"Good Morning Class" -- The St. Patrick's Day Massacre

Clankeye · March 14, 2003 9:13AM

It is St. Patrick's day in Coinalot

Sir ClarkofKent: (breathless) Your Majesty! The castle is under seige! The head of Sir Marguli was just catapulted over the wall!
King ArtR: BY THE GODS! ...Are you sure it 'twas the head?
Sir ClarkofKent: Yes, your highness. Why do you ask?
King ArtR: For he is known to speak with other parts of his body! Perhaps his rump hath been used for a missile?
--Stunned Silence--
King ArtR: Just kidding! Your Majesty is being mirthful. So somebody has catapulted the head of Sir Marguli over the walls, eh?
Sir DHeath: Just so, your Highness!
King ArtR: How do we know?
Sir Pushkin: 'Tis red and looks like a demon.
King ArtR: Are you sure 'tis not a balloon...?
Sir DanC: (puzzled) a balloon Highness?
King ArtR: Yes. Something festive. A gift perhaps sent to us by The Kingdom of Sleep?

The Archbishop of Coinguy1 enters the room holding the head of Sir Marguli

Archbishop of Coinguy1: Gaze upon your "balloon" Highness!

There is a collective gasp!

Jester Shiroh: Thanks for the heads up Archbishop!
King ArtR: Gadzooks! ...Give it to me.
Coinguy1: Don't want to--
King ArtR: Now!--
Coinguy1: No--
KingArtR: Archers! Take aim!
Coinguy1: (handing it over) Wouldn't kill ya to share a little.
King ArtR: (he looks at the head) There's a note attached! (he reads) "Attention citizens of Coinalot... new Sheriff in town..."

King ArtR puts his hand to his head and stumbles backward.

Sir Blade: Your Majesty! What is it???!
King ArtR: (he is pale, stricken) 'Tis a message from the only man I fear... The Sheriff of Homerun Hall!

There is another collective gasp!

Sir Rotts: What's it say, your Majesty?!
King ArtR: It says "He who baggeth on me, will be baggeth'd!"
Knave VonZipper: Gosh! Do you think he means it?
King ArtR: (quietly) Knave Zipper?
Knave VonZipper: Yes, Sire?
King ArtR: Am I not holding the head of Sir Marguli?
Knave Von Zipper: Yes, Sire.
King ArtR: (screaming) THEN HE MEANS IT!!!!!!!!

Lord Ursabear comes running into the room

Lord Ursabear: Your Majesty! The castle's St. Patrick's Day Parade is in choas!!!!!!!
King ArtR: What now?
Lord Ursabear: The head of Sir Dakra just landed on the "One Big Happy Family" float!
Sir IrishMike: BY THE GODS! My favorite, your Majesty!
Lord Ursabear: The Pipers all have puketh'd! The parade's in disarray!
--Silence--
King ArtR: (solemn) Gather what remains of my Knights. Tell them to don their armor!
Sir Wondercoin: We cannot, your Majesty!
King ArtR: Why not?
Sir Oreville: It is too tight, Sire.
King ArtR: (deep sigh) Am I just walkin' down the street talkin' to myself here? GET YER FRICKIN' ARMOR ON!!!!!!!!!!

MadMarty, the castle madman, jumps down from the rafters. He is a wild collection of rags, bags, and tangled hair. He sings...

Beware the Sheriff of Homerun Hall
For I have bags that fit you all
In my domain you soon will learn
Speak your mind--your house will burn
Potatoes stuck inside your pants
Will not change your circumstance
Raise my ire--your grades will fall
I am the Sheriff of Homerun Hall!

King ArtR is a rabid squirrel
Hiding like a little girl
His nuts will decorate my wall---

King ArtR: SILENCE!!!!

Mad Marty: (hurriedly finishing his song) I-am-the-Sheriff-of-Homerun-Hall.

Jester Shiroh: Not his best, your Majesty.

King ArtR's shoulders slump and he slowly sits down on the floor.

