~~~ LordM's Personal "Open Forum" thread ~~~

lordmarcovan · October 20, 2015 3:39PM

Shot this picture just as I was leaving for work tonight.

Aethelred · October 21, 2015 10:00PM

I am suprised you would let your daughter gule your dog to a poster for a school project.

asheland · October 22, 2015 12:54AM

brg5658 · October 22, 2015 12:55AM

lordmarcovan · October 22, 2015 7:12AM

Originally posted by: Aethelred

I am suprised you would let your daughter gule your dog to a poster for a school project.

"Gule?". I think that's a heraldic term.

Sapyx · October 26, 2015 8:08PM

"Gules" is a heraldic term, meaning "red". You don't have just one "gule", nor is it usable as a verb.

lordmarcovan · October 27, 2015 7:03AM

Yes. I had some idea of that.

Hmm. The forum "humor" emoticon must be a Brit import.

How do you spell it down there in Oz? Y'all probably do the "-our" thing too, I guess.

We Americans are too lazy to type all those unnecessary U's.

Sapyx · October 27, 2015 8:49AM

Yes, we spell "humour" the long way, along with most of the other so-called "British spellings". It's only the Americans that use the shortened forms, thanks to Webster and his dictionary of new-and-improved English.

Aethelred · October 27, 2015 9:37AM

I sort of miss the Open Forum, but what a massive waste of time that was!

lordmarcovan · October 27, 2015 6:16PM

Speaking of off-topic stuff and complete wastes of time, I might as well share some of the stick-figure cartoons I make in the wee hours here at work, which I attach to my shift reports.

By way of explanation, I am a night auditor/overnight front desk clerk at a smallish boutique hotel, The Inn at Sea Island, which is part of The Sea Island Company. Confusingly, The Inn at Sea Island is actually on St. Simons Island, Georgia, but located on the road to nearby Sea Island.

Our super-ritzy, Five-Star big sister property, The Cloister, is nearby on Sea Island proper. It is one of the finest hotels in the continental US and was the site of the 2004 G8 summit. Guests always mistakenly call it it "The Cloisters" (sic). The Cloisters (with an "s" at the end) is actually a museum in New York City, which I'd love to see someday.

Between the hours of 11:15 PM and 7:15 AM, I am the only employee on duty at the Inn. Which is great... except when the drunks are out, or people start calling for too much stuff and I end up having to be in two places at once.

Enjoy my stupid digital cartoons. Or not. You know where the "Back" button is.

First, the most recent one.

Our Lobby Bar closes at 10:00 PM, usually. I come in at 11:15 PM, by which time the bartender is long gone.

The overnight shift here is really nice and peaceful. Except when there are drunks around. (Gawd, how I despise the younger wedding groups.)

Drunks are the bane of every hotel night auditor, convenience store clerk, and cabdriver.

A recent call from Cary at the Cloister (the Sea Island Company switchboard is out there.)

The most annoying FAQ beside "will you reopen the bar for us"?

(The answer to that is no. Not just no, but HELL no.)

Shift change.

OK, this didn't really happen. But... almost!

I really had no freakin' clue what this guy was trying to say.

He had a thick Yankee accent, was already smashed out of his skull, and crammed all his words together. (We talk slower in the South.)

The Cloister is a destination resort with TONS of activities.

So many that they print a monthly 20-page Planning Guide and a weekly 6-page newsletter for all the events.

Guests expect me to know every bit of this stuff by heart. (Maybe I should, but I don't.)

Being the overnight guy at the smaller, much lower-priced Inn, in the middle of the night, that stuff never comes up. ("But "Wheresdabaah" does!)

Guests don't care if you're by yourself, checking in three other people, and juggling multiple phone calls. Even if you explain that.

They want what they want, and they want it NOW.

Better yet, they want it four minutes ago. Not seven minutes after they called.

At the Five-Star Cloister, they'd have a butler or valet to run that stuff. Here, I'm on duty by myself overnight.

I know where the REAL nuts were in this situation.

