"Good Morning Class" -- Do You Like Coins-A-Lot?

Clankeye · June 16, 2003 3:09AM

In Coinalot King ArtR is in a foul mood. As usual.

King ArtR: I am bored and demand to be told a tale! Where is Clankeye the Royal Scribe?
Sir CCR: He is drunk... and eating donuts, Sire!
Sir Cladking: Nay, your Highness! He misspeaks. He is at Dunkin' Donuts with Sir Braddick!
King ArtR: By the Gods! Why?
Lord Lablover: For the plethora of wonderful donuts offered, majesty!

--Silence--

The collected court stares at Lord Lablover in disbelief

Lord Lablover: (whispering to Sir Singapore) What did I say?
Sir Singapore: (hushed) His Majesty hates the world "plethora." Did you not know?
King ArtR: (rising) Lord Lablover... would you say his Majesty has... a lot of coins?
Lord Lablover: (gulp) Yes, your Highness...
King ArtR: A rather large amount then...?
Lord Lablover: Yes... your Highness...
King ArtR: (putting his sword Excoinaber to Lablover's throat) Would you say that it is a "plethora" of coins...???
Lord Lablover: (sweating) Um.... maybe...?
King ArtR: BY THE GODS!!!!! (He raises his arms to strike)

WAIT!!!!!!!

His majesty stops in mid movement. There in the doorway is a bedraggled looking person, dressed like a peasant with a large ink stain on his upper lip

Scribe Clankeye: 'Tis my fault, your Majesty!

The crowd gasps. Many have never seen the Royal Scribe before

Sir NWCS: This is the Royal Scribe???
Sir AgentJim007: I shall Puketh! ....Twice.
Sir DHeath: He looks as if he came here on the Royal Dung Wagon!
Sir Ccrdragon: Smells like it too!!!!
King ArtR: Scribe Clankeye! Explain to us how you came to be in such a foul state? By the Gods it better be good too. No pressure though.

Scribe Clankeye walks to the middle of the hall. The room dims and a halo of light forms around him. The Knights and Ladies of Coinalot all sit cross legged on the floor their attention rapt upon him.

Scribe Clankeye: Well your Majesty, I was over at The Kingdom of Sleep when I heard about the new throne that Sir Iras4 had gifted thee. The beautiful lucite one with wondrous valuable coinage embedded in it. So I says to myself "Clank, you gotta see that!" and I set out for Coinalot. So I'm going by the The Abbey of Buyitnow, and who should I see? Saint Feldolini! Now, old Feldolini's in a world of hurt cuz he's got this thing with the Lady Lucy of Bop, only Sir Bear didn't know about it--but now he does--and he's like over at The Abbey using Saint Feldolini for jousting practice! Being the only decent thing to do, I shoot Sir Bear and me and Feldolini take off for the Bay of Eee--
King ArtR: (impatient) Get on with it!
Scribe Clankeye: So we get to the Bridge of Yore Gonna Paypal... and who should be keeping the gate? Feldolini's Evil Twin The Archbishop of Coinguy1!

There is a collective gasp!

Scribe Clankeye: Next thing I know The Archbishop and Saint Feldolini are rolling around in the dirt, scratching, biting, kicking, clawing because Saint Feldolini says he thinks "Monster" and "Rainbow" are overused when describing the Archbishop's codpiece! I'm even pulled into the tussle... Man! I finally break free--look up--just in time to see the two of 'em roll off the bridge and plummet into the Gorge!
King ArtR: BY THE GODS!
Scribe Clankeye: You ain't kiddin' by the Gods! So I says to myself "Clankeye, you best ski-daddle!" That's when MadMarty comes rolling up in the Royal Dung Wagon asking me if I need a lift.
King ArtR: And you got a ride hither?
Scribe Clankeye: Well... no, your Majesty. I look in the Dung Wagon and it's filled with Frankies! I mean I've got some pride! So I says "thanks, but no thanks" to MadMarty and lit out for the Bay of Eee.
King ArtR: Make this short Clankeye, or yee shall hang with Dpoole!
Scribe Clankeye: I'll hang with Dpoole, Majesty--he's cool. Anyway... I'm running for The Bay of Eee when I trip over the disembodied head of Sir Marguli and he's like trying to bite me, and calling me a SCUMBAG and stuff... and then this crazy Seth of The Thousand Questions starts asking me this plethora of--
King ArtR: SILENCE!!!!!!!!

