dcam spooky!! Look! Even here at midday, the sun casteth fewer patches of light than dost the shadows obscureth with darkness. And … folks disappeareth here … some sayeth their souls are snatched away, forever lost to the Dark Side
Squire Airplanenut: Cooleth!
Sir AgentJim007 (shifting his heavy crossbow from one shoulder to the other and drawling acidly): So-o-o, what yer tellingeth me is that yure frightened of shadows … and stories told to scare children!
Sir DCAMFranklin: Shut yer cakehole!! I’m scared of nothin’!! … just, um, “prudent.”
Sir AgentJim007 starts to snap a sharp retort when Squire Airplanenut halts suddenly and stares at something on the ground.
Squire Airplanenut: MEGA-coolethness!!!!
Sir AgentJim007 (mockingly): “MEGA-coolethness” – I’m gonna puketh!
Sir DCAMFranklin: No! Wait! I see it too! It looketh like GOLD!!
The other two Knights jog up to get a closer look at what Squire Airplanenut has found.
Sir DCAMFranklin: Dcam!! It IS gold!!
Sir AgentJim007: … but wait, I don’t liketh the looks of …
A yell bursts from the bushes alongside the road. A longbow snaps and an arrow knocks the crossbow out of Sir AgentJim007’s hands. Three nets, weighted with heavy Swedish copper plate coins, are cast at the Knights. The Squire, kneeling next to the gold coin he found, and Sir DCAMFranklin, bending over for a closer look himself, are caught in the nets, but Sir AgentJim007 is missed. He attempts to free Sir DCAMFranklin, but then … he sees a Dark and unmistakable robed figure step onto the road, out of the woods … the Sorceror Askari.
Sir AgentJim007 (with eyes as big as silver Thalers): PUKETH!!!!
Sorceror Askari (smiling): “Boo!”
Sir AgentJim007: GAAAHHHH!!!
Armor clanks like a breached Brinks truck as Sir AgentJim007 skedaddles back toward Coinalot; meanwhile, the Merry Men secure the prisoners. Squire Airplanenut sits crosslegged, turning the gold Britannia he found over and over, mesmerized. Sir DCAMFranklin nervously watches his captors.
Sorceror Askari: Well, now, here’s a fine day’s catch!
Sir DCAMFranklin: What are you evil-doers gonna do with us?
Laird MacCrimmon (grinning): We’re gonna giv’ ye back – ye’re too wee t’ keep!
Sir DCAMFranklin (doubtfully): What d’ya mean?
Sorceror Askari (smiling): Just that … we’re going to return you to the Sheriff of Homerun Hall.
Sir DCAMFranklin (with real fear now): DCAMeth!! You can’t DO that!! Send me back to King ArtR – he’ll only have my vitals on cabbage!!
Sorceror Askari (reassuring): Don’t worry, it won’t be like that at all. First, we’re going to make you one of us … so the Sheriff will be eager to get you and return you to abnormal. It will be painless … tell me, have you ever seen a DCAM Thaler? I just happen to have one … it features an amazing city view …
Sir DCAMFranklin: No! No! You can’t make me look!! I’ll … I’ll … did you say it was DCAM?
Sorceror Askari (with Cheshire Cat Grim™): Sure, here … look for yourself … see how those mirrored fields shine …?
A few minutes later …
Woodcutter BigAlan: Well, he didn’t take all that long.
Sorceror Askari: Indeed! And the young Squire seems to have converted himself! It’s too bad we lost the other Knight. I had something special for him … a Churchill Crown!
Squire Airplanenut: Cool!
All: Bwahahahahahahahhahahaha!!!!!
Askari
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
0
Comments
As with you all, I have long enjoyed Clankeye’s wonderful tales about Coinalot. Shortly before he left on vacation, I got a surprising PM from him – inviting me to write a “guest article” for Coinalot. While certainly an honor, I was well aware that no one could do the Master’s work justice, so it was rather a daunting task he was asking me to accept. What decided me to go ahead and beg my muse for inspiration was the fact that it was Carl’s birthday. What better present than to let him have something to read on the Monday of his return … well-rested and ready to take up his quill yet again!
So … Happy Birthday Carl!!!
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
"Senorita HepKitty"
"I want a real cool Kitty from Hepcat City, to stay in step with me" - Bill Carter
A FINE job Askari,amighty FINE job. Yep,it's Monday.
Happy Birthday Carl.
Now I know for sure where all those boogy-man stories came from!!!!
Total Copper Nutcase - African, British Ships, Channel Islands!!!
'Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup'
and Noble Bard , Sir Carl of Clank.
Camelot
and timeless fears about it. Perhaps some more magic is much needeth to enlighten
all the keeps and castles and hiways and byways. It is as sureth that the sun shines
that there can be more light in the darkness than at noon. One must preserveth more
than his wine, his wares, and his wits or will find even himself may be slabbethed.
Happy birthday Clankeye.
Thanks Askari.
09/07/2006
karlgoetzmedals.com
secessionistmedals.com
<< <i>Mushroom Farmer Ajaan >>
Hey, I resemble that remark!
Great story Mark and a Happy B-day to Carl.
DPOTD-3
'Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery'
CU #3245 B.N.A. #428
Don
<< <i>Sir DCAMFranklin: Shut yer cakehole!! I’m scared of nothin’!! … just, um, “prudent.” >>
Askari- You've provided the Forum with a wonderful piece. We thank you for our "weekly fix"! I think someone must have loose lips. How did you find out about my dabbling in the darkside?
I look forward to your next piece.
"Krausenomicon"
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." -Luke 11:9
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might." -Deut. 6:4-5
"For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; He will save us." -Isaiah 33:22
Gracias, mi amigo, Askari! I am at a litte internet cafe in Zihantanejo and everybody is wondering why the loco Americano is grinning ear to ear.
A very good tale indeed! You have made my last day down here quite enjoyable. I must say you Darksiders are a scary lot, and certainly a problem that must be addressed in the future. Can´t just let you go around kidnapping and ransoming the good citizens of Coinalot, now can we?
Well, I am off to do the very, very hard work of snorkeling in bath water warm, crystal ocean waters. I´m suffering terribly, but someone has to do it.
Thank you, Mark. I knew I could count on you. That was really fun!!!! MUY BUENO!!
El Clankosamos
FOR SALE Items
<< <i>How did you find out about my dabbling in the darkside? >>
Hey, I'm a sorceror, bub! It's my business to ferret out little secrets like these.
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
I hadn't even noticed that it was written by you and not Clankeye (I didn't read the name under the icon, and ignored the icon since so many people frequently change their icon). I didn't pay attention to the fact you were the author until I saw your 2nd post below the original story.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
P.S. Happy birthday Carl! Sorry you're having to "suffer" so much on your vacation
Most sincerely,
Jimmy Bear
We'll use our hands and hearts and if we must we'll use our heads.
BWAAAAAAHHAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." -Luke 11:9
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might." -Deut. 6:4-5
"For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; He will save us." -Isaiah 33:22
Happy birthday Carl.
BTW....... if the water gets too deep i can send a boat or a ship for you. Just holler real loud!!
1-Dammit Boy Oct 14,2003
International Coins
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Wayne
eBay registered name:
Hard_ Search (buyer/bidder, a small time seller)
e-mail: wayne.whatley@gmail.com
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1987-C Hendersonville Road
Asheville, NC 28803
wnccoins.com
Happy Birthday, Carl!!
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
make a sorcerer a Knight. It only requires a leap of faith
and the good favor of our Noble Bard Sir Carl of Clank.
Camelot
Come on over ... to The Dark Side!
"The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the LORD GOD Almighty."