OT: Comedian George Carlin dies in Los Angeles at 71
BobaFett72
Posts: 7,304
a truly brilliant comedian... had one of the sharpest minds and snappiest commentary on life, sports, and everything in between.
_____________________Enjoy some Carlin wisdom ________________
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
_____________________Enjoy some Carlin wisdom ________________
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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I also liked his Biff Burns routine where he'd go through the days baseball scores such as:
In the first game: Reds 5, Braves 3 and the Dodgers 2
And in a partial score, the Yankees 4!
He also told about the Giants trading Willie Mays to the Mets in exchange for the entire Mets team, along with something like two eskimos and a kangaroo
Although he didn't really do too much new stuff over the last few years, he is definitely going to be missed!
Steve
Edited for typo
Some of his sports quotes I'm typing from memory...
Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from DROWNING!
Tennis? Not a sport. Tennis is ping-pong played while standing on the table.
Volleyball ins't a sport. Volleyball is raquetless, team ping-pong played with a raised net while standing on the table.
RIP
<< <i>One of my lifelong faves. What a sad day.
Some of his sports quotes I'm typing from memory...
Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from DROWNING!
Tennis? Not a sport. Tennis is ping-pong played while standing on the table.
Volleyball ins't a sport. Volleyball is raquetless, team ping-pong played with a raised net while standing on the table. >>
love Carlin. Such a sad piece of news. Baseball vs. Football is my all time favorite
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He will be missed.
<< <i>RIP George.....the man who taught me how to live by the book. >>
My father raised me on Carlin and Pryor, now they're both gone. I need to pull out my old VHS tapes and watch some classic comedy.
j
RIP GURU
"its rats a$$hole Don!" ... " Well it sure makes a hell of a fondue"
Cant remember any line around it, but that one always comes to mind.
RIP
<< <i>I used to listen to him on my cassette tape headphones on the school bus on my way to school. A classic line I still love
"its rats a$$hole Don!" ... " Well it sure makes a hell of a fondue"
Cant remember any line around it, but that one always comes to mind.
RIP >>
That was from his routine about weird foods. I think it was from "Carlin at Carnegie".
In that routine there was also, again, from memory...
"A tomato doesn't look like it's finished, for one thing. You ever see the inside of a tomato? It looks like it's in the larval stage."
"Head Cheese. No, get it off my plate!"
"Garbanzos. It's sounds like a circus act! Ladies and gentlemen... The Garbanzos!"
"Grape Nuts. They're not grapes. They're not nuts. Tell them to make up their minds and then come on back!"
"Squash! You want some squash? Sh*t, no! It sounds like somebody sat on my dinner!"
"Beer Nuts. Beer Nuts are the dreaded final stage of Cotton Balls. I think we need a lot more research for Beer Nuts!"
Check out this classic Carlin standup on Youtube.
Carlin
"Did you ever notice that mice have no shoulders at all? If you put a necklace on a mouse, it goes right down to his waist. They think it's a belt! What do they know? They're f***in' mice!"
"Have you ever been talking to a guy, and a little bit of spit flies off your tongue and lands RIGHT on the man's nose? You think to yourself 'Jesus, didn't he see that?' Then you think 'Well, maybe he's just a really cool guy! He saw it, but he figures it'll evaporate! He's a science teacher!' "
"I have a note here from the National Waffle Institute. It says 'FRENCH TOAST SUCKS' "
"Have you ever had a hatchet go right through your face? And the funny thing is, right after it goes in, before you feel any pain, you feel this nice breeze at the center of your brain. I like that, but I try not to get too hung up on it."
"Did you ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot? And anyone driver faster is a MANIAC! Because there's certainly nobody driving at MY speed. If there's somebody driving at my speed, I slow down so I can keep an eye on that a**hole from back here."
"You know what's nice about having a house on the ocean? You only have a**holes on three sides of you. And if they come from that direction you can hear them splash."
I was telling my wife about when he was going on about specially flavored cat food. He said, "they need to make butt flavored cat food because that's what they like."
1996 Select Certified Mirror Gold Ozzie Smith
2006 Bowman Chrome Orange Refractor Chris Carpenter
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RIP GURU