--Silence--

King ArtR: (gritting his teeth) You said "plethora" scribe!
Scribe Clankeye: (bopping his forehead) D'oh!!!! Sorry, Majesty! Anyway... I get to the Bay of Eee and there's Sir ClarkofKent using the Royal Catapult to fling pieces of Karl of Dork into the water... so I ask him if I can catch a fling to Coinalot and--Va Wooommbb!!!! Here I is, your Majesty. Your beloved Royal Scribe! All ready to tell ya a story and dip that nasty little scowl right off the Royal Rumpus!

--Silence--

King ArtR: (quietly) Scribe Clankeye?
Scribe Clankeye: Yes, Your Highness?
King ArtR: How well do thou know me?
Scribe Clankeye: Well, gosh Majesty... well enough I guess...
King ArtR: Well enough to refer to "The Royal Rumpus?"
Scribe Clankeye: (gulp) Um... nice weather we're having ain't it?
King ArtR: BY THE GODS!!!! I'LL HAVE YOUR TONGUE REMOVED YOU INSOLENT PURVEYOR OF PUTRID PROSE!!! THE ROYAL RUMPUS?????? THEY'LL BE A PLETHORA OF CLANKEYE PIECES LINING THE COUNTRYSIDE--FROM THE BAY OF EEE TO THE KINGDOM OF SLEEP!!!
Squire Airplanenut: Cool!
Sir Marcmoish: Your Majesty, show mercy, the poor fool collects Carver commemoratives!
King ArtR: (regaining his composure) Hmmm, 'tis true. He has no good coinage like Sir Tradedollarnut. Scribe Clankeye, rather than deserving the Royal Wrath you shall have the Royal Pity. Poor, poor Scribe Clankeye. Next year's Maundy coins shall all go to you. Poor miserable wretch of a man. Toiling away in the bowels of the Castle writing ridiculous little tales that no one reads. Forgive my anger. A Blessing on thy house, you most reviled of creatures.
Scribe Clankeye: Well gosh, thanks, your Highness!!!
King ArtR: (turning to the crowd) His Majesty pronounces that the rest of this minute be officially known as CLANK MINUTE!

There is feeble applause

King ArtR: Let it also be known that it is frowned upon to start threads taunting him! For it is understood that his pea-sized cranium occasionally is over taxed by the business of living! And that one as slothful, lazy and vile as he, must by the very nature of his person, more often than not disappoint! In this spirit let us go forth and celebrate CLANK MINUTE!!!!!!!

There is great merriment in Coinalot. The Knights and Ladies remove themselves from the Hall to go feast. At last there is only Jester Shiroh and Scribe Clankeye

Jester Shiroh: (staring blankly at Clankeye) Hey...
Scribe Clankeye: (staring back) Hey...
Jester Shiroh: (pointing) BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

FC57Coins · June 16, 2003 3:12AM

LOL - Clanker - another winner!!!

I hope you're saving all your gems so that you can put them all together in book form! The wit and wisdom of Sir Clank of eye

cladking · June 16, 2003 3:19AM

TGIM.

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Deeper than the Bay of Eee.

As funny as ever!!!

ursabear · June 16, 2003 3:26AM

Woohoo! Thank you!

I enjoyed that quite a bit. Marvelous as always.

Outhaul · June 16, 2003 3:26AM

Ahhhh...my week is complete

Steve27 · June 16, 2003 3:30AM

Thanks, I needed that!

CarlWohlforth · June 16, 2003 3:33AM

Thanks for the story!

I think there will be a riot here when a Monday comes and goes with no tales of Coin-A-Lot. I hope it never happens!

nwcs · June 16, 2003 3:34AM

My favorite line:

<< using the Royal Catapult to fling pieces of Karl of Dork into the water >>

Hilarious! Of course, how often do you get to read the word "codpiece?"

