eBay came to my house today.

topstuf

Nice lookin gentleman. Wearing a burnoose. Had a clipboard so I know it was OK. Showed him my safe and let him browse my computer to see that nothing was amiss. I think his assistant was busy in other rooms. Probably cleaning the rugs or something. Very polite. I tipped him. He seemed grateful.

ebaytrader

Did he address you as "dear eBay member" or did he know your name?

Cladiator

They ftopped by my houfe today as well. He confifcated my firft born child and sawed off my left foot because I had forgotten to pay my monthly fees. On the bright fide, he was very pleafant and the saw was quite fharp fo it didn't hurt much at all.

topstuf

<< <i>Did he address you as "dear eBay member" or did he know your name? >>



He asked if I was someone named "Laura." I told him it was "Larry" and that I realized it was an easy slipup. Especially because Friday is my day in drag.

Gemineye

stiffy

They came to my house yesterday. They are still here.

They are wearing orange jumpsuits that say: COUNTY JAIL

I thought they were a rap or hip hop group, but they aren't musicians. They said the orange jumpsuits are camoflage.

They don't want my neighbors to know that ebay is visiting me. How discrete they are!

They were hungry when they got here, so we fed them and they were tired so we let them sleep here. they said they would be done in a few days maybe weeks if there is a problem.

They are in the bedroom with my wife and daughters right now. Such nice young fellows, I don't know why they wanted to lock the door. Once I find out what they really want, I'll let y'all know.

morgannut2

Don't Stop now guys. This is funny-------------

topstuf

I asked him if he was going to NARU me. He said they had nothing to do with killer whales.

He did jump a bit when I asked.

stiffy

The head honcho's name is M-C Washington. He asked me to take one of the other guys, G Money, to the store.

I said "Sure thing." Hey you have to co-operate with them. I don't want NARUed.

So we went to the store, but we stopped off on the way at this house in the warehouse district.
He just went to the door handed them something and came right back.

He said he was checking on another ebay user, but I still don't understand why he needed 40 dollars
just to go to the door with. Maybe it was some sort of trap and now they have him nailed.

Anyway, after the stop at the house (it had bars on the windows, so maybe it was an ebay safe house?
No, these guys wouldn't lie...) we went to a hardware store.

Ace is the place John Madden. G Money likes his John Madden football. We got a torch... A propane
thingy that looks like the kind cooks use to make that creme bruhaha.
And we got some steel wool. I guess they want to check to see that some of my coins are not plated. I will explain to them later about how they don't need steel wool, and NEVER to clean a coin, but we were busy getting the important stuff M-C (I hope he spells it that way, and doesn't mind me calling him "M-C")

We bought a scale too. Those guys at ebay. What will they think of next? Using science to combat fraud and all....
its like state of the art stuff.

G Money forgot his wallet at another home invasion- what's that G?- Oh, G-Money said he "losted it at another ebay client's house". Ok that makes sense.

So anyway, there I am at the counter at ACE when he doesn't have a credit card, so he says, just get a reciept and ebay will pay me back. Looks all good to me. Ebay has more money than many third world countries. They will pay me back, no problem. Prolly be in my paypal account in hours.

M-C needs me for smoething. I am outty. (Shizizzzzle, I am starting to talk like gen-u-ine ebay employeeses. Word.)

I'll gi' all ya'allses a shout-out. Later.

Yousri

LanLord

<< <i>They ftopped by my houfe today as well. He confifcated my firft born child and sawed off my left foot because I had forgotten to pay my monthly fees. On the bright fide, he was very pleafant and the saw was quite fharp fo it didn't hurt much at all. >>

Clad, I'll bet when you started talking that way to him he called the state hospital authorities for you huh?

Coxe

You too? Wow! They asked to see the deed to the house, proof of current earthquake insurance, a recent utility bill and then checked the nails on my house numbers to make sure my street address wasn't spoofed. Upon leaving, they plucked hairs from myself, my wife and our children and even cleaned out the ones in the brush belonging to my deceased inlaws. My are they thorough .... but I know they are really trying to protect me.

MikeKing

<< <i>Nice lookin gentleman. Wearing a burnoose. Had a clipboard so I know it was OK. Showed him my safe and let him browse my computer to see that nothing was amiss. I think his assistant was busy in other rooms. Probably cleaning the rugs or something. Very polite. I tipped him. He seemed grateful. >>



that's actually poetic...

thebeav

What a coincidence......I think these are the same guys that are staying at my house over the weekend. They really are
very helpful and sure do know their stuff !!
What customer service !

Paul

dizzyfoxx

nankraut

A couple of Asians stopped by last week--claimed they were from EBAY. I didn't fall for it though, and refused them entry. They came back the next day while I was out golfing, and my wife let them in. When I came home they were in the process of "NARU'ING" HER!