King ArtR: I'm weary, Jester.
Jester Shiroh: Do we not amuse, your Majesty?
King ArtR: I'm tired of battle. I'm tired of the fighting. I've seen too much, and enjoyed too little. It's not easy being King.
Jester Shiroh: I should think not your Majesty.
King ArtR: This latest battle. With The Sheriff of Homerun Hall...? I am not going to take the field.
Jester Shiroh: But... but... your Majesty. We must fight! That's what we do in Coinalot.
King ArtR: No more. To the sun and the stars-- the things we fight over matter not.

King ArtR slowly raises and begins to walk away

Scribe Clankeye: Where are you going, your Majesty...?

walking... slowly away...

King ArtR: I'm going to go look at the Royal Coins. They bring me pleasure.

He walks down a long hall, until all that can be seen is a glimmer from his crown.

Squire Airplanenut: Cool.

kranky · March 14, 2003 9:18AM

until all that can be seen is a glimmer from his crown.

Oh, the King is a darksider?

MrKelso · March 14, 2003 9:22AM

Excellent!!!!

coindaughter · March 14, 2003 9:24AM

Hey, Clank...

You always know what to say.

Thanks.

sniff

Bear · March 14, 2003 9:27AM

ClarkOfKent · March 14, 2003 9:27AM

Just couldn't hold it in until Monday, eh Clankeye? You've topped yourself, again. MadMarty's song was priceless!

dddangerousdan · March 14, 2003 9:28AM

It fits the bill perfectly. Great job.

Dan

Pushkin · March 14, 2003 9:31AM

Tassa · March 14, 2003 9:31AM

Excellent as usual.

IrishMike · March 14, 2003 9:34AM

Pushkin you keep forgetting all the jelly donuts, they will never go away.

MadMarty · March 14, 2003 9:34AM

I just don't know what to say, I'm just all choked up... Great story Clank!!

ursabear · March 14, 2003 10:13AM

v

The funniest yet (and no, not because I was mentionedeth

).

I truly and sincerely hope that we can get a compendium of your absolutely endless talent and put it in print.

Any volunteers for printing? I can assemble the posts and maybe do some page layout...

Thank you Clankeye for giving me a treat each week.

RGL · March 14, 2003 10:20AM

Best yet ... I enjoy anything that contains a word I never have witnessed in my life, i.e., puketh ...

Mrpawn · March 14, 2003 10:21AM

Yet another great example of your wit

Thanks once again.

DCAMFranklin · March 14, 2003 10:22AM

Very well done, Clankeye. Though, it sure is hard to laugh after the censorship and expulsion.

VonZipper · March 14, 2003 10:33AM

Oh a knave such as I, can not express the joy and warmeth feeling I have in my heart to be so mentioned in the Clankeye Diaries.

Keep it up or ------------------------No Soup for You.....

coinguy1 · March 14, 2003 10:35AM

Clankeye,

I agree with at least one thing homerunhall said recently - you are the best. And, this chapter is your best yet. But, did you have to go and make ME the one to hold Greg's head? - yuck!

I hereby nominate Clankeye for forum member of the year, whether he is the only one still left, come Dec. 31, 2003 or not!

Bear · March 14, 2003 10:37AM

nwcs · March 14, 2003 10:41AM

Captures the feel quite well..

RegistryCoin · March 14, 2003 11:38AM

"Captures the feel", to say the very least. From LOL to tears. Great job, Sir Clankeye! ...and, thank you (again)!

Rotts · March 14, 2003 12:13PM

wingedliberty · March 14, 2003 12:59PM

Some very cool imagery. Thanks Clank.

Brian.

cladking · March 14, 2003 2:00PM

Very good. Save the pieces.

MrLee · March 14, 2003 2:16PM

Excellent Clankeye. I only hope Homerunhall finds it humorous or the next catapult may be for you

Bear · March 14, 2003 2:21PM

Clank is not only a highly talented and sensitive writer, he is also a gentleman with class.

He is held in respect by all who read his work, including collectors, dealers and the management

of PCGS. With the events of the past few days, that is high praise indeed. Bear

coinrookie · March 14, 2003 4:29PM

Excellent .Puts things in perspective. So let`s relax and enjoy.

nucklehead · March 14, 2003 4:50PM

Good humor never goes outeth styleeth.