asheland · October 28, 2015 3:22AM

Originally posted by: Sapyx
Yes, we spell "humour" the long way, along with most of the other so-called "British spellings". It's only the Americans that use the shortened forms, thanks to Webster and his dictionary of new-and-improved English.

asheland · October 28, 2015 3:37AM

Rob, I can appreciate these posts as I used to work the night desk at Double Tree Biltmore.

lordmarcovan · October 28, 2015 4:00AM

Looks like the version of this I posted on the Liteside got poofed by the mods.

Fair enough. At least I didn't get a nastygram PM (yet), though. They apparently just zapped it.

But that's what mods are for, I reckon.

asheland · October 30, 2015 3:01AM

Originally posted by: lordmarcovan
Looks like the version of this I posted on the Liteside got poofed by the mods.

Fair enough. At least I didn't get a nastygram PM (yet), though. They apparently just zapped it.

But that's what mods are for, I reckon.

I see no problem with a thread like this... It's nice to have a little fun once in a while I'd think...

I did notice it was gone over there.

SmEagle1795 · October 30, 2015 3:58AM

This thread is very welcomed in my eyes!

lordmarcovan · January 29, 2016 5:59PM

I've often had some hilarious conversations with guests in the course of my employment as a hotel night auditor.

Perhaps the best was the lady who asked if her cell phone calls would be on her bill when she checked out.

It was early in the morning and she'd probably just woken up. Everybody can be a little fuzzy-headed in the morning, right? So I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked her to repeat that.

She did.

Tonight's wasn't as good as the cell phone question, but still kind of amusing. Here's how it went down.

Karen the bartender left around 1:30 AM. When she leaves, I'm the only employee left in the place all night.

As she left the parking lot, Karen noticed a guest had left his car’s interior lights on, so she called and gave me his name from the car decal on the windshield.

I called the guest, identified myself as calling from the front desk, apologized for the hour, and told him someone had reported the lights on in his car.

He wanted to know how someone had seen the car inside the garage.

What garage? I asked. (There is no parking garage on or anywhere near our hotel property.)

The conversation went back and forth like this for almost a minute, both of us increasingly confused. He kept talking about a garage.

Finally it dawned on him. “Oh, you mean the rental car!”

Duh? Yeah, the car you have here, dummy. Not the car in your garage at home.

Geez, guy. Really? Wow.

The cell phone lady apparently thought our all-knowing computer had access to her cell phone bill, so maybe this guy thought we had a spy satellite monitoring his garage at home? One wonders.

And then there's the story of the mechanical duck... anyone wanna hear that one?

lordmarcovan · January 29, 2016 6:00PM

The last place I worked was a beach resort.

One couple were eating in the restaurant, next to a big picture window that overlooks the Atlantic Ocean.

They asked their server, "What lake is that?"

Pretty funny. She told me their names, so out of curiosity, I looked them up in the system to see if maybe they were from somewhere like Kansas, and had never seen the ocean before. (It happens.)

They were from Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida.

Which means that their town is situated on the shores of that very same "lake" they were asking about.

Jackthecat1 · January 30, 2016 10:04AM

Having worked in a hotel I totally understand your stories and feel your pain.

asheland · February 2, 2016 2:39AM

Originally posted by: Jackthecat1

Having worked in a hotel I totally understand your stories and feel your pain.

+1

lordmarcovan · February 8, 2016 6:12PM

It's been peaceful lately in the offseason. This weekend we had a full house again, though, due to a big foreign trade conference.

Tonight's graveyard shift has continued to be tranquil, thank goodness, though with a full house the bar did stay open later. It technically closes at 10:00 PM, but if she has enough paying customers, the bartender will keep it open longer (sometimes up to the legal 2:00 AM cutoff). Happily, tonight's little drunk-drama happened just before I came in.

Security arrived, followed a few minutes later by the county cops. But by that time neither the perpetrator nor the victim were around, so security and cops left, assuming the victim didn't wish to pursue the matter any further.

The bartender did manage to run down the perp long enough to get him to pay his bar tab, so I guess that's that.