Glad to have you back, noble Scribe.

MadMonk · June 16, 2003 3:34AM

Great tale there Maestro!

ccrdragon · June 16, 2003 3:42AM

Ahhh, Monday is complete once again! Thanks Clank for another wonderful and inspired story to go with your plethora of....

OMG!!! I said plethora!

ARRGGGHHH!!! I said it again!!!

airplanenut · June 16, 2003 3:44AM

Far better than the two essays I wrote for my English exam!

Cool

DHeath · June 16, 2003 3:48AM

Well... no, your Majesty. I look in the Dung Wagon and it's filled with Frankies! I mean I've got some pride!

LOL!

Shamika · June 16, 2003 4:56AM

I look in the Dung Wagon and it's filled with Frankies! I mean I've got some pride!

Finally, someone with some cents!

mdwoods · June 16, 2003 5:10AM

I must admit to a plethora of laughs from this episode.

Couldn't you get your wife a second job so that the business
of life won't interfere with your writing?

dorkkarl · June 16, 2003 5:28AM

<< ...there's Sir ClarkofKent using the Royal Catapult to fling pieces of Karl of Dork into the water... >>

i hate getting flung! man, what's a guy gotta do to earn some respect around here???

K S

1jester · June 16, 2003 5:36AM

cosmicdebris · June 16, 2003 5:38AM

Carl what can I say, I bow before your skillfull quill.

Thank you for another wonderful and unexpected tale.

Clankeye · June 16, 2003 5:45AM

A SHORT COINALOT GLOSSARY

Coinalot: Where the residents of CU dwell

King ArtR: The Sovereign ruler of Coinalot

The Kingdom of Sleep: Rival kingdom to Coinalot. Known by some as NGC (Not Greater Coinalot)

The Bay of Eee: Body of water where the citizens of Coinalot go to buy and sell goods

The Bridge of Yore Gonna PayPal: Bridge on the journey from Coinalot to the Bay of Eee, now guarded by Seth of The Thousand Questions.

The Archbishop of Coinguy1: Counselor to ArtR and evil twin of Saint Feldolini

Saint Feldolini: foul tempered twin of The Archbishop of Coinguy1. Writer of weekly advice column.

The Royal Catapult: Preferred method of transport for the unsavory. Operated by Sir ClarkofKent--Royal Captapultist.

The Graders Who Charge Fees: Third party graders of the Coinalot realm. Held in low esteem by the populace.

The Lady of the Lake: An old broad known in the future as Mrs. Coinboard. Lives in The Bay of Eee. Guardian of Excoinaber.

MadMarty: Castle Madman of Coinalot. Singer of silly songs. Every Kingdom has to have one.

Dr. Dpoole: The Royal Head Shrinker. ArtR's personal therapist.

The Earl of Compucheap: Inventor of the Codpiece Caddy. Renowned in the kingdom for accenting his hair.

The Lady Lucy of Bop: Local hotty. Known for whipping out her Frankies.

The Abbey of Buyitnow: Home to Saint Feldolini, Friar Fatman and Madmonk the Madmonk.

Sir Bear: The "holiest" Knight in the Kingdom. Has defied death more times than Lucy's shown her Frankies.

Scribe Clankeye: Known as "The Lifeless." Chronicler of Coinalot

"By the Gods!" Preferred oath of King ArtR

Squire Airplanenut: Coinalot's coolest customer.

The Sorcerer Askari: A magician from the Dark Side. Constantly trying to lure the unwary into an abyss of blackness

The Open Lands: Large area of desert beyond Coinalot and The Kingdom of Sleep

The Dark Side: Calm place, where all known rules of numismatics are suspended.

The Registry Kingdom: Never been there. Haven't got a clue.

The Sheriff of Homerun Hall: Overlord and owner of the entire realm. Inventor of single serving microwavable Lasagna.

Excoinaber: King ArtR's sword. Given to him by the Lady of the Lake, aka Mrs. Coinboard.