What really ticked me off, was that I three-putted 5 greens and shot a 97.

Coxe

<< <i>...my wife let them in. When I came home they were in the process of "NARU'ING" HER! >>



Are you sure they weren't NALU'ing her?

Boom

All I got was a letter.

flashbang

They came to my house last week, but I closed my account when they asked to see the original receipt for my wife and proof that the carpet matched the curtains. She's not even a blond either. I did gain some divine justice when my dog humped the guy's leg though.

stiffy

Well, there are two white guys, (M-C is black, G Money is white) two black guys, an asian guy, a spanish guy and a couple of girls. That's why I thought they were a band. I thought they were going for the boy band look with Village People type guys. But I guess they aren't the same guys that visited the others.

Wait, G Money says you got his wallet and he says he is coming back over there. He says he's got smoething for you. What a nice guy. Prolly a reward or smoething.

Anyway, M-C said maybe the wife and daughters can get jobs with ebay as M-C's entourage and ebay undercover spies. Wow this is so cool.

Too bad they have to keep the bedroom door looked. It is for security reasons; they won't let ebay users like me to have access to all the ebay tricks. So they have to teach the wife and kids behind closed doors. The wife says she loves the work though.

Anyway, I have to take my daughters to get their ears and noses pierced. Seems they need piercings to go undercover for ebay. They have to look like "groupers" or something. Group smoething, I dunno. All I know is M-C said they need the piercings and a parent has to go with them since they are under 18. M-C said to stop at the tatoo parlor too. The things we do for our kids' careers. And I guess it is helping ebay.

So me and the girls and G Money headed out to get the piercings.
On the way, we had to stop at the house with the bars. I asked M-C and he said it was a safe house and I better keep it on the QT. He said I owed them another 100 dollars and that G Money would take care of it at the house, just give G Money the money.

So I gave G Money $100 in twenties, and he gave them the money at the door and they handed him smoething, must have been a receipt.

So, then M-C called G Money and told us to get back to my house. So we went back to the house. When we got there, M-C and G Money had a meeting and locked the bedroom door. I guess they were working really hard because M-C and G Money were gasping for air and it sounded like they were choking or something. I knocked at the bedroom door, but they said they were all right, that they had just caught a cold so they were coughing. No big deal. They wanted more steel wool though, so I slid it under the door.

I'll get back to you all ASAP as I know you need this info. Remember, if six guys in orange jumpsuits (with some girls in tow) show up at your door, they are ebay and this is for your own good.

Oh, and save yourself a trip. Go to the hardware store now and get steel wool and a torch. They really seem to need that stuff.

mrearlygold

<< <i>Nice lookin gentleman. Wearing a burnoose. Had a clipboard so I know it was OK. Showed him my safe and let him browse my computer to see that nothing was amiss. I think his assistant was busy in other rooms. Probably cleaning the rugs or something. Very polite. I tipped him. He seemed grateful. >>



Did he ask to look thru your underwear drawer? That might be necessary to become compliant with homeland security you know

TorinoCobra71

What? No Bleeding Heart Story About Getting NARU'ed for not providing correct information?



TorinoCobra71

stiffy

Ok, so I am off to the store. This time they want duct tape.

They also want me to stop by the costume store to pick up a few pairs of handcuffs and blindfolds. Who knows why.

Then we're off to the sporting goods store to get some hand guns. I guess occaisionally, ebay members resist ebay house arrest. I don't know why. They want me to sign for the guns because they can't revel their ebay ID to anyone. I mean, if they didn't surprise the bad guys, they would lose the advantage.

Well, its off to the store. Then they want me to drop off my daughters at a hotel at 10 PM and pick them back up at 4 AM every night this week. I guess this is some of that undercover ebay work, like they said. And, they said the girls will get paid in cash!

Who needs overstock dot com when ebay treats its members so well
?


Got to run, M-C is calling on the beeper.

Jcarney

<< <i>I asked him if he was going to NARU me. He said they had nothing to do with killer whales. >>

messydesk

<< <i>

<< <i>Nice lookin gentleman. Wearing a burnoose. Had a clipboard so I know it was OK. Showed him my safe and let him browse my computer to see that nothing was amiss. I think his assistant was busy in other rooms. Probably cleaning the rugs or something. Very polite. I tipped him. He seemed grateful. >>



that's actually poetic... >>


I thought it was Sheryl Crow lyrics.

WillieBoyd2

"NARU"

Didn't he win the Preakness a few years ago?

BlindedByEgo

My visitor carried a funny hay cutter-lookin' thingy and had strange red, glowing eyes. Kinda smelled, you know, like dead stuff or sumthin'.

When I answered the door he asked for my 78 year old neighbor. When I told him he had the wrong house, he looked disappointed, but moved on.

Smoehow I feel like i dodged a bullet or sumthin'.