I don't really have anything against people, but the more of them I meet, the more I prefer the company of my cats and dogs at home. Graveyard shift means less people around, which is fine by me. Of course the downside to that is that many of the guests I do encounter are either intoxicated or exhausted, or both. But it's mostly good.

STLNATS · February 8, 2016 10:01PM

Interesting Rob.

FWIW, deep feelings about what appear to be trivialities are not new, My Dad was a Ford guy and his much older brother was a chevy guy. While probably just the spark point, a heated argument about which was "better" led them to not talk to each other for almost 3 years back in the day.

The more things change...

PS, after a brief fling with a Triumph after school, I've pretty much always gravitated to FMC products...must be genetic. Never got into a fight about it but guess there's still time.

lordmarcovan · May 20, 2016 6:03PM

Joys of Being a Hotel Night Clerk, Episode CCCLXXVIII:

Ever seen a product that you are very impressed with, but at the same time you’d like to smash it to bits?

I have, now.

Yep. Even though I was secretly hoping Dude would drown himself in the pool and take his Jawbone Jambox™ with him, I did have to admit the sound quality was amazing.

asheland · May 23, 2016 1:40AM

bronzemat · May 23, 2016 2:01AM

Never heard of it, figures someone would use it to be annoying.

lordmarcovan · May 23, 2016 2:10AM

For a brief moment I thought Drunkie McStupid and his pals had taken out a guitar and amplifier and were playing live music in the lobby, that's how good the sound quality was. I was somewhat surprised to see something roughly the dimensions of a PCGS/NGC slab box.

YQQ · May 23, 2016 3:02AM

Have nothing but good things to say of Hotel night time crews, be it front desk staff or kitchen staff.
Have been to 64 countries, both privately and mostly on business travel . That will give you an idea.
there are many interesting late arrival stories from my point of view ( guest).

lordmarcovan · August 12, 2016 7:00PM

Yep. I’m a GENIUS.

OK, so I was in the bathroom here at work tonight.

Looked in the mirror.

Saw one crazy-long white hair dangling down in front of my eyebrows.

The barber must’ve missed it in my recent scalping- er- haircut.

I tried to yank it out. It wouldn’t come.

At this point I should’ve gone back to the desk and gotten the scissors.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I grasped the crazy white werewolf hair with my left hand, stretched it out, then reached into my pocket with my right hand to get…

My lighter.

Wait, wait… don’t get ahead of me here. You only think you know what is about to happen.

OK… yeah. You were right.

I SET MY FREAKING HAIR ON FIRE!!!

It wasn’t TOO bad, but it did flame up pretty well there for a moment, and I did have to slap it out, and there was ash and singed bits of hair on the vanity and down the front of my shirt, and the bathroom smelled like burnt hair.

Brilliant!

Fortunately it isn’t too visible now. I just caught my bangs on fire for a second there.

I don’t even use hairspray (or haven’t, since the Big Eighties, anyway). Go figure.

There’s my long shaggy dog story for the night.

Aren’t you proud to associate with a superstar genius like me?

WorldCoinsDmitry · August 12, 2016 7:07PM

This may be somewhat relevant, or not. I knew a dude back in the boy scouts that had a cabin and burned all his trash. He used kerosene. One time he used gasoline instead. Lost his eyebrows and facial hair. Luckily not his life.

lordmarcovan · August 12, 2016 7:11PM

Oh- I forgot to post about this recent one.

Here's an excerpt from my actual August 1, 2016 shift report.

The dude got me. I didn't see that one coming.

LochNESS · August 12, 2016 7:27PM

I'm impressed you actually took the time to write up that report. Are you required to report every call?

lordmarcovan · August 12, 2016 7:30PM

Originally posted by: LochNESS

I'm impressed you actually took the time to write up that report. Are you required to report every call?

No, of course not. But I fancy myself a storyteller, as you might have noticed.

My coworkers and managers are mostly tolerant, and occasionally get a giggle or two out of my recaps.

LochNESS · August 12, 2016 8:00PM

I have noticed, indeed. Love the stories. Just curious if that was part of your duties

Musky1011 · August 13, 2016 1:45AM

War is coming. Everyone knows it. Except for the American public!