MadMonk · March 14, 2003 9:19PM

Way to go Clankeye. I always enjoy these testaments to your powers of observation. wit, and wisdom.

eminem · March 14, 2003 9:24PM

What?? my name is...my name is...chika chicka ...what ...my name is ...my name is SLIM SHADY!!!

cosmicdebris · March 14, 2003 9:46PM

Carl I am left speachless. Another excellant commentary on the State of Affairs of the CU U.S. forum.

Gilbert · March 14, 2003 10:35PM

Outstanding, entertaining and soooo on point. You must be an incredible person.

BTW, man, do I have the same feelings as KigArtR.

Hey Clank, you ever thought about becoming (if you aren't) a therapist?

nwcs · March 14, 2003 10:41PM

I love that catapult pic!

Zerbe · March 14, 2003 10:55PM

Fantastic job and not one shot fired at BEAR.

Clankeye · March 15, 2003 12:59AM

I am actually very grateful and touched by some of the comments posted to this thread. Bill (cosmicdebris) if there ever was a book, you should definitely be the illustrator. You make me laugh. And the two Bears--Ursa and Marshall--and Coinguy1, well you guys make me feel profoundly humble.

I wanted to post the story on Friday for two reasons. First, I am going to be working all day on Monday, St. Patrick's day and won't be around. The other is that it was my way of saying that for me, the forum will go on as always.

I wouldn't want to diminish anyone's concerns about what goes on around here. I think it would be condescending. I just will state for the record that I believe in the vibrant, swirling life of the forum. I believe in the camaraderie, I believe in the knowledge and I definitely believe in the good humor. And I think it will continue unabated. Yes I do.

Clankeye

Bear · March 15, 2003 1:04AM

Our philosopher and Bard in residence has thus spoken. The word shall go forth thru all

the Forum land , as the breeze doth touch with gentle hands the smallest to the tallest trees.

cosmicdebris · March 15, 2003 1:09AM

Carl without your words of wisdom my illustration would be meaningless. I would be honored to illustrate any literary works of yours.

HartlandMan · March 15, 2003 1:18AM

That was simply terrific!!!

Just amazing that one brain came up with that. Usually, it's a whole room of writers for a show of that quality!

MacCoin · March 15, 2003 1:20AM

this ain't a St. Patrick's day story its a my way or no way story.

trying hard not to lose my head.

cosmicdebris · March 15, 2003 2:34AM

Clankeye · March 15, 2003 2:41AM

Oh Bill, that is too good! Too funny. And I especially love the Booker T reverses that make up the background.
The Monty Python characters illustrate the spirit of intent perfectly.

Where can I buy one? Just for the illustrations of course. Who actually reads the words.

You are a funny guy. Thanks for making my day!

Clankeye

RegistryCoin · March 15, 2003 2:58AM

nod, nod

DMWJR · March 15, 2003 3:38AM

Askari · March 15, 2003 7:53AM

<< <i>until all that can be seen is a glimmer from his crown.

Oh, the King is a darksider? >>

Oh, Kranky ... you mean you didn't know?!?!

Great work ... as usual ... Clankeye -- and Cosmic!! I've never seen an author and illustrator so "meant" to be together! LOL!!!

cosmicdebris · March 15, 2003 8:47AM

Carl whenever you are ready for a publisher let me know.

marcmoish · March 15, 2003 1:05PM

Clankeye,

Bravo!!!

Thanks, I laughed so hard I almost had to Puketh, I just love that word..........just for kicks I'll read it again on Monday!

Marc

airplanenut · March 15, 2003 2:50PM

You have earned my rating of:

Cool

coinguy1 · March 17, 2003 2:14AM

TTT

mdwoods · March 17, 2003 2:22AM

The Pipers all have puketh'd

paigowjohnny · March 17, 2003 2:27AM

we all must puketh.....

MadMarty · March 17, 2003 2:30AM

A day with out puketh is like a day without _________

ccrdragon · March 17, 2003 2:34AM

Wonderful as always!

I want a signed copy of the book when it comes out!

"Good Morning Class" -- The St. Patrick's Day Massacre

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&quot;Good Morning Class&quot; -- The St. Patrick's Day Massacre

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"Good Morning Class" -- The St. Patrick's Day Massacre