Sir Cladking: Heir apparent to ArtR. Modern--noted pretty boy.

Jester Shiroh: The King's personal entertainer and friend. Has been known to juggle three different forums at once, while looking for employment.

The Royal Dung Wagon: Not as exciting as The Royal Cataplut, but a preferred method of transport out of the Kingdom, nonetheless.

The St. Valentine's Day Massacre: Notorious weekend in Coinalot when the fit hit the shan. A few Knights were Baggeth'd.

The High Priestess Carolj: Enforcer for The Sheriff of Homerun Hall. Capable of visiting the Ten Great Plagues upon Coinalot.

Puketh: Term denoting high praise from Sir AgentJim007

Karl of Dork: Kingdom contrarian. Torn asunder more times than state quarters grade MS 68.

Julian · June 16, 2003 5:58AM

These lessons should be required reading for all that are overworked to the point of exhaustion & confusion. They are very enjoyable.

dorkkarl · June 16, 2003 6:11AM

HEY!!! WHERE'S "KARL OF DORK" IN THE GLOSSARY???

K S

Clankeye · June 16, 2003 6:19AM

Sorry, Dork. My clank eye can't see everything. Situation remedied.

If anyone else has something to add to the Glossary, please feel free.

The Lifeless

coinguy1 · June 16, 2003 6:29AM

I'm not sure if I even have permission to post, seeing as how I just went over a bridge and into a gorge - am I even alive? But, in case I am, I do have a question (or two or three) and a comment:

question(s) - how DID sir Clankeye become so smelly? Was it from merely getting near Mad Marty's cart? Falling upon poor Sir Marguli's disembodied head? Some other explanation?

comment - way excellent!

Tassa · June 16, 2003 6:31AM

LucyBop · June 16, 2003 6:32AM

Hey, I guarantee you Hepcat, If I came rolling in my 55 BelAir full of Frankies... You aint gonna say no to a ride!

DCAMFranklin · June 16, 2003 6:46AM

Another fabulous piece! An interesting twist to make yourself the "target of the pen". Totally funny.

Clankeye · June 16, 2003 6:50AM

Archbishop of Coinguy1/Saint Feldolini--

Remember in the end of the Sherlock Holmes stories Sherlock is last seen wrestling his arch rival Professor Moriarty and falling over a water fall? Did we see the last of Sherlock?

Have we seen the last of Feldolini and his evil twin the Archbishop?

Who can say.

And yes it was the mere time spent in proximity to The Royal Dung Wagon that gave the Scribe his ripe bouquet. Those Frankies--phew!

Lucy is right though--I would not turn down a ride in her 55, Frankies and all.

Clankeye

calvet · June 16, 2003 6:56AM

As always, another hilarious tale from the venerable Scribe CLANKEYE.
And for those of you who haven't seen to new
Throne here's the adress http://members.aol.com/iras4/private/Coincheck.jpg

LucyBop · June 16, 2003 7:06AM

dpoole · June 16, 2003 7:32AM

Make this short Clankeye, or yee shall hang with Dpoole

I always thought it'd be great fun to hang with Clankeye!

Wild applause by the ensemble for this Clankeye minute!

bigindie · June 16, 2003 7:52AM

A wonderful tale which hath brought me much merriment, Clankeye. You've made it worth getting through another Monday at work. KUDOS!

coinguy1 · June 16, 2003 9:59AM

TTT for the evening crowd.

MrKelso · June 16, 2003 10:47AM

It's a beautiful thing

Coinosaurus · June 16, 2003 11:18AM

Is Clank not the best coin comedy writer of ALL TIME

Clankeye · June 16, 2003 11:27AM

<< Is Clank not the best coin comedy writer of ALL TIME >>

Thank you, I geniunely appreciate that. But I have to ask... are there any others?

LOL!

Clankeye

Askari · June 16, 2003 11:28AM

<< The Dark Side: Calm place, where all known rules of numismatics are suspended. >>

LOL!!! Another great wonder, Oh Scribe o' the Minute!!