lordmarcovan · August 13, 2016 1:56AM

Originally posted by: Musky1011

War is coming. Everyone knows it. Except for the American public!

Why? Just because I set my hair on fire?

I mean, I know I'm the axis of the universe and all, but... geez.

SmEagle1795 · August 13, 2016 4:05AM

Your hair story made my day!! Hilarious

lordmarcovan · September 7, 2016 4:41PM

Just stepped outside the front doors of the hotel tonight, and as usual, there were bugs flying around the wall sconce lights, and lizards going after the bugs.

Tonight, however, there was a particularly HUGE bug on the wall!

Some kind of "walking stick" bug, I think.

There was a 5” long lizard right next to it.

The bug was as big as or bigger than the lizard!

Later I went out there and the lizard was gone. Maybe the bug ate it!

Actually it was two bugs- a ginormous female with a tiny male (I guess) on her back.

Maybe they were making whoopee. I didn’t ask.

asheland · September 8, 2016 3:04AM

That's a scary bug!

I miss those lizards. We don't really have them up here.

LochNESS · September 8, 2016 4:14AM

Newt lizard? We used to have lots of newts when we lived in central FL. They were extremely common, to the point where you'd see one in most parking lots (as roadkill). I sort of liked spotting them scurrying along building facades when out and about. Like a real "where's Waldo" game.

lordmarcovan · September 8, 2016 4:16PM

Not a newt, but a Green anole lizard (aka "American chameleon"). They are indeed fun to watch. Particularly if you happen to be a house cat.

I had to look it up. Knew it wasn't a newt.

Of course there is at least one kind of Newt from Georgia.

The bug(s) were Anisomorpha buprestoides, or Southern Two-Striped Walkingsticks. (Thank you, Wikipedia. Of course I had to look that up as well.)

lordmarcovan · September 14, 2016 4:15PM

The ROOT of all evil

You thought it was money, right?

Nope. It's me, torturing my teen daughter.

asheland · September 14, 2016 11:43PM

LOL!

lordmarcovan · September 29, 2016 8:47PM

The PS from my shift report email just sent out tonight.

PS- hey, I know y’all might get bored at the desk sometimes, but… paper clip chains? Really?

It’s so much fun to reach for a paperclip in the container, only to find it connected to about a dozen others. Grrr.

Oh- and the abandoned cups/water bottles/dirty dishes/food/trash thing- I’ve held my tongue for a long time. Puh-lease.

(Of course if you find my eccentric email commentary annoying, I guess we’re even. Y’think I have OCD? OK, maybe just a little bit…)

asheland · September 30, 2016 12:05AM

I've had the paper clip thing done to me when I worked at the casino.
Of course the moment I grabbed one (to retrieve a DOZEN) a quiet group of laughing could be heard in the distance.

Stork · September 30, 2016 1:40AM

You know you're going to find A Really Long String of Paperclips attached to a half empty cup or 12 the next time you show up to work.

shirohniichan · September 30, 2016 5:39AM

LordMicrovan, if I may intrude I'd like to add a tale of customer service drama.

A client brought her car in for routine maintenance, and two weeks later she called to say she wanted to be reimbursed for the tire she had to buy. Huh?

She explained that a day after she got her car from our service department she noticed the low tire pressure warning light, and then she continued to drive it for 10 days until her tire blew out. She claims that if we would have checked her car properly we would have noticed the low tire pressure. She herself said the warning light didn't come on until the next day, and the service adviser told her her tires were checked and were within specs while it was here.

Could it be possible she ran over something that caused a leak? No, she says, that's not possible.

Why would you drive around 10 days with your low air pressure warning on for one of your tires? (No answer)

Why didn't you bring it back when you noticed a problem? She says she was busy.

Why should we pay you for a tire you bought elsewhere when you didn't even let us know there was a problem? Because, she says, we should have known there would be a problem with it.

The service manager generously offered her a $150 credit for a future service and a complimentary detail for her vehicle. She said this was not acceptable and wanted to talk with the general manager.