Coinosaurus · June 16, 2003 11:42AM

There is, of course, Donn Pearlman's monthly column in the Numismatist. He does pretty well given the constraints he has to work with (try to be funny, appeal to all readers, and please please please don't offend anyone).

ccr · June 16, 2003 11:54AM

<< Sir CCR: He is drunk... and eating donuts, Sire! >>

<< Sir Cladking: Nay, your Highness! He misspeaks. He is at Dunkin' Donuts with Sir Braddick! >>

Hey I made it in for the first time.

That`s about how it`s been lately from me. Yikes!!!

I think I can fit under that rock over there.....

But hey, Thanks for having me included this week.

It`s cool.

drainbamage · June 16, 2003 12:12PM

<< HEY!!! WHERE'S "KARL OF DORK" IN THE GLOSSARY??? >>

He is so well infamous no introduction is needed.

marcmoish · June 16, 2003 12:19PM

Carl,

What a gem - you keep outdoing yourself - again I had not a minute earlier all day to laugh out loud as I just did - too bad, but boy it sure went a long way tonite, and will carry over definently into the week.

Your cliches and totally hilarious terms are downright funny bordering on chillingly excellence in ink - outdone by no one, and equal to none. You are the ultimate scribe!

Thanks

Marc

numobri · June 16, 2003 3:13PM

All i can say is,"AWESOME",every one else said the rest.

Thanks Man.

CoinAddict · June 16, 2003 3:28PM

Will your wanders ever cease? You always keep us coming back for more. Once again you have outdone yourself.

JohnZ · June 16, 2003 3:36PM

clankeye: I'm new on the board. I have the sense from the responses to your post that you've written more of this stuff. When is the book coming out? Or else, how can I read your posts in chronological order. It's F-ing brilliant. LMFAO.

RegistryCoin · June 16, 2003 4:04PM

RegistryCoin · June 16, 2003 4:04PM

RegistryCoin · June 16, 2003 4:11PM

sorry for the duplicate posts. Not at my 'puter...
...Plethora, twice...
Yore Gonna Paypal
Dung wagon...
Well, Gosh, Not Greater Coinalot...
Terrific, Sir Clank. Thank you.

RegistryCoin · June 16, 2003 4:14PM

Will Wunders ever cease??? Good job!

Clankeye · June 16, 2003 4:45PM

Hi JohnZ

If you go to the top of the forum page and put "Good Morning Class" into the search box. All of them will appear.

Some of them where a bit topical to whatever might have been going on at the Forum during the time. It might be bewildering to slog through. But, if you choose to try, may God have mercy on your soul.

Clankeye

Note: it is late at night and I was watching a show on the History channel about Circus Sideshow Freaks. For some reason it compeled me to come read the forum. Odd.

Stork · June 16, 2003 5:08PM

Hey, RegistryCoin is making a plethora of posts!!! Is that allowed?

dorkkarl · June 16, 2003 11:47PM

<< HEY!!! WHERE'S "KARL OF DORK" IN THE GLOSSARY??? ... Sorry, Dork. My clank eye can't see everything. Situation remedied ... Karl of Dork: Kingdom contrarian. Torn asunder more times than state quarters grade MS 68. >>

man, i love it! thank you thank you thank you, master clankeye - barbed bard of the badlands, he of the sweet voice & fork-ed tongue.

kingdom contrarian - is the kinda like the local librarian?

K S

MadMarty · June 17, 2003 12:03AM

Hmmmmm, a dung wagon full of Frankies! Too frickin' funny!!!!

marcmoish · June 17, 2003 1:21AM

Carl,

you evil man .. I can't stop saying plethora

All morning I'm running the following line by my clients :

" we've got a plethora of rates and programs for you..."

and they respond with this bewildered look....you have what???

,

.."Thelma I knew this guy was a no goodnik why look at that weird look on his face when he blurted that..."

I'm doomed - I feel weird - wonder what others here are feeling these days???

Marc

"Good Morning Class" -- Do You Like Coins-A-Lot?

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&quot;Good Morning Class&quot; -- Do You Like Coins-A-Lot?

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"Good Morning Class" -- Do You Like Coins-A-Lot?