The GM has already had a long-running e-mail conversation with the client and knows (by her own admission) the problem with her tire didn't begin until the day after she picked her car up from service. She did not buy any road hazard protection policy for her tires, and her vehicle warranty information clearly states the tire manufacturer handles tire warranties (which do not include road hazard protection).

The customer service manager says that the customer has been harassing her on the phone and demanding to speak with whoever is in charge and that she is waiting in the service lounge. The GM tells the customer service manager that he will not authorize anything more than that already given by the service manager, and that if the client will not accept that offer he will withdraw it.

The customer service manager relays the message to the client (including the part about the service manager's offer being withdrawn if not accepted), and she leaves saying that the offer is "unacceptable" again.

How surprised will the customer be to find out my GM was serious and that she gets nothing?

HandH · October 1, 2016 11:13AM

LordM, so what's going on in Sea Island tonight? Beautiful time of year to be in Georgia. Saturday night. Give us the scoop.

lordmarcovan · October 1, 2016 7:01PM

Shiroh- that sounds like some guests we have. I think your lady must have stayed here a time or two, as have many of her relatives.

Fortunately, a hotel room doesn't have too many moving parts and opportunities for mechanical breakdown, though what opportunities there are, you can bet we've had 'em happen. (Happily, the place I work now is still fairly new- we only opened on February 1 of 2014).

As to mechanical mayhem and such things, a sprinkler system leak caused a ceiling to collapse on top of some sleeping guests in the middle of the night at one place I worked. Fortunately they were not injured by the soggy, falling ceiling tile material.

Toilets backing up? Routine stuff, though occasionally disastrous, particularly when one guy decided to surreptitiously cram his dirty magazine down the toilet so the wife wouldn't see it. (Hey, guess what, genius- when the toilet backs up and the maintenance guy has to snake it out, and she's watching, you're still gonna get busted and have some 'splainin' to do- both to her AND the maintenance guy.)

LordM, so what's going on in Sea Island tonight? Beautiful time of year to be in Georgia. Saturday night. Give us the scoop.

HandH, it is indeed a beautiful time of year. I have waited for October's arrival the whole summer long. Now the humidity is dropping and we're getting those awesome fall sunsets and sunrises. The gnats and mosquitoes have not yet gotten word that their services are no longer required, but hopefully will soon. I think the love bugs are done. Cost me eighteen bucks to have their guts and carcasses sprayed off my white car the other day.

The sunrise over Jekyll Island yesterday morning was spectacular. I tried to capture it while driving over the big Sidney Lanier Bridge, but my shaky cellphone shots out the car window at 50 MPH didn't come out. Will have to stop and take some better pics next time.

Tonight I was 70 minutes late to work. I do not usually work Saturday and Sunday nights, but my relief person is on vacation, so here I am. I keep my cellphone alarm set to go off on weeknights to wake me up in time for work (and my longish commute), but forgot to set it to go off tonight. Woke up at 11:26 PM, which meant I was already 11 minutes late to work! Cold shower, quick dress-up, grab my stuff, go to the car... no keys! Where are my keys?!? One of those nights. Fortunately it was quiet, and the PM shift person who took up my slack was understanding. There were a few drunks in the bar tonight but it wasn't bad. All smoothed out by about 2:00 AM.

I did make a picture post over on CT recently.

Some wildflowers and pet pictures.

I'll try for a sunrise shot or beach scene soon.

asheland · October 3, 2016 1:40AM

Rob, it's getting very fall-like up here, your visit should be very pleasant!

lordmarcovan · October 3, 2016 6:35AM

Originally posted by: asheland

Rob, it's getting very fall-like up here, your visit should be very pleasant!

Oh boy oh boy! I'm ready for some cool weather and colorful leaves!

Here in the Golden Isles, being but a stone's throw from Florida, we don't get our seasonal color in the trees, so much as the skies. As I've probably mentioned, the sunrises and sunsets lately have been spectacular.

asheland · October 3, 2016 11:46PM

I can imagine!

asheland · October 5, 2016 3:01AM

Rob, I'm starting to see some leaves changing!

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